You're driving your son and his fiancee...

[Amethyst]

You're driving your 29 year old son and his fiancee, 1.5 hour drive, visit family, drive back. Your car. What are the seating arrangements?

ETA: oops. he's 30. I forgot until I saw it in my signature. lol

Edited February 22, 2023 by Amethyst

[Amethyst]

Just for fun. I'm not at all concerned about what it ends up being. But who doesn't love a poll?!

Edited February 22, 2023 by Amethyst

[saraha]

Haha, I guess whoever got in whichever seat? I will say I’ve noticed this pattern over the years that if I’m driving, mil sits up front and fil in back, but If dh is driving fil will sit up front and mil in back. But we’ve known each other for decades. When we would visit right after we got married, dh sat up front no matter who was driving. So I voted that as that is what we naturally fell to at that age.

Edited February 22, 2023 by saraha

[Storygirl]

If it's my car, I would drive and let them sit wherever they want. I would assume one person would sit in back and the other would choose the front, but it wouldn't matter who sat where.

[Amethyst]

Ooops. I edited to add the choice that I'm a little concerned that they will choose and that will make me the most uncomfortable

 

[elegantlion]

Agreed, that if it's my car, I would drive. Then they'd sit wherever. I wouldn't care if they both sat in the back. I do like having someone to talk with as I drive, but I can never hear conversations happening in the front when I'm in the back. So, maybe they'd want to sit together. 

[mathmarm]

It would depend on whether or not I'm comfortable letting Son or Fiance drive my car.

If I wanted to drive, then I'd drive and they could get anywhere they wanted to.

 

ETA:

Oh, and how comfortable is the back seat? If it has reclining/adjustable seats, then I might relax in the back and let them sit wherever and however they want.

 

Edited February 22, 2023 by mathmarm

[saraha]

You drive they both sit in back would feel really weird for me

[Miss Tick]

I don't really care to drive, so if it's my car and I'm driving i want somebody up front with me. I don't want to feel like a chauffeur.

[Arcadia]

Just now, saraha said:

You drive they both sit in back would feel really weird for me

It would be impolite in my family culture because that would be treating OP as the chauffeur.  It would be different if an adult is sitting at the back with a young child, or with someone that needs help. 

[Arcadia]

If it is one of my husband’s aunts that I can get along with very well, I can see the scenario of his aunt driving and me sitting on the passenger side to chat and help look out for street names. If it is an aunt that I am less familiar with, my husband would be the one sitting in front though he is bad at navigation. He gets lost even with GPS. My husband had volunteered me to sit in front because I memorize routes and landmarks, and am good at navigating. 

[Amethyst]

10 minutes ago, saraha said:

You drive they both sit in back would feel really weird for me

Like a chauffeur, right? That’s how I would feel. But I probably won’t make a stink over it. 

Edited February 22, 2023 by Amethyst

[wendyroo]

I would be absolutely fine if they both wanted to sit in the back. I remember being the fiancee in the back while DH and his father sat in the front talking fishing and entirely ignoring me for the whole trip. In that situation I consider the fiancee the most vulnerable person, and would therefore accommodate whatever seating made her most comfortable, even if it left me bored and excluded.

[saraha]

6 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I would be absolutely fine if they both wanted to sit in the back. I remember being the fiancee in the back while DH and his father sat in the front talking fishing and entirely ignoring me for the whole trip. In that situation I consider the fiancee the most vulnerable person, and would therefore accommodate whatever seating made her most comfortable, even if it left me bored and excluded.

Ah, now see I liked sitting in the back when fil drove so I wasn’t trying to make awkward conversation. I would have felt relieved, not ignored. It’s funny how we’re all different.

Edited February 22, 2023 by saraha

[Melissa Louise]

I drive, whoever has the longest legs sits in the front, other person sits in the back.

[Amethyst]

I hate having other people drive. I’m a terrible front seat passenger. Constantly using the buddy brake system. Drives my husband nuts. He’s the only one I let drive. 

[elegantlion]

9 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

Like a chauffeur, right? That’s how I would feel. But I probably won’t make a stink over it. 

I'd probably make it fun if they wanted to both sit together. Play up the chauffeur part, plus I'd get to pick the music. 😉 

[Katy]

I have no preference. Unless I have a migraine, then I don’t want to drive 

[City Mouse]

I’d have my son drive and I would sit in back so I could nap. I do some of my best napping on car rides. 😀

[Harriet Vane]

Either ds would drive because he likes to drive, OR if I were driving, I would seize the opportunity to lavish fiancee with attention and insist she sit in the front and choose the music. 

[Grace Hopper]

At that age I’d be happy to let my son chauffeur while I relax in the back seat!

[fraidycat]

I chose other. Whatever works in the moment. Any of the listed seating arrangements would be fine. It may even change for each trip. Different driver or front passenger on the way there than on the way back. 

[Moonhawk]

You drive, it's your car.

The rest is the reason Shotgun was invented. If they don't want to sit in the front enough to fight for it, drive around the block until they are willing to play as Nature intended. Millions of years of evolution have found the perfect answer, I refuse to accept any other solution!

 

[gardenmom5]

My car, I drive. 

I don't care where they sit.

 

That can vary according to a number of factors. 

[katilac]

I would most likely drive and offer to have them sit together in the back, particularly if fiancée is still in the stage of knowing everyone but it's still awkward. 

Chauffeuring has never bothered me, though. When me and my two grown kids go somewhere, I am almost always the chauffeur! Parent to two of the only children who have never yelled "shotgun!" 

[katilac]

2 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

You drive, it's your car.

The rest is the reason Shotgun was invented. If they don't want to sit in the front enough to fight for it, drive around the block until they are willing to play as Nature intended. Millions of years of evolution have found the perfect answer, I refuse to accept any other solution!

 

That's hilarious, go read the post I was writing as you were writing this one. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would drive. I don’t care who sits where otherwise. I know that even if they both sit in back that it doesn’t change my relationship with them. It’s only 1.5 hours. 

[Tap]

My kids would sit in the back with their spouse/friend/partner etc. I raised them to do so. LOL It is so unpleasant to be the sole person in the back seat. It is hard to hear the conversations up front and it feels lonely. 5-10 minutes to a store, my kid might sit up front, but a longer trip, they would be in back with their buddy. 

If we are in the smaller, two door car, the back seat person is often chose by physical shape and agility. The back seat is smaller, more awkward to get into and shorter. My son-in-law is too tall and he is only 6'1" he has to crouch to sit back there . 🤣

[BusyMom5]

I have absolutely no idea, and think it would depend on both the son, the fiance, and my mood at the time.  I don't think there is any right or wrong answer.   

[SHP]

Other: I have my husband drive. 

[Elizabeth86]

I put son drives because I hate driving away from home, so anyone besides me.

[maize]

I suspect dh and I would have sat in back together if one of our parents was driving. It was never a situation that came up during our engagement though. There were a couple of times a parent picked us up from the airport together after we were married, I have no memory of what we did but if someone sat up front it was probably me; I can't imagine dh sitting up front and leaving me in the back on my own.

[Pawz4me]

Obligatory other -- It wouldn't make a bit of difference to me. I can envision either driving or letting DS do it. It's not like I haven't ridden in my car with one of my kids driving a gazillion times already. Fiancee may or may not drive, depending on how I felt about her driving skills and whether or not she wanted to drive. I can also easily envision a different driver and seating arrangement going and coming. In other words . .whatever works in the moment. It's not something I'd care about.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Pawz4me

[HomeAgain]

I just did a similar drive with son and his gf so I know exactly how this would play out. 😄 GF in the front seat, son in the back.  I am very short and they are.....not.  So he gave her all the leg room in the front and sat behind me where he could stretch out.

[73349]

My DS would be in front because he's tall and can get carsick, so I guess that leaves the fiancee in the back.

[Soror]

I don't like driving so I'd probably let my son drive and fiancee sit up front with him.

[WildflowerMom]

We have always driven either me driving and fiancé/sig other in front seat with me or I sit in back and ds and sig other sit up front.

[Clemsondana]

I wouldn't care - whatever made sense at the time.  When I drive teens, often everybody sits in the back.  With some combos of people, it's a matter of height.  It can be uncomfortable for some of our taller-than-6-feet guys to fit in the back of some cars, so they'd go in the front independent of the relationship.  I"m also always happy for my teen to drive since I don't like doing it, so it's just as likely that the couple would have the front seat and I'd be in the back.  

[stephanier.1765]

To be honest, it would bother me if they both chose to sit in back. If they are at the fiance level, then all the newness of their relationship is over and they could stand to be separated by the width of car seats. For conversation to include everyone, it'd be better if fiance sits in front. That way she won't feel left out and would be more likely to engage.

[LucyStoner]

I hate driving so I’d probably want my son or his fiance to drive assuming one of them is a competent driver.  I’d be happy to sit in the back if that meant I was off the hook for driving.  Have a mentioned that I hate driving?  

[SKL]

I answered both in back.  But my answer may be invalid since I was thinking more of my dd and her boyfriend.  (I don't have a son and nobody here has a fiance.)

Well thinking more about it, I guess it makes more sense to spend the driving time getting to know the fiance better.

But there's usually less leg room in the back, so it might depend on who has longer legs.

What I wouldn't do is leave the significant other alone in the back.

[LaughingCat]

I answered other because my answer depends on many variables-- but I would consider it strange if they both sat in the back.   Yes, it can be lonely in the back by yourself-- but one person is going to be lonely in this scenario no matter what.  It should never be the driver IMO (unless the driver is the one that requests/suggests that).

[catz]

I would want to drive if it were my car.  I wouldn't care where they sat but if they both sat in the back I'd warn them they get to listen to my lastest audio book or podcast lol.  

[busymama7]

This thread is so interesting.   I would expect the couple to sit together and wouldn't think it weird to be "chaufeurring" at all.   

[Jean in Newcastle]

3 minutes ago, busymama7 said:

This thread is so interesting.   I would expect the couple to sit together and wouldn't think it weird to be "chaufeurring" at all.   

I agree. I also find the idea of being lonely if I am in the front alone to be strange. I regularly drive alone. I’m never lonely while doing it. And like catz said, I could always put on music etc to listen to if I can’t participate in their conversation. 

[maize]

36 minutes ago, LaughingCat said:

I answered other because my answer depends on many variables-- but I would consider it strange if they both sat in the back.   Yes, it can be lonely in the back by yourself-- but one person is going to be lonely in this scenario no matter what.  It should never be the driver IMO (unless the driver is the one that requests/suggests that).

It's never in my life occurred to me to think of being alone in the front seat as driver as a lonely thing. I guess on a really long drive it could be helpful to have someone in the passenger seat to talk to to keep me alert, but it would have to be something like 12+ hours of me driving, or for some reason driving overnight (which I never do) for me to worry about that. I do almost all the driving in my family, including on long drives. Loneliness has genuinely never been an issue or something that even occurred to me.

[wendyroo]

2 hours ago, stephanier.1765 said:

To be honest, it would bother me if they both chose to sit in back. If they are at the fiance level, then all the newness of their relationship is over and they could stand to be separated by the width of car seats. For conversation to include everyone, it'd be better if fiance sits in front. That way she won't feel left out and would be more likely to engage.

When I was a fiancee, certainly DH and I were comfortable with each other, but I had only met his parents a couple times. So being forced to sit up front with either of his parents for a long drive would have been awkward torture for my introverted self. We have now been married for 19 years, and I still wouldn't love a 1.5 hour captive conversation with either of them.

I really don't see the difference between two people being in front and leaving one alone in back versus one alone in front and two together in back. In both cases one person will be more alone and excluded than the other two - the only difference is where that person is sitting and if they are driving. Since I often make 1.5 hour drives by myself, then feeling alone/bored/excluded is certainly not a safety issue for me if I'm driving. So if it is not a safety issue, then for me it is entirely a matter of maximizing comfort...starting with the most vulnerable stranger in a strange land, the fiancee.

[SKL]

52 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I agree. I also find the idea of being lonely if I am in the front alone to be strange. I regularly drive alone. I’m never lonely while doing it. And like catz said, I could always put on music etc to listen to if I can’t participate in their conversation. 

I feel the same, but then I thought, maybe it's because my kids are young enough that they always sat in the back until recently.

I do have a friend who gets really annoyed if she ends up alone in the front with anyone in the back.  For example, if she had dropped off the person who was in the front passenger seat, someone from the back should come sit up front.  "I am not a chauffer."  She comes from a (foreign, class-conscious) background where she was often driven by a paid driver, so that could be the origin of that.

[LaughingCat]

54 minutes ago, maize said:

It's never in my life occurred to me to think of being alone in the front seat as driver as a lonely thing. I guess on a really long drive it could be helpful to have someone in the passenger seat to talk to to keep me alert, but it would have to be something like 12+ hours of me driving, or for some reason driving overnight (which I never do) for me to worry about that. I do almost all the driving in my family, including on long drives. Loneliness has genuinely never been an issue or something that even occurred to me.

I believe I picked up the word lonely from another post - a better choice would have been "excluded from the conversation" I suppose. 

IME, it is much easier to be included in a front seat conversation from the back (if you are interested enough to do so which I often am not) -- then to be included in a backseat conversation from the front (ETA: especially as the driver, who cannot turn their head to the back).    So IMO leaving the driver alone is more excluding the driver vs leaving one passenger alone lets them decide if they want to do the work to be included or not (especially when the "shotgun" person tries to include them). 

And FWIW I've sat in the back alone many, many times -- including when I was my DH's fiancee and was meeting his parents for the first time.  I did not feel like a "vulnerable stranger" as someone else posted -- I  just felt like I was sitting in the back seat.  No different than any other time I've been the one sitting in the back seat.    I'm just not getting what's the big deal with sitting in the back?    It's not some horrible, unacceptable spot, only do-able if someone else is sitting back there with you. 

Edited February 22, 2023 by LaughingCat

[SKL]

3 minutes ago, LaughingCat said:

I'm just not getting what's the big deal with sitting in the back?    It's not some horrible, unacceptable spot, only do-able if someone else is sitting back there with you. 

I picture a mom and son easily engaging in conversation while next to each other in the front seat, with fiance having to work hard to hear and participate from the back, and how that could make fiance feel not enthusiastically included ... especially on a long car drive.

There's nothing wrong with sitting in the back.  Personally I prefer it when with housemates or work colleagues ... more chance to be left with my own thoughts vs. carrying a conversation.  But when there's a need to build relationships with new family members, I'd err on the side of enthusiastic inclusion.