Suspected Asperger daughter school placement

[jorderj]

My DD is eight years old. She was homeschooled since K. Recently she was admitted to a local prestigious gifted private school with scholarship which covers half of the tuition. The school is very strong in STEM. The school requires a minimum of certain IQ scores, tests, shadow day and interviews for admission. My DD met all of the admission requirements. We are debating whether to accept the offer.

Pros:

The school is very strong in STEM and offers a lot of STEM related clubs like math club and robotics club. Students from this school rank high in Science Olympiad.  The school has four labs and provides a lot of hands on activities. For math and ELA, the students are placed in different grades based on their skills, not on their ages.  The school claims they are very good at supporting gifted student academically and emotionally.

DD is likely to find likely mind peers at school. My DD does not have any friend except my DS. She does not share common interest with other peers in our neighborhood.

 

Cons:

1) We still have to pay $20,000 a year.

2) One way commute is 30 minutes. I have to drive four times to drop off and pick up her. My DS goes to another school which is in the opposite direction. I would not be able to spend more time to help my DS who has ASD and ADHD.

3) We are not very into the ELA and Social Science curriculum of the school. We use classical approach to educate my DD. The school does not offer any narration, copy, dictation, recitation etc.  Classical literature is not included in the ELA. World history is also excluded from K-8.  We are afraid if DD goes to this school, she will not learn as much as she learned from home. 

4) If my DD goes to the school, She will have less time for her extra activities. I have to cut her sports and art time since her school is far away from home.

We are debating whether to take the offer. Right now she is very strong in Math, ELA and History. She is taking math class from AOPS. For ELA and History, I use the curriculum recommended by WTM. What we are lacking is peer interaction, science labs, science hands on activities and opportunities to compete in Science Olympiad. 

 

Any suggestions are welcomed.

 

Thanks.

Let me update some information:

1) We live in one of the biggest metropolitan area in the middle west. We have several top museums in the U.S. They do have some camps in winter and summer. We live in Suburbs. The commute for two way is 2-3 hours either by metra train or driving in the rush hours.

2) We live in the neighborhood where the housing price is cheaper than that of neighborhood with cut-throat public schools. But our neighborhood has none of excellent private EC programs. I have to drive one way 30-40 minutes for DD's drawing class and Robotics program.

3) There are a couple of Co-ops in my area. But I have not found any one to fit DD, especially one with a lot of gifted kids. I just feel homeschooling is not very popular in this metropolitan area. The people I know who value education either buy expensive house in cut-throat public schools or send kids to prestigious private schools. 

4) DD had a shadow day at the gifted school. She told me she liked it. The best part is the science class. It is better than her public school's. ( She is homeschooled. But I send her back to public school for one semester). She felt the private school's ELS is not impressive and 3rd home room math is not challenging. ( The school differentiates the students. Some 3rd grader stay in the home room for 3rd math, some go to higher grades)

5) DD is not diagnosed with ASD. My DS has ASD. We took her to have a complete neuropsychological evaluation last year. She does have some traits shared with her brother. She does not have any friend except her brother. She is very engaged and enthusiastic sharing her ideas and interests in the EC classes. Her interests are so broad. But after class, she does not want to play or talk with any peers. She told me she is not interested in their topics. She is not good at small talk even though she could work with peers appropriately in a team project and talk about the project with them. The psychologist didn't give ASD diagnosis because she does not meet criterias. DD is a perfectionist and  sometimes her emotions are intense.The psychologist suspected her having pragmatic language delay. So, I took  her to evaluate by SLP specifically for her pragmatic language. But her score is 98 percentile. SLP told me it maybe her anxiety or personal preference not to have small talk with peers.

6) We talk with DD about the school choice. She told us she was not sure whether she wanted to go. She told me she saw Athena's online class. She wants to register for Anatomy, The Story of the Science and Biology 101 for middle school. If she goes to private school, she could not attend the class. But she likes the science class in the private school. 

[Rosie_0801]

I'll say the same as I said before. There are better ways to spend your money, especially with a kid this young. If your kids are autistic, they have a lower than average chance of living a well employed life. A 20k a year school is going to contribute far less to their financial future than owning their own apartment. Buy the board game 'Cashflow for Kids' and the Barefoot Investor's book for kids (which is Australian, but the general principles hold, if not the details,) and begin teaching them some finance.  

[PeterPan]

It's good that you asked her, but the problem with asking a child at this age is that other things factor into what they say (anxiety/trepidation about change, lack of experience to know what they would like, etc.). I'd suggest trying it for one year. Nothing has to be a permanent decision, except that it might be harder to get accepted again if you turn it down now. 

Most of the problems you cited are easily solved during that 30 minute commute. You throw on enriching audiobooks for history or literature, Great Courses, anything, boom done. Those online science courses can be done in the summer.

Once you know how she does in that environment, you can decide how to handle the rest of the logistics problems. You might end up moving to be closer or changing your ds' school. You would have options.

Odds are there will be other kids on the spectrum or kissing the spectrum at that school, mercy. If she's very into science, she might find her peers and niche there. If her reason for not having friends is social skills, then you might go ahead and get her some therapy/intervention for that privately before she enrolls. Interoception work and some Social Thinking materials would probably go a long way.

1 hour ago, jorderj said:

SLP told me it maybe her anxiety or personal preference not to have small talk with peers.

Your SLP is not qualified to imply someone is not on the spectrum. Girls are much harder to diagnose and under-diagnosed because their girl strengths mask. She's clearly got issues and clearly deserves intervention that fits where she functions, irrespective of her DSM label or lack of label. There are books on conversation and small talk. You could listen to one together and discuss it. https://www.amazon.com/The-Fine-Art-of-Small-Talk-audiobook/dp/B00V0NMKRM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=DLW3ZC3PFKX1&keywords=debra+fine+small+talk&qid=1680221273&sprefix=debra+fine+small+talk%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

There's no way they won't bump her up appropriately in math. Advancement is normal in that community.

I went to a school for the gifted btw, so I'm probably biased toward saying it's a good thing. You wouldn't have applied if it wasn't something she would enjoy, and it's an opportunity that is hard to get back. She'd learn things by trying, things about herself, about her peers. It's doubtful she'd have a similar set of peers in the homeschool community. Even if it doesn't go well, that's an important learning experience. She might see herself one way and not *see* her weaknesses and things she needs to work on because she's focusing on her strengths right now. It would bring some *balance* to her education. 

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

There are better ways to spend your money, especially with a kid this young. If your kids are autistic, they have a lower than average chance of living a well employed life. A 20k a year school is going to contribute far less to their financial future than owning their own apartment.

I buy that as an argument. Is the 20K going to break your finances or is it fine? For some people that requires scrimping or going into debt and for others it's fine. Employability is a funny thing. Getting someone in a setting where they have some freedom to run with extreme interests and abilities can open up doors that lead to places you hadn't expected. Not everyone needs to be employed to be happy. Sometimes people meet their spouse at a school like this. (yes) I got opportunities to do unusual things (like studying russian) that opened up all kinds of doors and still, almost 30 years later, reflect my interests and how I roll. 

Social skills are the #1 determiner of employabiity, and putting a high ability kid in a setting where her holes will become obvious is probably a great way to get everyone agreeing it's time to do something. 

I definitely wouldn't go all Tiger Mom and go into debt to make it happen. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Honestly, for us, it would come down to what $20k was in our bigger financial picture. For some of my friends, $20k means nothing or downgrading vacations a bit. For others, $20k is a good chunk of money. In my extended family, we have a variety of experiences from high end private schools and ivy leagues down to public everything. I don’t see a huge skew, in their adult lives, to better leads to better. It’s all down to the individual and what they make of things.

For us, $20k is better spent on a 20 year old (uni tuition) rather than a 8 year old. We’d bank the money and do other things.

I 100% completely agree that the employability of the individual is a huge consideration with suspected ASD. I have extended family members who pushed academics to the detriment of skipping OT, SL-P and other things and they have educated, highly gifted kids who can’t hold jobs. 

If she’s having problems relating to peers and she has perfectionistic tendencies, I’d find a way to work on that. I’d probably start by exploring the anxiety angle, fwiw.

 

[maize]

I wouldn't pick the school under those circumstances. Some of the schools I attended growing up were private school with strong academics, small classes, etc. 

I got very little individual attention, and had the tuition come from my family's limited funds it would absolutely not have been worth it. As a neurodivergent kid I never did fit in or make many friends.

For an 8 year old, I'd take that time and money and do other things.