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I’m really tired of solo parenting


lovinmyboys
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I’m sorry for venting. I am just so tired. Dh has been traveling or working very late most of this school year and I just feel so done. It has been a really hard 5 weeks. I like to think of myself as a strong, independent, capable woman, but it all just feels really hard right now. 
 

It feels like a fair division of labor that dh works and I do everything else, but supporting the emotional lives of teenagers is just really wearing me down. Even though I am not working and I have no more small children, I still feel like I have so many balls to juggle. When everything is “normal” it is fine, but there has just been so much these last few weeks. 
 

When dh is home, I do often have to remind him that we don’t do things “that” way and if he would like to change them he is welcome to be in charge of that thing. And that can be more stressful than the solo parenting. But, when he is home for a longer stretch, we do get into a rhythm. And he is always helpful with keeping up on tidying and chauffeuring etc. 

I have done a lot of solo parenting the last 17 years. Instead of feeling like I am a pro at it, I just mostly feel tired of doing it.

 

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I went back to work full time 2 years ago. I’m a technical writer at an insurance company and have lots to do. 

I have never once had a day at work be as hard as any day being the at-home parent. Hands down. If fact, some weekends when all the parenting stuff has piled up (this past summer it was about prepping for college), I’ll look longingly at my work computer (I work from home) and wish I could log on to get away from the stress of being Mom.

I know your husband is tired from his long hours, but I suspect that his job is much, much easier than yours and the division of labor is nowhere near equal.

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Yup, it's rough.

We took a huge pay cut (50%) several years ago to get dh out of full time travel.  We had the same dynamic--re-entry when dh was home was rough, and I was tired of the single mom life with lots of kids at home.

Hugs!

Also, as a gentle PSA, make sure your general exhaustion and frustration isn't being exacerbated by low level depression. Some people experience mild depression as exhaustion with feeling like they have no margin in life. It's hard to sort circumstances-induced issues from chemical/hormally induced ones, but it'd be on my radar, iykwim.

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41 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

 

Also, as a gentle PSA, make sure your general exhaustion and frustration isn't being exacerbated by low level depression. Some people experience mild depression as exhaustion with feeling like they have no margin in life. It's hard to sort circumstances-induced issues from chemical/hormally induced ones, but it'd be on my radar, iykwim.

Ditto.

Hugs from another mom with a similar dynamic. It’s very hard sometimes.

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4 hours ago, lovinmyboys said:

I’m sorry for venting. I am just so tired. Dh has been traveling or working very late most of this school year and I just feel so done. It has been a really hard 5 weeks. I like to think of myself as a strong, independent, capable woman, but it all just feels really hard right now. 
 

It feels like a fair division of labor that dh works and I do everything else, but supporting the emotional lives of teenagers is just really wearing me down. Even though I am not working and I have no more small children, I still feel like I have so many balls to juggle. When everything is “normal” it is fine, but there has just been so much these last few weeks. 
 

When dh is home, I do often have to remind him that we don’t do things “that” way and if he would like to change them he is welcome to be in charge of that thing. And that can be more stressful than the solo parenting. But, when he is home for a longer stretch, we do get into a rhythm. And he is always helpful with keeping up on tidying and chauffeuring etc. 

I have done a lot of solo parenting the last 17 years. Instead of feeling like I am a pro at it, I just mostly feel tired of doing it.

 

I agree with this 100%.  I am sorry.  Is there anything that you can do that gives you some relief? My dh traveled way more than normal this year and it is so hard to solo parent, I honestly think it is harder than when he traveled when they were all little.  Or at least I don't feel like it is easier which everyone said just wait until they are older it will be easier.  Nope the emotions of teens and how busy they are it is just so exhausting.  My hat is off to all the single parents of the world. They are amazing.  I was raised by one and they are heroes. 

But yes, is there anything you can do to get some relief?  Par back activities?  Bring in some help?  Pay for food delivery? Or house cleaning?  Get some time to yourself to just pamper yourself in big or small ways?  A book, a bath, some good chocolates, a phone call with friend, a walk, or binge watch some shows?  

Some times just counting down the days or trips is helpful to me.  Well there is a tiny adjustment when dh comes back from a trip it isn't bad.  He jumps right in and gives me as many breaks as he can by handling all the driving and appointments he can manage.  And that really helps me recharge.  

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My husband farms, so certain seasons have him working long hours all seven days of the week. He also wants me to be in standby to help, but it’s very hard with four kids at times. I hate fall and spring! But this too shall pass… if there are ways to make life easier while he is gone, do it. 

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I feel like I should have some wisdom, but right now I'm having a hard time too, though perhaps in a different way.  My kids (two 16yo girls) are going through all that teen stuff, and I am not doing my stuff so well either.  Could it be that the teen drama is sucking me dry?  I can't afford to let that happen.

What helps me (when I get a chance) is to take a nice long walk, preferably in a beautiful place.  Also yoga - quick, effective, and "all about me."  😛

 

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