Police got called on us......again

[DawnM]

Andrew's birth mother called and told the police he is depressed and needs a well check and she needed the police to document how sad he was so she would be able to get him back because the adoption isn't final.

She upset Andrew, made us mad, and is otherwise a major issue.

The police said he almost hung up on her because she was so erratic and wasn't making sense and talked a mile a minute.   I had to explain that because of the meth use, the homelessness, and the severe mental illness, she was difficult to understand.

I also told him the adoption has been final for over a year and asked if he would like to see documentation.   I told him it was all filed in our county with DSS and he said he didn't need proof, he believed us.

This is never going to end.   Never.   It jars me every time it happens.   A restraining order won't work because she has to be served and she is homeless.   She won't get served.   And I doubt she can ever get here.

And now his grandparents on both sides have stopped responding to me, so I guess they don't care about this child anymore.   It is all so heartbreaking.

[Faith-manor]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Andrew's birth mother called and told the police he is depressed and needs a well check and she needed the police to document how sad he was so she would be able to get him back because the adoption isn't final.

She upset Andrew, made us mad, and is otherwise a major issue.

The police said he almost hung up on her because she was so erratic and wasn't making sense and talked a mile a minute.   I had to explain that because of the meth use, the homelessness, and the severe mental illness, she was difficult to understand.

I also told him the adoption has been final for over a year and asked if he would like to see documentation.   I told him it was all filed in our county with DSS and he said he didn't need proof, he believed us.

This is never going to end.   Never.   It jars me every time it happens.   A restraining order won't work because she has to be served and she is homeless.   She won't get served.   And I doubt she can ever get here.

And now his grandparents on both sides have stopped responding to me, so I guess they don't care about this child anymore.   It is all so heartbreaking.

Dawn, I am so so sorry! This sucks to high heaven. I hope when you move, it will take her forever to figure out where you are.

Any chance your police department can go after hers to charge her with making a false report? Maybe that would cool her jets? I don't know. Poor Andrew. I just want to hug him.

[Storygirl]

I'm so sorry. Poor Andrew! And so stressful for all of you.

[Kassia]

That's awful.  I'm so sorry!  

[DawnM]

13 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Dawn, I am so so sorry! This sucks to high heaven. I hope when you move, it will take her forever to figure out where you are.

Any chance your police department can go after hers to charge her with making a false report? Maybe that would cool her jets? I don't know. Poor Andrew. I just want to hug him.

I doubt it, she is homeless, they would need to find her.   They won't go looking.

[Corbster98]

I am sorry you are dealing with such stress. 

Edited August 22, 2023 by Corbster98

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

Even with changing a phone number, all she has to do is call the local police department and request a welfare check. She doesn’t have to contact Dawn in order to do that.

Moving and not leaving a forwarding address would probably be best, but in this day and age all someone has to do is google to find out the town that you’re living in.

[DawnM]

Just now, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

Even with changing a phone number, all she has to do is call the local police department and request a welfare check. She doesn’t have to contact Dawn in order to do that.

Moving and not leaving a forwarding address would probably be best, but in this day and age all someone has to do is google to find out the town that you’re living in.

She told the police we were moving!   I am sure it is because she looked up our address and saw it was for sale.   She will look up our new address.   I am sure of it.

We will never be truly free until she dies on the streets.

[Spryte]

I’m so sorry. 

[bolt.]

What an awful experience!

Did you mean to put the child's first name in the post? You usually don't and I think you might be a bit frazzled right now.

How did you spin it for your son? Maybe try, "The police are doing such a good job making sure all kids are safe! Even kids who are safe like you, if anybody asks them to, they are really nice and they come and check to see for sure. What friendly police officers they are! (Yes, anybody can ask for any kid to be checked on. They can ask as many times as they want to. The police are always ready to help.)"

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

And now his grandparents on both sides have stopped responding to me, so I guess they don't care about this child anymore.   It is all so heartbreaking.

This may be a blessing in disguise. 

[DawnM]

49 minutes ago, bolt. said:

What an awful experience!

Did you mean to put the child's first name in the post? You usually don't and I think you might be a bit frazzled right now.

How did you spin it for your son? Maybe try, "The police are doing such a good job making sure all kids are safe! Even kids who are safe like you, if anybody asks them to, they are really nice and they come and check to see for sure. What friendly police officers they are! (Yes, anybody can ask for any kid to be checked on. They can ask as many times as they want to. The police are always ready to help.)"

Yes, I have posted it before.   I am not too worried about it, as I didn't share any other details of his name.

I have talked to him about the police.   But I just get so angry at her.    We always have to talk about the police because when they showed up when he lived with his birth mom, it always meant he was taken away.   He seems to be past some of that trauma now, but we always talk about it.

[Harriet Vane]

Dawn, I’m so sorry.

[Ottakee]

11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Yes, I have posted it before.   I am not too worried about it, as I didn't share any other details of his name.

I have talked to him about the police.   But I just get so angry at her.    We always have to talk about the police because when they showed up when he lived with his birth mom, it always meant he was taken away.   He seems to be past some of that trauma now, but we always talk about it.

I have one that has that same police trauma fear

[prairiewindmomma]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

She told the police we were moving!   I am sure it is because she looked up our address and saw it was for sale.   She will look up our new address.   I am sure of it.

We will never be truly free until she dies on the streets.

If you do move, have you thought about doing some of the things that can help you disappear from public record?

Have your mail forwarded to a post office box that appears to be a street address rather than to your new home.

Go through removing yourself from online databases.

Hide your property tax records by putting your home into a LLC ownership.

Don't tell extended family connected to her where you are going, etc.

Your attorney can be a good source of help for you on this, or most domestic abuse agencies have good advice for this also. 

[Katy]

I’m so sorry. You can hide an address by having the home owned by a family trust or LLC. It’s worth talking to an estate attorney about. Probably less than $2k to set up and she wouldn’t be able to find you in any assessor search. Then I’d probably pay one of those services that delete your identity from online databases. 

[Not_a_Number]

I'm so sorry. That's so stressful 😞 . 

[annandatje]

How did the biological mother get your phone number?  Could you change the number?

If you do put house in a living trust, do not use your name as part of trust name.

For a determined person, there are workarounds the personal info removal paid services, so I wouldn’t count on them.

Many people take care to ensure their privacy but forget small things such as using name and address on county pet license.

 

[theelfqueen]

((((Dawn)))) the Hive is thinking good thoughts and praying and... whatever else we do... for you! 

[DawnM]

Thank you all.   We thought about a trust, but it is a huge hassle, and sometimes still you can find the information.

I am not as worried about her showing up.   A little, but not really.   She wouldn't be capable of navigating the various busses she would need to change to from the W. Coast to the E. Coast.   

I am not changing my phone number.   She calls some and I just block again.   She can leave a message even if she is blocked though.   

The last message I sent her, probably 6 months ago now, said, "I want to be clear that I want NOTHING to do with you unless you get serious mental health help.   Go to the mental hospital and get treatment.   You are very sick."   And then I blocked her.   This was around the time she got out of jail this last time.

And I haven't communicated directly with her since.

[Drama Llama]

If you file for a restraining order wouldn’t they be able to serve it the next time she’s in jail?  It sounds as though that happens with some regularity?

 

[sassenach]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

Thank you all.   We thought about a trust, but it is a huge hassle, and sometimes still you can find the information.

 

It’s a hassle but I wouldn’t call it huge. A friend did this due to an abusive ex and it has thus far worked (7ish years in). I would say a small hassle is well worth not re-traumatizing your son. Especially if you move- that’s the perfect window and you’ll probably only get one shot at it. 

[itsheresomewhere]

1 minute ago, sassenach said:

It’s a hassle but I wouldn’t call it huge. A friend did this due to an abusive ex and it has thus far worked (7ish years in). I would say a small hassle is well worth not re-traumatizing your son. Especially if you move- that’s the perfect window and you’ll probably only get one shot at it. 

If I remember right, the state Dawn lives in makes it more difficult to do this.  My relative lives near Dawn was going to do this and something about the laws made him stop and go things differently. According to him, it was not worth the crap they wanted him to do.  

[DawnM]

3 hours ago, BandH said:

If you file for a restraining order wouldn’t they be able to serve it the next time she’s in jail?  It sounds as though that happens with some regularity?

 

I don't know if that would work.   There is an end date for one, and it has to be handed to her within a certain amount of time.  but I am not sure they would have it to hand to her in jail.   AND, each time I do it, I have to take a day off of work, go to the courthouse, and file it.   With a HOPE and a prayer that she will receive it or it was all done in vain.   

It doesn't matter, I highly doubt she can get here and the officer said he will notate everything so that if she ever does show up, we just need to call and they will arrest her.   

She is full of Meth, and currently around 5'8" and weighs less than 100 pounds.   

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

If I remember right, the state Dawn lives in makes it more difficult to do this.  My relative lives near Dawn was going to do this and something about the laws made him stop and go things differently. According to him, it was not worth the crap they wanted him to do.  

If you know what he/she is doing, can you PM me the information?   That would be helpful.

[mom31257]

@DawnM, I'm so sorry you are facing all of this! I pray you can all get some peace and not have to worry. 

[Faith-manor]

8 hours ago, DawnM said:

I don't know if that would work.   There is an end date for one, and it has to be handed to her within a certain amount of time.  but I am not sure they would have it to hand to her in jail.   AND, each time I do it, I have to take a day off of work, go to the courthouse, and file it.   With a HOPE and a prayer that she will receive it or it was all done in vain.   

It doesn't matter, I highly doubt she can get here and the officer said he will notate everything so that if she ever does show up, we just need to call and they will arrest her.   

She is full of Meth, and currently around 5'8" and weighs less than 100 pounds.   

Meth addicted and that height to weight ratio? Oof! I think she isn't long for this world if this continues. Wow.

 

[DawnM]

54 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Meth addicted and that height to weight ratio? Oof! I think she isn't long for this world if this continues. Wow.

 

She should have been gone a long time ago really.   Between the meth and the mental illness.   She has always been around 110-115 max and now under 100.   She looks gaunt and greasy and awful.   

I would be beyond shocked if she lived to see Andrew's 18th birthday.   

[Katy]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

She should have been gone a long time ago really.   Between the meth and the mental illness.   She has always been around 110-115 max and now under 100.   She looks gaunt and greasy and awful.   

I would be beyond shocked if she lived to see Andrew's 18th birthday.   

We had a foster situation like that. She didn't live to TPR.

[Halftime Hope]

praying, @DawnM.