What purpose does this forum serve for you?

[ScoutTN]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Do you think it's "fewer" or they are "rarer"? Like, I wonder if the total numbers have gone up... 

More homeschoolers, but far fewer are old-school. Most are reactive and heavily dependent on CC or other outsourcing, even with young elementary age children. 

I know many homeschoolers and only a small number have done some real thinking and reading about educational philosophy, choose their resources and curricula independently after researching, or actually teach most of their kids’ school stuff. 

[ScoutTN]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I really miss the homeschooling-related areas being more active. I mean, there are only so many people who want to geek out about the details of how to teach math, but that's what I came here for originally, lol. 

As a humanities person, I am beyond thankful for the mathy moms here who helped me think through math and give my Dd a good start. Y’all taught me what questions to ask, what criteria to look for, how to teach, and so much more! 

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

I know many homeschoolers and only a small number have done some real thinking and reading about educational philosophy, choose their resources and curricula independently after researching, or actually teach most of their kids’ school stuff. 

Yeah, for sure. I tend to cultivate that sort of person. 

I just wonder if the raw numbers have gone down or stayed put but gotten dwarfed. 

[Corraleno]

I came here 14 years ago looking for curriculum recommendations and advice when I found myself unexpectedly homeschooling a gifted, dyslexic, ADHD kid after pulling him out of PS. Discussions on the elementary and middle school boards really helped me refine my philosophy and approach to education (which was often diametrically opposed to the general zeitgeist here at the time), and then the HS and college boards provided invaluable help when I was trying to balance a very eclectic, informal, interest-led approach to schooling with the requirements of college admissions and NCAA approval. 

Both kids are now adults in college, but I still hang out on the chat board because it's one of the very few places I know of on the internet where it's possible to have civil conversations on important topics with intelligent, well-educated adults with diverse backgrounds and perspectives, without having to wade through a bunch of nastiness and bot-posts. I think this place is pretty unique in that it combines a reasonable level of anonymity with a level of civility that you rarely find in anonymous groups. People here generally treat each other more like virtual neighbors than just random strangers, and there are people here I've "known" for more than a decade, and I care about them even if I don't know their real name or where they live. And there are also people here that I've become close friends with IRL outside of this board.

[PronghornD]

I don't post much and lost my account a while back, so I look newer than I am. I came originally for the homeschool advice. Now my kid is a senior in college. I still teach, but now I teach adults with disabilities. I mostly use this group now as a source of informed and intelligent opinions. There is a lot of knowledge here! And it helps balance out the ignorance I find on Facebook.

[wendyroo]

47 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I really miss the homeschooling-related areas being more active. I mean, there are only so many people who want to geek out about the details of how to teach math, but that's what I came here for originally, lol. 

I really, really like discussing education/homeschooling methods and pedagogy...but, frankly, not with you. 

From many, many of your posts I get a strong "my way or the highway" vibe which reads as belittling and off-putting. It often seems that you lack any humbleness; that you truly think that you are qualified enough to know the right answers for every situation...even those that you have no experience with and could not possibly appreciate the complexity of.

It is ironic, because you repeatedly tell people that your kids are "hard" and expect others to accept it without questions or suggestions. But others come along and say that their kid needs X or that in their complicated situation Y is required, and your answers almost always feel very patronizing to me, along the lines of "Well, it is okay if you want to be wrong. Maybe someday you will see the light and realize that I am right."

Just food for thought.

[Guest]

I think there’s something available here that is harder to come by IRL. It’s not *just* diverse viewpoints but a willingness to disclose. IRL, people typically keep their opinions to themselves until you know them quite well. But on here, the only way anyone gets to know you at all *is* because you disclose stuff. 
 

Take a difficult subject: transgenderism. This is a difficult subject to discuss IRL because people often feel passionately about it. If, for example, they *are* a parent of a transgender person, they most often behave defensively and can’t discuss the subject holistically, or can’t speak to their own worries and sorrow (like losing the possibility of grandkids, or giving up the name they lovingly chose) because they are so hair-triggered to defend their child’s choices. But I have been able to get information here that I could not get IRL. 
 

The Covid information I got here was worth its weight in gold. There was SO MUCH gobbledygook out there. This forum was a critical balance in a time of mass misinformation. 
 

Over the years, the best thing about this forum has been the way it honed my sense of logical argument. Even just my word choices have changed drastically from my early thirties. Those couple of times I felt the wrath of the entire Hive because what I was saying was…just totally wrong. I’m glad that happened. That is another thing that probably would never happen IRL. You’re unlikely to have a “roomful” of peers ALL pointing out that what you just said was tremendously hurtful and you really need to re-think your attitude about it. Maybe you have ONE bold, direct friend who will tell it like it is and correct you when you’re being a boob, but more often than not, it’s not what happens IRL. 
 

I don’t post my own questions or problems very much anymore, partially because my kids are too old and it violates their privacy; partially because I’ve been stalked so…yeah. But I still love reading things that help me think about or understand different sides of an issue (the post about the railroad workers is a great recent example) and challenges my understanding of things. And I love all our little ritual things around here like the Christmas card list and the Goal Group and the Word of the Year. (Speaking of…I need to think about my WOTY 2023…) 

 

I personally do enjoy debate IRL but only with people who can debate things rationally and logically. I don’t enjoy “debate” with someone who is just copying what they heard on such-and-such. 

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I really, really like discussing education/homeschooling methods and pedagogy...but, frankly, not with you. 

From many, many of your posts I get a strong "my way or the highway" vibe which reads as belittling and off-putting. It often seems that you lack any humbleness; that you truly think that you are qualified enough to know the right answers for every situation...even those that you have no experience with and could not possibly appreciate the complexity of.

It is ironic, because you repeatedly tell people that your kids are "hard" and expect others to accept it without questions or suggestions. But others come along and say that their kid needs X or that in their complicated situation Y is required, and your answers almost always feel very patronizing to me, along the lines of "Well, it is okay if you want to be wrong. Maybe someday you will see the light and realize that I am right."

Just food for thought.

Then don't discuss with me 😂. What do you want me to say to that, exactly? You don't like me, don't interact with me. It's absolutely your choice. 

[Not_a_Number]

12 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I really, really like discussing education/homeschooling methods and pedagogy...but, frankly, not with you. 

From many, many of your posts I get a strong "my way or the highway" vibe which reads as belittling and off-putting. It often seems that you lack any humbleness; that you truly think that you are qualified enough to know the right answers for every situation...even those that you have no experience with and could not possibly appreciate the complexity of.

It is ironic, because you repeatedly tell people that your kids are "hard" and expect others to accept it without questions or suggestions. But others come along and say that their kid needs X or that in their complicated situation Y is required, and your answers almost always feel very patronizing to me, along the lines of "Well, it is okay if you want to be wrong. Maybe someday you will see the light and realize that I am right."

Just food for thought.

Oh, and frankly, this kind of gratuitous meanness is exactly why I'm wondering what it is that I want from these forums. I don't enjoy this kind of interaction at all. It just feels unpleasant and hurts my feelings. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Terabith]

When I first came to this forum, I didn't have any other form of social media.  I had been on the mothering.com forum and on yahoo groups, but I came here specifically to look for information on and assistance in homeschooling in particular and in parenting a bit more generally.  It was generally a source of information on specific things.  

Then, I got more situated in what we were doing homeschooling wise, and then I stopped homeschooling entirely, but by then, people on the hive felt like at the very least a community, with a few friendships.  Honestly, one of my two best friends came out of the hive.  I feel like I know you guys, to greater and lesser degrees.  It's a bit of a distraction and a community and both "feelings of" friendship and genuine relationships.  It's fun.  

But, I also feel like the hive is a pretty unique place on the internet.  There is diversity of thought on a wide variety of issues, although the general direction has skewed left from where I started.  I find it to be kind of uniquely full of intelligent, thoughtful people in a way I have not found anywhere else on the internet.  It's not only a source of distraction and socialization, because of the breadth of experience and general intelligence of this forum, it's a great source of KNOWLEDGE on a pretty wide variety of topics.  

I mean, I would never, ever have known to prepare for covid without the hive, but in February 2020, I was telling everyone I knew it was going to be a big thing and buying a pulse oximeter and stocking up on groceries.  It made me look prescient to my real life people.  And the hive has CONSISTENTLY been ahead of the general public in general covid information.  I have found the politics board to be incredibly helpful in keeping me abreast in news in general.  I've learned about everything from apraxia and PROMPT therapy to health information to political and covid stuff to dog training and kitchen appliances.  

So, fun and function, I guess?  

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Terabith said:

Honestly, one of my two best friends came out of the hive. 

Are they people you know IRL?

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, and frankly, this kind of gratuitous meanness is exactly why I'm wondering what it is that I want from these forums. I don't enjoy this kind of interaction at all. It just feels unpleasant and hurts my feelings. 

When particular people hassle me on here, I have no problem choosing my ignore button. Not every comment deserves your response. 

[Terabith]

9 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Are they people you know IRL?

My friend from the hive I have not gotten together with in real life, but I hope we can sometime.  

The other person I consider my other best friend/ father mentor type relationship I didn't meet here; I met at another online forum, where I interacted with him for years before we met in real life.  We have met numerous times in real life now, but the bulk of our relationship is still conducted electronically.  

[Rebel]

Like many of you, I originally came her for help with homeschooling, but I stayed long after my son finished schooling for general information from a diverse group of intelligent people.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Quill said:

When particular people hassle me on here, I have no problem choosing my ignore button. Not every comment deserves your response. 

As in, literally putting people on the ignore list, or just not replying? 

I am just not a thick-skinned person. It has ups and downs, but as it happens, comments that are critical like that just affect me. Almost in a visceral, physical way. 

I'm basically grateful for being a sensitive person, because I think it also helps me see the world well. But it does make this kind of interaction HARD. 

[FreyaO]

I'm new and not especially active, but FWIW: This forum is less toxic than any Fb group I've ever joined - I've given up on Fb groups. A lot of discussions and answers here are truly thought out. I'd rather wait 3 days and read something worthwhile than the opposite.

It's also closer to my general educational philosophy. A lot of other groups are either too religious or too granola for my family. 

I don't post much on purpose though, I've decided it's something that I don't find it easy to handle mentally.

[Lecka]

I am really someone who processes things by writing and then reading what I have written.

I like to communicate through the written word.  
 

I was on another online forum years ago, before this one, but it kind-of died out.  It got very insular.  
 

This forum was very important to me to find information and community with my sons, when they were younger, and I didn’t know anyone in real life who had children with reading issues or with autism.  I have received an immense amount of benefit.  
 

I used to feel like I wanted to “pay it forward,” but time has passed and my life has changed that way.

 

I do like this, forum, though.

 

Ironically I am currently homeschooling my daughter, after always only after-schooling.  I definitely feel like — there is a lot of sense here that kids can do well with different paths, and can need to be out of a negative school environment. I do value that.  Her homeschooling time is more for mental health, and less to do some kind of amazing thing.  I feel like there are always people here who support that, and I value that. 

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

As in, literally putting people on the ignore list, or just not replying? 

I am just not a thick-skinned person. It has ups and downs, but as it happens, comments that are critical like that just affect me. Almost in a visceral, physical way. 

I'm basically grateful for being a sensitive person, because I think it also helps me see the world well. But it does make this kind of interaction HARD. 

As in actually going into my settings and putting a poster on Ignore. I have a couple people on Ignore because those certain people just get under my skin to an irrational degree. It’s better for me to just not see what that person says at all, because then I don’t have to check myself so I don’t react. 

 

Usually, once someone is on ignore for a while they either realize I have Ignore for them or else the bad vibes are extinguished because you never respond anyway. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out.” 

[lewelma]

This board has been my guide for 15 years. So many thoughtful responses to so many different types of homeschooling questions. Once I finished homeschooling, I migrated over here to the chat board where I have learned so much about life's challenges and different people's struggles. These conversations have really opened my eyes to so many things. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Quill said:

As in actually going into my settings and putting a poster on Ignore. I have a couple people on Ignore because those certain people just get under my skin to an irrational degree. It’s better for me to just not see what that person says at all, because then I don’t have to check myself so I don’t react. 

Usually, once someone is on ignore for a while they either realize I have Ignore for them or else the bad vibes are extinguished because you never respond anyway. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out.” 

Yeah. I had a bunch of posters on ignore before. But you can see still the posts if you click, right? They are just collapsed. And that's annoying, because it takes willpower not to click on a post that you know is likely to be mean 😂.

[Lecka]

I saw a comic one time (maybe xkcd) about “people being wrong on the Internet” that someone else posted somewhere — and it really made me think about — okay, I am going to think people are wrong on the Internet.

Did it change my behavior of getting sucked in in ways not ideal for me?  No.  But I did think about it.

I think I have had times where I really felt like if someone was doing something differently than I was, it reflected on me like I was making a bad choice.

Or, I have also changed in thinking there are a lot of ways people do things that work for them.  I don’t always think this — but I think it much more now than in the past.

Separately — as a parent I have had to talk to my own daughter (12 at the time) about people being wrong on the Internet.  She also can get — in a mindset were it really! matters!  Well — I think it helps her that I totally get it.  But at the same time I think I have a good way to offer perspective about the Internet.  And I definitely have talked to her about — you aren’t that important unless you have a certain level or depth of relationship.  It’s fairly anonymous.  It’s not a good place to put too much into, unless there are relationships there where you are getting stuff out.  Anyway — I am seeing it in a different way when it’s something that is now included in “parenting” and it’s not “my thing.”  It’s still my thing, but I also have a role in how my kids do things online, while it was just a private, personal thing, and I didn’t think of it like — oh, well, these are things people deal with on the Internet, in general.  
 

Edit:  I never thought in terms like “what is a healthy way to be on the Internet” before thinking that way with my kids.  Now I think of it that way and I do apply some of that to myself.  Like — what would I tell my daughter about some behavior that happens on social media.  
 

My older son is also really astute and I think he has more experience with knowing people both online and in person, that gives him some insight, and I also think he and his friends can think some things are funny, that make me think — oh, some people just say stuff, it doesn’t mean they really care that much, just because they wrote something.  I did not have that perspective.  

Edited December 3, 2022 by Lecka

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, Lecka said:

I saw a comic one time (maybe xkcd) about “people being wrong on the Internet” that someone else posted somewhere — and it really made me think about — okay, I am going to think people are wrong on the Internet.

Yes, it's an xkcd! It's great. 

https://xkcd.com/386/

[Loowit]

I started coming here I think before my youngest was homeschooling or maybe around the time he started, but I was trying to change up what I was doing and had been looking for ideas and came across this forum.  I found a lot of useful information and support.  Over the years I have stayed for advice on different homeschooling topics and have given advice/suggestions as I have gotten more experience.

I tend to read a lot more than post, especially these days.  I don't feel like I have a lot to give as far as information or advice, especially with a lot of homeschooling changing so much.  Most people seemed to be doing things so differently, and I feel like my advice would be out of date and not helpful.  Also, I come from a different world view that seems to be not what many people are looking for as far as curriculum.

On the chat forums I haven't been posting as much lately.  I don't feel like I have much to contribute really.  But I do like hearing the diversity of thought and hearing about a lot of regionalisms that I would never know about without these forums.

[marbel]

16 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah. I had a bunch of posters on ignore before. But you can see still the posts if you click, right? They are just collapsed. And that's annoying, because it takes willpower not to click on a post that you know is likely to be mean 😂.

Being on a forum of any kind requires willpower though, right? If I think someone is wrong about something, but I know there is no point to me saying it, it takes willpower to keep my mouth shut/fingers off the keys. 

If someone on a forum says something that hurts my feelings, I take a few minutes to consider if their criticism has any basis. If so, then I try to improve/change. If not, then I just shrug it off. It takes work and willpower but the alternatives are to suffer a lot of hurt feelings, and/or stay off forums.

(I am not suggesting you leave this or any forum. Just being practical about it in general.)

 

Edited December 3, 2022 by marbel

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, Lecka said:

Separately — as a parent I have had to talk to my own daughter (12 at the time) about people being wrong on the Internet.  She also can get — in a mindset were it really! matters!  Well — I think it helps her that I totally get it.  But at the same time I think I have a good way to offer perspective about the Internet.  And I definitely have talked to her about — you aren’t that important unless you have a certain level or depth of relationship.  It’s fairly anonymous.  It’s not a good place to put too much into, unless there are relationships there where you are getting stuff out.  Anyway — I am seeing it in a different way when it’s something that is now included in “parenting” and it’s not “my thing.”  It’s still my thing, but I also have a role in how my kids do things online, while it was just a private, personal thing, and I didn’t think of it like — oh, well, these are things people deal with on the Internet, in general.  

Just last night we were having a discussion about things on the internet.  Seems my teens take it personally if their online fun places are criticized in any way.  I also learned that one of my kids has engaged in online behavior I've repeatedly forbidden.  (Honestly not a big surprise with that kid, unfortunately.)  Other kid revealed that she had gotten 20,000 likes on a comment (that was thankfully not mean).

I really don't like all the online goings-on, but I guess it's part of teen life, so all I can do is try to guide as best I can.

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah. I had a bunch of posters on ignore before. But you can see still the posts if you click, right? They are just collapsed. And that's annoying, because it takes willpower not to click on a post that you know is likely to be mean 😂.

It does but I have trained myself to give the proverbial zero bothers about what a certain poster has to say. After all, my time is valuable. Do I really want to waste it on posters I have a poor history with? Nope. 
 

There are entire threads I never enter because of either the person who started it (and I know how it is likely to go) or because I know the topic itself is one I can’t remain objective about.  Again…where do I want to spend my limited time? Arguing with someone I don’t like about a topic I can’t influence them on? Nope. 

[Scarlett]

A few things.

 
Distraction from my IRL.

A wide array of knowledge about nearly every subject.  

Recipes.

Schedules.  

Opinions.  

 

 

[teachermom2834]

I have been on these boards for twenty years. I don’t think I am known for being mean. I generally try to avoid conflict and even after twenty years here I doubt most people have any opinion about me at all.  I’m pretty generic.

Yet, and I do not say this to be mean, I have found that I cannot easily participate in threads with you. I definitely feel that there is no end until other posters agree with you and it is your way is the only right way. I do not say this to hurt your feelings because obviously you are saying you are struggling here and I am truly sorry for that.  I am just trying to point out that this isn’t only going one way with people being mean to you. I totally give you the benefit of the doubt that you have no intention of being mean. Just that I, personally, do find your style of posting to be aggressive. I’m not telling you not to post! That’s my issue to manage. And I’m not trying to pile on when you are saying your feelings get hurt (mine do too!) But as you lament lack of discussion and connection and that people don’t want to engage… that might not just be a one way issue. When you question why people don’t engage- there is a possibility that you come on stronger than what some of us have energy for on a message board. That’s fine- you are as welcome here as anyone- but it might color the type and number of responses you get. ? Or maybe not! I can be as wrong on the internet as anyone, as I have been informed.
 

But everyone here has to manage their own experience and interact or not with those they connect with. But as you truly seem to be seeking answers and clarity here, I’m putting myself out there with my own comments. And I’m opening myself up to people calling me mean now , which I will really hate. You can put me on ignore and not worry about me continuing to post to or about you. That is not my way. 
 

I hope you get it figured out because there is a lot of value here and I like the boards to be active so I am happy to have thoughtful posters. 

[fraidycat]

I came for the homeschooling information.

I'm no longer homeschooling, but this is the best place for well-informed discussions and perspectives on a wide variety of topics.

I am a better person because of these forums and all that I have learned over the years.

I haven't formed any close relationships with anyone here, but I agree with the PP who said this place feels like an online version of a neighbourhood/community. 

[Melissa Louise]

A variety of things.

Forbidden fruit - this place was called 'the other place' by the forum I was on initially. Venturing over here was a bit adventurous - we thought we'd get eaten up by the Christians, I guess. 

Found an active homeschooling community with decent moderation.

A source of stimulation when deeply bored and frustrated by  being at home and unable to engage in meaningful work 

A vibrant place (at times) mfor explorations of a range of spiritual perspectives, from atheism to deep religiousity. 

A source of semi-anonymous support for issues including chronic illness, parenting teens, mental health.

A place to offer support.

A place to work out my thoughts on various social and cultural topics.

Best source of info on the pandemic and associated issues.

Connections with various posters over the years, though it took me a long time to realise those connections function v differently to IRL and are a lot looser. 

Info on neurodiversity, incl autism and ADHD.

Exposure to, and amazement at, the lives of the middle class. 

Exposure to different ways of thinking/being, incl politically. 

A place to discuss books, though after I accidentally left Lit Hub for the third time! (Clumsy thumbs) I was too embarassed to ask Stacia to reinvite me again, so I haven't had much book talk recently. 

Sometimes, more negatively, a place to engage in deeply self punishing behaviours - see every single race/trans thread here - I'd go so far to call engagement here at times as a form of digital self harm.

 

 

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

I did not read the thread. Clearly I missed stuff.

 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, teachermom2834 said:

When you question why people don’t engage- there is a possibility that you come on stronger than what some of us have energy for on a message board.

Yeah. That's obviously true. As I already said, I've been trying to figure out how to tone things down in general, not just in forums. I do/did push people too much and it's a work in progress. That's why I'm posting about this -- I'm thinking about how to exist in this space. 

There are two issues that people are conflating here, though. One is that I tend to be too pushy. That one I can work on.

The other is that I tend to have strong and unconventional opinions. And that can bother people whether I'm loud about it or not. 

I'm definitely leaning towards more of a model of saying my piece in longform and then leaving things be. I don't do that enough.

I'd guess that the things I say will still make me fairly unpopular, though. 

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, and frankly, this kind of gratuitous meanness is exactly why I'm wondering what it is that I want from these forums. I don't enjoy this kind of interaction at all. It just feels unpleasant and hurts my feelings. 

Ignore button is really good. For a long time I didn't put anyone on ignore, but it really is a useful tool. Very few ppl are on it long term, and, except for one situation, it's more to stop me from hurting myself through engagement, rather than being mean to the ignored person. I take ppl off ignore once I can trust myself to stay away from engagement. 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah. That's obviously true. As I already said, I've been trying to figure out how to tone things down in general, not just in forums. I do/did push people too much and it's a work in progress. That's why I'm posting about this -- I'm thinking about how to exist in this space. 

There are two issues that people are conflating here, though. One is that I tend to be too pushy. That one I can work on.

The other is that I tend to have strong and unconventional opinions. And that can bother people whether I'm loud about it or not. 

I'm definitely leaning towards more of a model of saying my piece in longform and then leaving things be. I don't do that enough.

I'd guess that the things I say will still make me fairly unpopular, though. 

I quite like talking to you here. Even though we seem to disagree quite a bit. Even when I think you are wrong, you're at least upfront, and I haven't found you to use personal insults. Just my 2c, but I am not popular so grain of salt etc

 

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Ignore button is really good. For a long time I didn't put anyone on ignore, but it really is a useful tool. Very few ppl are on it long term, and, except for one situation, it's more to stop me from hurting myself through engagement, rather than being mean to the ignored person. I take ppl off ignore once I can trust myself to stay away from engagement. 

I was using it before, but I think I was doing it wrong. I just did it to people who I felt angry at. It almost felt like I was trying to punish them. (I think this is a pretty common subconscious motivation, frankly.) 

But the point isn't the people, it's you. The point is you feeling balanced as you interact on a forum. And if people are getting in the way, then you should ignore them. It only makes sense. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

I quite like talking to you here. Even though we seem to disagree quite a bit. Even when I think you are wrong, you're at least upfront, and I haven't found you to use personal insults. Just my 2c, but I am not popular so grain of salt etc

I won't use personal insults, ever. Period. I wouldn't do it in real life and I don't do it on here. And frankly, I think doing so on here is inappropriate and impolite. 

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

I was using it before, but I think I was doing it wrong. I just did it to people who I felt angry at. It almost felt like I was trying to punish them. (I think this is a pretty common subconscious motivation, frankly.) 

But the point isn't the people, it's you. The point is you feeling balanced as you interact on a forum. And people are getting in the way, then you should ignore them. It only makes sense. 

Yes, this. It's to protect you, not really to do with the ignored person. 

I am on other people's ignore lists and mostly it doesn't bother me or feel mean. I assume they are just protecting themselves. 

[Not_a_Number]

10 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

And I’m opening myself up to people calling me mean now , which I will really hate. You can put me on ignore and not worry about me continuing to post to or about you.

You aren't being mean, because you phrase it in terms of you and not in terms of my immutable personal characteristics. That's the key difference. 

[lmrich]

It is my teachers' lounge. I am so  grateful😀 The one thing I  really missed about being in a school is the other teachers and how we could talk about curriculum and then change and  talk about good sale, and then  pivot and talk about  food...  always about food. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, lmrich said:

It is my teachers' lounge. I am so  grateful😀 The one thing I  really missed about being in a school is the other teachers and how we could talk about curriculum and then change and  talk about good sale, and then  pivot and talk about  food...  always about food. 

I love that description! 

[marbel]

13 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Yeah. That's obviously true. As I already said, I've been trying to figure out how to tone things down in general, not just in forums. I do/did push people too much and it's a work in progress. That's why I'm posting about this -- I'm thinking about how to exist in this space. 

There are two issues that people are conflating here, though. One is that I tend to be too pushy. That one I can work on.

The other is that I tend to have strong and unconventional opinions. And that can bother people whether I'm loud about it or not. 

I'm definitely leaning towards more of a model of saying my piece in longform and then leaving things be. I don't do that enough.

I'd guess that the things I say will still make me fairly unpopular, though. 

Just in my experience here, I don't think strong and unconventional opinions are a problem if they are presented as opinions. Lots of people - and I don't know if you are one, I'm not pointing at you - present opinions as facts. A rather innocuous example is someone saying "I love taco bell" (opinion presented as such) and someone countering with "taco bell is disgusting and gross" (opinion presented as fact). BTW I have actually experienced this as the person who loves taco bell. 

Of course any opinion can be disagreed with. "I think taco bell is disgusting and gross" is a perfectly valid opinion, presented as such but someone may disagree and share their own opinion. 

So, I don't know, but maybe you are presenting opinions as facts? I mean it when I say I don't know; I'm not being coy about it. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by marbel

[Not_a_Number]

7 minutes ago, marbel said:

So, I don't know, but maybe you are presenting opinions as facts? I mean it when I say I don't know; I'm not being coy about it. 

I think I present them as strong opinions and, with things I've thought about for a long time, present myself as not open to most input. 

I don't think I present them as facts, per se, although I'd be interested if that's how it reads to people. 

Edited December 3, 2022 by Not_a_Number

[LauraClark]

I came for the homeschooling advice (the classical approach and encouraging me to challenge my kids [and myself]) and am also sad that the homeschooling side of the forum isn't very active lately. FB is ok, but I feel like it's a much bigger group and hard to really "get to know" anyone. Although I know the forums consist of thousands of people it doesn't feel like as many because the same core people respond. FB doesn't seem to be that way-there are a lot of people that respond and I find it hard to recognize anyone. I'll ask FB for the simple questions (like, why is this diagrammed this way), but will still go to the forum for the more in depth questions or curriculum ideas.

 

I try to stay off the chat side of the forum because it can get too drama filled for me (but, obviously, I'm not 100% successful, because here I am! 😉 ). That's definitely a comment on myself and how I read drama into things, and not a comment on anyone else.

[KungFuPanda]

I started coming to this board in my twenties and I’m 50 now. 😲 I’ve been lucky enough to be in the demographic where the board was mostly about homeschooling using TWTM book when I was in that phase of life and is more general now that my kids are grown and I no longer homeschool. I’m guessing people like me who can’t quit it are part of the problem. 😬 I don’t have it in me yo talk about curriculum all the time anymore. I’ve moved on and I feel like that chat board has moved with me. Is this what it feels like to be a baby boomer and be part of a huge group that set things up for them but not so much for the other users?

[fraidycat]

3 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

When did this get easier, out of curiosity? 

I'm not the person you asked about this, but for me, being able to let go gets easier and easier the older I get. There really is something magical about the 40s. I don't give a darn when people are wrong on the internet *most* of the time anymore. If people wanna be idiots, I just let them and steer clear. 😂

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, fraidycat said:

I'm not the person you asked about this, but for me, being able to let go gets easier and easier the older I get. There really is something magical about the 40s. I don't give a darn when people are wrong on the internet *most* of the time anymore. If people wanna be idiots, I just let them and steer clear. 😂

Hah. Well, here's hoping the same thing happens for me. 

I'm definitely finding it easier to let go as I get older. But I don't think I'll ever be thick-skinned, either. It's just not who I am. 

But I do want to figure out how to interact with the world given who I actually am. 

[SKL]

13 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I think I present them as strong opinions and, with things I've thought about for a long time, present myself as not open to most input. 

I don't think I present them as facts, per se, although I'd be interested if that's how it reads to people. 

I think sometimes it's a voice that implies you're angry / exasperated with people who express different thoughts ... even when those people aren't trying to be contrary.  And even in threads that you start by requesting others' views

I don't know how to explain it without having a specific example, where I could point out the words that create that "voice."

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, SKL said:

I think sometimes it's a voice that implies you're angry / exasperated with people who express different thoughts ... even when those people aren't trying to be contrary.  And even in threads that you start by requesting others' views

I don't know how to explain it without having a specific example, where I could point out the words that create that "voice."

Yep. I buy that. I've been defensive about stuff. Perhaps I'm still doing it on here. That's entirely possible. 

It gets tiresome disagreeing with people so often 😕 . But that's not everyone else's problem, that's mine. 

[SKL]

4 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I started coming to this board in my twenties and I’m 50 now. 😲 I’ve been lucky enough to be in the demographic where the board was mostly about homeschooling using TWTM book when I was in that phase of life and is more general now that my kids are grown and I no longer homeschool. I’m guessing people like me who can’t quit it are part of the problem. 😬 I don’t have it in me yo talk about curriculum all the time anymore. I’ve moved on and I feel like that chat board has moved with me. Is this what it feels like to be a baby boomer and be part of a huge group that set things up for them but not so much for the other users?

I think that the continued presence of older posters has been a big reason why discussions have stayed relatively kind/mature compared to many other places.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, SKL said:

I think that the continued presence of older posters has been a big reason why discussions have stayed relatively kind/mature compared to many other places.

I'm guessing it's the community feeling and the presence of moderation. When I ran a babywearing group on FB, we kept it very civil, but it took WORK. And it was also part of the group culture. 

FB groups move fast, which makes it much harder.