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Dad Update (new update in first post on 12/13) (and 12/30)

DawnM

By DawnM,
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DawnM

DawnM

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12/27

They have moved him up to the highest level of care.   He has stopped eating.   When he tries to eat he aspirates.   He can't swallow.   

In the hospital he was taking no pain meds.   In hospice he started taking codeine.   Within days, they have upped him to morphine.   They say he is in a tremendous amount of pain and it has gotten so much worse in the last few days.

We went to see him on Christmas Day.   He couldn't understand that it was Christmas.   He kept talking things that did not make sense (feeling around on his bed and when we asked what he was feeling for, he said there was cheese all over his bed.)

The social worker said there will be no need to worry about where he will go in 30 days, she said not to expect the full 30 days.   He has been there 6 days so far.

I just pray God takes him before he has to suffer longer.   It is so hard to watch.

 

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Storygirl

Storygirl

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I'm sorry, Dawn. Hospice may have told you this already. We've been through this twice recently, with Mom and MIL. Both of them had dementia, and both stopped eating. Sometimes when the body is preparing for the final stages, it's common for the need to intake nutrients to cease. It bothers the family members more than the person; the person will not feel hunger. The body is starting to shut down various processes. We were told that sometimes it can take a couple of weeks for the end to come after the person stops eating, but it varies. For my mom, it was about two weeks. For MIL, it was about 10 days.

I'm very sad for you, and I'm sorry that your dad is agitated. I'll pray for him to feel peaceful during these last days before he meets the Lord he loves.

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Grace Hopper

Grace Hopper

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21 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I'm sorry, Dawn. Hospice may have told you this already. We've been through this twice recently, with Mom and MIL. Both of them had dementia, and both stopped eating. Sometimes when the body is preparing for the final stages, it's common for the need to intake nutrients to cease. It bothers the family members more than the person; the person will not feel hunger. The body is starting to shut down various processes. We were told that sometimes it can take a couple of weeks for the end to come after the person stops eating, but it varies. For my mom, it was about two weeks. For MIL, it was about 10 days.

I'm very sad for you, and I'm sorry that your dad is agitated. I'll pray for him to feel peaceful during these last days before he meets the Lord he loves.

And for mine it was less than a week. 
 

Dawn I am praying for you this morning, peace and patience, and for your father, mercy and sufficient pain control. We found music to be soothing at this stage, if your father has any gentle favorites you might could play them softly or sing to him. 
 

It’s a hard stage. Many hugs. 

Edited by Grace Hopper
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mlktwins

mlktwins

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38 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I'm sorry, Dawn. Hospice may have told you this already. We've been through this twice recently, with Mom and MIL. Both of them had dementia, and both stopped eating. Sometimes when the body is preparing for the final stages, it's common for the need to intake nutrients to cease. It bothers the family members more than the person; the person will not feel hunger. The body is starting to shut down various processes. We were told that sometimes it can take a couple of weeks for the end to come after the person stops eating, but it varies. For my mom, it was about two weeks. For MIL, it was about 10 days.

I'm very sad for you, and I'm sorry that your dad is agitated. I'll pray for him to feel peaceful during these last days before he meets the Lord he loves.

For my FIL it was 5 days. He also had delirium and thought all kinds of crazy stuff (not cheese, but plenty of other stuff). It is hard to watch for sure.

I'm so sorry Dawn. I pray for a peaceful end for your dad and you the strength to get through it all.  

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DawnM

DawnM

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thank you all.   I pray it is only days.   He stopped eating a couple of days ago I guess is what they said, so this is day 3 or 4 of him not eating.

The ladies from my parent's mission called this am and asked how they could pray for us.   I asked them to pray that the Lord would take him home to his glorified body and no more pain.

It doesn't feel as odd to pray for that anymore.

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DawnM

DawnM

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2 hours ago, pinball said:

I’m sorry, Dawn.

The only bright spot is that it is the holidays/vacation so you can spend every minute with him

😭

I am probably going to out myself as a bad daughter, but I am not spending every minute with him.   I can't.   I have a family to care for, and he is so confused and keeps taking all of his clothes off.  I visit, and then come home.

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Ottakee

Ottakee

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12 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I am probably going to out myself as a bad daughter, but I am not spending every minute with him.   I can't.   I have a family to care for, and he is so confused and keeps taking all of his clothes off.  I visit, and then come home.

You are not a bad daughter at all.  You cared for him at home as long as you could and made sure he was in a good safe place.    The rest of your family needs you too and you need a break as well.

 

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ScoutTN

ScoutTN

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1 hour ago, Ottakee said:

You are not a bad daughter at all.  You cared for him at home as long as you could and made sure he was in a good safe place.    The rest of your family needs you too and you need a break as well.

 

This! 
You have done and are doing a great job in an impossibly difficult situation. You have loved your dad well. 

Edited by ScoutTN
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