Very, very trivial complaint about planning a party

[Ginevra]

I’m doing a grad party for Ds tommorow. Took off work today and worked continually from 7 this morning till 10pm doing stuff for the party. Literally *every* time I host a party, I *think* I’m going to get almost everything done the day before so I won’t still be buzzing around when people arrive. Yet that is exactly what happens *every* time! 
 

Tommorow I still need to make cupcakes, coleslaw, fruit salad, cheese ball. Still need to clean bathrooms, will need a final clean up of kitchen, and will need to pick up the mission bbq. (At least that…I often make ALL the food but this time, I won’t be.) And final things like sweep off porch, hang frilly thing on mailbox, Ice the drinks…

And to cap it all, Dear Son texted me and asked if I could cut his hair before the party. 🤦🏻‍♀️
 

Dh is cutting grass, trimming, moving mulch and picking up branches, and setting up the canopy. 
 

Anyway. Someone needs to force me to stop buzzing around an hour before go time, no matter what isn’t finished yet. Am I right? 

[Katy]

Send him to get his hair cut. Check the supermarket for the cupcakes, coleslaw, and fruit salad. I’ve rarely seen a cheese ball at the supermarket, but it won’t hurt to look. That should help a bit. 

[KungFuPanda]

Buy the food when you pick up the bbq. You’ve earned it. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I am with you on this. It feels like my to do list magically expands to fill whatever time I have available beforehand. I know that doesn’t sound possible but I think if I gave myself a week before an event, I’d somehow use it all and still be scrambling an hour before. It’s a scam somehow and I don’t understand it 😂

[Kanin]

My DH ALWAYS asks me to cut his hair the day of (never before) an important event. I feel your pain!!

[marbel]

I am never ready for anything when I say I will be. It's always a rush no matter what. The list DOES expand to fill the time!

But, I would check out Mission BBQs side dishes. I would be super surprised if they did not have coleslaw. And, I'd be buying the cupcakes.  And the cheese; you may not find cheese ball this time of year, but stores are full of cheese!  No way would I be doing all that cooking on the day of the party! 

I'm sure it will be lovely no matter what!

[rebcoola]

No matter what I always seem to be still rushing around right before an event I host.  Even when I pland it to be casual and easy.

[easypeasy]

Same. No matter how low-key I try to keep it. No matter how well I try to pre-plan. No matter how much I try to outsource. I'm always up until the wee hours of the morning and running around like a crazy person right up until 5 minutes before the first guest arrives.

If someone shows up early, I pretty much break down in tears because I'm probably still in my sweatpants with my hair piled on top of my head & still need to vacuum. 😅

Never show up early to a party, folks!!

[Guest]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

I am never ready for anything when I say I will be. It's always a rush no matter what. The list DOES expand to fill the time!

But, I would check out Mission BBQs side dishes. I would be super surprised if they did not have coleslaw. And, I'd be buying the cupcakes.  And the cheese; you may not find cheese ball this time of year, but stores are full of cheese!  No way would I be doing all that cooking on the day of the party! 

I'm sure it will be lovely no matter what!

They do have cole slaw but I actually already ordered sides and I’m spending  $320 on their “Party Packs”. And my people are cole slaw snobs. As well as cupcake snobs. 
 

And yes, it is 3:30am and I am awake, though I just moved to another room and am about to play my sleep sounds to hopefully fix that. 

[HomeAgain]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

They do have cole slaw but I actually already ordered sides and I’m spending  $320 on their “Party Packs”. And my people are cole slaw snobs. As well as cupcake snobs. 
 

And yes, it is 3:30am and I am awake, though I just moved to another room and am about to play my sleep sounds to hopefully fix that. 

I hear ya.  We make our own coleslaw because we have yet to find one up to par.  Everyone loves ours, though.

I hope you get a chance to sit down tomorrow!  (Today?  It must be today now!)  We had a small dinner party last night where dh had the bright idea to do steaks.  I love steaks, but dinner for twice as many of us requires a lot of prep earlier in the day of EVERYTHING ELSE.

[Jhwk21]

Same thing happens to me every time! At some point right before the party starts, I hit a point where I just give up. And I don't think anyone but me notices the things that don't get done. Maybe I'm wrong about that and it's just that nobody tells me that they notice!

I'm sure it will all turn out wonderfully. I hope you can find some peace today!

[Garga]

This is why I don’t host parties. My parents are visiting from 2500 miles away for the first time in about a decade. They used to live here for about 20 years, so they still have people who know them, plus a few of my friends would like to meet them for the first time. My parents are odd people and I’ve told stories about them and people are like, “Oh, I just gotta meet your parents!”

I was wondering how to squeeze in visits with some of the people who wanted to see them and my dh said, “Let’s just have an open house party while your parents are here.” HAHAHAHAHA!  Houseguests AND an open house party!?  HAHAHAHA!  The man has no clue. Not happening. 

We’re just going to meet with various people for lunch out every day they’re here. We’ll tell people, “We’ll be at X for lunch on Wednesday. Come, and we’ll have lunch together.” So far almost everyone is scheduled. To me, that’s much easier than an open house party on top of house guests.

[Amethyst]

Oh I miss hosting parties since covid! I totally relate to the busy-ness the days before and the day of. Hopefully, you have involved your kids in every possible aspect of helping. We try, if possible, to stop everything about half an hour before guests are expected, to just sit down and rest. I highly recommend. Years ago, dh and I noticed the pattern that we frequently got into a fight the day after a party. I think all the tension from preparation built up, and it had to let itself out somehow. Now, we’ll remind each other in the morning after a party and try to be more sensitive to each other. 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Jhwk21 said:

Same thing happens to me every time! At some point right before the party starts, I hit a point where I just give up. And I don't think anyone but me notices the things that don't get done. Maybe I'm wrong about that and it's just that nobody tells me that they notice!

I'm sure it will all turn out wonderfully. I hope you can find some peace today!

Yup. It is noon and I am sitting. Other than cutting up watermelon and having the boys put out cornhole, I am done. Whatever didn’t happen is just not going to now. 

[Clarita]

13 hours ago, Quill said:

Anyway. Someone needs to force me to stop buzzing around an hour before go time, no matter what isn’t finished yet. Am I right?

I do party prep until about an hour before the event. (Exception is food pick up, I may do that mid party.) Whatever is happening happens everything else people are going to have to deal with. Food snobs are going to be called out if they complain about what I serve. Either you bring it yourself or don't eat that part of the meal.

Otherwise my trick is I outsource and delegate tasks to people. If those people flake out well whatever isn't done isn't done.

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

Oh I miss hosting parties since covid! I totally relate to the busy-ness the days before and the day of. Hopefully, you have involved your kids in every possible aspect of helping. We try, if possible, to stop everything about half an hour before guests are expected, to just sit down and rest. I highly recommend. Years ago, dh and I noticed the pattern that we frequently got into a fight the day after a party. I think all the tension from preparation built up, and it had to let itself out somehow. Now, we’ll remind each other in the morning after a party and try to be more sensitive to each other. 

We actually almost always fight prior to a party. It’s after the party that dh always says it was wonderful, but beforehand he constantly second-guesses everything and it drives me bonkers. 

[Tiberia]

Have a lovely party! 

We had dd's graduation party at the end of June. It was a lot of work, but I look back on it with fondness. 

[heartlikealion]

If possible I never bake cake/cupcakes the day of the event. Make them the night before, give them time to cool. Then frost when you have time. You can even make the frosting the day before. I would also urge my spouse, if possible, to do some of the yard work the day before the event. Maybe he had to work Friday, but someone could go pick up branches or something on Friday. 

Agree, send him to get a haircut because that's too last minute. Can he also go tie the thing to the mailbox? Or pick up an item at the store?? 

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

If possible I never bake cake/cupcakes the day of the event. Make them the night before, give them time to cool. Then frost when you have time. You can even make the frosting the day before. I would also urge my spouse, if possible, to do some of the yard work the day before the event. Maybe he had to work Friday, but someone could go pick up branches or something on Friday. 

Agree, send him to get a haircut because that's too last minute. Can he also go tie the thing to the mailbox? Or pick up an item at the store?? 

I intended to bake the cupcakes yesterday but I had to go to the grocery store and then on my way home there was a completely stopped accident like two miles from my house and I had to drive ten miles out of the way to get around it. Grr. Anyway, the result was I was making brownies (my other dessert) after 9pm. 
 

I cut my son’s hair. Didn’t take that long, though I really would have preferred to not. 

[HS Mom in NC]

There's a reason event planning and catering are paid professions-they're full time jobs.

I have a couple of decades experience hosting for my side of the family/friends, which typically means 30 people if everyone doesn't attend to 40 people if everyone attends.  I'm a cold hard realist, so I don't even bother to try to get something done on just the day and the day before. That's not enough time for me- I need at least a couple of weeks.

When I host big events like graduation parties (I've done 3 so far) and Independence Day it's like this:

10-14 before: create master list of  every.single. chore and task to be completed, assign between different family members, discuss and adjust if needed, give each family member their own copy that includes what day and time they will do those chores/tasks and talk through it.  Then put the lists in a safe place to be used the day(s) the chores are being done.
5-7 days before: trimming, weeding, mowing; haircuts, special clothing selected and laundered (that way if there's a problem with clothing there's time to shop for new clothing), 
3-4 days before: shopping, food prep, house cleaned
1-3 days before: cooking everything that can be reheated, linens laundered, tables and chairs set up, table settings placed (assuming there are no pets that could jump up on tables), hang up decorations, arranging fresh cut flowers
day of-cooking/assembling anything that can't be done beforehand (usually avoided by careful selection of food items), getting myself dressed, handling any unforseen problems, inflate balloons if using, tidy kitchen,  icing drinks, canopy set up, deal with food related stuff after event with my crew assigned to those tasks
day after-finish cleaning kitchen and breaking down event set up

For me, really big holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving require a month of planning, prepping, and executing if it's more than 12 people.
 

[HS Mom in NC]

18 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

If possible I never bake cake/cupcakes the day of the event.

I bake, cool, frost and freeze cupcakes a week before. They just need to be set out the morning of or the night before to thaw slowly and get back up to room temperature. It's a huge time saver and they taste just as good thawed as made that day or the day before.

When it comes to kid birthday parties, if I'm serving ice cream along with cupcakes, I set cupcake papers out on a cookie sheet, scoop ice cream into them and cover them in plastic wrap and put them back int eh freezer the day before.  The day of the party I can easily hand them out with cupcakes quickly and easily.

[Garga]

10 minutes ago, HS Mom in NC said:

There's a reason event planning and catering are paid professions-they're full time jobs.

I have a couple of decades experience hosting for my side of the family/friends, which typically means 30 people if everyone doesn't attend to 40 people if everyone attends.  I'm a cold hard realist, so I don't even bother to try to get something done on just the day and the day before. That's not enough time for me- I need at least a couple of weeks.

When I host big events like graduation parties (I've done 3 so far) and Independence Day it's like this:

10-14 before: create master list of  every.single. chore and task to be completed, assign between different family members, discuss and adjust if needed, give each family member their own copy that includes what day and time they will do those chores/tasks and talk through it.  Then put the lists in a safe place to be used the day(s) the chores are being done.
5-7 days before: trimming, weeding, mowing; haircuts, special clothing selected and laundered (that way if there's a problem with clothing there's time to shop for new clothing), 
3-4 days before: shopping, food prep, house cleaned
1-3 days before: cooking everything that can be reheated, linens laundered, tables and chairs set up, table settings placed (assuming there are no pets that could jump up on tables), hang up decorations, arranging fresh cut flowers
day of-cooking/assembling anything that can't be done beforehand (usually avoided by careful selection of food items), getting myself dressed, handling any unforseen problems, inflate balloons if using, tidy kitchen,  icing drinks, canopy set up, deal with food related stuff after event with my crew assigned to those tasks
day after-finish cleaning kitchen and breaking down event set up

For me, really big holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving require a month of planning, prepping, and executing if it's more than 12 people.
 

I’m a lot like you. I rarely have houseguests, but when I do, I plan it out a good 4-5 weeks out. My parents will be here as houseguests in 4 weeks and last weekend was when I made my master list of every task to be done.

I do the things that won’t get messed up again earliest (decluttering any piles in the house of things that need “homes”/going on a big recycling run —we take the recycling stuff out every 3 or so months), and save the things that get messed up quickly for last (bathroom/kichen). 

It’s all very organized. There still will be a bit of a flurry the day or so before the event, but it’s down to a minimum. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

@Quill  I hope your party is a success today and you enjoy your guests and aren't too stressed ❤️ 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

For me, really big holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving require a month of planning, prepping, and executing if it's more than 12 people.

If I’m honest, one thing I chronically know I do is I get invested in some detail or details in the week before. Like, for example, when I got my tables out from where I keep them, I focused attention on a pile of paintings and I sorted them. Then, I sorted out some books I need to give to my sister for homeschooling. And then I sorted some toys that need new homes.  So, all of this stuff was not necessary. It did not need to be done now or for the party. It is part of the house that is not used by guests. It is true I essentially wasted a few hours I could have been using to do more pertinent things. 
 

I admire the structure of your list. I do start early and plan well, but I admit I definitely do what I said above. I fixate on something that I could have bypassed because it’s in front of me now. 
 

The party did work out but our attendance was low. Several people have Covid or Covid positive people in their family. Several others are on vacation. It might be the smallest party we’ve ever had. We have a lot of food left over, though my adult kiddos are taking some home. 

[HS Mom in NC]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

If I’m honest, one thing I chronically know I do is I get invested in some detail or details in the week before. Like, for example, when I got my tables out from where I keep them, I focused attention on a pile of paintings and I sorted them. Then, I sorted out some books I need to give to my sister for homeschooling. And then I sorted some toys that need new homes.  So, all of this stuff was not necessary. It did not need to be done now or for the party. It is part of the house that is not used by guests. It is true I essentially wasted a few hours I could have been using to do more pertinent things. 
 

I admire the structure of your list. I do start early and plan well, but I admit I definitely do what I said above. I fixate on something that I could have bypassed because it’s in front of me now. 
 

The party did work out but our attendance was low. Several people have Covid or Covid positive people in their family. Several others are on vacation. It might be the smallest party we’ve ever had. We have a lot of food left over, though my adult kiddos are taking some home. 

It sounds like maybe you're finding ways to avoid the party prep?

I only let myself work on my list and I keep it physically near me in a plastic page protector with a wet erase marker on hand to mark the items off as soon as I complete them.  I like the feeling of momentum building as each item gets marked off, making the list shorter and shorter each step of the way. I like to be relaxed before people arrive, so that's the high I'm chasing.  The only way that happens if everything's done in advance.

Glad it worked out.  Yeah, our get togethers in various social circles have been less attended due to Covid too lately.

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, HS Mom in NC said:

It sounds like maybe you're finding ways to avoid the party prep?

I don’t think it is that. It’s that I remember I’ve been meaning to put those homeschool books in a box for my sister, and since I took a day off of work it initially feels like I have plenty of time. So I think, “Ah yes, I said I would put those in a box for her,” and since I’m remembering it right then, I do it then. And it doesn’t really seem like it’s wasting time I intended for party prep…until it’s 10 Pm the night before and I still have food to make the next day. *Then* I think about how I could have made the cupcakes I stead of sorting books. 
 

As a side note, I have always been afraid to make and freeze cupcakes ahead. (I Grant you, I certainly could have made them the day before, though.) I’m always paranoid they will not thaw correctly and they will be cold, frozen or soggy in the middle. I remember a time someone brought profiterole to a party and, unbeknownst to the bringer, they were absolutely gross. They were soggy. I watched another guest bite into one, make a face and discretely bailed for the trash can and disposed of it. I always thought how awful I would feel if I had brought them and discovered they were terrible. 

[HS Mom in NC]

17 minutes ago, Quill said:

I don’t think it is that. It’s that I remember I’ve been meaning to put those homeschool books in a box for my sister, and since I took a day off of work it initially feels like I have plenty of time. So I think, “Ah yes, I said I would put those in a box for her,” and since I’m remembering it right then, I do it then. And it doesn’t really seem like it’s wasting time I intended for party prep…until it’s 10 Pm the night before and I still have food to make the next day. *Then* I think about how I could have made the cupcakes I stead of sorting books. 
 

As a side note, I have always been afraid to make and freeze cupcakes ahead. (I Grant you, I certainly could have made them the day before, though.) I’m always paranoid they will not thaw correctly and they will be cold, frozen or soggy in the middle. I remember a time someone brought profiterole to a party and, unbeknownst to the bringer, they were absolutely gross. They were soggy. I watched another guest bite into one, make a face and discretely bailed for the trash can and disposed of it. I always thought how awful I would feel if I had brought them and discovered they were terrible. 

I ate cupcakes after dinner tonight that I pulled out of the freezer right after lunch today.  They were regular muffin sized. They were exactly the same texture as when we ate them fresh for husband's birthday last week. You can do an experiment with cupcakes you make at your leisure and then let them thaw at room temperature for different amounts of time and see how you like them. If it works, it can make the next get together easier for you.

[Clarita]

I'm not nearly as organized as @HS Mom in NC. She's more organized than even I was when planning my 400 person wedding. 

I sit and figure out what are the top 3-5 things the party needs to have. That includes parts of the house that needs to be clean, a dish that absolutely needs to happen, overall feel of the party, an activity, etc. It definitely does not encompass the whole of what I want to see happen at the party. I make sure those 3-5 things are done. Those are the only things I expend energy to worry about for everything else I tell myself those 3-5 things are a go the party is going to be great even if item 7 (cleaning the bathrooms) didn't happen, I'll put some Lysol wipes in the bathroom for that concerned guest.

Usually I do end up getting more than the 5 things done. Sometimes I even get all the wants done. It lets enjoy the party and have a good time without stressing out. 

[heartlikealion]

@Quill another idea would be to make the batter ahead. Then defrost and bake. So maybe you could make the batter the week before the party. Or the frosting. 

I could totally see myself getting distracted by an item like the books. I think it’s the way brains are wired and priorities or anxiety in one person vs another. Some days I know if I put that task off it will be ignored far too long so I’ll do it now. Or I can’t refocus on the party because those books are mentally distracting me. It’s mental clutter. 

[shawthorne44]

I'm with HS Mom in NC.   As long as the cake or cupcakes are frosted when put in the freezer, they keep just fine.  Since there are only three of us, I regularly put most of the cupcakes in the freezer as soon as they are frosted.   Then I bring a few out in the morning.   If we have guests, they are so impressed.   

My baking is better tasting than every bakery cake I've tried.  The fancy places have dry cakes because they concentrate on the appearance and take the cakes in and out of the freezer while decorating.  The cheap places use ookie ingredients like 'buttercream' that is really Crisco frosting.  So, since buying desserts isn't an option for me, and baking the day of a party is a hard No, I'll bake a cake the day before or do the freezer thing.  I'm famous for what I call "Brown Velvet Cake."   Normal red velvet recipe except I leave out the food coloring.   Once you taste that version, you'll recognize the chemical taste in red velvet.  

I need to remember the ice cream in cupcake liners trick.   
 

[heartlikealion]

1 hour ago, shawthorne44 said:

I'm with HS Mom in NC.   As long as the cake or cupcakes are frosted when put in the freezer, they keep just fine.  Since there are only three of us, I regularly put most of the cupcakes in the freezer as soon as they are frosted.   Then I bring a few out in the morning.   If we have guests, they are so impressed.   

My baking is better tasting than every bakery cake I've tried.  The fancy places have dry cakes because they concentrate on the appearance and take the cakes in and out of the freezer while decorating.  The cheap places use ookie ingredients like 'buttercream' that is really Crisco frosting.  So, since buying desserts isn't an option for me, and baking the day of a party is a hard No, I'll bake a cake the day before or do the freezer thing.  I'm famous for what I call "Brown Velvet Cake."   Normal red velvet recipe except I leave out the food coloring.   Once you taste that version, you'll recognize the chemical taste in red velvet.  

I need to remember the ice cream in cupcake liners trick.   
 

I had no idea people would choose to frost before freezing. I’d worry they would be messy smidge frosting all over each other. Also how big is everyone’s freezer lol I’d shove mine in a ziplock unfrosted but not so sure after reading this thread. I don’t know if I’ve actually frozen any before. 

An old Wilton recipe for buttercream, which was passed to me, is a combo of crisco and butter. I have gotten away from using crisco though. https://blog.wilton.com/how-to-make-homemade-buttercream-frosting/

[marbel]

I often freeze frosted cakes that I have bought already baked and frosted - for example, the (no longer available) huge Costco chocolate cake that my daughter asked for every year for her birthday. It always worked out well, but the frosting was a little smooshed from being wrapped. 

When I bake a cake or cupcakes and know I'm going to have leftovers, I freeze unfrosted. It's much easier to me to tightly wrap the goods up and then frost later when I want to eat them. 

[shawthorne44]

3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I had no idea people would choose to frost before freezing. I’d worry they would be messy smidge frosting all over each other. Also how big is everyone’s freezer

 

Like when you freeze anything that could get smushed, that shouldn't, you put in the freezer spaced out until frozen, and *then* toss in a ziploc

 

[heartlikealion]

53 minutes ago, shawthorne44 said:

 

Like when you freeze anything that could get smushed, that shouldn't, you put in the freezer spaced out until frozen, and *then* toss in a ziploc

 

Even doing that, I don’t really have much freezer space. I’m imagining at least a dozen cupcakes. I guess I would clear area in advance/eat down some of the freezer in anticipation. The freezer bottom has ridges and the shelf has holes so I’d try to slide in a cookie sheet if that fit. But I would want them wrapped, too. Do you freeze unwrapped initially? Then move to a bag or such? 

[heartlikealion]

I just googled to see what Sally (I use her site sometimes) said on the topic. She is in favor of freezing unfrosted. Maybe the make it/break it thing is how you wrap. @Quill

https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/make-ahead-baking/