who pays for a vacation?

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

This is an interesting discussion. Looking at my kids right now as young adults (and one still at home young teen) I would anticipate kids #1 and #3 to have way more means than kids #2 and #4 based on career choices and personalities and life choices. Dh and I will never be of means to take four kids and their families on vacations. I have thought alot about how my kids will end up in very different places and what that will look like in the future and trying to figure out how we navigate that as parents. As well as the weirdness of young adult kids having more money than their parents. Not quite there yet but it’s a foreseeable reality. 
 

Precedent setting is important, as is flexibility and communication. All easier said than done sometimes! 

Some kids are far more mellow and flexible, and others are high strung and emotional . . . 

sigh.

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

Hmm.  In that scenario I would have said they have to pay for the room that only they want and will use too. BUT I’d have been willing to get a roll away or whatever to include them in our room at no cost too.  I wouldn’t have any hard feelings about them wanting their own room or them deciding this vacation was not one that interested them.

Some kids go through some phase of angry at grown up realities and changing parent/child relationship.  Where they seem to be angry that parents treat them like grown ups that aren’t dependent children  at the same time as they want to enjoy being treated like a dependent. Hopefully they grow out of that phase.

Child wanted a private room - not a rollaway (which would have made things very crowded anyway.)  It was a small two bedroom condo - emphasis on small. It was crowded with four of us.  (my two bedroom units at Marriot Residence Inn have generally been larger.)

a couple years before - we had rented a large townhouse where everyone could have a room.  Even 2dd who had just gotten married would have been able to have a private room if they'd come. (they weren't able to)

[freesia]

2 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Not really.  I know some of the things kid is mad about, this (nor anything like it) has never been mentioned.   I'm just reexamining things.

I think kid is *finally* (FINALLY) exerting teenage independence and just pushing super hard to 'break free' (not realizing, their own actions were keeping the attachment to mom.  and there were times I wanted to scream at them to act like an adult!)

Other adult kids - shake their head and roll their eyes.  (though they've also told me things that make me continue to worry about kid's emotional wellbeing.)

I have one who seems to now be going through some stages missed in adolescence.  It is hard to figure out how to navigate it with a young adult for sure.  Areas that I would have confronted as a teen don't seem right to confront in a young adult.  I just have to focus on our relationship, step in if it effects my younger ones, pray and hope that the maturing process works the way it should. 

I think it's good that you are thinking and evaluating because I think that we do develop blind spots.  I don't think you handled the logistics wrong.  I would have handled it the same way. Is it possible that your attitude, emotions as you handled it were ones that your dd may have interpreted as unloving or so pragmatic as to be cold?  (I am not saying this bc of anything I've noticed about you, just thinking about how this type of thing can go "wrong."  I read when my kids were young that often the "it's not fair" accusations are really "do you love me as much?")

[gardenmom5]

27 minutes ago, freesia said:

I have one who seems to now be going through some stages missed in adolescence.  It is hard to figure out how to navigate it with a young adult for sure.  Areas that I would have confronted as a teen don't seem right to confront in a young adult.  I just have to focus on our relationship, step in if it effects my younger ones, pray and hope that the maturing process works the way it should. 

I think it's good that you are thinking and evaluating because I think that we do develop blind spots.  I don't think you handled the logistics wrong.  I would have handled it the same way. Is it possible that your attitude, emotions as you handled it were ones that your dd may have interpreted as unloving or so pragmatic as to be cold?  (I am not saying this bc of anything I've noticed about you, just thinking about how this type of thing can go "wrong."  I read when my kids were young that often the "it's not fair" accusations are really "do you love me as much?")

The child who is closest to the "finally growing up" kid has told me their opinion of why "kid" is angry.  And it really is nothing to do with me, except I'm being blamed.  It's more complex than that, but I don't want to put it out there.  I do think there is some "stretching their wings" going on, but their also mad because we don't live our lives the way they think we should.   

 

My friend's mom - when they'd cry "it's not fair", would respond "Life isn't fair, and you don't want it to be"  (iow: you got it good kid)

Edited January 9, 2023 by gardenmom5