Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) My sister and I got a new dna match, looks like we have another sister. Edited February 15, 2023 by Scarlett 28 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Whoa! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) That’s exciting! Edited February 13, 2023 by Katy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Wow! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Oh my. That is stunning!! Anne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Wow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 That is stunning news. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Wow, that would definitely knock me off center. Do you have anyone to ask? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 1 minute ago, stephanier.1765 said: Wow, that would definitely knock me off center. Do you have anyone to ask? Ask what? Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Of course you are stunned, that’s big news! I hope you and sister will have a good outcome should you pursue contact. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 That sounds nerveciting (nerve wracking and exciting). 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Ask how it happened. Was it a child before you guys and maybe your father didn't know. Did you mother put a child up for adoption? Did your father have an affair? Is it a full or half sibling? I'd have so many questions. LOL 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) 19 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said: Ask how it happened. Was it a child before you guys and maybe your father didn't know. Did you mother put a child up for adoption? Did your father have an affair? Is it a full or half sibling? I'd have so many questions. LOL Oh I already have all those answers from the searching my sister and I did this morning. My sister and I share a father not a mother so this is definitely our fathers child. She was born one month before my sister. Our father was married to my known sisters mother and new found sister’s mom was married as well. Edited February 13, 2023 by Scarlett 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Just now, Scarlett said: Oh I already have all those answers from the searching my sister and I this morning. My sister and I share a father not a mother so this is definitely our fathers child. She was born one month before my sister. Our father was married to my known sisters mother and new found sister’s mom was married as well. Does this mean somewhere out there there’s a man believing his adult daughter is his bio child, when she’s not? I wonder what the etiquette is for investigating this kind of stuff. I mean, you can figure things out from dates but getting the backstory and introductions are definitely next level. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Wow, that is big news for sure! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 How interesting. I wonder if it was a secret or if everyone knew 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 Just now, Grace Hopper said: Does this mean somewhere out there there’s a man believing his adult daughter is his bio child, when she’s not? I wonder what the etiquette is for investigating this kind of stuff. I mean, you can figure things out from dates but getting the backstory and introductions are definitely next level. I sent her a message through Ancestry about two hours ago. Just a basic, ‘hi we are a high match do you happen to know how we are related.’ That is to get a feel for what she knows. Her mom is still married to the man she was married to when she got pregnant by my dad. So there is a good chance she does not know. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Again Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: I sent her a message through Ancestry about two hours ago. Just a basic, ‘hi we are a high match do you happen to know how we are related.’ That is to get a feel for what she knows. Her mom is still married to the man she was married to when she got pregnant by my dad. So there is a good chance she does not know. I would guess that since she’s done the DNA, she knows of the non paternity event. She will have realized something is up when she didn’t match with any of her known relatives on her supposed father’s side. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 1 minute ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said: I would guess that since she’s done the DNA, she knows of the non paternity event. She will have realized something is up when she didn’t match with any of her known relatives on her supposed father’s side. OR, her entire family got the kits for Christmas and they only looked at ethnicity estimates and think wow that is cool and never think about it again. My definite guess is she doesn’t know. Her mom is still alive though so that is good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 12 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said: I would guess that since she’s done the DNA, she knows of the non paternity event. She will have realized something is up when she didn’t match with any of her known relatives on her supposed father’s side. I imagine her opening her results and maybe being even more stunned than Scarlet is. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 Just now, Grace Hopper said: I imagine her opening her results and maybe being even more stunned than Scarlet is. If she understands it. You wouldbe surprised how many don’t know how to read the results. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 1 hour ago, Scarlett said: I sent her a message through Ancestry about two hours ago. Just a basic, ‘hi we are a high match do you happen to know how we are related.’ That is to get a feel for what she knows. Her mom is still married to the man she was married to when she got pregnant by my dad. So there is a good chance she does not know. Or it’s possible her dad was infertile and they sought out someone else on purpose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Katy said: Or it’s possible her dad was infertile and they sought out someone else on purpose. Lol I guess anything is possible. But that seems a strange thing to try at age 20 4 months after she got married. Plus she has a son as well. Edited February 13, 2023 by Scarlett 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Wow, Scarlet! Exciting! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: Wow, Scarlet! Exciting! I sent her and her daughter messages 4 hours ago. We are on pins and needles here. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 I hope she is able to navigate this with grace--I know you will be supportive if she's willing to make contact. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 wow. I did 23 and me and ended up telling my dad he had niece he didn't know about.....but they never got in contact or anything. Plus, we never figured out which of his brothers is her dad. My mom was freaking out until we explained the DNA was VERY clear that my father is not the girl's dad. The girl's mother apparrantly was doing a lot of drugs at the time and doesn't remember which brother it was!!! that was the last I heard about it. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 I just posted a picture of my sister and me on my Facebook page just in case they are stalking us like we are stalking them. Lol. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Congratulations! If you make contact I hope it goes smoothly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) Have you taken screenshots? DNA genealogy groups always recommend that when a surprise close match shows up so that you have the information saved in case the match decides to hide or delete their profile. Edited February 13, 2023 by maize 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Again Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 49 minutes ago, Katy said: Or it’s possible her dad was infertile and they sought out someone else on purpose. This actually happened in my husband’s family. I don’t really know how the adult kids/MIL found out that they had three more siblings but apparently DH’s grandma knew all along. Grandpa was long dead at that point. I always have half suspected it was more of an affair or open marriage and they all just agreed to publicly say that it was an arrangement due to infertility, which would have been just mildly more acceptable in their small town farm community. I haven’t really asked because it all seems weird to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 How exciting! I think it is great you and your sister are happy to find another sister. I hope she feels the same way. I have not done any of these types of tests and really don't want to ever know if there is another sibling or anything out there. I would not respond if contacted. Maybe I am the only one that feels this way - LOL. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 45 minutes ago, ktgrok said: wow. I did 23 and me and ended up telling my dad he had niece he didn't know about.....but they never got in contact or anything. Plus, we never figured out which of his brothers is her dad. My mom was freaking out until we explained the DNA was VERY clear that my father is not the girl's dad. The girl's mother apparrantly was doing a lot of drugs at the time and doesn't remember which brother it was!!! that was the last I heard about it. I have a match that didn’t respond to my message. It makes me sad b/c my “aunt”, who is getting up there in years, has been trying to trace her own biological connection to our family for ages, and this match shared her maiden name. Old people eons ago just called her a cousin without detail. Where my match is placed doesn’t make much sense, so we’d LOVE clarification. But it’s out of our control unless more people show up some day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 24 minutes ago, mlktwins said: How exciting! I think it is great you and your sister are happy to find another sister. I hope she feels the same way. I have not done any of these types of tests and really don't want to ever know if there is another sibling or anything out there. I would not respond if contacted. Maybe I am the only one that feels this way - LOL. You certainly are not alone, but that just make me sad. I helped a previously unknown second cousin identity her birth father. He was dead but he had two other living children. So her brother was excited and talked to her and they had dinner etc. The sister? Nope. She wanted no contact. It broke the searching cousins heart. And mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 34 minutes ago, maize said: Have you taken a screenshots? DNA genealogy groups always recommend that when a surprise close match shows up so that you have the information saved in case the match decides to hide or delete their profile. Yes we took screen shots but we also now know everything about her so she can delete all she wants…..lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 This is a little harder on my sister than me..she was raised by our father who really looked down on cheaters……yet he was out cheating on his wife with a married woman…… 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 (edited) Oh my, what a world. I'm happy for you if you are happy and it's blowing my mind that we can know these things now. Edited February 13, 2023 by Eos 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 I am waiting for more to show up on my DNA! They pop up randomly, but so far I have only gotten one new kid out of the deal! 🤣 Watch out! 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 We had this happen in our family. I did 23 and Me. I laughed about, “Oh look, a long lost cousin…” It got unfunny very quickly once I realized he had to be a FIRST cousin. My aunt had given up a baby for adoption many years ago, most of the family never knew. She has looked for him to no avail. I got to meet him last year. Ours was a wonderful story and ironically, out of about thirty first cousins, I’d say he bears the strongest family resemblance. ♥️ i hope you have the same wonderful turnout. 9 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 I would love to find another sibling! My family is already a complicated mess, there would be no disillusionment involved, just joy. I hope your new sister is excited to discover her new siblings too! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said: This actually happened in my husband’s family. I don’t really know how the adult kids/MIL found out that they had three more siblings but apparently DH’s grandma knew all along. Grandpa was long dead at that point. I always have half suspected it was more of an affair or open marriage and they all just agreed to publicly say that it was an arrangement due to infertility, which would have been just mildly more acceptable in their small town farm community. I haven’t really asked because it all seems weird to me. Yeah, my mom tells this story of a thank you card my dad received two weeks before my parents married, apparently literally an infertility arrangement. I keep waiting for this sibling to pop up somewhere, but so far nothing. 1 hour ago, Scarlett said: This is a little harder on my sister than me..she was raised by our father who really looked down on cheaters……yet he was out cheating on his wife with a married woman…… I’m sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 2 hours ago, maize said: Have you taken screenshots? DNA genealogy groups always recommend that when a surprise close match shows up so that you have the information saved in case the match decides to hide or delete their profile. It’s good that you can take the screenshot and have the information. It’s also good that the person can delete or go private. That’s a clear no contact signal and nobody has to guess about whether or not they should pursue further. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2023 Author Share Posted February 14, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, DawnM said: I am waiting for more to show up on my DNA! They pop up randomly, but so far I have only gotten one new kid out of the deal! 🤣 Watch out! Wait! How many have you found besides the birth mom of Andrew? Edited February 14, 2023 by Scarlett Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2023 Author Share Posted February 14, 2023 7 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said: It’s good that you can take the screenshot and have the information. It’s also good that the person can delete or go private. That’s a clear no contact signal and nobody has to guess about whether or not they should pursue further. Well it isn’t just about pursuing contact. Sometimes you need those trees to solve big genealogical mysteries. In this case there is literally no mystery. The match is such there is no other possibility. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 11 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said: It’s good that you can take the screenshot and have the information. It’s also good that the person can delete or go private. That’s a clear no contact signal and nobody has to guess about whether or not they should pursue further. Dd had a cousin match that went private very fast. It was uncomfortable b/c it’s known that a grandfather was… gone a lot. And there’s been rumors of someone even closer floating around, but this was wrong gender for that rumor. None of us cares to hunt anyone down, but I would have worked on the puzzle for my own private curiosity if we had thought to screenshot it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 I know most people seem to feel different than me, but siblinghood and family is not DNA. It can be exciting to find out that you potentially have more family out there. However, DNA does not make someone family anymore than not sharing DNA makes someone not family. Good luck with everything and I hope all turns out well for everyone involved. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 53 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Wait! How many have you found besides the birth mom of Andrew? Birth mom has two girls. So there are two. Birth dad, two sisters that I know of, one brother, and possibly others from what I have heard. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 If I did one of those DNA tests, I would be totally freaked out by people contacting me to tell me they were relatives. Quite frankly, at first I would think it was some sort of scam. I might respond, but it would take a while for me to figure it out, come to terms with it (especially if it was a surprise), and figure out what, if anything, I wanted to do - get to know these strangers who I share DNA with but have no other connections or just go on with my life as it is. If the people contacted me once and then stayed quiet, I would be okay, but if they contacted me again, that would really push me over the edge. But I'm not big into family history, or family connections, or anything like that. It might be different if one of my immediate family has some serious genetic related disease though. I have little curiosity about unknown relatives. We have always lived far away from our relatives, and I'm totally fine with that. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2023 Author Share Posted February 14, 2023 22 minutes ago, Bambam said: If I did one of those DNA tests, I would be totally freaked out by people contacting me to tell me they were relatives. Quite frankly, at first I would think it was some sort of scam. I might respond, but it would take a while for me to figure it out, come to terms with it (especially if it was a surprise), and figure out what, if anything, I wanted to do - get to know these strangers who I share DNA with but have no other connections or just go on with my life as it is. If the people contacted me once and then stayed quiet, I would be okay, but if they contacted me again, that would really push me over the edge. But I'm not big into family history, or family connections, or anything like that. It might be different if one of my immediate family has some serious genetic related disease though. I have little curiosity about unknown relatives. We have always lived far away from our relatives, and I'm totally fine with that. I am so perplexed as to why you would think people who share your dna, that you connected with on a dna site would be trying to scam you just because they reached out. . 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 (edited) 4 hours ago, Scarlett said: Yes we took screen shots but we also now know everything about her so she can delete all she wants…..lol That sounds creepy. Edited February 14, 2023 by regentrude 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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