Update last post: Help me think through this work situation

[lmrich]

On 7/19/2022 at 8:18 AM, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

 

I don’t know. There’s no really good option and neither is really bad either.  I am miserable and unhappy at work, like sometimes I want to drive my car into a tree on the way there.  I miss working with friends. But I will also be unhappy commuting and feeling like I am not with my kids as often.

ugh. I need advice.

 

yikes! Commuting will stink, too, and missing your family time will stink. But driving into a tree stink?! I think you have to try the new job out. They pay for your mileage, too. No brainer. 

[brehon]

On 7/19/2022 at 7:18 AM, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

There’s no really good option and neither is really bad either.  I am miserable and unhappy at work, like sometimes I want to drive my car into a tree on the way there.

Hmmm…seems like there is a bad option given what you’ve said about the toxicity levels. And I can’t get past the bit I bolded above. Will 2 16 hour shifts/week be enough to overcome this feeling? You and I both know how easy it is for shifts to go past their clock out time:  late calls, catching up on PCRs and other paperwork, holding over for a colleague “who’s almost there”, etc, not to mention the short staffing problems (perhaps this is just an issue down here, though). 

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I want appreciation but I don’t really care about promotions right now.

I’d like appreciation, too. I’d like to feel like what I do — what I’ve suffered and sacrificed for — matters to my system. Unfortunately, although my colleagues appreciate what I do, my bosses sure as hell don’t. And, I apologize for the brag, I am damn good at what I do: patient care certainly but also myriad other things that are not part of my job description. I essentially work the equivalent of 2 1/2 full time jobs.

So, although the commute seems horrible, I wonder if you’ll ever feel like you’re properly appreciated by your system and/or bosses. I don’t know, you certainly know your life’s variables better than I. If I had such an offer on the table, I’d leap at it so fast someone’s head would spin.

[ktgrok]

So, if you stay there the night between shifts how much does that cut into that raise?

But, staying there means you never drive that commute twice in a day, so it's 75 minutes total, not 75 minutes twice a day, which is actually fairly reasonable. I did a 45 minute commute twice a day for years and it really wasn't awful. (assuming it isn't terrible traffic - that would change my opinion)

Would DH and/or other family still be near to grab the kids if something happens at school?

If so, I'd do it, mainly because from what you say Job A would hire you back if you change your mind, since they are always short people anyway, right? So nothing really to lose by trying?

[ktgrok]

On 7/19/2022 at 9:15 AM, ScoutTN said:

Take it. 

Wintermom’s words about your  own long term physical and mental health are wise. Your kids will need you for many years and  investing in/protecting yourself is for them and your Dh too. 

This. You have posted multiple times about depression (not shaming - dealing with it myself!) and we both know that depression GREATLY impacts how ACTUALLY available we are to our kids. I mean, there are days I'm there physically, but mentally I'm checked out, or at least I'm not actually JOYFUL with them like I want to be. 

If leaving that toxicity could make you a happier parent, that's important. I am not one that says to sacrifice your children for your own pleasure, but that's not this. This is taking care of your HEALTH. 

On 7/19/2022 at 9:18 AM, Faith-manor said:

This makes me think you should take it. You would like to eventually quit, and you will be earning $8 an hour more, and able to get better sleep. In so many of your posts, you guys are going through a ton of money on medical bills, and while I know your youngest consumes a bunch, you do too and I have to wonder if lowering your stress level and sleeping more on a better sleep schedule will make a big difference in your health. The money can then be set aside for family vacations and special things or to ease the burden of the med bills.

 

Yup. That's a lot of extra money that may help you quit sooner, or ease some stress. And I agree that lowering your stress will likely improve your health. Long term stress is just so damaging, and it no doubt impacts your interactions with your family now, but also it will almost certainly impact your long term health and potentially lifespan. Living longer for your kids isn't a selfish thing to do!

And again, worst case? You spend a few months getting more sleep, having less toxicity in your life, listen to some good audiobooks or podcasts on your drive, and then change your mind and quit. But with more money and some rest!

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 hour ago, brehon said:

Hmmm…seems like there is a bad option given what you’ve said about the toxicity levels. And I can’t get past the bit I bolded above. Will 2 16 hour shifts/week be enough to overcome this feeling? You and I both know how easy it is for shifts to go past their clock out time:  late calls, catching up on PCRs and other paperwork, holding over for a colleague “who’s almost there”, etc, not to mention the short staffing problems (perhaps this is just an issue down here, though). 

I’d like appreciation, too. I’d like to feel like what I do — what I’ve suffered and sacrificed for — matters to my system. Unfortunately, although my colleagues appreciate what I do, my bosses sure as hell don’t. And, I apologize for the brag, I am damn good at what I do: patient care certainly but also myriad other things that are not part of my job description. I essentially work the equivalent of 2 1/2 full time jobs.

So, although the commute seems horrible, I wonder if you’ll ever feel like you’re properly appreciated by your system and/or bosses. I don’t know, you certainly know your life’s variables better than I. If I had such an offer on the table, I’d leap at it so fast someone’s head would spin.

Job Offer has a system in place that generally cuts down on late calls, but obviously it does and can happen(they pull you off the road 60 minutes before your off going time in order to complete paperwork and restock, and you’re last due for that hour. So possible but not often.)

They have a good reputation for being pretty decent to their part timers.  I think at two 16s a week I’d be pretty happy there and the offer to go full time Will always be on the table.  The 2 on/2 off, with needing to spend the night two nights a week, really comes out to 80 hours away from home a week(leave at, say, 0630 on Monday and not return home until 9:30 on Tuesday night, then redo it Friday and Saturday.) That’s a lot of time away and what is holding me up from just taking the job.  I did drive it back and forth when I worked there pre-kids and lived 15-20 minutes closer, and ended up leaving after a year because of the commute. In all honesty, I fell asleep on my way home and landed my car in a ditch.  And that was when I was much younger than I am now, before I was married and had kids.  

I asked what the part time rate would be and it would be $10 an hour more than what I’m currently making now.  Along with the raise DH is getting, the budget numbers are good with me just working part time.
The company is willing to let me work the 16s back to back on day shift, so I’d drive up Tuesday morning and come back Wednesday night and be done for the week. 
 

I’m not considering part time at my current job, but going part time at the new system/company for a few years instead of full time. I will always have the option to go to full time if I needed or wanted.

I am convinced bosses don’t really care how good you are or what else you do, as long as you have a pulse and a valid paramedic card.

i am also factoring in that DS7 has frequent appointments two hours  away and homeschooling him next year is still on the table, dependent on whether or not I can get him working at grade level before September.

Edited July 20, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[brehon]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I’m not considering part time at my current job, but going part time at the new system/company for a few years instead of full time. I will always have the option to go to full time if I needed or wanted.

Oohh!! I completely misunderstood! I thought you meant the 16 hr shifts at current job. My mistake.

I can’t believe job offer company pulls crews in an hour before shift change. Wow! That’s incredible. That…doesn’t happen in my system, at all. This seems like a company that is understands what’s really important and that is definitely NOT to be undervalued. (To be fair, we don’t have that horrid posting system a lot of other systems do. We have stations we stay at when we’re not on calls, running admin tasks, on standby, etc.) Yeah, if new company accepts your proposal, don’t look back. Go!! I bet you’ll find that your entire outlook on life changes when that weight is lifted from you. This offer seems tailor made for you.

And you’re absolutely correct about bosses. That’s certainly been made abundantly clear to me in the past several years. 

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

Job Offer has a system in place that generally cuts down on late calls, but obviously it does and can happen(they pull you off the road 60 minutes before your off going time in order to complete paperwork and restock, and you’re last due for that hour. So possible but not often.)

They have a good reputation for being pretty decent to their part timers.  I think at two 16s a week I’d be pretty happy there and the offer to go full time Will always be on the table.  The 2 on/2 off, with needing to spend the night two nights a week, really comes out to 80 hours away from home a week(leave at, say, 0630 on Monday and not return home until 9:30 on Tuesday night, then redo it Friday and Saturday.) That’s a lot of time away and what is holding me up from just taking the job.  I did drive it back and forth when I worked there pre-kids and lived 15-20 minutes closer, and ended up leaving after a year because of the commute. In all honesty, I fell asleep on my way home and landed my car in a ditch.  And that was when I was much younger than I am now, before I was married and had kids.  

I asked what the part time rate would be and it would be $10 an hour more than what I’m currently making now.  Along with the raise DH is getting, the budget numbers are good with me just working part time.
The company is willing to let me work the 16s back to back on day shift, so I’d drive up Tuesday morning and come back Wednesday night and be done for the week. 
 

I’m not considering part time at my current job, but going part time at the new system/company for a few years instead of full time. I will always have the option to go to full time if I needed or wanted.

I am convinced bosses don’t really care how good you are or what else you do, as long as you have a pulse and a valid paramedic card.

i am also factoring in that DS7 has frequent appointments two hours  away and homeschooling him next year is still on the table, dependent on whether or not I can get him working at grade level before September.

That sounds really really good!!!  Especially when you add in the other info about appts and possibly homeschooling.  I vote do that.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

26 minutes ago, brehon said:

Oohh!! I completely misunderstood! I thought you meant the 16 hr shifts at current job. My mistake.

I can’t believe job offer company pulls crews in an hour before shift change. Wow! That’s incredible. That…doesn’t happen in my system, at all. This seems like a company that is understands what’s really important and that is definitely NOT to be undervalued. (To be fair, we don’t have that horrid posting system a lot of other systems do. We have stations we stay at when we’re not on calls, running admin tasks, on standby, etc.) Yeah, if new company accepts your proposal, don’t look back. Go!! I bet you’ll find that your entire outlook on life changes when that weight is lifted from you. This offer seems tailor made for you.

And you’re absolutely correct about bosses. That’s certainly been made abundantly clear to me in the past several years. 

The one real drawback with Job Offer is that they do post and I’ve gotten used to stations. On the other hand, I did 17 patient transports in 24 hours yesterday so I didn’t see the station anyway. 
They also try hard to make sure that you get a dedicated half hour to check your rig and ease into the shift.  Of course that doesn’t always happen, but they have a crew coming on and going off every hour from 0600-1500 or so, so there’s enough crews available usually to allow your incoming crew to check their rig and catch up on the day’s news while still allowing your offgoing crew to make sure paperwork is done.

Another thing I really like is that if a crew has been super busy or ran a bad call, the on duty supervisor and a member of management(all medics) will go out in an ambulance and relieve them for half an hour or so.  Make sure they’ve eaten and have time and space to rest and decompress without being pulled for another call or nursing home transfer.  That says a lot to me and is probably why they have less than 10 open spots a year.  There’s a reason they are able to recruit the best paramedics in the surrounding areas.

My current top two bosses probably haven’t touched a patient in fifteen years.

Edited July 20, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Lawyer&Mom]

I’d take the new job just to be able to work with a stable, happy group of the best people in the area.  Just to soak in the vibes of people who like their jobs and are good at them too.  That’s got to be good for mental health. 

[AmandaVT]

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I asked what the part time rate would be and it would be $10 an hour more than what I’m currently making now.  Along with the raise DH is getting, the budget numbers are good with me just working part time.
The company is willing to let me work the 16s back to back on day shift, so I’d drive up Tuesday morning and come back Wednesday night and be done for the week. 
 

That sounds like an amazing option!! 

[Hannah]

It sounds like job offer company really understand and value their staff. That's priceless. Just knowing that management has your back takes off so much stress. 

If they're happy for you to work part-time, that sounds ideal.

Eta: I commuted 75 minutes one way for years. Left home at 4:45am to miss the heaviest traffic going into the city and was then able to leave work earlier om most days. It really depends on the route and how dense traffic is as to how stressful the commute is. I enjoyed listening to podcasts and audiobooks and actually enjoyed the me-time in the car.

Edited July 20, 2022 by Hannah

[Scarlett]

5 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I haven’t been able to move past the schedule.. 2 on/2 off when I’m starting an 8 day a month schedule at my current job soon.  
But then it occurred to me—I want appreciation but I don’t really care about promotions right now.  The company offers part timers more per hour than full timers, and I would likely be able to negotiate two 16 hour shifts a week.  That would be part time but I don’t need the benefits and with the increase in hourly pay, I’d have no need to work full time.  This would still leave me home with my kids five days a week and give me more control over what days I work.

Its an option that just occurred to me, but my kids are 12, 10 and 7.  There’s nothing to stop me from going full time for advancement in five or six years when they’re older, if I still wanted; or just work 32 hours a week/2 days a week until I’m ready to retire.

This is an option I’m really considering.

Oh I like option too!

[brehon]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

The one real drawback with Job Offer is that they do post and I’ve gotten used to stations. On the other hand, I did 17 patient transports in 24 hours yesterday so I didn’t see the station anyway. 
They also try hard to make sure that you get a dedicated half hour to check your rig and ease into the shift.  Of course that doesn’t always happen, but they have a crew coming on and going off every hour from 0600-1500 or so, so there’s enough crews available usually to allow your incoming crew to check their rig and catch up on the day’s news while still allowing your offgoing crew to make sure paperwork is done.

Another thing I really like is that if a crew has been super busy or ran a bad call, the on duty supervisor and a member of management(all medics) will go out in an ambulance and relieve them for half an hour or so.  Make sure they’ve eaten and have time and space to rest and decompress without being pulled for another call or nursing home transfer.  That says a lot to me and is probably why they have less than 10 open spots a year.  There’s a reason they are able to recruit the best paramedics in the surrounding areas.

My current top two bosses probably haven’t touched a patient in fifteen years.

I’ve always had stations, so posting would be a HUGE sea change for this old dog. And I’d still take the job. I’m rarely in my station, too, these days.

My admin also haven’t touched patients in 15-20 years. That’s a huge disconnect that has only been exacerbated by the pandemic.

Seriously, everything you’ve written makes this a no-brainer (well, maybe little brainer) for me, especially since you’re not near retirement. Speaking of which, what is the retirement with Job Offer? Did I miss it?

[brehon]

54 minutes ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

I’d take the new job just to be able to work with a stable, happy group of the best people in the area.  Just to soak in the vibes of people who like their jobs and are good at them too.  That’s got to be good for mental health. 

It is. It truly is. 

[fraidycat]

Take the new job.

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I asked what the part time rate would be and it would be $10 an hour more than what I’m currently making now.  Along with the raise DH is getting, the budget numbers are good with me just working part time.
The company is willing to let me work the 16s back to back on day shift, so I’d drive up Tuesday morning and come back Wednesday night and be done for the week. 
 

I

Do this! You would be gone one night fully a week, and one late evening, but you are gone at least that much anyway at current job, right? So with the raise, you would be home more without a huge drop in income, plus be less stressed when you are home. That's a win. Do that!

[Amethyst]

Another vote for the new job. You may not hate the commute as much as you think. i have a 40 minute commute and enjoy the alone time, time to listen to books or news. I recently went from one job to a different more professional, more well-respected place of work. Sooo worth the longer commute!!

[HSmomof2]

With the new offer job hours, I definitely vote to take the new job. 😊

[Garga]

Both jobs have pros and cons, but being miserable on the job is the deal breaker.

If you had to do the drive every day, that would give me pause. I work from home for a company 75 minutes away. Very rarely I have to drive in to work and it’s a looooong drive. Three hours in the car every single day would be pretty bad. But as Katie pointed out, if it’s just one way when you have to drive it, it’s the same commute time for people who drive 45 minutes one way. So, not a big deal. You drive the hour and a half, work and sleep for a couple of days, then drive the hour and a half back home. 

Since it turns out you’re away from the family the same amount of time, but are working in a healthy environment and getting paid more, then go for it.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

So.

I counter offered with the part time option, the #3 guy who I’m good friends with said that would be fine because they’d rather have me part time than nothing, but would have to run it by the GM and now—crickets. Nothing in five or six days.

I am quite sure they don’t need any part timers and maybe that stalled it.  I also found out that the supervisor offer was contingent on moving within 20 miles of the station within a year which just isn’t possible. I knew that was usually their contingency but thought it was waived; apparently the GM didn’t waive it, just HR did, but it needed his final approval which I did not know.
 

So crickets. I had a truly awful shift yesterday. My partner yesterday has been a paramedic half the time or less than I and has been with the company longer but was promoted above me two years ago and loves to lord that over people. It was an awful shift, we were busy and she was nothing but rude, condenscending and insulting(it’s her norm) towards me and everyone else.  It was miserable and I cried afterward.    
 

Ugh. What I want is to figure out how to make my master’s degree work for me, but I haven’t figure out to work any job with that and afford the after school care/summer care/holiday care that I’d need unless I just take advantage of my in-laws kindness and they have the kids all the time DH and I are working. 
I’m just discouraged. I need like one thing in my life to work out for my benefit.

Edited July 25, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

So.

I counter offered with the part time option, the #3 guy who I’m good friends with said that would be fine because they’d rather have me part time than nothing, but would have to run it by the GM and now—crickets. Nothing in five or six days.

I am quite sure they don’t need any part timers and maybe that stalled it.  I also found out that the supervisor offer was contingent on moving within 20 miles of the station within a year which just isn’t possible. I knew that was usually their contingency but thought it was waived; apparently the GM didn’t waive it, just HR did, but it needed his final approval which I did not know.
 

So crickets. I had a truly awful shift yesterday. My partner yesterday has been a paramedic half the time or less than I and has been with the company longer but was promoted above me two years ago and loves to lord that over people. It was an awful shift, we were busy and she was nothing but rude, condenscending and insulting(it’s her norm) towards me and everyone else.  It was miserable and I cried afterward.    
 

Ugh. What I want is to figure out how to make my master’s degree work for me, but I haven’t figure out to work any job with that and afford the after school care/summer care/holiday care that I’d need unless I just take advantage of my in-laws kindness and they have the kids all the time DH and I are working. 
I’m just discouraged. I need like one thing in my life to work out for my benefit.

Contact them again. Keep yourself on their radar as Interested. A Real Go-Getter.

[brehon]

Remind me, because I just got off my own crappy shift (and can I just say that no one should work 72 out of 96 hours), what is the offer for the non-supervisory role? 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 hour ago, brehon said:

Remind me, because I just got off my own crappy shift (and can I just say that no one should work 72 out of 96 hours), what is the offer for the non-supervisory role? 

It’s a fine job, just part time at Better Agency.  Two 16s a week. I have negotiated my schedule at Current Agency to where I only work 8 days a month and never longer than a 24, so two 16s would be about the same number of days a month.  
72 hours is horrid. I can’t do more than 33 anymore and even that is pushing it.  I spent the last 24 hours in the land of Nursing Home Ridiculousness and it was so bad my boss just called me and offered tomorrow off if I wanted it(one of the few perks where I work; they will bend over backwards to get you time off especially if you’ve had a couple busy/rough shifts). I took it.

 

1 hour ago, Harriet Vane said:

Contact them again. Keep yourself on their radar as Interested. A Real Go-Getter.

I spoke to the assistant GM who now is like the HR person shouldn’t have offered part time before speaking to the general manager.  They don’t have a part time spot open but are willing to keep my application on file and call when they do.  This agency just has so little turnover—but maybe it will be offered at just the right time for me to take it.
 

In happy good news, the county we live in now just approved DS12 for all kinds of services that I’ve been fighting for for the last eight years.  I just met his new worker/skill builder/service provider and, oh my goodness, she loves Yu-Gi-Oh and knows how to play the card game.  All he wanted for Christmas was someone to play Yu-Gi-Oh with and I tried but couldn’t find one. We’ve been praying for months and he just randomly gets assigned to this woman who knows about autism and loves so much of the same things he does.  It just adds to my sense that no matter what I want in a job I cannot uproot us to move to right now. 

[madteaparty]

Well sounds like the moving contingency makes things moot doesn’t it. I’m still holding out hope that the reason you’re not hearing yet is bc they’re getting all the various approvals they need…

I don’t think the commute is bad for twice a week. I actually had a much longer commute for a couple years and daily, which some people do, would not work but twice a week, it’s kind of nice honestly 

[Hannah]

21 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

In happy good news, the county we live in now just approved DS12 for all kinds of services that I’ve been fighting for for the last eight years.  I just met his new worker/skill builder/service provider and, oh my goodness, she loves Yu-Gi-Oh and knows how to play the card game.  

That's absolutely brilliant!