May I confide in you ladies? I am absolutely terrified by the concept of

[ereks mom]

...having an "empty nest". Some of you know how I grieved (and still grieve at times) since ER went off to college. Our family has always been close; we've had a difficult financial situation for most of our marriage and practically all of the kids' lives, so we just stayed home and did fun things together instead of going out and doing things that involved spending money.

 

And now, realizing that in a relatively few years, EK will be grown and ready to leave home makes me terribly anxious and afraid. I am very much in love with my wonderful dh, but I am really having a hard time with the thought of adjusting to it being "just the two of us" again.

 

Of course, I am very hormonal lately -- wacky cycles for most of this year -- and I am sure that plays a major role in how I feel. A friend told me that the hormones (perimenopause) and the "empty nest" situation seemed to hit her at the same time too, and each one made the other worse.

 

I'd just like to ask you to pray for me.

Edited December 20, 2008 by ereks mom

[Cedarmom]

I will pray. I know what your saying. I'm the say way. We have one son , a junior. He does want to go to college in state, so he won't be moving away. But, he still will be gone a lot more. It will be so weird and quiet in our house during the day. I have been homeschooling him, uh, forever, it seems, so I am not sure what I will do with my time. Plus, I love being a homeschool teacher, so nothing sounds quite as fulfilling to me. My mom's theory is that yes, kids needs their own space at first but then if you were a close family , your kids will be your adult friends.

 

Interesting about the hormones. I hadn't thought about that. I'm hoping (please don't dash my hopes) that by the time I am an empty nester I will be done with this hormonal nonsense. By that time, I will be a totally peaceful, sane woman.:)

[Stacy in NJ]

Think - Grandkids. That is all.

[Ria]

Before your dd graduates, try to get a part-time job doing something you love to do. You'll then have something to help occupy your time when she does go off to school and you won't feel quite so lost.

 

Hugs. It's hard. I miss my twinnies when they are at college.

 

Ria

[elegantlion]

Praying here. I understand and when my one leaves that's it for homeschooling.

 

I have 7 1/2 years until he graduates. My goal is to work toward becoming a published author in some form during this period of time. I KNOW I'm going to have some time intensive hobby or job to keep me going.

 

:grouphug:

[Hot Lava Mama]

It's a long while before we will be at that stage. Oldest is only nine, and we have #5 on the way. But the thought of someday not HAVING to wake up at 5:00 because a little one is up. Or the thought of actually having ALL weekend to do whatever I want (instead of getting ready for next week's school work) actually terrifies me! I guess with any "normal" person, it would be something to look forward to. But, as with you, we don't do a lot because we have a large family, and not much money. So almost all of our time is spent doing fun things as a family.

 

I hope you find something that comforts you during your lonely times. I guess it will get easier as time goes by. I would think "doing" something would be a good way to help you through it. As a prior poster said, I would write a book, or do whatever your passions drive you to do.

 

Good luck! Perhaps you can help with advice when I reach that stage and you have already mastered it!

 

Hot Lava Mama

[Nan in Mass]

I know. I'm not looking forward to it, either.

 

You never know about empty nests, though. I don't think my parents ever dreamed they would still be as involved in our lives as they have been. We've lived with them at various times, we vacation with them a lot, when the children were little I spent one day a week there doing laundry, getting to nap, and not having to cook supper, and we still spend about a weekend a month there and see them several times a week. They are heavily involved with their grandchildren, helping me homeschool. We had an extremely close family growing up and none of us want to live far from each other now. Maybe your son will live close to you and your lives will still be intertwined, since that is how he grew up.

 

I'm hoping that I can develop an intensive hobby to fill in, probably watercolouring, and I'm starting to build the skills now. Can you find a hobby to look forward to? Looking forward is helping me not dwell on the past. I have a few other projects I'm hoping to work for, like Mayors for Peace. None of them will be as good as mothering, I'm sure, but it will hopefully fill in the gap.

 

My other hope is animals. I'm counting on my cat and dog to give me something to take care of. Can you have animals? A horse or something? I know it isn't the same as a child, but they are better than nothing.

 

Lots of hugs and thoughts

-Nan