Whiny vent not jawm

[Tree Frog]

I would appreciate other views on this because I really need to change my attitude.

Bil and sil told dh they had purchased airline tickets and would be visiting over the long weekend, arriving Thursday night, departing Sunday. They didn't let us know ahead of time or confirm it was a good time for them to visit. I didn't communicate with them at all during this time. 

They arrived Thursday. We were going to meet at a restaurant before going home. They said bil had a bit of a cough and runny nose, so he wanted to test for Covid before meeting with us. His wife told us in the restaurant he had a fever the night before and they were just getting back from a cruise. He tested positive.

They offered to stay at a hotel, but we said they could stay upstairs like our ds had done when he had Covid. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs, but no one uses them unless the kids are home. We just asked the door stay closed, windows stay open, and that everyone in the house mask. I explain I'm leaving in 2 weeks to help my dd move and am concerned about getting sick and not being able to help her. They decide sil should sleep in a different room to hopefully prevent her from getting sick. We live in south central Texas, so the outside temps are between 55* and 80*. Not unmanageable. 

He has cold symptoms, no big deal, feels fine quickly. Has a hard time staying in his room, but does mask. Insists on loading his dishes in the dishwasher because "it's safer that way", despite me telling him I'd load them. 

They tell us they won't need to change flights since they were heading home on Tuesday anyway. (We thought they were leaving Sunday.)

On Sunday, she gets sick enough to not keep anything down until Wednesday. He takes care of her. She stays in the room with the door closed. Dh takes time off work on Tuesday, but returns to work for the rest of the week. I continue to work. They all eat outside Wednesday and Thursday nights. I had classes on zoom both nights, so didn't have much to do with them and didn't eat with them. 

Friday she's back to normal and cleans her room and vacuums. She's moving back to bil's room.

I come home from work Friday. They're both sitting downstairs, watching TV. No masks and all the windows had been closed. They mask when they see me, so it's clear they aren't masking in the house, but know that I prefer they mask. 

They eat upstairs and dh and I eat outside because they thought it was too cold to eat outside. It was about 60*. We play cards, everyone masked. While we're playing cards, they say that don't know how they got Covid. I said I thought it was because they were on a cruise likely without good ventilation. They laugh at me and tell me how careful they were being and all the times they spent outside. They only went to a show and ate inside and there were very few people in the rooms when they were inside. I didn't follow up with asking how well ventilated those rooms were. When they start laughing at me or mocking me, I stop participating in the conversation. 

Today I woke up with a backache, headache, some sniffles. The backache and sniffles are normal. I occasionally wake up with a headache, but it's not common. I tested negative and have no fever. 

So I'm now isolating at dh's request. 

I need perspective. Bil is a doctor who knows everything and pretty much ignores other opinions unless he personal can understand and agree with them. One of four conversations I had with him this visit was about why I'm being certified as a teacher installing of continuing to be a sub. I explained I wanted something a little more fulfilling, that I really enjoyed both the school and class and I have the opportunity to keep the class I'm currently teaching. He asked how much more I'd be making as a teacher (told him about double what I'm making now), then again asked why I'm doing the certification and whether we needed the money. I explained we don't need the money, I'm doing it for personal reasons. I think I repeated personal reasons to his why's two more times before I ended the conversation. Another conversation was about the kitchen light that was flashing like a disco ball. I removed it from the socket and left it on the counter while we were playing cards. After cards, he commented we should use led lights. I told him we'd tried them and didn't like them. He said they were less expensive. I said they were too bright. He said they lasted longer. His wife stepped in at that point and agreed they were bright. 

I'm angry I can't use my house for a second weekend, I'm angry they didn't follow the protocols dh asked them to follow so I wouldn't get sick, I'm angry that the things I perceive as important are laughed at or ignored, mostly by bil. (Regarding the getting sick: I realize I could've picked up something from school. I wasn't masking prior to their visit. I think I'm just frustrated that I couldn't sit and eat or drink anywhere in my house except my bedroom, without masking. Dh goes to bed between 730 and 830, so after he went to bed I either went outside to drink or sat in my car. After 9 hours of work and 3 hours of class, I didn't want to sit and visit. I wanted to drink the water I couldn't during the day because masking, but my home wasn't a safe space.)

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable in my frustration. I really need to let go of my anger as it's not productive. Typing this out has helped. 

The good thing is that I don't have to interact with them anymore before they leave tonight. 

[Jaybee]

I would be frustrated, and about at my limit with them, tbh.

[marbel]

I would be frustrated too. Even aside from sickness, I dislike people who have to be the smartest person in the room and question my decisions that have nothing to do with them. Arguing with  you about your light bulbs and career plans? That's just obnoxious.

I wonder, is bil the older brother? Just asking because my relationship with my older sister is a bit fraught because even though we are very deep into adulthood, she still sometimes talks to me as if I am the little sister who needs advice and guidance. 

I'd tell my husband that next time his bil and sil come they will stay in a hotel; he can make plans to spend time with him and you'll meet up when you can/want to. 

Maybe if you have a plan for the future, you can let go of anger over this weekend. 

[Terabith]

That is absolutely horrible, and I'd be livid about everything, from them inviting themselves to not following protocols to his absolutely selfish and jerky attitude.  

Frankly, I probably would have told them to go to a hotel.  They certainly wouldn't be welcome back in my house after this.  

I'm so sorry.  I hope you don't have covid and are able to help your dd move. 

[fraidycat]

You are not being unreasonable in your frustration at all. 

They invited themselves.

Stayed longer than planned.

Did not follow your requests.

Were not good conversationalists.

Interrupted your routine.

Caused you unneeded stress.

Of course you're frustrated! Give yourself a a few minutes to really feel angry and frustrated, fully, before you work on letting it go. Release it (maybe pound on a pillow?), don't bury it.

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, Terabith said:

That is absolutely horrible, and I'd be livid about everything, from them inviting themselves to not following protocols to his absolutely selfish and jerky attitude.  

Frankly, I probably would have told them to go to a hotel.  They certainly wouldn't be welcome back in my house after this.  

I'm so sorry.  I hope you don't have covid and are able to help your dd move. 

YES!!!

You were incredibly gracious to let them stay with you while he was sick and then her.   I would be livid if I got sick from that.  LIVID.  You were helping them out when they were sick and all they had to do was follow your simple instructions.  Which are not out of place and would just be common sense after 4 years of this. 

You are 100000000% not being unreasonable.  

 

I hope you don't get sick.

[DeainUSA]

You had me at said they were coming after booking flights and didn't ask first.  It's really enough said about them there.

[Storygirl]

I'm really sorry. They are insensitive, and I think it would be hard NOT to be annoyed in those circumstances. I think you were very, very nice to offer for them to stay in your house while they have Covid, and I'm sorry that they have not been respectful about it.

For what it's worth, I've been really careful (still mask many places, for example, when no one else does) and have had all my boosters, etc., and the only time I've contracted Covid was after our only vacation of these past few years -- a cruise.

 

[Lady Florida.]

You're not wrong. From buying plane tickets first before asking if they can come to the light bulb and everything in between would have me frustrated and angry. Is bil always like this or was he frustrated at being sick and unable to do much besides sit around your house? Either way he was in the wrong 100%.

Tell dh they should stay in a hotel next time. 

 

[Tree Frog]

14 minutes ago, marbel said:

I would be frustrated too. Even aside from sickness, I dislike people who have to be the smartest person in the room and question my decisions that have nothing to do with them. Arguing with  you about your light bulbs and career plans? That's just obnoxious.

I wonder, is bil the older brother? Just asking because my relationship with my older sister is a bit fraught because even though we are very deep into adulthood, she still sometimes talks to me as if I am the little sister who needs advice and guidance. 

I'd tell my husband that next time his bil and sil come they will stay in a hotel; he can make plans to spend time with him and you'll meet up when you can/want to. 

Maybe if you have a plan for the future, you can let go of anger over this weekend. 

Yes, bil is older by about 13 years. The brothers aren't close and dh wasn't excited about their visit.

The hotel route is a good idea. We should have taken them up on their offer this time. 

The bolded is very much the case. There's a book sitting by the computer about his pov re: education. I'm sure it's for me as it's a topic that wouldn't interest dh. 

Edited January 21, 2023 by Tree Frog

[Tree Frog]

8 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

You are not being unreasonable in your frustration at all. 

They invited themselves.

Stayed longer than planned.

Did not follow your requests.

Were not good conversationalists.

Interrupted your routine.

Caused you unneeded stress.

Of course you're frustrated! Give yourself a a few minutes to really feel angry and frustrated, fully, before you work on letting it go. Release it (maybe pound on a pillow?), don't bury it.

This lays it out very clearly. Thank you. 

[Lady Florida.]

Just now, Storygirl said:

For what it's worth, I've been really careful (still mask many places, for example, when no one else does) and have had all my boosters, etc., and the only time I've contracted Covid was after our only vacation of these past few years -- a cruise.

 

Same here. We got it last February even though we were vaccinated and boosted and the cruise line required masks for those who were unvaccinated. 

[I talk to the trees]

Oh, boy! You’re way nicer than I am! I would have said, “Enjoy your hotel stay! We'll get together some time when you are healthy and not hacking all over everything and everyone!” You went above and beyond as a hostess, and have every right to be quite angry with the way they behaved! 

[Tree Frog]

6 minutes ago, DeainUSA said:

You had me at said they were coming after booking flights and didn't ask first.  It's really enough said about them there.

I wasn't sure about being upset about this. In some families, I think it might be normal. 

[I talk to the trees]

Just now, Tree Frog said:

I wasn't sure about being upset about this. In some families, I think it might be normal. 

It may be the way some families behave- so “normal” for that family- but it is still incredibly inconsiderate and totally rude! 

[Tree Frog]

6 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I'm really sorry. They are insensitive, and I think it would be hard NOT to be annoyed in those circumstances. I think you were very, very nice to offer for them to stay in your house while they have Covid, and I'm sorry that they have not been respectful about it.

For what it's worth, I've been really careful (still mask many places, for example, when no one else does) and have had all my boosters, etc., and the only time I've contracted Covid was after our only vacation of these past few years -- a cruise.

 

When we found out they were coming after a cruise, we expected them both to get sick. They told us they've been locked down so long, that they need to live, too. I think it doesn't help that he retired a year ago. He's no longer working in the medical field. 

[Tree Frog]

8 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

You're not wrong. From buying plane tickets first before asking if they can come to the light bulb and everything in between would have me frustrated and angry. Is bil always like this or was he frustrated at being sick and unable to do much besides sit around your house? Either way he was in the wrong 100%.

Tell dh they should stay in a hotel next time. 

 

He's always been like this, though I think being sick away from home makes it worse. 

[Tree Frog]

6 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

Same here. We got it last February even though we were vaccinated and boosted and the cruise line required masks for those who were unvaccinated. 

All of us are vaccinated. I have my boosters and I think they do, too. Dh doesn't and wanted to get them this week. I told him to wait for a week or so. 

[MercyA]

You're WAY nicer than me. I would have told them to go to a hotel. You have *every reason* to be frustrated. Thankfully this will soon be over. 🙂

[Carol in Cal.]

I would not be frustrated at all.

I would be absolutely furious.

They are being insensitive, selfish jerks, starting from when they made their reservations and announced that they were visiting to stay at your house and then proceeding worse and worse from there.

[rebcoola]

I would have lost my sh*! When I came and found them unmasked.  They would have been out of the house so fast.    The rational part of me says that a smart person would have nipped this in the bud when they called and invited themselves. I doubt I would have done that though. I probably  would have let them stay and been slightly annoyed the whole time.

Edited January 21, 2023 by rebcoola

[Harriet Vane]

I would have been livid, and I think you went above and beyond on being gracious. 

They should have respected your wishes for how to handle contagious illness in YOUR house. (Protocols that were absolutely reasonable, imo.)

They should have ASKED if they could come rather than decreeing. Sheesh. 

And I applaud you for getting your teaching certification. I think it's wonderful. They should celebrate your adventures, not question and criticize.

[Carol in Cal.]

PS. I would not have let them stay in the house sick, sorry, but no.  I would have helped them a lot at the hotel, probably delivering meals and such, but at a distance.

[almondbutterandjelly]

I would be furious, but I would also recognize that I did allow them to stay at my house, knowing they were sick, even though they offered to stay in a hotel.  So partly (but only very slightly) my fault but still annoying and infuriating.  I would pledge to myself to draw stronger boundaries next time.

[Katy]

I’d be pissed and say they’re unwelcome to stay in our home anymore, ever. And I’d make DH tell them. And I’d probably barely be warm to them ever again unless someone got off his big high horse and apologized. But I think that’s unlikely. 

Seriously. Come to your home uninvited and sick, break the bare minimum sanitation rules, get you sick, and then criticize the way you’re running your life? Who the hell does he think he is?  Depending on how fiesty I was feeling I might demand an apology myself. 

[elegantlion]

I would be ticked and likely to go stay in a hotel room myself until they are gone. The rudeness began when they booked tickets without checking with you. Who does that?!

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, fraidycat said:

You are not being unreasonable in your frustration at all. 

They invited themselves.

Stayed longer than planned.

Did not follow your requests.

Were not good conversationalists.

Interrupted your routine.

Caused you unneeded stress.

Of course you're frustrated! Give yourself a a few minutes to really feel angry and frustrated, fully, before you work on letting it go. Release it (maybe pound on a pillow?), don't bury it.

THIS!

They need to stay at hotels next time. You can't be around them that much. Some people handle houseguests better than others, but these people would put the most welcoming hostess on edge. IT's not you. It's entirely reasonable for you to be frustrated and disgusted.

[Tree Frog]

36 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

I would have lost my sh*! When I came and found them unmasked.  They would have been out of the house so fast.    The rational part of me says that a smart person would have nipped this in the bud when they called and invited themselves. I doubt I would have done that though. I probably  would have let them stay and been slightly annoyed the whole time.

I don't really talk to them, so it mostly goes through dh. It's the first time they've done this and it caught us of guard. 

I have asked myself over and over when something like this happens, why don't I say something? The thought at the time never crosses my mind. I know I'm angry (or whatever feeling), but I don't act on it very often. I'm trying to change that, to say what I think, but for some reason, it's difficult for me. 

[Tiberia]

You have the right to be angry and frustrated.

They seem immature and selfish, but not necessarily toxic. They seem difficult and annoying, but not evil.

But, I'd sure make plans in case this ever happens again: I'd have some big craft ready to set up in the empty rooms in case they want to come again unannounced. "Oh, we're repainting all the bookcases right now, so you'll need to stay at a hotel this time." If that's too indirect, just tell them to stay at a hotel because of what happened last time, and you need your space. 

I would try to take the high road, as you have done, unless this becomes a pattern. 

 

[Tree Frog]

33 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

PS. I would not have let them stay in the house sick, sorry, but no.  I would have helped them a lot at the hotel, probably delivering meals and such, but at a distance.

We shouldn't have let them stay. I expected them to follow what ds did when he had it, which is pretty much what we set out with them. Ds did a great job of following our guidelines and making sure we were ok with him coming out of his room. When they didn't, we either should've clarified or sent them to a hotel. 

[Tree Frog]

35 minutes ago, perky said:

I would be furious, but I would also recognize that I did allow them to stay at my house, knowing they were sick, even though they offered to stay in a hotel.  So partly (but only very slightly) my fault but still annoying and infuriating.  I would pledge to myself to draw stronger boundaries next time.

This about sums up what we'll do moving forward. Sil cleaned their room and bathroom, washed their sheets and bedding, and will finish disinfecting before they leave. I appreciate that! 

[Kassia]

2 hours ago, DeainUSA said:

You had me at said they were coming after booking flights and didn't ask first.  It's really enough said about them there.

Me too...and that was just the start!  Good grief.  I'm sorry and would be SO upset.

[pinball]

2 hours ago, Tree Frog said:

They offered to stay at a hotel

Once you said no, come to our house, *to sick people* you signed up to be Florence Nightingale.

They could have become sick to the point of incapacitation and you would have been providing transport to the ER or calling 911. You opened yourself up to a myriad of “need to care for sick people” scenarios.

as for lightbulbs and career choice discussions…life’s to short to bicker over lightbulbs. 

[Tree Frog]

11 minutes ago, Tiberia said:

You have the right to be angry and frustrated.

They seem immature and selfish, but not necessarily toxic. They seem difficult and annoying, but not evil.

But, I'd sure make plans in case this ever happens again: I'd have some big craft ready to set up in the empty rooms in case they want to come again unannounced. "Oh, we're repainting all the bookcases right now, so you'll need to stay at a hotel this time." If that's too indirect, just tell them to stay at a hotel because of what happened last time, and you need your space. 

I would try to take the high road, as you have done, unless this becomes a pattern. 

 

The funny thing is that the room they stayed in I'll be turning into an office as soon as they leave. I was waiting for their visit first.

I think a hotel will be good moving forward. 

I don't think they're evil. He's just clueless. 

Edited January 21, 2023 by Tree Frog

[happi duck]

Sounds super frustrating!  I'm the youngest by a lot and some cousins still see me as the "baby" and act like I don't count.

You should have let them go to a hotel and given the rude behavior they should always go to a hotel in the future.

@Tree Frog we were posting at the same time!

Edited January 21, 2023 by happi duck

[Farrar]

So bleeping rude.

Why do people have trouble understanding that the mask is not a magic wand that clears all germs from a space? I encountered this with my family when we had Covid in the house. If you have areas where the well people aren't masking in a space, the sick person has to wear a mask whether they're there or not. If there are areas where the sick person isn't masking, then the well people have to mask to go there even if the sick person isn't in there. Unless it's been awhile, preferably with the windows open. I just... what the heck. This should be so basic.

[Tree Frog]

8 minutes ago, pinball said:

Once you said no, come to our house, *to sick people* you signed up to be Florence Nightingale.

They could have become sick to the point of incapacitation and you would have been providing transport to the ER or calling 911. You opened yourself up to a myriad of “need to care for sick people” scenarios.

as for lightbulbs and career choice discussions…life’s to short to bicker over lightbulbs. 

Other than running to the store, they really didn't need anything from us. I think they wanted to be able to visit with us. We were prepared to call 911 and help if it was needed, but most of my frustrations are due to them feeling well enough to come downstairs and expect to socialize.

I agree about light bulbs. But this is an ongoing refrain with him. 

[Tree Frog]

3 minutes ago, Farrar said:

So bleeping rude.

Why do people have trouble understanding that the mask is not a magic wand that clears all germs from a space? I encountered this with my family when we had Covid in the house. If you have areas where the well people aren't masking in a space, the sick person has to wear a mask whether they're there or not. If there are areas where the sick person isn't masking, then the well people have to mask to go there even if the sick person isn't in there. Unless it's been awhile, preferably with the windows open. I just... what the heck. This should be so basic.

Yes! But apparently germs on dishes are more dangerous than germs in the air, based on dr. bil's actions. And if sick people aren't in the dining room on a cruise, then it's safe to eat there, regardless of whether or not sick people were in the room moments earlier. 

[Farrar]

2 minutes ago, Tree Frog said:

Yes! But apparently germs on dishes are more dangerous than germs in the air, based on dr. bil's actions. And if sick people aren't in the dining room on a cruise, then it's safe to eat there, regardless of whether or not sick people were in the room moments earlier. 

Honestly, while I don't want to downplay the fact that germs do spread by contact (and obviously bacteria loves to spread by contact), I feel like we all got a giant lesson in the ways that viruses love to encircle us when we breathe them in and out. And it's a bit wild how people are determined to forget this basic lesson of the pandemic. What we do with it doesn't have to mean locking everything down all the time or masking everywhere necessarily. But just... maybe if we could at least know what risks we're taking? Good grief.

[Farrar]

I have to say, practically speaking, this incident is the sort of thing that I'd need to whine and expel about for a little while to friends. And then at some point in the future, in a few months or a year, I'd put it in a metaphorical box, lock it, and just let it go. Because what else can you do? I mean, you could cut them off? But absent other actions, I wouldn't. Or you could seethe about it all the time, but that's not healthy.

[Tree Frog]

19 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Honestly, while I don't want to downplay the fact that germs do spread by contact (and obviously bacteria loves to spread by contact), I feel like we all got a giant lesson in the ways that viruses love to encircle us when we breathe them in and out. And it's a bit wild how people are determined to forget this basic lesson of the pandemic. What we do with it doesn't have to mean locking everything down all the time or masking everywhere necessarily. But just... maybe if we could at least know what risks we're taking? Good grief.

My thought when I told him I'd load the dishwasher was that it was easier to wash my hands than clean the air. 

[Tree Frog]

18 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I have to say, practically speaking, this incident is the sort of thing that I'd need to whine and expel about for a little while to friends. And then at some point in the future, in a few months or a year, I'd put it in a metaphorical box, lock it, and just let it go. Because what else can you do? I mean, you could cut them off? But absent other actions, I wouldn't. Or you could seethe about it all the time, but that's not healthy.

Thank you. I am starting to let it go. This post has helped me get over my anger. It'll become another eye roll. There are other instances when at the time I was angry, but the anger served no purpose, so they became eye rolls. 

I'm getting ready to go tell them goodbye. 

[gardenmom5]

am I understanding correctly that you allowed them to stay in your home even after the husband had a positive covid test?

Was there a reason you didn't take them up on their offer to stay in a hotel?

[Faith-manor]

Well, you are nicer than I. They would not have been allowed to be in my home, and we would not have socialized AT ALL because no one buys plans tickets to come see us without discussion. I don't put my life on hold for people who think they are so important that I should put my life on hold for them at a drop of a hat. No one is also coming into my house to stay who has been on a cruise recently. Quarantine for ten days, and then we will talk. 

BIL is being condescending. I would not be inclined to let them stay ever again. Hotels for them, and meeting in neutral places like restaurants and museums for socializing so hopefully conversations are limited in scope due to time and distractions.

[Garga]

Some people retire and then like to show off about it and rub everyone else’s noses in it. “We’re coming this weekend and staying longer than you thought! What? That won’t work for you because you have a job and school? Oh gee, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be working for the man like that now that I’m retired!” smug smug smug. 

They might not say those words, but they live those words. 

Edited January 21, 2023 by Garga

[Tree Frog]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

am I understanding correctly that you allowed them to stay in your home even after the husband had a positive covid test?

Was there a reason you didn't take them up on their offer to stay in a hotel?

Yes, we let them stay. We expected something like when ds had Covid. We felt like family needed to help, so we told them they didn't need to go to a hotel. I think that had they gone to a hotel, they would have been out and about more than they were and theoretically spread it further. 

[math teacher]

I'm glad she is cleaning up-that is the only nice thing I saw that they have done. Everything else is incredibly rude, and I would be incredibly angry. In fact, the relationship would probably be broken beyond repair.

[Tree Frog]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

Well, you are nicer than I. They would not have been allowed to be in my home, and we would not have socialized AT ALL because no one buys plans tickets to come see us without discussion. I don't put my life on hold for people who think they are so important that I should put my life on hold for them at a drop of a hat. No one is also coming into my house to stay who has been on a cruise recently. Quarantine for ten days, and then we will talk. 

BIL is being condescending. I would not be inclined to let them stay ever again. Hotels for them, and meeting in neutral places like restaurants and museums for socializing so hopefully conversations are limited in scope due to time and distractions.

They just left so we have some breathing space. We talked about what to say if they tell us when they're coming again. Dh said they just told him, so it didn't occur to him to say no. I suggested next time he respond that he'll need to check with me (or the calendar) to make sure it will work. 

Though we wouldn't have been happy, if we had known they were coming off a cruise, we would have been mentally prepared. After this experience, I think we would say it won't work out. Prior to this, we prob would have let them come. 

[Grace Hopper]

4 hours ago, Tree Frog said:

I would appreciate other views on this because I really need to change my attitude.

Bil and sil told dh they had purchased airline tickets and would be visiting over the long weekend, arriving Thursday night, departing Sunday. They didn't let us know ahead of time or confirm it was a good time for them to visit. I didn't communicate with them at all during this time. 

They arrived Thursday. We were going to meet at a restaurant before going home. They said bil had a bit of a cough and runny nose, so he wanted to test for Covid before meeting with us. His wife told us in the restaurant he had a fever the night before and they were just getting back from a cruise. He tested positive.

They offered to stay at a hotel, but we said they could stay upstairs like our ds had done when he had Covid. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs, but no one uses them unless the kids are home. We just asked the door stay closed, windows stay open, and that everyone in the house mask. I explain I'm leaving in 2 weeks to help my dd move and am concerned about getting sick and not being able to help her. They decide sil should sleep in a different room to hopefully prevent her from getting sick. We live in south central Texas, so the outside temps are between 55* and 80*. Not unmanageable. 

He has cold symptoms, no big deal, feels fine quickly. Has a hard time staying in his room, but does mask. Insists on loading his dishes in the dishwasher because "it's safer that way", despite me telling him I'd load them. 

They tell us they won't need to change flights since they were heading home on Tuesday anyway. (We thought they were leaving Sunday.)

On Sunday, she gets sick enough to not keep anything down until Wednesday. He takes care of her. She stays in the room with the door closed. Dh takes time off work on Tuesday, but returns to work for the rest of the week. I continue to work. They all eat outside Wednesday and Thursday nights. I had classes on zoom both nights, so didn't have much to do with them and didn't eat with them. 

Friday she's back to normal and cleans her room and vacuums. She's moving back to bil's room.

I come home from work Friday. They're both sitting downstairs, watching TV. No masks and all the windows had been closed. They mask when they see me, so it's clear they aren't masking in the house, but know that I prefer they mask. 

They eat upstairs and dh and I eat outside because they thought it was too cold to eat outside. It was about 60*. We play cards, everyone masked. While we're playing cards, they say that don't know how they got Covid. I said I thought it was because they were on a cruise likely without good ventilation. They laugh at me and tell me how careful they were being and all the times they spent outside. They only went to a show and ate inside and there were very few people in the rooms when they were inside. I didn't follow up with asking how well ventilated those rooms were. When they start laughing at me or mocking me, I stop participating in the conversation. 

Today I woke up with a backache, headache, some sniffles. The backache and sniffles are normal. I occasionally wake up with a headache, but it's not common. I tested negative and have no fever. 

So I'm now isolating at dh's request. 

I need perspective. Bil is a doctor who knows everything and pretty much ignores other opinions unless he personal can understand and agree with them. One of four conversations I had with him this visit was about why I'm being certified as a teacher installing of continuing to be a sub. I explained I wanted something a little more fulfilling, that I really enjoyed both the school and class and I have the opportunity to keep the class I'm currently teaching. He asked how much more I'd be making as a teacher (told him about double what I'm making now), then again asked why I'm doing the certification and whether we needed the money. I explained we don't need the money, I'm doing it for personal reasons. I think I repeated personal reasons to his why's two more times before I ended the conversation. Another conversation was about the kitchen light that was flashing like a disco ball. I removed it from the socket and left it on the counter while we were playing cards. After cards, he commented we should use led lights. I told him we'd tried them and didn't like them. He said they were less expensive. I said they were too bright. He said they lasted longer. His wife stepped in at that point and agreed they were bright. 

I'm angry I can't use my house for a second weekend, I'm angry they didn't follow the protocols dh asked them to follow so I wouldn't get sick, I'm angry that the things I perceive as important are laughed at or ignored, mostly by bil. (Regarding the getting sick: I realize I could've picked up something from school. I wasn't masking prior to their visit. I think I'm just frustrated that I couldn't sit and eat or drink anywhere in my house except my bedroom, without masking. Dh goes to bed between 730 and 830, so after he went to bed I either went outside to drink or sat in my car. After 9 hours of work and 3 hours of class, I didn't want to sit and visit. I wanted to drink the water I couldn't during the day because masking, but my home wasn't a safe space.)

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable in my frustration. I really need to let go of my anger as it's not productive. Typing this out has helped. 

The good thing is that I don't have to interact with them anymore before they leave tonight. 

Well gosh I am angry on your behalf! People who are stupid on purpose are the most frustrating!

TBH though, I would probably not have welcomed them to sleep in my house from the get-go, based on the facts that they’d assumed without asking and that they were direct from getting off a cruise ship. The visit you describe would have them firmly in “never again” territory with me, next visit with them not as your houseguests. 
 

I hope you feel better really soon and that you travel plans aren’t too botched up by this. 

[Tree Frog]

54 minutes ago, Garga said:

Some people retire and then like to show off about it and rub everyone else’s noses in it. “We’re coming this weekend and staying longer than you thought! What? That won’t work for you because you have a job and school? Oh gee, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be working for the man like that now that I’m retired!” smug smug smug. 

They might not say those words, but they live those words. 

I don't think they were trying to run it in our noses , though they may have forgotten what it's like to have a detailed schedule. 

Edited January 21, 2023 by Tree Frog
Funny typo given the topic, so I'll leave it. But the phrase should read rub on in our nose