Question about diversity/inclusion language

[Kassia]

Today was dd's first day at her new job and she had the usual diversity and inclusion training. They were told to avoid saying things like "oh man" or "oh brother" or "businessman" or "mankind."

Does anyone know how/why some of these would be inappropriate? I looked up "oh man" and "oh brother" and couldn't find anything.

[MEmama]

Those are all gendered terms. I think it's best to find neutral substitutions if possible--oh my, oh dear, business person/professional, humankind.

Some terms are so engrained that finding alternatives can feel forced at first, but I find it gets easier with practice. I think it's generally easier for young people as well, who don't have decades of non-modern habits to unlearn.

[regentrude]

Because they are gendered terms that use the masculine as the default. "Mankind" is particularly grating since half of it is women.

(I really hate the word freshmen and am working hard to change my language to "first-years")

[Sneezyone]

There are many examples of how we’ve already adapted our speech to be less gendered…

- flight attendant

- server

- administrative assistant

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, MEmama said:

 

Some terms are so engrained that finding alternatives can feel forced at first, but I find it gets easier with practice. I think it's generally easier for young people as well, who don't have decades of non-modern habits to unlearn.

I agree with this!  Some changes felt really hard for me at first and now they feel so natural.  🙂 

 

4 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Because they are gendered terms that use the masculine as the default. "Mankind" is particularly grating since half of it is women.

(I really hate the word freshmen and am working hard to change my language to "first-years")

Yes, I understood "mankind" but not the oh brother and oh man.

I didn't think of freshman/freshmen!  Good alternative, but that's all so confusing already with students coming in with different amounts of credits.  Dd was a first year senior in her second semester, and ds3 was a first year junior.  

[Kassia]

Just now, Sneezyone said:

There are many examples of how we’ve already adapted our speech to be less gendered…

- flight attendant

- server

- administrative assistant

Absolutely!  Mail carrier, police officer, firefighter...

[regentrude]

Just now, Sneezyone said:

There are many examples of how we’ve already adapted our speech to be less gendered…

- flight attendant

- server

- administrative assistant

Agree about the first two, but admin has different reasons. The old term  secretary isn't a gendered word.

[Sneezyone]

Just now, Kassia said:

Absolutely!  Mail carrier, police officer, firefighter...

It’s trying to do a little better everyday.

[Sneezyone]

Just now, regentrude said:

Agree about the first two, but admin has different reasons. The old term  secretary isn't a gendered word.

No, not in its original form. It certainly became so over time.

[Sneezyone]

We don’t have ‘garbage men’ anymore either. We have sanitation workers.

[SKL]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

I didn't think of freshman/freshmen!  Good alternative, but that's all so confusing already with students coming in with different amounts of credits.  Dd was a first year senior in her second semester, and ds3 was a first year junior.  

I've heard "freshers."

[SKL]

1 hour ago, Sneezyone said:

There are many examples of how we’ve already adapted our speech to be less gendered…

- flight attendant

- server

- administrative assistant

Wondering what gendered term "administrative assistant" replaced.  If it's "secretary," that's not a gendered term ....

[WildflowerMom]

I can’t imagine what would be wrong with “oh brother.”  

[EKS]

All of this is so unbelievably ridiculous.  God forbid someone uses a gendered term.  Oh wait, maybe I mean Goddess.  Or Godx.

[SKL]

Are they also not allowed to use female terms such as "sister slay" and "girrrrl!"

My kids' generation likes to use words like "bitch" for guys and "dude" for girls.  So I wonder what their HR departments will have to say ....

Edited August 2, 2023 by SKL

[Sneezyone]

6 minutes ago, SKL said:

Are they also not allowed to use female terms such as "sister slay" and "girrrrl!"

My kids' generation likes to use words like "bitch" for guys and "dude" for girls.  So I wonder what their HR departments will have to say ....

No one should be using those terms IN THE WORKPLACE with unfamiliar people. If they even still do. They’re dated and trying too hard. Not only is it presumptuous to assume that level of familiarity, it’s rude. If someone has no desire to be appropriate with coworkers, they can say so upfront and save HR a lot of aggravation trying to get rid of them later.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[SKL]

3 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Do one should be using those terms IN THE WORKPLACE with unfamiliar people. Not only is it presumptuous to assume that level of familiarity, it’s rude.

Right, I was thinking congenial chats at lunch with work friends, but it's not clear HR was including that level of interaction.

I also wouldn't say "oh man" in the workplace with unfamiliar people.  "Oh brother," maybe.

Edited August 2, 2023 by SKL

[Sneezyone]

18 minutes ago, SKL said:

Right, I was thinking congenial chats at lunch with work friends, but it's not clear HR was including that level of interaction.

In the last year and a half at work, the word SLAY has never come up, and this is a workplace that is comfy with *shared* cultural expression. These sorts of hypotheticals are usually offered by people who’d never use the terms among or with their own friends let alone coworkers because they’re inauthentic and intended to demonstrate othering, the opposite of inclusion.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

In the last year and a half at work, the word SLAY has never come up, and this is a workplace that is comfy with *shared* cultural expression. These sorts of hypotheticals are usually offered by people who’d never use them among or with their own friends let alone coworkers.

Interesting.  I was thinking about the current generation of older teens, and I am surprised to hear that "slay" is a word young workers never use.  Maybe it's regional.

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, SKL said:

Interesting.  I was thinking about the current generation of older teens, and I am surprised to hear that "slay" is a word young workers never use.  Maybe it's regional.

THEY ARE AT WORK among people 20+ years their senior who are generally in managerial roles. The rules of work haven’t changed so much that 20-something workers are universally free to call supervisors ‘bruh’ whatever right wing media is spouting these days.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Sneezyone]

 

22 minutes ago, EKS said:

All of this is so unbelievably ridiculous.  God forbid someone uses a gendered term.  Oh wait, maybe I mean Goddess.  Or Godx.

Yeah, that’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works. In the real world, in personal interaction, positive intent is assumed and disquiet comes later. Only on the Internet do people assume using a gendered term will lead to HR censure/termination. It fits a narrative, not THE narrative but A narrative. AT WORK, be a good human is usually all folks are looking for.  Make an attempt to respect, not mock, others. Express a little humility. Be willing to learn/be coached. That’s it.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[EKS]

5 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

AT WORK, be a good human is usually all folks are looking for.  Make an attempt to respect, not mock, others. Express a little humility. Be willing to learn/be coached. That’s it.

Let's hope so.

[Sneezyone]

7 minutes ago, EKS said:

Let's hope so.

I don’t hope. I do/see. This is much ado about nothing. Folks just need to show up as their authentic selves and be willing to learn and show respect, not caricature someone else out of bias and spite. If they can manage that, they’ll be fine.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[J-rap]

I always attempt to use words like mail carrier and police officer and humankind, but it hadn't occurred to me that something like "oh brother" would be offensive or mocking.   

It does seem like some words are different though....  Mailman implies that all mail carriers are men, and they obviously aren't, so it's appropriate to change it to mail carrier.  But something like "oh brother" -- to me, is a term that implies no gender, it's just a saying.  Kind of like "oh god" etc. isn't really meant to be a call to or against God, but is just a saying.  

But I will think about this.

[SKL]

I was in a professional inclusivity training where they suggested we need to ask everyone what their pronouns are, among other things.  Also we are supposed to provide our pronouns in order to make everyone else feel safe.

Glad I'm near retirement age.

[Clarita]

3 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

We don’t have ‘garbage men’ anymore either. We have sanitation workers.

Well I think even the men in the industry can appreciate that change. I always thought the original term was a derogatory form of sanitation workers.

18 minutes ago, SKL said:

I was in a professional inclusivity training where they suggested we need to ask everyone what their pronouns are, among other things.  Also we are supposed to provide our pronouns in order to make everyone else feel safe.

I'm glad they finally think that it's important that people feel safe at work. I've heard my MIL stories of the things she had to put up with at work and really glad companies just don't go "Well they didn't mean anything by it. You just need to put up with it."

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, Clarita said:

Well I think even the men in the industry can appreciate that change. I always thought the original term was a derogatory form of sanitation workers.

I'm glad they finally think that it's important that people feel safe at work. I've heard my MIL stories of the things she had to put up with at work and really glad companies just don't go "Well they didn't mean anything by it. You just need to put up with it."

Shocking, right, that you should ask people how they’d like to be called/referred to? I mean, can’t I just call people schmuck at work, with impunity, if that’s what they look like to me? Who can pronounce Parijita, amiright? Perry is so much easier and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not as if physical and emotional safety gives folks the space to speak truth to power (read prevent workplace injury/risk).

At a senior event last year, a teacher approached DH and I and explained/apologized about how she couldn’t pronounce our daughter’s FIVE.LETTER.NAME. And ha ha! She’d avoided using it all year. WE WERE NOT AMUSED. My daughter had already warned us the week before (the teacher had been asked to read names!! at the event) but we didn’t expect this clueless woman to be stupid enough to say it to us in person. ALL YEAR. FIVE LETTERS. DH and I said nothing, just stared at her and smiled politely. WE WERE LIVID and gave DD what-for for not telling us earlier. We have another kid in the school who may have that teacher. Retribution is real. My HS counselor took his offense toward my mother out on me so I know.

Everyone won’t feel SAFE advocating for themselves in school or professionally, nor embarrassing the offender openly.

Poo-pooing the importance of names/naming conventions=Tell me you don’t give a shit about your students/peers/coworkers without saying you don’t give a shit. Call people what the want to be called.

If this basic level of respect is too much…PLEASE retire, and help fund your replacement by supporting public education/educators in your area (b/c that’s where the majority of future workers come from). Don’t be an ass!

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Melissa Louise]

'Oh man' is my workplace genteel frustration, I swear much harder than that our of work. That one makes no sense to me.

We call all mail carriers 'posties'. The long form isn't gender neutral but the short form is.

Nobody at my workplace requires non birth sex pronouns. If they did, I'd use them. I don't see any reason for me to engage with giving my pronouns, however, so I don't. To be fair, no-one at work does either. We are in the wrong part of the city for that. Pronouns are for the higher SE, whiter areas. 

 

 

[Sneezyone]

23 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

'Oh man' is my workplace genteel frustration, I swear much harder than that our of work. That one makes no sense to me.

We call all mail carriers 'posties'. The long form isn't gender neutral but the short form is.

Nobody at my workplace requires non birth sex pronouns. If they did, I'd use them. I don't see any reason for me to engage with giving my pronouns, however, so I don't. To be fair, no-one at work does either. We are in the wrong part of the city for that. Pronouns are for the higher SE, whiter areas. 

 

 

Is there a ‘right’ part of the city for considering all people? My region is home to a big NATO base and the nation’s capitol is within 3 hrs. If you don’t need to consider a broader variety of concerns,  bless you? If we’re speaking of broader workplace trends and preparatory advice for a newly employed adult tho, I wouldn’t recommend a parochial lens. I’m a moderate, middle-aged woman by global standards, whatever folks here think, and I would never advise that young workers fixate on issues that animate old/elderly voters. They need to seek/find their own concerns through experience (not media/hearsay).

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Melissa Louise]

Gender issues track by SE area here. Our area just doesn't attract NB folx. 

We have a lot of Mongolian immigrants, though, so we do our bit for diversity. 

Like I said, if Mx Smith rolls up next week, I'll call them Mx Smith, but until then, it's a non-issue in my workplace. 

 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Melissa Louise

[Sneezyone]

I feel like there’s a bit of chicken/egg happening. NB people aren’t attracted to and won’t come out in hostile areas. They still exist. Inclusion is inclusion. Know more, do more. 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Sneezyone said:

I feel like there’s a bit of chicken/egg happening. NB people aren’t attracted to and won’t come out in hostile areas. They still exist. Inclusion is inclusion. Know more, do more. 

I don't care. 

Our school is set up to support non-English speaking new arrivals and autistic children - some other school with fewer material  concerns can take on the enbies. 

I cannot stress how little time there is in my timetable to be setting up enby inclusion initiatives and pronoun circles. It's phonics all the way down. 

[Sneezyone]

6 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I don't care. 

Our school is set up to support non-English speaking new arrivals and autistic children - some other school with fewer material  concerns can take on the enbies. 

I cannot stress how little time there is in my timetable to be setting up enby inclusion initiatives and pronoun circles. It's phonics all the way down. 

Love that for you. Know your limits and all that. I DO CARE about policy and training writ large and how it impacts all kids/employees, especially in the US. It’s my job.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Kassia]

4 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:

I can’t imagine what would be wrong with “oh brother.”  

 

3 hours ago, J-rap said:

 But something like "oh brother" -- to me, is a term that implies no gender, it's just a saying.

 

54 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

'Oh man' is my workplace genteel frustration, I swear much harder than that our of work. That one makes no sense to me.

These are the two that I was surprised by and I even looked them up before posting here to see why they would be offensive and couldn't find anything.  I think I probably say, "aww man" when I'm frustrated about something but I don't know if I would do that at work anyway.  

[Melissa Louise]

21 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Love that for you. Know your limits and all that. I DO CARE about policy and training writ large and how it impacts all kids/employees, especially in the US. It’s my job.

I mean, great?

I'm glad you are paid the big bucks to care. 

I'm barely paid well enough to care about the kids in front of me, all of whom have more pressing needs than their gender. 

I'm certainly not paid enough to be running a one-woman 'make this suburb safe for enbies by offering my pronoun' campaign. 

As I said, if Mx turns up, Mx will be called Mx. Until then, I'll 'oh man' my way through the shit that is supporting kids with massive barriers to education. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

7 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

 

These are the two that I was surprised by and I even looked them up before posting here to see why they would be offensive and couldn't find anything.  I think I probably say, "aww man" when I'm frustrated about something but I don't know if I would do that at work anyway.  

It's silly. Saying 'oh, man' doesn't denigrate anyone. It's not offensive. 

[Melissa Louise]

4 hours ago, EKS said:

All of this is so unbelievably ridiculous.  God forbid someone uses a gendered term.  Oh wait, maybe I mean Goddess.  Or Godx.

There's an extent to which I think it's an impost on workers further down the food chain.

If executives want to play at language games (which I think they often do in lieu of making more expensive, structural change), that's one thing.

When they push it on their subordinates, that's another.

There's no good reason to have your staff taking cognitive energy away from the work to monitor inoffensive exclamations like 'oh brother'. 

[Bootsie]

8 hours ago, SKL said:

Interesting.  I was thinking about the current generation of older teens, and I am surprised to hear that "slay" is a word young workers never use.  Maybe it's regional.

I have never heard my college-aged students use this term.  I just asked my DD27 about the term and she said she had no idea what it meant and had never heard it.  

[J-rap]

6 hours ago, SKL said:

I was in a professional inclusivity training where they suggested we need to ask everyone what their pronouns are, among other things.  Also we are supposed to provide our pronouns in order to make everyone else feel safe.

Glad I'm near retirement age.

This feels difficult for me too...   What I've come to believe is this:  I don't think gender was ever meant to define our personhood.  I think of it more as a category for our physical bodies.  But, culture/society has a way of defining our gender as personhood.... although that has been fluid.  It has changed over the centuries.  

So my hope is that someday people would just let go of cultural expectations of gender as personhood... I don't know if that will ever happen.  Who knows.

In the meantime, even though I think the whole transgender thing is imperfect and not necessarily the best answer, the simplest thing to do is to show people I care by calling them what they want to be called.  I recently visited a church and I noticed the pastor signed his bio online with pronouns he/him, and my immediate thought was that this is a person who wants to show people that he cares and I think that's beautiful.  It doesn't mean the system's perfect.  It's just where we are right now.

I don't think I'd direct my employees to ask everyone what their pronouns are, because in a way, that's feeding into an imperfect gender messaging that culture is teaching.  But, I would absolutely respect what someone wanted me to call them if they brought it to my attention.

 

[J-rap]

6 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

Shocking, right, that you should ask people how they’d like to be called/referred to? I mean, can’t I just call people schmuck at work, with impunity, if that’s what they look like to me? Who can pronounce Parijita, amiright? Perry is so much easier and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not as if physical and emotional safety gives folks the space to speak truth to power (read prevent workplace injury/risk).

At a senior event last year, a teacher approached DH and I and explained/apologized about how she couldn’t pronounce our daughter’s FIVE.LETTER.NAME. And ha ha! She’d avoided using it all year. WE WERE NOT AMUSED. My daughter had already warned us the week before (the teacher had been asked to read names!! at the event) but we didn’t expect this clueless woman to be stupid enough to say it to us in person. ALL YEAR. FIVE LETTERS. DH and I said nothing, just stared at her and smiled politely. WE WERE LIVID and gave DD what-for for not telling us earlier. We have another kid in the school who may have that teacher. Retribution is real. My HS counselor took his offense toward my mother out on me so I know.

Everyone won’t feel SAFE advocating for themselves in school or professionally, nor embarrassing the offender openly.

Poo-pooing the importance of names/naming conventions=Tell me you don’t give a shit about your students/peers/coworkers without saying you don’t give a shit. Call people what the want to be called.

If this basic level of respect is too much…PLEASE retire, and help fund your replacement by supporting public education/educators in your area (b/c that’s where the majority of future workers come from). Don’t be an ass!

Is it a foreign name that's difficult to pronounce?  I can kind of understand that then...  Our ds is naming his soon baby after his wife's culture and it is a difficult name to pronounce for English speakers.  I anticipate that her teachers will forever have difficulty pronouncing her name correctly even when they try really hard.  And, some people believe it's more offensive to say a name incorrectly than to not say it at all.  

On the other hand, if it's just a different way of spelling Jamie, that would seem strange.  

[Sneezyone]

22 minutes ago, J-rap said:

Is it a foreign name that's difficult to pronounce?  I can kind of understand that then...  Our ds is naming his soon baby after his wife's culture and it is a difficult name to pronounce for English speakers.  I anticipate that her teachers will forever have difficulty pronouncing her name correctly even when they try really hard.  And, some people believe it's more offensive to say a name incorrectly than to not say it at all.  

On the other hand, if it's just a different way of spelling Jamie, that would seem strange.  

 No. It’s not. It’s not even a challenging spelling. In my region of the country, no one is up in arms over oh man or oh brother either. People use examples like that tho, all the time, to dismiss the VERY real issue of jerks in the workplace who insist on being dismissive toward their coworkers who have been on the receiving end AT ALL LEVELS OF AUTHORITY AND PAY. It creates major headaches for HR and they’d be foolish not to attempt to talk about it. Employees of good will take it in, think about it, and try to do better. Because…not a jerk. Others won’t.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Carrie12345]

11 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

There are many examples of how we’ve already adapted our speech to be less gendered…

- flight attendant

- server

- administrative assistant

My dd posted a meme that’s my favorite. Just to add a little levity.

Fireman - firefighter. 
Mailman - mailfighter. 
Policeman - policefighter. 
(etc.)

I’m somewhat decent at adapting my language. I would never say “oh man” or “oh brother”. I’d just say 4-letter words. 😉

”Guys” is one that is deeeeeeeeply ingrained in me. It’s not a gendered term in certain usage where I’m from, but I know it’s not universal.

 

[Matryoshka]

12 hours ago, regentrude said:

(I really hate the word freshmen and am working hard to change my language to "first-years")

The Brits already solved it for you.  They call first-year college students "freshers".

[MercyA]

What about "hey, guys." Is that offensive? I noticed DD used it the other day and debated whether or not I should say something.

[marbel]

5 minutes ago, MercyA said:

What about "hey, guys." Is that offensive? I noticed DD used it the other day and debated whether or not I should say something.

Where I live, "guys" is a gender-neutral term now. People use it to include everyone. 

ETA  singular "guy" I think still refers to a male. I believe it is only in a group that it's neutral. Probably preferable to "hey, guys and girls/gals" as might have been said in the past. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by marbel

[ScoutTN]

12 hours ago, regentrude said:

 

(I really hate the word freshmen and am working hard to change my language to "first-years")

My university has used “first-year”, “second-year” etc. for a long time. 😎

[Sneezyone]

It’s also super weird to separate Enbies, whatever that is, from other groups of people as if there’s no overlap. People who’ve been misgendered /misidentified/misnamed exist in neurodiverse and immigrant communities too. They don’t deserve less because they have additional needs. They deserve more/better.

[Matryoshka]

31 minutes ago, marbel said:

Where I live, "guys" is a gender-neutral term now. People use it to include everyone. 

ETA  singular "guy" I think still refers to a male. I believe it is only in a group that it's neutral. Probably preferable to "hey, guys and girls/gals" as might have been said in the past. 

The plural 'guys' is completely gender neutral.  Even more gender-neutral than the Spanish plurals that treat mixed-groups as the grammatical masculine gender, as  those are still changed to the grammatical feminine for all-female groups.  All female groups are also 'guys', though one guy is still male.  The two words (guy and guys) are so disconnected in my head that I realize I don't even think of them as the same word.  One guy, a bunch of men.  I would not refer to a group in the third person as 'guys' - it's more a term of direct address.  Hey, guys.  You guys.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Matryoshka

[SKL]

8 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

Shocking, right, that you should ask people how they’d like to be called/referred to? I mean, can’t I just call people schmuck at work, with impunity, if that’s what they look like to me? Who can pronounce Parijita, amiright? Perry is so much easier and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not as if physical and emotional safety gives folks the space to speak truth to power (read prevent workplace injury/risk).

At a senior event last year, a teacher approached DH and I and explained/apologized about how she couldn’t pronounce our daughter’s FIVE.LETTER.NAME. And ha ha! She’d avoided using it all year. WE WERE NOT AMUSED. My daughter had already warned us the week before (the teacher had been asked to read names!! at the event) but we didn’t expect this clueless woman to be stupid enough to say it to us in person. ALL YEAR. FIVE LETTERS. DH and I said nothing, just stared at her and smiled politely. WE WERE LIVID and gave DD what-for for not telling us earlier. We have another kid in the school who may have that teacher. Retribution is real. My HS counselor took his offense toward my mother out on me so I know.

Everyone won’t feel SAFE advocating for themselves in school or professionally, nor embarrassing the offender openly.

Poo-pooing the importance of names/naming conventions=Tell me you don’t give a shit about your students/peers/coworkers without saying you don’t give a shit. Call people what the want to be called.

If this basic level of respect is too much…PLEASE retire, and help fund your replacement by supporting public education/educators in your area (b/c that’s where the majority of future workers come from). Don’t be an ass!

Well they used to ask "Mr. / Mrs./ Ms." but that fell out of favor since apparently it's wrong to ask it that way.

Who's teaching young people to feel unsafe if I don't ask them how they identify?  I could see a lot of people feeling less safe if asked that question.

And if the pendulum doesn't swing back soon, what's next?  Apparently it's become pretty popular for young people to identify as animals.  Will HR soon be telling us we need to ask everyone what species they are in order for them to feel safe?  Will we be required to ask about all their psychological diagnoses and also put ours in our signature?  Sound too ridiculous?  5 years ago, today would have sounded too ridiculous for belief.

[SKL]

2 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

 No. It’s not. It’s not even a challenging spelling. In my region of the country, no one is up in arms over oh man or oh brother either. People use examples like that tho, all the time, to dismiss the VERY real issue of jerks in the workplace who insist on being dismissive toward their coworkers who have been on the receiving end AT ALL LEVELS OF AUTHORITY AND PAY. It creates major headaches for HR and they’d be foolish not to attempt to talk about it. Employees of good will take it in, think about it, and try to do better. Because…not a jerk. Others won’t.

It is true that IME HR is often more about CYA / "look like we're doing something" vs. actually giving a crap.

Do people not realize some LGBT+ are still not "out" and don't want to be (especially at work)?

You can't just say a few words and change the culture.  I'll give an example from my personal life.  Someone I know has a job where some people might consider him a risky employee if they knew how he identifies privately.  Those people are wrong, but you can't change how people think with a few cute words.  Let him be private.  If his boss requires him to put stuff in his professional signature or otherwise out himself, that puts him at greater risk.  Makes him feel less safe.  But he's apparently not in the group we care to protect.