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Incoming freshman - check in here


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1 hour ago, chiguirre said:

This!!! I just said this to dd last week. We were chatting while I was driving to pick up oldest and she was cooling down from her run in Guam. The world has changed so much in the last 30 years. We're incredibly lucky to be able to keep in touch so easily. When I was her age, I was calling home once a week and keeping an eye on the clock because long distance was crazy expensive within a state.

We had phone ‘PINs’ so our charges could be separated by roommate. I called occasionally but not much. Maybe it’s an extension of the ‘I must be able to contact my employees at all times!’ vibe?

It sucks that a month or two into parent of college kid life we’re down to every 10 days updates but that’s GOOD (for her).

There’s independence and problem solving happening, also sharing of big wins and joy. She’s her own person, a pseudo adult, not mine, MINE, MINE!!

If she got married next week, which she could do (DH and I are prime examples), we’d suck it up and help them deal. Like, yeah, go hang out with people your own age.🤷🏽‍♀️

Edited by Sneezyone
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I think it’s natural that different young adults and their families are going to have different frequencies of communication. However, I see the phone tracking of young college aged adults as a completely different thing. Outside of rare cases where it would be needed for medical (either physical or mental) reasons, it’s not something I would be comfortable doing or having done to me when I was in college (and I was about as boring as you could get in college, no drinking, no partying, no hooking up, 4.0, etc.). We are very, very close to our son, but had we said it was our right to track his phone because we were paying for it, he would have been off our plan and paying for his own the same day. The same for me and my husband had it been a thing when we were in college.

In our case, we didn’t suddenly release our son to all freedoms when he went off to college. We had been slowly giving him both more freedom and more responsibility for many years.

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There is nothing to give or take. Kids will have the relationships they want. If you come from a close culture where multigenerational fun is norm and you are very close to your kid, your parent, your cousin, your neighbor….., it’s natural they want to stay part of your life. It’s shocking to me reading some of the comments, but I understand there are significant cultural differences that determine relationships. It’s not a judgement on cultural norms. 

yea, phone tracking is weird. 

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15 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

Does no one else find it odd to check in on almost adults?

I don’t check on my kids typically and definitely don’t track their phones. DS18 was down with a bad case of flu though so I check in with him if he didn’t text me that day just to make sure he isn’t so sick that he can’t text. Kid has his own room so his suite mates won’t know how sick he is. He has always text me daily and continue to do so.

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We drove up last weekend for Family Weekend. Kiddo is happy! We ran into a couple of his friends walking around campus. He needed to ditch us twice for chess and esports matches. He took us in his dorm and kept pulling out more and more art that he'd made. He likes his roommates and the four of them have actually decorated the common area of their suite for Halloween. Next week he's meeting with his advisor to add on a minor.

The phone tracking thing - I don't do it and don't want to, but on the visit I started pestering him to put the Rave Guardian app on his phone so at least one of his friends or roommates knows when he goes out alone. What prompted this: he's really into birding and when he took me out to his favorite birding spot - in a remote, marshy, overgrown and deserted area - all I could think was "good god this is where someone would hide a body." Doubt he'll actually get the app though. Really I have no to room to argue - I sometimes hike alone, and my mom also worries I'm going to get murdered doing so...

I do usually get a text from him at least once a day. Not much actual conversation, but a cool picture of something random or weird overheard comment, etc. 

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I talk or text both my college kids most days.  I don't phone track, but I do ask about their classes, friends,  food, fun activities.   We are probably a closer family than other posters, and both mine are girls who tell me everything.   My boys probably won't call me that much 😉 

My freshman is adjusting as well as she can. I knew it would be a very big adjustment!  She doesn't like city living or the cafeteria food.  She's been coming home every weekend,  but lots of kids on her campus do!  It's a very small school with most kids local.  She misses the farm, trees,  animals, outdoors.... and real food (and family).  For her, this is what I expected and I'm just happy she's enjoying her classes and becoming more sure about her degree.   There isn't one right way to raise a responsible adult, or one way to be a successful college student. Every person is an individual and has their own needs and goals.  Our job should be to support each kid as necessary. 

My Junior is living her best life right now.  We just visited and went to a football game last weekend.   She chose s big state university 7 hours from home, so had a more traditional experience.  She still calls me all the time and I feel like I know what's going on in her life.  I'm supporting her, listening,  offering encouragement and advice.  I don't track her phone, but I do think it's a good idea to have on if she's traveling.   

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46 minutes ago, strawberries said:

 

The phone tracking thing - I don't do it and don't want to, but on the visit I started pestering him to put the Rave Guardian app on his phone so at least one of his friends or roommates knows when he goes out alone. What prompted this: he's really into birding and when he took me out to his favorite birding spot - in a remote, marshy, overgrown and deserted area - all I could think was "good god this is where someone would hide a body." Doubt he'll actually get the app though. Really I have no to room to argue - I sometimes hike alone, and my mom also worries I'm going to get murdered doing so...

 

I basically told mine that if he is going somewhere, somebody should know. Let your friend know so if something happens, somebody would know to look for you. 
Now that I am thinking about it, enabling tracking while on a hike or in the city late at night might be another way to let others help find you if you go missing. Emergencies happen. 

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I understand everyone has different relationships and boundaries with their kids. My kids are not upset about us having Life 360. They get it when they get a cell phone, it is a requirement for our kids when they start driving -- it allows us to see their driving habits and make sure they are being safe. We don't micromanage it. We have asked ds a few times to slow down. We don't make a big deal of it, police it to ground them but we expect responsible behavior and will call them on it if they aren't displaying that. As for my college age student -- I don't really look at her driving but she is still on my insurance so I won't say it was none of my business if I wanted to. I don't sit around staring at her location stalking her. And I don't ask anything of her that dh and I don't expect of each other. We mostly have Life360 for safety. It's not about tracking her or questioning her. We don't expect her to let us know or ask when she is going out, we are reasonable people. However, we are super close family. I miss her, I love her, I want to protect her in any way I can...so we have it and she knows. She is ok with it. Also, we are big about mutual accountability. Our teens are not asked to do anything my husband and I don't do. We have internet software that blocks certain things -- it's for everyone not just the kids. We all submit to biblical authority. We are parents that check our teens phones occasionally. I would be fine if my dh wanted to read mine and I can read his-- mutual accountability. We teach our kids that everyone should have someone that they are accountable to (our belief as Christians). I find it helpful for teens to see that we aren't expecting something of them that we don't expect of ourselves. Then it doesn't chaff-- it's just real life striving for holiness. I totally get this is not everyone's cuppa . . . but it works for us and no one is unhappy about it. dd calls every day. She FT's, calls, texts. When we dropped her off I held back and let her set the pace. I didn't want to text too often and cause homesickness. She called A LOT at first. She has backed off a good bit but we still communicate several times throughout the day. And I am thankful! She actually just called to say she got a summer job she had applied to at a Christian camp. I'm both thankful and sad-- she will have an amazing experience but I will miss her not being home for the summer. Definitely spreading her wings and I am proud of her. 

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Every family and every kid is different.  I hope we can all see that.  What might be high anxiety and control in one situation might in another be an acknowledgement of different issues that are at play.  

I have three kids.  I would love still to be able to have my oldest on find my iphone just to make myself feel better.  She is smart but extremely ADHD, impulsive, and living alone in DC without close friends yet.  Contact is sporadic and when she doesn't text or merely "like" a photo on our family group chat devoted to dog pictures and it's been three days, I start to worry.

My younger two are different. When they go off to college I don't think I will worry at all. One has a great head on her shoulders, is a planner, and makes very wise, safe decisions. The other will probably never be out partying, but will most likely be in the library, and honestly he's a guy so I worry less too. 

Just as an example -- my oldest daughter has tried to drive long distances late at night, has run out of gas at importune times, and has often found herself in the wrong neighborhood with a dead phone battery and no GPS available.  My younger daughter, on the other hand, gets gas the moment the tank hits 70 miles left, never lets her phone die, and goes over directions multiple times before she goes to a new place.  🤷‍♀️

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34 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

Every family and every kid is different.  I hope we can all see that.  What might be high anxiety and control in one situation might in another be an acknowledgement of different issues that are at play. 

Absolutely. Given that we're in a thread for people with kids in college, I'm sure we all have seen many instances of families doing things differently based on what works for them. There are literally billions of ways to raise good people, as evidenced by the billions of good people in the world!

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Week 2 of my access to university course, and my tutor has told me to go do something else for a bit (I've submitted my first assignment, the second is in drafts and apparently that wasn't supposed to happen for a few weeks).

Overenthusiasm may have got the better of me.

Hope everyone else's assignments are also going smoothly.

Edited by ieta_cassiopeia
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Got to have a long talk with DS tonight.

 

Good stuff:

He looks happy, thinks he did well on midterms. His major advisor and another of his profs have invited the students they advise out to lunch so he's happy about that. They offer tutor positions to students who do well in a class, and he's hoping to demonstrate some interest to his prof so he can be offered a position next semester if things finish well in this one. I also found out he's been teaching DD15 calculus via texting?!

Not as good:

He's thinking of switching up some activities and giving up one I think is really good for him, but it's up to him. A few roommate conflicts when roommate was doing some noisy stuff right before exams. Someone in his dorm drank too much and passed out. People couldn't get them to wake up so medics were called. They're okay, apparently, but scary stuff.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am just curious how much resource management is happening in private universities. Is it typical to have classes restricted to only certain majors? Say only math majors can register for math and if there is leftover, others can fight for a spot no matter the class standing. I know certain majors you can’t ever touch (most engineering and computer science), but surprised it’s an issue even in areas like math. Or is this only happening on public universities? I haven’t  myself attended a university (just a tiny LAC), so this is so new to me. 

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41 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Kid got himself a humidifier off his dorm’s freecycle listing 🙂 He needs a humidifier for winter and we intended to get him one later. 

Mine got a vacuum cleaner he can’t put together to vacuum his filter. 😂 I say future in engineering won’t be a possibility for him. 

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16 minutes ago, Roadrunner said:

Mine got a vacuum cleaner he can’t put together to vacuum his filter. 😂 I say future in engineering won’t be a possibility for him. 

Well, my husband has a PhD in electrical engineering so the possibility is still there. I won’t recommend mechanical engineering for sure. 

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17 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

I am just curious how much resource management is happening in private universities. Is it typical to have classes restricted to only certain majors? Say only math majors can register for math and if there is leftover, others can fight for a spot no matter the class standing. I know certain majors you can’t ever touch (most engineering and computer science), but surprised it’s an issue even in areas like math. Or is this only happening on public universities? I haven’t  myself attended a university (just a tiny LAC), so this is so new to me. 

I think the classes that are the most in demand for prerequisites across different majors can often be hard to get if you are a freshman.  The registration system can be pretty nerve wracking as well, as for every period it looks like classes are full, and then the next week more spots open up for the next period.  Also going to the class for the first few days and putting in a request to enroll (permit to enroll or something like that) is a strategy my dd used frequently.  If there was a class she really wanted, she would put her name on the waitlist and go the first few classes. Eventually students would drop. 
 

I have heard  of students asking every quarter for a permit to overload - then they drop the class they like least.  That can make the classes seem full every quarter for the first two or three classes as well. 

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28 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I think the classes that are the most in demand for prerequisites across different majors can often be hard to get if you are a freshman.  The registration system can be pretty nerve wracking as well, as for every period it looks like classes are full, and then the next week more spots open up for the next period.  Also going to the class for the first few days and putting in a request to enroll (permit to enroll or something like that) is a strategy my dd used frequently.  If there was a class she really wanted, she would put her name on the waitlist and go the first few classes. Eventually students would drop. 
 

I have heard  of students asking every quarter for a permit to overload - then they drop the class they like least.  That can make the classes seem full every quarter for the first two or three classes as well. 

So mine has junior standing but none of the classes he wants that could benefit from the early first pass are available due to major related restrictions. So there is really no advantage to his standing (his major classes don’t fill anyway) since he has to wait for the second pass anyway for classes he wants outside of his direct major. It’s just such a bizarre system. I was particularly shocked not to have access to upper division math for physics majors at least not in first round of registration. I was curious if this was typical in private schools as I have a junior at home who will be applying next year. I really want to avoid this situation for him if I can. 

Edited by Roadrunner
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28 minutes ago, ByGrace3 said:

dd texted our family thread mildly freaking out that it is supposed to snow where she is tomorrow. We are from Florida and she is freezing. 🤣

DS18 is scared of cold and he has Hot Hands to use when going for his 6:30pm classes. It is around 70degF on campus but that is cold to him.

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On 10/27/2023 at 4:38 PM, Roadrunner said:

I am just curious how much resource management is happening in private universities. Is it typical to have classes restricted to only certain majors? Say only math majors can register for math and if there is leftover, others can fight for a spot no matter the class standing. I know certain majors you can’t ever touch (most engineering and computer science), but surprised it’s an issue even in areas like math. Or is this only happening on public universities? I haven’t  myself attended a university (just a tiny LAC), so this is so new to me. 

I have not seen this type of registration process at any private (or public) universities.  I have seen registration being limited to particular majors, except for those who got permission from the department chair (or faculty member depending on the school).  And, I have seen situations in which students who are enrolling for credit are given first choice, and then if there are any vacant seats, those seats are opened up to people who want to audit the class.  

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11 hours ago, Arcadia said:

DS18 is scared of cold and he has Hot Hands to use when going for his 6:30pm classes. It is around 70degF on campus but that is cold to him.

This is something that was on my radar when my oldest was going through the college admission process. We were in Virginia at the time, but it’s very different getting into a car, driving to school, and going straight into class.  We toured Willam and Mary and my first thought was - huge campus, going to be very cold to walk from class to class, especially if it’s windy!   Also if it’s cold, it makes it much harder to find places to be alone if it has to be inside. My dd sought refuge outside on the lawns and in the sculpture garden all year long because she was in CA.  I couldn’t imagine going to school anywhere with a real winter! 

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On 10/28/2023 at 11:36 AM, Roadrunner said:

At a public or private? I am attempting to understand what money actual buys at these schools. 

Public state school.  I have 2 in college and think it varies a lot.  I suggest getting on the parents Facebook page and watch for issues regarding scheduling.   Some schools have a real problem with not enough seats! For those with a tight course schedule,  getting one class behind extends graduation time.  

I'm not sure I'm following exactly,  but both of mine have had to sort of juggle with upper level classes.   Many are reserved for specific majors only and students must be admitted into the program first.  If they go in with lots of DE, but still need a series of classes before they can apply for admittance into a program, it can be hard to figure out what to take.  My current freshman was able to find a handful of classes in her major that didn't require admittance.  She needs one more class before she can apply.  

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13 minutes ago, idnib said:

DS has been to snow but has never seen it falling. He got to see falling flakes on Halloween and sent photos. They typically get 60-70 inches of snow per season; I wonder how exciting this is going to be after the first few times....

Seeing falling snow in Switzerland while indoors or in a tour bus was nice for my husband and I. Walking from one place to another in the snow was not as fun all bundled up. If your son don’t mind cold like my husband, then he’ll probably have fun. When my husband feel slightly chilly, I am already all bundled up similar to extreme cold. 

image.jpeg.c0bbd7c1a225f53012adcc5170199eaa.jpeg

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Currently at parents/family weekend in Ohio.  It's going well: as our family birthday gift to dh last July, dh and both dss have just left for a pilgrimage of sorts to see a Green Bay Packers game in Wisconsin, I'm here with dd for the next 48 hours of parents weekend and she's just gone horizontal with what sounds like the flu.  I've not looked at email or the internet for 2 days, staying in a cabin with no power or water. Older dd is holding down the house and writing her thesis, caring for cats and chickens. From the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy: anything for a weird life.  Cheers!

Edited by Eos
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Had a bit of a homeschool mom win with my freshman this week. No one else would understand this irl but I knew you all would! dd registered for spring semester for the first time on her own. (DE and even Fall I was around to help and suggest). Her advisor told her that she had taken the wrong Biology course in DE and that she would have to take it again and take the "Biology for majors" class. When she told me about it I assured her that she did take the bio for majors and screen shot her the prerequisites for a PT program at a uni. near us with the course number for the bio she took. She emailed the advisor who in turn contacted the registrar. Lo and behold dd was right(read her mama/teacher/principal/guidance counselor/curriculum developer) 😜 The advisor said that because of dd they found a glitch in their system that defaults all biology DE to the general course and they now plan to fix that so she can better advise students for Graduate school prerequisites. She emailed dd and congratulated her on her proactiveness and said it was so great to see that in someone so young. 🫣🤣 I read that as, "good job mom" LOL

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4 hours ago, ByGrace3 said:

Had a bit of a homeschool mom win with my freshman this week. No one else would understand this irl but I knew you all would! dd registered for spring semester for the first time on her own. (DE and even Fall I was around to help and suggest). Her advisor told her that she had taken the wrong Biology course in DE and that she would have to take it again and take the "Biology for majors" class. When she told me about it I assured her that she did take the bio for majors and screen shot her the prerequisites for a PT program at a uni. near us with the course number for the bio she took. She emailed the advisor who in turn contacted the registrar. Lo and behold dd was right(read her mama/teacher/principal/guidance counselor/curriculum developer) 😜 The advisor said that because of dd they found a glitch in their system that defaults all biology DE to the general course and they now plan to fix that so she can better advise students for Graduate school prerequisites. She emailed dd and congratulated her on her proactiveness and said it was so great to see that in someone so young. 🫣🤣 I read that as, "good job mom" LOL

I love your wins! You both did great.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dd is gearing up for starting classes in January. She met with her General Ed advisor (who is distinct from her CS advisor) to see what would transfer and how to meet the distributional requirements. The guy doesn't seem to have read the UF catalog. It very clearly states which CLEPs/DSSTs fulfill which requirements. There is a chart. There are footnotes. It shouldn't be this hard.

What worries me most is that there are a few areas that are not explicitly spelled out in the UF catalog about out of state AA holders and he is just not a reliable source of information. If you can't count on your academic advisor, who can you count on to make sure you're squared away? 

The only bright spot is that dd's first semester classes are obvious and pre-requisites to the whole chain of CS classes so she doesn't have to stress about what to take right now. 

I knew this was likely, that's why we went over the catalog carefully. But it's still disappointing.

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Registration for next semester didn’t go quite as Dd wanted and expected, but she seems to have handled it well and her courses will be fine. Learning to ask questions, research ahead of time, and always have a plan B, and a plan C…

She will be home Tuesday! Glad she can come before the crazy Wed traffic. 

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14 hours ago, chiguirre said:

Dd is gearing up for starting classes in January. She met with her General Ed advisor (who is distinct from her CS advisor) to see what would transfer and how to meet the distributional requirements. The guy doesn't seem to have read the UF catalog. It very clearly states which CLEPs/DSSTs fulfill which requirements. There is a chart. There are footnotes. It shouldn't be this hard.

What worries me most is that there are a few areas that are not explicitly spelled out in the UF catalog about out of state AA holders and he is just not a reliable source of information. If you can't count on your academic advisor, who can you count on to make sure you're squared away? 

The only bright spot is that dd's first semester classes are obvious and pre-requisites to the whole chain of CS classes so she doesn't have to stress about what to take right now. 

I knew this was likely, that's why we went over the catalog carefully. But it's still disappointing.

My kids go to UCF, not UF, but they have a student portal and can run an audit report to see what courses they still need to take (major and minors) for graduation, and what courses are showing as already satisfied due to incoming credits. Is it possible your dd has something like that available?

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15 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

Mine needs to negotiate alone his way to the airport from campus. I just hope I see him on Wednesday night. 
 

He easily got into every class he wanted for next quarter. So far 🤞

My daughter always Uber-ed and you really need to allow so much more time than you think. Especially with thanksgiving traffic, especially with the I-10 shut down (as I have heard ar least). My dd had a lot of close calls leaving in what she thought was plenty of time.  It’s a 30 min drive but can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours. The airport road gets backed up too! It’s crazy. 

ETA and great news about the classes! 

Edited by SanDiegoMom
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7 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

My daughter always Uber-ed and you really need to allow so much more time than you think. Especially with thanksgiving traffic, especially with the I-10 shut down (as I have heard ar least). My dd had a lot of close calls leaving in what she thought was plenty of time.  It’s a 30 min drive but can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours. The airport road gets backed up too! It’s crazy. 

ETA and great news about the classes! 

So 1.5 hours on the road plus 2 hour prior arrival is what you recommend? They are running a shuttle from campus but I am sure mine hasn’t bothered to check it. 
 

yes, the beautify of having lower divisions done, and being in an unpopular major is he hasn’t had a single hiccup with class selection. I am reading horror stories from parents whose kids can’t get required classes to start upper divisions. 

Edited by Roadrunner
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16 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

Mine needs to negotiate alone his way to the airport from campus. I just hope I see him on Wednesday night. 
 

He easily got into every class he wanted for next quarter. So far 🤞

DS is also negotiating his way to the airport by train. Luckily he train comes in at one of the airport levels.  He's not coming home, he's heading to his uncle's house, which is closer and least doesn't involve a transfer on a busy travel day. I'm stressed about it. He's flown alone, but we've always taken advantage of homeschooling to avoid busy travel times. He sounds a bit doubtful when i emphasize how much extra time he needs at the airport. He's also never gotten to the airport alone, he's always been dropped off. I'll be relieved when he arrives at the other end.

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11 minutes ago, idnib said:

DS is also negotiating his way to the airport by train. Luckily he train comes in at one of the airport levels.  He's not coming home, he's heading to his uncle's house, which is closer and least doesn't involve a transfer on a busy travel day. I'm stressed about it. He's flown alone, but we've always taken advantage of homeschooling to avoid busy travel times. He sounds a bit doubtful when i emphasize how much extra time he needs at the airport. He's also never gotten to the airport alone, he's always been dropped off. I'll be relieved when he arrives at the other end.

Mine just snagged the very last ticket on the shuttle. I am breathing better. On the way back he will have to Uber. 

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4 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

So 1.5 hours on the road plus 2 hour prior arrival is what you recommend? They are running a shuttle from campus but I am sure mine hasn’t bothered to check it. 
 

yes, the beautify of having lower divisions done, and being in an unpopular major is he hasn’t had a single hiccup with class selection. I am reading horror stories from parents whose kids can’t get required classes to start upper divisions. 

My kid never left earlier enough, always made her flight, but many of those trips were so close.  Sitting in stopped traffic on the freeway is never fun.  But she always checked luggage (at the time we were in VA and she only came home at Christmas).  If he’s not checking luggage it will be easier. Good luck! 

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Ugh, dd is not coming home for Thanksgiving, but I guess it makes sense.  They only have the weekend and the travel takes almost a whole day each way.  The Sunday is her birthday and she won't be here/we won't be there.  I'm sad but I'm planning a nice box to send with birthday/harvest themes.

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