What purpose does this forum serve for you?

[Meriwether]

@Pam in CT I could see my son in what you wrote about yours. I love my son so much, but he can be exhausting. One of my goals for him (he is 18 and will soon leave home) is to help him moderate his tendency to debate (too much, too long) and read social cues better. He is getting better, but I think he'll always have to actively think about it or he'll default to rigorous debate, often in situations where it inappropriate.

[Not_a_Number]

2 hours ago, Meriwether said:

@Pam in CT I could see my son in what you wrote about yours. I love my son so much, but he can be exhausting. One of my goals for him (he is 18 and will soon leave home) is to help him moderate his tendency to debate (too much, too long) and read social cues better. He is getting better, but I think he'll always have to actively think about it or he'll default to rigorous debate, often in situations where it inappropriate.

I don’t know about your son, but I know that I personally have a compulsion to debate that’s completely unrelated to my ability to read social cues. 

I think there’s too strong a tendency to assume that people who behave in a frustrating way don’t “know” better. In my experience, it’s just as likely that they are intellectually aware of what’s happening but something in their internal landscape precludes from listening to the knowledge. 

A lot of times you can hear very surprising stuff if you ask someone WHY they do things. Sometimes they themselves may be surprised! We don’t spend enough time thinking about our motivations, in my experience.

Edited December 8, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Lecka]

I delete a lot of posts that I write.

If I can tell I am emotionally involved, I try to implement a waiting period.  I think it is better for me to be this way, it does keep me from being sucked in or wanting to see responses.  It helps me to step back and see if a thread is moving in a different direction.  
 

If I’m up at night thinking about things and typing, 99% of the time I will be better off not to hit submit.  It’s also not a good thing for me to be doing, so this is also something that is dialing it back which is better for me anyways.  It can be a sign I’m upset.  It can be a sign I need to figure out what I’m upset about.  I can be upset in a way I am relating to the topic, or it can be that I’m distracting myself.  Either way, it’s a sign.  
 

And yet I’m someone who would never keep a diary or a journal!  Before Internet forums I did often write things out as a letter, and then throw the letter away, though.  

 

[Guest]

@Garga thank you for saying this. It makes me examine my own posting behavior (“Do I do that?”). 
 

Once, a poster here said she allowed herself three posts in a thread, in which to respond, or clarify, or rebut. Just three; that’s all. I don’t do exactly that but since I read that a few years ago, it has stayed in the back of my mind. It really helps me ask myself what purpose this fifth/sixth/seventh response is serving. It has lead to times I delete a post I have prepared but not submitted. At times I logged out of the site just so I would force myself to let it go. 
 

*PS: also useful on FB. 

[Jaybee]

I was busy, then traveling, so I didn't start reading this thread until yesterday. I have liked lots of posts that just resonated in some way or another. I may or may not agree with the entirety, and have not liked all the ones I agree with on some points.

I originally came here for the education parts, and lurked for a couple of years before I created an account. I have lived some places where I had no homeschooling colleagues, but have also lived where my style of homeschooling wasn't typical, and I needed someone to talk to or listen to about it. Over the years, I developed my own style in conjunction with each child (so it morphed in and out sometimes, depending on the kid). I found lots of information on these forums that was helpful to me in terms of finding curriculum and practices. I no longer have any school-aged children, so naturally moved over to the Chat Board entirely. It seems that when I have had newer/younger homeschoolers ask for my advice (in person and possibly on here), it has been obvious pretty early on that they don't like what I say and already have their mind made up as to what they want to do.  I agree that homeschooling styles have changed a lot over the years. So it is rare that I engage in those conversations any more. And when a Chat thread gets too "noisy," I usually leave it because I don't enjoy it anymore, and life is challenging enough.

But to leave the Chat Board would be like leaving friends, even though I don't post near as much as many here (i.e., I see you all as friends, but you may not even know who I am, lol). There are lots of times I start to post something and then delete it, thinking: "I am not contributing anything new to the conversation" or "I don't really need to post that on a public forum." There are still times I post anyway. I only occasionally use DMs, mostly to respond to something or empathize/encourage in a personal way that I don't want on the public boards. There are things I would often like to ask about on these forums, but privacy (mine or my children's) prevents me. I would post more if I didn't have the underlying fear that someone IRL might recognize me. (And they may already!😱)

In short, I am here because there are lots of smart people on here, and there are lots of wise people on here (but the Venn diagram is not a circle). There are lots of funny people, compassionate people, people I agree with more or less, and people I don't agree with more or less. There are people here who know things that I don't have any other way of finding out, and there are great recommendations for things and I can choose whether it would be helpful for me or not. And recipes, of course. I have been enriched by the knowledge and insights, and have been stretched to think about why someone feels/thinks the way they do or not. So thank you!

Edited December 9, 2022 by Jaybee