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How should I approach this with a parent?- PeterPan?


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I have a young 3 yr old student. We're doing Prodigies music with the goal of getting to piano. She has not been in child care or preschool, and apparently I am her first ever outside activity-the first time I saw her, she cried because she has rarely been out of the house except to go to the doctor in her life time due to COVID. So I am sure I am seeing an anxious kid and she probably does a lot more at home. But at the same time, I'm also seeing some developmental red flags, and usually by this far in, kids have relaxed a bit.  

 

Language-wise, her speech is very minimal. I would say more like that expected of an 18-24 month old, with mostly single words and a very few 2 word phrases like "good job" (which I think is in imitation of what mom says when she finishes something, and the child seems to use it to indicate "I'm done with this"). She knows colors (red, orange, yellow, blue, green purple, pink), and can play 1, 2, or 3 times when asked. (4 and 5 are less consistent). 

Does not imitate me when I do songs, fingerplays, etc. If I use the videos, she will sit and watch the video, but not participate in it or play along. She will respond to direct requests from me with a single step. Mom will often move her hand physically, almost like videos of facilitated communication, and she'll press the bell then, but doesn't do so on her own. 

Her fine motor skills also seem closer to a 18-24 month old than a 3 yr old, and she doesn't seem to have much hand strength or ability to isolate fingers yet. Lots of whole arm movements and full hand grasping. She can play a single piano key with a braced pointer finger (basically hand in a pincer grasp).  I haven't tried much gross motor yet because she doesn't seem interested in getting down from the bench and moving. She is not potty trained yet. 

Picked up on the color sequence of the bells easily, and quickly learned to put them out in order, and will order other objects that are colored to match. But refuses to accept ANY other order or play them out of order is a non-starter. Yesterday, I tried a composition activity, where the child uses colored dot stickers in the order they choose and then plays them, and invariably, if I offered two colors, she would pick one and place it on the paper, LEAVING SPACES for the other colors, so that they ended up in the "right" sequence. Every single time. In neat, ordered lines. 

 

So, first of all, do ya'll agree that this is something I should bring up to mom? And, secondly, how should I handle this? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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45 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

So, first of all, do ya'll agree that this is something I should bring up to mom? And, secondly, how should I handle this? 

That does not sound within normal limits to me. Unless she’s just been ignored by her family through the whole pandemic, it doesn’t sound pandemic related either. A child having normal interactions with their family over the past couple years should still develop most, if not all, of their expected skills.

I would probably approach it in a “I don’t know if this is because she is anxious in lessons and she is different at home, but I’m noticing….” followed by “do you see some of those same things at home?” and a suggestion that the mom check in with her doctor about it. I know it’s possible the mom will be defensive, but it’s also possible she’s been worrying and would appreciate having that confirmed so she can move forward to doing something  

 

Edited by KSera
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4 hours ago, KSera said:

I would probably approach it in a “I don’t know if this is because she is anxious in lessons and she is different at home, but I’m noticing….” followed by “do you see some of those same things at home?” and a suggestion that the mom check in with her doctor about it. I know it’s possible the mom will be defensive, but it’s also possible she’s been worrying and would appreciate having that confirmed so she can move forward to doing something  

I think I would modify it to acknowledge anxiety, but I would not give the mom ammo to mentally write it off. Chances are that she's different at home, but not in the way that you mean it, and that can be confusing to the mom if she really needs to be led a bit on this.

If she is at all receptive to input, I would offer to write up my concerns so that they can be shared with Help Me Grow or tell her that if they have surveys to be filled out by preschool teachers, etc., you'd be happy to fill some out. I would help her understand what Help Me Grow is and that it's not about her parenting. I got so.much.criticism of my parenting when my ASD kid was little. So much. Or people would pass things off, and then when they finally got on board with being worried about it, act like I'd been ignoring the issue (even from people who were nice). I was terrified that if someone came into my home to evaluate my kid that I would be in some kind of trouble, and I drew that conclusion based on how people responded to me and my child and how I'd been treated. 

Sometimes parents don't fill out screeners well from the pediatrician because they don't know what is meant by the questions--I don't know if the screeners are better than they were when my kids were little. Even so, this is a LOT of red flags. 

You never know what she's been through, but I don't think that pussyfooting around the issue will serve this child well. 

 

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I agree to find a way to delicately bring up to the mother that you are noticing some things that seem like developmental delays. You never know how parents might respond, but I would have WELCOMED being approached about my child. I knew there were issues by that age, and self-referred to Help Me Grow, but I largely felt confused about what I could be doing to get more help or even identify what specifically was alarming to me.

I think you could say something like, "I've been working with X for a bit now, and there are some things I've noticed that she is struggling with more than I would expect for her age. If you would like to talk with me about them, we could set up a meeting." That gives her time to absorb what you are saying and think about her response.

When my kids were around second grade, we applied to a Christian private school, and they ran the Woodcock Johnson and other screening tests on them before admittance. When the screener asked to speak with me away from the kids and expressed concerns -- that DD might have dyslexia, and that DS might benefit from some further testing for ADHD and more, I was so relieved that someone else was finally seeing what I was seeing (even though it was also a sad, hard moment).

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If she's not ready for your setting, refer her to EI so she can get referred to a setting that is appropriate. You can't diagnose outside your field but you can refer. 

Many kids are experiencing delays because of covid isolation. Although it's very *concerning* that she's requiring a high level of prompts, still I've been seeing some of the things you listed in kids who had high isolation. You also can't be sure what the *cause* is of what you're seeing. Could be hearing loss due to covid or just something you're totally not expecting. Or it could be the developmental causes you probably are, sigh. 

So refer, saying what you're able to say by your expertise and refraining from saying anything outside your licensure. 

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