Unreasonable wedding requests--tell me your stories

[Harriet Vane]

Just musing about all the complexities of navigating major life events. We're in a wedding season of our lives (one kid recently married, another one marrying in a few months.) Weddings, funerals, baptisms--they all tend to bring out some strong feelings and sometimes some strange requests.

Did you experience unreasonable wedding requests or pressures?

Was there any particular thing you especially appreciated or resented?

I'd love to hear your stories.

[Catwoman]

No stories here, but this thread should be good!!!  🍿

 

[Frances]

TMI

Edited October 23, 2022 by Frances

[Carol in Cal.]

We attended the wedding of friends.  The groom’s parents were divorced, and his mother asked him not to invite his father.  He was renting an entire B and B for the wedding itself, the first night, and for anyone in the family who wanted to stay there.  When he wouldn’t disinvite his own father, his mother said she would not come.  But in the end she did.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Two weddings 9 months apart. So much went right. I wrote a whole post on it once lol. Overall I was very happy with both my dd's weddings.

The negatives ended up being -

Older DD wanted a really small wedding but her MIL did not. There were so many people that HAD to be there. To cut down on numbers, I didn't invite many of my own family members, yet somehow even her MIL's co-workers who didn't even know the groom ended up on the guest list. I'm not a control freak mom so I trusted SIL and dd with the list and dd ran the original list by me. I wish I would've rechecked it again before invites were actually sent. MIL had pushed a lot of extras onto the list and dd didn't know how to say no. I didn't know about any of this until AFTER invites were sent. We were paying and at $35 a head, I was really peeved.

Her MIL was insistent that there had to be alcohol too, but DD stayed strong on that one. We aren't opposed to alcohol but SIL's family has an unhealthy relationship with it and his dad is an alcoholic.

[SHP]

I am of the mindset that the bride and groom should be supported. 

The significant other of a kid who may as well be one of mine wants phallic luminaries for the aisle. I am more than happy to provide and I REALLY want to see what else they have planned. I am an enabler.

I guess they only thing I might object to is a dress code of the traditional Betazoid wedding. 

 

[Elizabeth86]

No stories here as no one I know goes all out for weddings. The only wedding request ever was to wear camouflage. It turned out to be a wonderfully fun and casual wedding. My 3rd child was just a couple weeks old and she looked so cute in her camo. I loved that couple too, but are sadly divorced now.

[Resilient]

#1 A requirement that all guests wear pastels…so the photos would be beautiful   

#2 The groom’s family refusing to tell bride’s family how many guests they had invited.  

Bride’s family was catering the dinner, and paying for site rental, which had seating limit of 120.  Groom’s family knew it and  invited 150.    

Groom didn’t fall far from the tree. He used their honeymoon money to get himself a dirt bike.  
 

 

[Drama Llama]

Mine is about entitled guests, not an entitled couple.  I went to a wedding of two colleagues.  Both were single parents with kids around 5.  I knew their kids relatively well, because I worked in a school that their kids attended, but they hadn't met my kids, just seen pictures on my desk.

So, the wedding comes, and the groom comes in sheepishly with the invite and explains that it's child free, but they are making exceptions for their own kids, and he hopes I'll understand.  Apparently people had told him that if you invite even one child to a wedding, it's rude to exclude any children whatsoever.  The idea that because their own children were going to his wedding, I should be entitled to bring children he had never met was absurd.  Even if it had been a wedding with lots of children (that he had met) I wouldn't have brought mine without a very specific invite.  But apparently people were making them feel terrible for their choice.  

[gardenmom5]

49 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

No stories here, but this thread should be good!!!  🍿

 

I've read about some doozies . . . 

[TravelingChris]

In our wedding, we didn't want alcohol because dh's next older brother is an alcoholic and we wanted no problems.  We did it all ourselves.  But dfil decided to encourage dbil to go get some beer.  Didn't make me happy but fortunately, one 6 pack w 2 drinkers wasn't a real problem.

[pinball]

He just kept asking me to marry him….over and over and over and over. Til I finally just said yes just to end it!

then he actually wanted me to LIVE with him once we got married.

And I was like…geee, when is enough , enough with you?

[Faith-manor]

We were raked over the coals by a guest at HIGH volume (dd's wedding) for not providing McD's happy meals for her kids. It was an RSVP wedding so they knew ahead of time that we were not providing fast food for kids. There was roast chicken, baby red herbed potatoes, roast asparagus, carrot and rice pilaf, spring green salads with numerous fresh veggies for toppings, a large fruit bowl of mixed fruit, and rolls plus desserts. It was so ridiculous. 

Actually, I have seen so much egregious behavior from relatives at weddings, and brides reduced to tears that I no longer think weddings ate a good idea. Just take friends, go to the courthouse or pastor's office, have a nice honeymoon, and then send out an announcement upon return.

[prairiewindmomma]

Please fly your family to my destination island wedding—I want them in the wedding party so you must bring everyone. There were more demands than this, but I need to stay vague because this is a public board. Between flights, clothing, and hotel, we would have been out $20,000+. 

[Faith-manor]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Please fly your family to my destination island wedding—I want them in the wedding party so you must bring everyone. There were more demands than this, but I need to stay vague because this is a public board. Between flights, clothing, and hotel, we would have been out $20,000+. 

Whoa! People are nuts!

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

DH thought everything about the wedding was unreasonable and over the top.  We eloped/family only living room potluck wedding for health insurance reasons and then had the regularly scheduled wedding some months later. DH thought even the family only living room wedding was too much.  His preference was justice of the peace and a nice steak dinner afterward. 
 
fortunately I think most of the people in my life don’t lean towards bridezilla. I have a sister who’s made a habit out of getting married though, and she insists that her next wedding will perfect, thus leading to the perfect marriage.

[prairiewindmomma]

5 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Whoa! People are nuts!

It was couched as a “vacation”. Just spend the money you would normally spend on a vacation here instead. 
 

They vacation on islands. We tent camp in state parks, using our annual $30 state park pass for vacation.

[teachermom2834]

I probably shouldn’t say this because I feel like it’s been discussed here before and some people here have done this at their weddings but in all the big variety of weddings I have been to the one that put me out as a guest was one where the head table had a much nicer meal with champagne and wine and the rest of the guests had a simpler meal and no alcohol available (not even a cash bar or anything). I totally don’t think any minimum standard meal is required and I definitely don’t think alcohol is a must but I was really put off by the head table partying and feasting while the other guests had a much lesser meal. I wouldn’t have minded something like champagne for the head table while everyone else just had beer or wine or something but this was just really egregious to me.  It was a really weird vibe like everyone was there watching their party. 

[Faith-manor]

20 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It was couched as a “vacation”. Just spend the money you would normally spend on a vacation here instead. 
 

They vacation on islands. We tent camp in state parks, using our annual $30 state park pass for vacation.

That is a very big difference! But I don't advocate for couples to invite people to their island honeymoon/wedding events. Just elope and make an announcement later. This expecting people to spend thousands to attend a wedding is just wicked!

[Harriet Vane]

51 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I've read about some doozies . . . 

Do tell. 😃

[catz]

I'm going to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is reading wedding dramas on reddit 🤣

https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/

Although, I'm pretty sure half the readers on the boards are overbearing brides defending any bridal demands at all costs lol. 

I will say, and I felt this way when we planned our wedding, that we were hosting an event I wanted people to be enjoy and happy to attend.  You're a HOST not dictator-for-a-day.  I think dress codes are weird unless you know every single person on your list can do that without shopping/renting/spending extra money.  Like if you have a jeans crowd, having a black tie wedding seems a bit obnoxious to me.  Or asking people to wear a "color theme".  Sure that might make nice photos.  But it also might force a family to spend hundreds of more dollars to attend your event.  

Have your destination wedding or your child free wedding,etc.  Don't be surprised or balk when people decline.  

I always think, what do you want your wedding memories to be in 5,10,20 years.  About how you all battled about the color of fondant and that your grandma was awful for wearing orthopedic shoes.   Or how you brought everyone together for a day of celebration.  The most beautiful fun weddings I've attended are the most joyful and relaxed.   My dad had open heart surgery months before I got married and we decided it would just be fun and stress free and it was.  There wasn't fighting and it was just joyful.  And it's not like we didn't have like 100 weird things happen or things go wrong.  We did - those quirky things are what make fun stories to tell later!  Embrace it!

 

[teachermom2834]

One thing I have seen people call demanding is assigned seating and I am here to say that assigned seating is a gift to your guests. We have gone to a couple weddings for friends of dh’s from work and we almost couldn’t find seats together let alone with anyone we knew. It was super awkward to try to figure out where to sit. One of these weddings had a table’s worth of “work friends” all scattered at odd tables with people they didn’t know where they could find odd open seats. 
 

Please be controlling and tell me where to sit!! People can move around but it helps the people who don’t know anyone tremendously. 
 

I had a casual wedding but I told people where to sit 😂 I didn’t check to make sure they stayed there but I made sure they had appropriate seating to start out. 

[Loowit]

My cousin's daughter is getting married soon.  I wasn't invited, which is not big deal since I don't really know her, but I found out that she told her dad (my cousin) that he was invited but his wife was not.  My cousin divorced his first wife (daughter's mom) a few years ago because of an affair and later married the person he had an affair with.  The daughter was very hurt, understandably, and doesn't want the woman he cheated on his mom with at her wedding.  This is causing a major family squabble, and people are drawing lines.  My cousin is refusing to go to the wedding if his wife isn't invited.  My aunt and uncle (grandparents of the bride) are standing by my cousin and refusing to go either.  It is a big mess and I am glad I don't have to be involved.

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

DH thought everything about the wedding was unreasonable and over the top.  We eloped/family only living room potluck wedding for health insurance reasons and then had the regularly scheduled wedding some months later. DH thought even the family only living room wedding was too much.  His preference was justice of the peace and a nice steak dinner afterward. 
 
fortunately I think most of the people in my life don’t lean towards bridezilla. I have a sister who’s made a habit out of getting married though, and she insists that her next wedding will perfect, thus leading to the perfect marriage.

You described my exact wedding because I thought everything was over the top too.

[Slache]

SIL got married three years ago, DD was the flower girl and DH officiated. She demanded we buy a $400 flower girl dress, $200 shoes and an $800 suit. We did not. We told her DH had a suit and put a $100 cap on DD's dress. When we received the wedding invitation there was a typed note inserted into the envelope that guests are required to bring a $150 gift to offset the cost of the wedding. They booked the place for 300 people, about 40 showed and she cried all night because she was counting on the gifts and money she was expecting to begin her life. I think she actually went around asking if people planned on giving her money if they did not bring a gift. I heard she did, but didn't notice.

The bar had free beer and wine, but sodas were not. I thought that was weird.

[Corraleno]

My ex DH and I eloped specifically because of my MIL, who is the biggest drama queen on the planet, and we knew she'd go nuts and demand to control every single detail. So we just skipped off to Vegas one weekend and told everyone later. When DH called to tell her we'd gotten married, I literally heard the scream from the next room, lol. So to placate her we told her she could plan a blessing service and reception in the UK and she could have 100% control over that, we'd just show up. The only thing we ended up vetoing was she didn't want me to wear my wedding dress, she wanted me to wear "a plain suit" (so she would be the center of attention in her salmon-pink outfit and gigantic salmon-pink hat). 

She arranged a blessing service in a cute little medieval chapel, and she chose everything about it, including the hymns, readings, etc. For the reading she chose... the story of Ruth, lol. When the pastor said "This is perhaps an unusual choice of reading for a wedding, as it refers to the relationship between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law..." the entire church started snickering because it was just so totally in character for MIL. 

After the service there was a reception in a tent that was set up in the walled garden of a local inn, where a lot of MIL's guests were staying. I think there were about 60 people there, which included three of DH's friends from boarding school, and all the other guests were friends of MIL. She was at the head table, of course, where she had her own personal bottle of wine while everyone else shared a bottle, and when her bottle was empty she ordered another one. She was totally plastered, kept dragging people up to dance with her (FIL slipped out and went to bed very early, lol), kept telling the band to play louder despite getting complaints from neighbors, and ended up falling head first into a flower bed while yelling at the police who came to shut down the party at 1 AM. We did not see her again until late the following afternoon, lol. 

[Katy]

TMI

Edited October 23, 2022 by Katy

[theelfqueen]

My mother-in-law was very insistent that we must have an open bar at our wedding. DH's family is from a place of big elaborate weddings with full meal receptions and formal dress and people travelling across the country to attend, etc. My family is from a place of church basement cake and punch receptions in your regular Sunday best. 

My grandfather was all his life tee'total.

I did not at the time think he would have considered attending anyway. As MIL was insistent and willing to pay, we let her have her way.

I have in more recent years wondered if this was some sort of ... decision that prevented my grandfather from deciding to attend. I have no reason to believe he would have - he did not attend my first wedding and it would have been a great distance for him to travel and he was still running a working farm and well... he was a difficult man. My family culture has never been one of attending far off weddings. But there is a small nagging that perhaps he would have if it weren't for the booze. 

Edited October 23, 2022 by theelfqueen

[Ottakee]

I went to one where the reception had only a cash bar…..no free beverages of any kind…..not even pitchers of ice water.  We had to pay for water and soft drinks.

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Harriet Vane said:

Do tell. 😃

It seems to be frequent over the last few years - but the bride and groom sending bills to their guests because they didn't spend enough money on the gift.  And then there is just the frank "bill" for their meal - including booze.

 

I do admire the mother of the bride when her ex's new wife purchased the same dress to wear to the wedding.  Much went back and forth trying to get "new wife" to get a new dress.  In the end, the MoB was gracious, and said to let "new wife" have it and she'd buy a new dress.  She wore "the dress" to the rehearsal dinner the night before.

 

Jackie Kennedy's mother - assigned someone to get her father drunk so he'd miss her wedding.

Edited October 23, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Clarita]

Not that over the top, but at some point in planning the wedding I felt my now husband was asking too much. He wanted a sit down (not buffet) dinner for our 400+ guest backyard wedding. Owner of the house finally convinced him not to do it, plus a few guests switched their plus one names stuff more than once. Of course I had no idea how to plan an American style traditional wedding so I googled what to do for a lot of the things. Hint: Don't do that. I hand addressed in calligraphy ~200 envelopes, plus the stupid placards because of potential sit down meal, because according to the internet anything less would be insulting.  

I did not have assigned seating, but I think it worked out. People were smart enough to move chairs to be with the people they wanted to be with.

[gardenmom5]

52 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

I went to one where the reception had only a cash bar…..no free beverages of any kind…..not even pitchers of ice water.  We had to pay for water and soft drinks.

The venue where dh's nephew had their wedding required they hire a bartender.  For a bunch of non-drinkers.  (very few of those in attendance drank at all.)  The bartender was very lonely - some people took pity on him and went and sat there to chat while they drank their water or soda.

[happi duck]

The one thing asked of my then future mil was not to wear one certain color.  Of course that's what she wore. 

Went to a great wedding that had two rooms...one for dancing and one for visiting and board games!

Went to a wedding at a venue that required you to bring in staff.  The bartender didn't know how to mix a drink and the waitstaff didn't know how to plate meals.  They didn't think to ask such specific things they assumed were the norm.

[rebcoola]

I was very accommodating bride.  Which bit my BIL (Sisters Hubby) in the behind.  When he asked if jeans were ok we said of course.  Well my MIL and her girlfriends apparently were just tipsy enough to follow him around all night flirting and taking pictures of his behind with the provided disposable cameras all night.  I bet a man has never wished he wore slacks instead of his wranglers more.

[JustEm]

Well when we told certain family members that we eloped their response was, 'are we supposed to be happy for you.' this was because they wanted to be included in it. I let go of that hurt ages ago, dh held a grudge for many years. Thankfully, for our marriage, he wasn't holding a grudge against my family members.

[Shoeless]

My family was the unreasonable bunch at my first wedding. Basically, I didn't get to pick anything out; my stepmother picked everything. Any time I tried to put my preference in, she'd pitch a fit to my dad who'd pitch a fit at me for being self-centered. Because I wanted to pick out my own wedding cake and have my mother help me get ready on the day of the wedding. (Step-mom screamed how "That Woman" was not permitted to enter her home, so I said "Fine, I'll get ready at the venue". Cue more screaming: "You CAN'T. I will not allow it! You are ruining this moment for your father!"

The final straw was when step-mother told the DJ she wanted an announcement made at the reception that SHE and my father had paid for everything, not my mother and stepfather, and wanted the DJ to ask the crowd to applaud.  I told the DJ if he even hinted at such a thing, I'd put a stop payment on his check.

When I got married the second time, I asked for zero from them. I only wanted them to show up for a simple, backyard ceremony and lunch that I was paying for. Literally, they only had to show up, be nice, and eat on my dime. My dad was mad because I had "shamed" the family by being an unwed mother, (I was 35, for crying out loud), and he didn't think I deserved any sort of wedding or happiness at all. In his opinion, I should have slinked off to the court house and hastily wed in shame, but here I was, acting like people might want to share in my happy day. Or that I was even entitled to a happy day in the first place.

He wasn't having it at all and refused to take anything seriously. He said he'd pay for an Elvis-impersonator minister to show up, that dad had picked out his wedding attire, (a grass skirt and Hawaiian shirt), and he and my half-sister would be the music. They'd play kazoo. My half-sister thought this was HILARIOUS and was fully onboard with the plan.

And then I uninvited the lot of them, eloped with just DH and DS present, and had a very nice dinner out. The family then acted gravely wounded that I excluded them and moaned to extended family about how selfish and mean I am.

Good times, good times.

[Condessa]

My brother and sil were married in a small religious ceremony where sil grew up in the morning and had a large reception in the evening, with a second backyard reception where my brother grew up a few months later.  Each set of parents was mostly paying for their “own” reception.  My parents offered to also pay for the families to have a nice lunch at a restaurant together at 2o’clock in between the ceremony and reception.  

Sil’s parents gave them a list of 78 family members coming to the lunch.  When my parents tried to clarify that they had meant immediate families, just parents, siblings, and siblings’ spouses and children, they insisted that because they have a very close extended family they couldn’t possibly leave anyone out of a family event, and 78 people was the absolute fewest they could invite without mortally offending anyone.  My parents wound up paying for them all because they were worried about getting new family relationships off to a bad start.  That family luncheon cost them more than my entire wedding.  

Incidentally, sil’s parents decided there really was no need to have food at the evening reception from 5-9pm.  There was a dessert crepe bar, and a very small cake that the bride and groom cut together, and that was it.

Edited October 23, 2022 by Condessa

[Grace Hopper]

15 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

No stories here as no one I know goes all out for weddings. The only wedding request ever was to wear camouflage. It turned out to be a wonderfully fun and casual wedding. My 3rd child was just a couple weeks old and she looked so cute in her camo. I loved that couple too, but are sadly divorced now.

I believe it’s rude to ask people to dress a certain way unless it’s an inexpensive/easily attainable style for a themed event. No guest should have to rent the runway or go black tie. Unless your family is, like, the Kennedys. 

15 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Please fly your family to my destination island wedding—I want them in the wedding party so you must bring everyone. There were more demands than this, but I need to stay vague because this is a public board. Between flights, clothing, and hotel, we would have been out $20,000+. 

I am glad you said it first! Very much not a fan of the destination wedding. Eloping is a fine option. 

15 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It was couched as a “vacation”. Just spend the money you would normally spend on a vacation here instead. 
 

They vacation on islands. We tent camp in state parks, using our annual $30 state park pass for vacation.

You know, the way you would spend your vacation time doesn’t even matter. Most working people have limited vacation time, and asking someone to make your vacation, their vacation, well that’s just rude. We were in a similar situation, would have cost us $20K [eta oops our number would have been $8K, still not in our budget] to go. Message to me: they didn’t really want us at their wedding. I’m not opposed to traveling for a wedding when bride and groom are from different home towns. But when all the people involved live within a 50 mile radius, it is rude to ask everyone to pack up and travel a thousand miles to attend. If ya REALLY want a specific location and ya REALLY want certain people to be there, pay their expenses. Because even then they may be losing wages at work. Ok off my soap box now. 😂

12 hours ago, Ottakee said:

I went to one where the reception had only a cash bar…..no free beverages of any kind…..not even pitchers of ice water.  We had to pay for water and soft drinks.

IMO cash bars at weddings are in poor taste. If you can’t afford a full bar, stick with beer and table wine. If you can’t afford beer and wine, have a coffee bar or an afternoon tea reception, or even a brunch. And water should be free and plentiful!

I could go on and on. Intoxicated wedding parties are probably my biggest pet peeve. Another is vendors who show up in super casual attire for a nice event - photographers, get yourself a simple black outfit and call it your uniform, stop showing up in shredded jeans.
 

My married kids had lovely events from small to large, dry to full bar. All was planned and the guest lists made appropriate to the event so these events stayed on budget. One more thing, we did phone-free, guest-camera-free wedding ceremonies, then provided hash tags and encouraged people to take and share candid photos after formal pictures at the reception. The pictures taken from the back of the church were so nice that way, no one holding their phones in the air or no one stepping out into the aisles to get their own pictures. 

Edited October 23, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[Eos]

2 hours ago, MissLemon said:

And then I uninvited the lot of them, eloped with just DH and DS present, and had a very nice dinner out.

Nicely done. I'm so sorry the rest of that occurred!

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, Eos said:

Nicely done. I'm so sorry the rest of that occurred!

My relatives are bananas. The wedding antics are the low-hanging fruit on the banana tree. I have stories, lol.

 

[kiwik]

9 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

Whoa! People are nuts!

My thoughts are that if you want people to attend you have it close to where most of the people live (or at least where you live). If you are having it at a destination type place you obviously don't want me there so I won't come.

[TravelingChris]

As far as I know, we have never been invited to a destination wedding.  DD1 and dsil1 were last year but it wasn't a high cost destination and probably about 5 hours away.  They went and had a great time.  I think it worked because it was basically a weekend plus one day trip.  Also, it was at a major beach resort and there were lots of choices for accomodations.  And I think that from what I have heard dd1 talking, almost all the friend group if not all of them, have very good policies for day's off.

[EmilyGF]

11 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Please fly your family to my destination island wedding—I want them in the wedding party so you must bring everyone. There were more demands than this, but I need to stay vague because this is a public board. Between flights, clothing, and hotel, we would have been out $20,000+. 

So, my take on this is that invitations are cheap and a destination wedding means you can invite anyone you want. 

FWIW, my grandmother had a whole list (maybe 15+ people?) for me to invite whom she expected not to come. She thought they would be happy to get an invitation and be included that way, but she didn't expect them to travel across the country to where I lived and actually attend. A few did, but that was a nice bonus. I guess I would feel differently if the person was pressuring me to come to a destination wedding.

[Carrie12345]

My desire for a tiny, informal ceremony and intimate refreshment gathering was usurped.

My mil invited extended family and friends to the service without my knowledge.  
That was after insisting on a whole order of flower stuff (at her expense, at least.). 
Then she threw a big party a few weeks later and complained that it cost more than we received in gifts.

Do. What. The. Couple. Wants.  
Period(s)

(That’s not to say I think anyone should spend money they don’t have for crazy couples. But you can respect their wishes and let them flop!)

[shawthorne44]

 

I am a planner by nature.  So I always had plan B's in place.   My first Plan B was that if my MIL got obnoxious early in the wedding planning we were going to invite everyone to an engagement party and then get married in the middle of it.  MIL was lovely.  My second Plan B was if we had a lot of non-RSVP's was to move the wedding to a particular really nice restaurant, then only tell the people that RSVP'ed Yes.   The Chef/Owner of the restaurant is a really close friend of our really close friend.  We had very few people not RSVP, so we stuck with Plan A.   

There were some bad ones right before the wedding.   My grandmother made me cry the night before because she expected me to wear her black plastic bead necklace at my wedding.  I was already emotional because my organza skirt had stretched about 5" and was too long.   Fortunately close family was there and she quickly hemmed it up.   
We married in August in Texas.   The facility had had both AC units die the day before the wedding.  They got the one that had the reception hall fixed that morning, so it was a nice temp.   The other half, including where I did last minute wedding prep was very very hot.   Some of DH's friends called and asked that we delay the ceremony 'because it was raining and they were running late'.    It had been raining all day.   That was a flat NO.    The reception and ceremony were in the same place and the bar was open, and the guests were happy so DH thought it was a reasonable request.  

 

[Faith-manor]

Because I used to do professional event planning, my sons have seen enough drama to last a life time. I truly hate weddings in any form since then because people are just awful to each other. They decided that if they ever committed to a life partner, they would each do the online officiant training and perform each other's ceremonies or create their own blessing type ceremony for just immediate family and a few, close friends then go to a restaurant. We are now in the process of planning for our eldest son and wonderful dil whom we adore. We have a nice room at a restaurant, and since they both wanted a nod to their Scottish heritage, I have tartan plaid ribbon I ordered for each family. I am surrounding candle jars with the ribbon, putting three different sizes together on Dollar Tree gold charger plates, putting Dollar Tree glass gems in the bottoms, filling with water, and adding an LED floating candle. I have ivory lace pieces left over from dd's wedding that will go on the tables, and some dark burgundy poly satin to go under the lace. The restaurant has some silk ficus plants that we are allowed to use and will put twinkle lights in, and we have a black archway from the garden that we are cleaning up and putting in the room with the ficus plants for a little photo spot.

We have ordered the buffet for the 25 people who will be there. My sister is making a small, 3 tier cake which will be decorated with the ribbon around each layer, and have a small silk flower topper which I will make. The venue did not mind us bringing cake in since they only have pies and ice cream on their dessert menu and the room is used for all kinds of parties like birthdays and such so people often bring decorated cakes. We are paying $20 a head for the very nice buffet and will not be paying for alcohol, just non alcoholic beverages. Dil purchased a nice, black gown from a resale store which my mom is altering for her, and she is adding a matching tartan shawl. Ds has his own kilt and tux shirt. We have a playlist of songs which dh will keep going in the background. Middle son is performing the ceremony and will do a small part of it in Danish as a nod to the other half of our heritage, and her dad is giving a prayer for the couple in Polish which is the other big piece of dil's ancestry.

Not a single drama king or queen has been invited. My brother and his shrew will not be there, nor dh's sister, nor my alcoholic nephew and my very unstable niece. Dil did not invite her own brother due to his very poor behavior. 

I am looking forward to the low key, simple nature, and a small amount of people so we can all visit and enjoy each other. I am not sure I will EVER attend another big wedding in this lifetime. They have become such ridiculous, drama filled nightmares. The last one I went to the bride's brother got drunk and then spent the evening deliberately trying to spill beer on his sister. Eventually the groom got sick of it and physically evicted his brother in law. What a lovely start! 😡 

We would have supported ds and dil if they had not chosen to do any kind of event. But we are also happy to splurge for this simple, cozy affair. Her family really cannot afford to do it so we are happy to pitch in, and it will give us an opportunity to visit and get to know each other a little bit. 

[Farrar]

Ooh boy. I have posted about this on this forum before, but I will never forget SIL's wedding, which was insane. I can laugh about it now. They are still together and are very sweet. And it's been over a decade at this point, so it's all faded to funny. But on the wedding day, nothing was done. I ended up setting up the whole rented hall at the inn basically myself with help from a few others. Dh had the kids - all of them, including hers. Sil was running late and when she finally arrived, I had to go to her room and TAKE THE HOT GLUE GUN AWAY because she was trying to put finishing touches on random things. Her friends and MIL were all just standing around like, we are afraid to say anything. I was like, this wedding is starting. It's too late. Go get married before people think you've run off. Actually, they already thought that. Once she got down the aisle, it was fine and we enjoyed the big party, but oh my. I went in thinking we were going to have a relaxing weekend and ATTEND the wedding. Who knew I was going to become the last minute wedding planner!

[TravelingChris]

The only big wedding I have attended was my bil's.  My son was a ring bearer.   It was loud, it was awful, the reception was so very loud with so, so many people.  Bad behavior sseen many times.  We were just very happy to go back to our hotel.  

Of course, they didn't stay married very long either. 

And that BIL has been a pain in the neck to my dh last year too.  Apparently he moved with girlfriend to SC.  Then the house my FIL left to both him and older BIl, was about to be sold for taxes.  Turns out that nobody turned in the will that gave them the house.  So then my dh and older sil decided to take the offer of a developer but that bil in SC was rejecting it, even though he no longer lived there and the person that did, the oldest BIL, was fine with the sale.  My dh talked very strongly to him and got him to sign right before it was going to be relinquished to the county. Ph and then this new girlfriend, now wife???/, wanted to be facebook friends,  We all refused.

[Scarlett]

I am probably just not remembering but I honestly don’t remember a lot of drama at any wedding I attended. I went to a very very large wedding of my husband’s cousin’s son.  It was a very fancy wedding at a country club with full meal, full open bar, champagne at the table…..just lovely. The bride and groom had just graduated college and they had a huge wedding party.  We stayed until probably 10 p.m or so.  The wedding part definitely were drinking and dancing it I didn’t see any outrageous behavior…..just 20 somethings having a great time.  But who knows, we are the old people there and there might have been drama I did not see.  

[teachermom2834]

None of my kids have gotten married yet but in the next few years I expect to be in the wedding years. My oldest has attended weddings constantly this past year. He has one coming up that is black tie. He has very nice clothes (by my standards LOL)  but has to go buy something to meet the dress code. He can afford it and is looking forward to it. He says the invitation laid out alot of expectations and was basically “we understand if you can’t join us but if you do these are the rules”.  
 

I will be interested to see what happens if he marries his current girlfriend. They both have good jobs and run in a much more sophisticated crowd than we are used to and her family comes from old money. So I can’t even really relate to what the scenario will be. I expect to just go along and just shrug and not take responsibility for any of it because it will be the bride’s family’s decisions. I’ll be supportive but definitely consider myself a guest in that situation and not expect to get any opinions.

Edited October 23, 2022 by teachermom2834