Getting "stuck."

[Not_a_Number]

Does anyone else have the thing where if they're feeling off in any way (anxious, overwhelmed, inchoate feelings of discomfort) they get kind of . . . stuck when it comes to getting stuff done? 

It doesn't prevent me from doing routine stuff (the dishes will get washed!), but it makes me MUCH less efficient at things . . . and it really stops me from starting anything at all out of the routine (even if it's just, like, cleaning up something I don't normally clean -- a shelf I wouldn't dust often, something like that.) 

It's been weird for me, because I've noticed that if I take a walk and get regulated, I will get far MORE done in the hours I have left than I would have gotten done if I just tried to work the whole time but had been stuck and inefficient.  

Anyone else?? 

[wintermom]

I call it procrastinating, but there's sometimes emotions that are the root cause - at least for me. Sometimes I'm just plain lazy and would rather do other things. 

[Shoeless]

Yes.

I think it's good that you noticed walking helps regulate you. I know that my mental health tanks if I don't get regular walks outside.

February was rough because it was cold and rainy!

[Arcadia]

I get that issue when I am severely sleep deprived or burn out. A long nap would work for me for sleep deprivation and my efficiency goes back to normal. Burn out would require a longer recovery time, though a short rest and relax vacation does help.

[Katy]

Yep. Especially when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. 

[Carol in Cal.]

CF the Artist’s Date in The Artist’s Way.  Very common, and counterintuitive.

[Kassia]

Oh, absolutely.  I've been struggling with depression/anxiety and I'm fortunate that I can keep up with the basics but anything beyond that is a huge struggle.  I try really hard to just tackle tiny bits figuring it's better than nothing but some things need more than that and they aren't getting done.  

Even speaking sometimes is tough.  There are things I want to say sometimes but I just can't muster up the energy for a conversation and would rather just stay quiet.  

Edited April 17, 2023 by Kassia

[knitgrl]

Hugs, @Kassia.

[marbel]

Oh yes. It happens to me a lot. I need to do something completely different from my daily routine to snap out of it. Going for a walk in nature is best for me, preferably someplace I have never been. But I have found other things that will help unstick me. A 20-minute lie-down with calm cello music (not an actual nap) does something for me. A warm or cold drink but more elaborate than just plan coffee or tea, such as a "real" chai. Working for a few minutes on a jigsaw puzzle. Browsing books at the library or bookstore. Sitting in a cafe. 

 

[EKS]

32 minutes ago, Katy said:

Yep. Especially when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. 

This!  Or low quality sleep.  It's really astounding the difference.

Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, good sleep has become harder to come by.

[Not_a_Number]

44 minutes ago, Shoeless said:

Yes.

I think it's good that you noticed walking helps regulate you. I know that my mental health tanks if I don't get regular walks outside.

February was rough because it was cold and rainy!

Yeah, it's a recent discovery for me. It feels SO counterintuitive. 

Like, I think I had to walk for 2 hours to get regulated today. But then I got a LOT done. I wouldn't have gotten half as much done without that. 

(I don't usually need as long. It was kind of a hard weekend, emotionally, although nothing particularly bad happened. My life's complicated right now.)  

[Not_a_Number]

13 minutes ago, marbel said:

Oh yes. It happens to me a lot. I need to do something completely different from my daily routine to snap out of it. Going for a walk in nature is best for me, preferably someplace I have never been. But I have found other things that will help unstick me. A 20-minute lie-down with calm cello music (not an actual nap) does something for me. A warm or cold drink but more elaborate than just plan coffee or tea, such as a "real" chai. Working for a few minutes on a jigsaw puzzle. Browsing books at the library or bookstore. Sitting in a cafe. 

I need to find some things that don't involve walks, because after I had COVID, I really couldn't walk for any length of time without crashing for months, especially in the SF hills... and we were in SF at the time. And I got VERY dysregulated as a result. (I got so dysregulated I lost my sense of how dysregulated I was, if you know what I mean.) 

Edited April 17, 2023 by Not_a_Number

[Melissa Louise]

Yeah, it's a thing that happens for me.

Walking is a good regulator for me too. But I can't always walk.

Other good regulators for me:

yoga, meditation,

creative practice,

sunlight, time in nature (not necessarily spent walking),

craft activity (stitching, chaining).

[Carol in Cal.]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I need to find some things that don't involve walks, because after I had COVID, I really couldn't walk for any length of time without crashing for months, especially in the SF hills... and we were in SF at the time. And I got VERY dysregulated as a result. (I got so dysregulated I lost my sense of how dysregulated I was, if you know what I mean.) 

For me a chapter of an escapes book, preferably read in a hot bath with Epsom salts, can be pretty good.  Or it can put me to sleep, depending…

But the Artist’s Date is supposed to be at least an hour away from home.  In addition to walks, I sometimes drive to visit a wild park and just sit and watch the birds and clouds and trees for a while, or go to a museum and instead of hiking around in it, just study a handful of things at leisure.  Or I read a book about creativity and journal some reflections—nothing too precious or lengthy, just more jotting ideas down.

[kbutton]

32 minutes ago, marbel said:

Oh yes. It happens to me a lot. I need to do something completely different from my daily routine to snap out of it. 

Me too. 

[Not_a_Number]

25 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Yeah, it's a thing that happens for me.

Walking is a good regulator for me too. But I can't always walk.

Other good regulators for me:

yoga, meditation,

creative practice,

sunlight, time in nature (not necessarily spent walking),

craft activity (stitching, chaining).

Any suggestions for how to start meditating? I've been meaning to look into it and I keep putting it off. 

[Melissa Louise]

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Any suggestions for how to start meditating? I've been meaning to look into it and I keep putting it off. 

I'm really bad at it, but I'll send you some links when I'm back at my computer.

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'm really bad at it, but I'll send you some links when I'm back at my computer.

Thank you! Much appreciated. 

I think that's part of why I keep not starting . . . I figure I'll be bad at it, too 😂. Walking around and listening to music and looking at beautiful things (mostly nature, but I'm in Manhattan, and sometimes grand old buildings will do for me, too) really gets the job done, so I'm very attached to it. 

 But yeah . . . doesn't work if I'm sick or if it's raining or . . . 

[Ausmumof3]

Yes 100pc. Walking and yoga are good circuit breakers. But sometimes I avoid doing them because I guess my brain doesn’t want to break the circuit?

[Kidlit]

Thanks for this thread, @Not_a_Number.  I've had an exhausting weekend and have just been off.  This thread makes me feel less alone. 

[Not_a_Number]

4 minutes ago, Kidlit said:

Thanks for this thread, @Not_a_Number.  I've had an exhausting weekend and have just been off.  This thread makes me feel less alone. 

I’m so glad it’s helping.

It’s making me feel less alone myself.

[Melissa Louise]

17 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Yes 100pc. Walking and yoga are good circuit breakers. But sometimes I avoid doing them because I guess my brain doesn’t want to break the circuit?

This!

Music is sometimes a good circuit breaker for me at times when I'm rebelling at other methods.

 

[CTVKath]

Yes. And more so the older I get. Most of the time I'm avoiding something - a phonecall, an email, an issue I don't know what to do with, something overwhelming that I can't break down into doable steps, etc. Sometimes it happens just because. I call it "spinning my wheels" because everything is still spinning but I'm not accomplishing anything. Green tea helps sometimes - I find it centering for some reason. Usually at some point I finally realize what I'm avoiding - and either deal with it or take the 1st step. Once I either face it or take the 1st step, I usually come unstuck and can push to get it done then I'm back to normal.

[Arcadia]

37 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Any suggestions for how to start meditating? I've been meaning to look into it and I keep putting it off. 

I do the entire rosary (attended Catholic schools from prek to 6th) or the Buddhist chant for the entire 108 buddhist beads.

[Carrie12345]

I’ve been so much better on meds, but I had some breakthrough issues last week. I get to what I call mental paralysis.

Sometimes exercise helps me. Other times, a nap. I have a harder time “letting” myself do the nap thing, because it doesn’t exactly make me more efficient but, if I accept that I’m not going to be more efficient without one, it relieves the stress and lets me start over without that stress. If that makes any sense.

[Kassia]

4 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

Other times, a nap. I have a harder time “letting” myself do the nap thing, because it doesn’t exactly make me more efficient but, if I accept that I’m not going to be more efficient without one, it relieves the stress and lets me start over without that stress. If that makes any sense.

I find that a nap helps a lot. I think of it as recharging a low battery.  I don't get enough sleep so I try to take a daily nap - around 30-40 minutes -and it makes a big difference.

[Kanin]

Oh definitely. Emotion is one of the important parts of executive functioning. Positive emotions = good EF, negative emotions = less good EF. Taking breaks, exercising, doing something fun, etc boosts mood and so boosts EF.

[MercyA]

Absolutely yes, but for me getting stuck is an almost daily thing. I think for me it's a form of what's called "autistic inertia." Lots of info to be found by googling if you are possibly on the spectrum.

Things that help me: having a coffee, napping, walking, doing a puzzle for a little bit, listening to music.  

[Carol in Cal.]

5 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

I’ve been so much better on meds, but I had some breakthrough issues last week. I get to what I call mental paralysis.

Sometimes exercise helps me. Other times, a nap. I have a harder time “letting” myself do the nap thing, because it doesn’t exactly make me more efficient but, if I accept that I’m not going to be more efficient without one, it relieves the stress and lets me start over without that stress. If that makes any sense.

I did not realize there were meds for this—are you comfortable posting a little more detail?

[SanDiegoMom]

I had this yesterday - hadn’t had it happen in so long I forgot how it felt.  My anxiety was so high I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything major and my worries just started looping.  The thing that works for me honestly (which I didn’t do yesterday and I should have) is running. Walking is ok but running releases so many more endorphins, and I always hit a meditative state after 2 miles or so.  I just don’t get that with walking. 
 

I should maybe try meditation though as a backup for when I can’t run. 

[MEmama]

13 hours ago, Kassia said:

Oh, absolutely.  I've been struggling with depression/anxiety and I'm fortunate that I can keep up with the basics but anything beyond that is a huge struggle.  I try really hard to just tackle tiny bits figuring it's better than nothing but some things need more than that and they aren't getting done.  

Even speaking sometimes is tough.  There are things I want to say sometimes but I just can't muster up the energy for a conversation and would rather just stay quiet.  

Right there with you. Even the basics have been really tough to do.

Depression and anxiety here too. It's truly a beast.

[MEmama]

27 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I did not realize there were meds for this—are you comfortable posting a little more detail?

Lexapro has been a lifesaver for me. Still struggling, but much less so.

[SanDiegoMom]

I think the "autistic inertia", whether I could actually be diagnosed or not, is often a good description of what I struggle with.  The Youtube channel Autism From the Inside (thanks @Rosie for suggesting this one way back!)  talked about his struggle with monotasking, and getting stuck when there's something with a time frame coming. You can't do anything but wait.  My dad does this -- if we are going to go somewhere, he gets ready and then just sits.  He can't multitask, he's just sitting. 

Right now we have people working non stop around our house, it's noisy and intrusive, and I just find I can't move forward on anything just knowing they are here.  I have the Landscaper coming by to pick up and a check and I started just "waiting" for her to come, feeling I couldn't focus on anything until after she leaves.  (Writing this is a lot for me, otherwise I would jut be mindlessly sitting!)   She could be late. I have no idea. But if I go start brining the chicken like I need to do, what if she shows up right then? 

My husband is very different -- he can work on anything, anywhere, at any time.  He can jump back and forth between projects and family obligations easily.  I feel like I can only concentrate on one thing, and when I am in an emotionally heightened state of anxiety, then I can't really concentrate on anything.  I just spin my wheels.

Sometimes just forcing through that wall to really CLEAN - like mopping, vacuuming, dusting, etc works, since it gets me active. But it's VERY hard to get started.  

[Porridge]

I haven't read the other posts yet. but yes. Definitely. I'm stuck right now. Certain issues seem overwhelming and intractable. Swam this morning, which helped somewhat. Prayer, changing up the routine, and talking to others to get perspective can also be helpful for me. Sending you hugs.

[SeaConquest]

17 hours ago, Kassia said:

Oh, absolutely.  I've been struggling with depression/anxiety and I'm fortunate that I can keep up with the basics but anything beyond that is a huge struggle.  I try really hard to just tackle tiny bits figuring it's better than nothing but some things need more than that and they aren't getting done.  

Even speaking sometimes is tough.  There are things I want to say sometimes but I just can't muster up the energy for a conversation and would rather just stay quiet.  

Hugs, and 100% with you. When my mental health is super bad, I *try* to do my grapes and call it good -- without judging my lack of productivity. 

GRAPES:

https://www.integritycounselinggroup.com/blog/2018/12/22/how-to-use-the-grapes-tool-daily-to-combat-depression 

Edited April 17, 2023 by SeaConquest

[SeaConquest]

16 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Any suggestions for how to start meditating? I've been meaning to look into it and I keep putting it off. 

I use the Calm app. I get it free from Kaiser. You could check your insurance. Otherwise, tons of guided meditations on YouTube.

[SeaConquest]

I will also say that I started HRT two weeks ago (I am 48 and still have regular cycles), and think it is helping. I tried to remember the last time I felt this bad and it was when I had ppd with both boys. It made me think that, yes, I have situational stuff going on that may have precipitated/contributed to my present mental state, but it felt like it was more than that. Hanging out on the Menopause Subreddit, reading Dr. Jen Gunther's The Menopause Manifesto, watching videos from Drs. Lisa Mosconi, Peter Atilla, and Barbara "Menopause Barbie" Taylor on YouTube (Taylor's delivery grates on me, and I never fully trust people who are schilling something, but the info seems scientifically accurate) all helped me to understand that the risk/benefit calculation re HRT was not at all what I had thought. I don't know if this rings true for anyone else, but just throwing it out there.

[MEmama]

1 hour ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I think the "autistic inertia", whether I could actually be diagnosed or not, is often a good description of what I struggle with.  The Youtube channel Autism From the Inside (thanks @Rosie for suggesting this one way back!)  talked about his struggle with monotasking, and getting stuck when there's something with a time frame coming. You can't do anything but wait. 

Fascinating, I didn't know there is a term for it. I definitely struggle with this.

[KSera]

1 hour ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I think the "autistic inertia", whether I could actually be diagnosed or not, is often a good description of what I struggle with.  The Youtube channel Autism From the Inside (thanks @Rosie for suggesting this one way back!)  talked about his struggle with monotasking, and getting stuck when there's something with a time frame coming. You can't do anything but wait.  My dad does this -- if we are going to go somewhere, he gets ready and then just sits.  He can't multitask, he's just sitting

This is so insightful! I have an autistic kid who is so much like this and I don't relate, so this is very helpful.

[Not_a_Number]

10 hours ago, MercyA said:

Absolutely yes, but for me getting stuck is an almost daily thing. I think for me it's a form of what's called "autistic inertia." Lots of info to be found by googling if you are possibly on the spectrum.

Things that help me: having a coffee, napping, walking, doing a puzzle for a little bit, listening to music.  

I'm probably not quite on the spectrum, but I'm close to it. Yes, it's a good description for me, too. 

I need to remember to let my breaks be breaks, not just times I could be doing something else. I don't think they help if they're guilt-inducing. 

[kbutton]

The autistic inertia concept sounds interesting.

For me, I think that my getting stuck at times has to do with whether the task is rewarding, efficient, well-planned, etc. I do find that if I really wrap stuff up with a bow, the blank slate that leaves for the next day leaves me feeling like I have to think to get started. I tend to want to separate planning tasks and execution, for instance. It's better for me to leave something for the next day to prime the pump.

I also grew up with a lot of seasonal ebb and flow to work and hobbies, and I think that contributes--if the beans are coming on in the garden, it's time to can. You can't completely schedule that kind of stuff, and if you want them to be at their best, then the housework might slide. 

I also just like a lot of margin in life, and being stuck sometimes shows me where that margin needs to be!

[Soror]

I'm fighting this right now.

The way I always think of it is - they say fight or flight but there is also freeze.

I get frozen. Too much stress and I can't do anything else. I can't deal with one. more. thing.

I've found that it actually helps when I have things that I have to do and I have to go out of the house. If I get too much time to just lay around it is not good. I end up doing nothing at all. 

Exercise is help for me. Venting and venting and venting some more. Right now I'm limited with exercise due to an injury and it really stinks.

[Kassia]

35 minutes ago, Soror said:

 

Exercise is help for me. Venting and venting and venting some more. Right now I'm limited with exercise due to an injury and it really stinks.

Same with me.  I got injured two years ago, tried conservative treatment, ended up with major surgery and have complications from my surgery that make me worse off now than I was pre-op.  It's hard to accept that this is my new normal.  😞  I hope your injury heals quickly.  

[Soror]

17 hours ago, Kassia said:

Same with me.  I got injured two years ago, tried conservative treatment, ended up with major surgery and have complications from my surgery that make me worse off now than I was pre-op.  It's hard to accept that this is my new normal.  😞  I hope your injury heals quickly.  

(hugs) it is hard to accept. I'd have a lot of anger if I was you. It stinks to try and do the "right" thing and then end up worse off.  I don't know where I'm going to end up. I'm at 3 months now. I've had massive improvement but still cannot do lots of things. I thought this was going to be weeks but now I'm thinking maybe in 6 months I'll have a sense of normalcy. I don't know.