Updates 2023 (job hunt etc)

[Drama Llama]

26 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I saw the same online but my lawyer said basically he can still get away with it because he’s tie breaker/has full custody. If we had a discussion about education, my thoughts wouldn’t matter. Same with the move apparently. Super crappy.

I do intend to ask for some financial recourse but I’m not holding my breath. I’ve been screwed over and over (like no alimony). 

When we had joint decision making, and I had tie breaker, I still needed to tell DH about major decisions, and then if we disagreed notify him that I was making the decision.  It's only now, when I have full decision making (because of DH's disagreement about what decisions were "major" and about his reaction when I disagreed) that I don't have to let him know in advance.  And we've had disagreements about what is major, but I'm 100% sure my attorney would say that me changing their school is "major".  

In my agreement, there is a line that specifies the school my kids will attend, and that it will be a private school.  Even though I have full decision making now, I'm pretty sure I couldn't change their school, particularly to a public school, without risking contempt.  But maybe that's not written in yours?  It's in ours, in part, because it's a question on the standard template the court gives you.

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, BandH said:

When we had joint decision making, and I had tie breaker, I still needed to tell DH about major decisions, and then if we disagreed notify him that I was making the decision.  It's only now, when I have full decision making (because of DH's disagreement about what decisions were "major" and about his reaction when I disagreed) that I don't have to let him know in advance.  And we've had disagreements about what is major, but I'm 100% sure my attorney would say that me changing their school is "major".  

In my agreement, there is a line that specifies the school my kids will attend, and that it will be a private school.  Even though I have full decision making now, I'm pretty sure I couldn't change their school, particularly to a public school, without risking contempt.  But maybe that's not written in yours?  It's in ours, in part, because it's a question on the standard template the court gives you.

that’s how it should be — advance warning and discussions. But I don’t know where that is written in my state. I’d think it was standard. 

He may be in contempt but the lawyer insinuated that there’s not much I can do. 
The papers do not mention moving at all, only out-of-state travel. 

[Drama Llama]

17 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

that’s how it should be — advance warning and discussions. But I don’t know where that is written in my state. I’d think it was standard. 

He may be in contempt but the lawyer insinuated that there’s not much I can do. 
The papers do not mention moving at all, only out-of-state travel. 

So then, what's the difference between joint decision making with tie breaking authority, and sole decision making?  

[heartlikealion]

3 minutes ago, BandH said:

So then, what's the difference between joint decision making with tie breaking authority, and sole decision making?  

Nothing, in his mind lol 

I think he’s supposed to discuss things but not sure what’s involved to bring up the contempt thing. I’m under the impression he’ll simply be told, “don’t do that again” but just carry on however he wants. And I’ll owe money to bring this up a judge’s attention. I’m not sure how it works. 

[happi duck]

Renting a car for those longer drives might be worth it in terms of piece of mind and less wear and tear on your car 

[Jean in Newcastle]

40 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

that’s how it should be — advance warning and discussions. But I don’t know where that is written in my state. I’d think it was standard. 

He may be in contempt but the lawyer insinuated that there’s not much I can do. 
The papers do not mention moving at all, only out-of-state travel. 

You need a better lawyer . Not for vindictive reasons but just to protect your interests and to explain things better and to actually care about your interests. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Jean in Newcastle said:

You need a better lawyer . Not for vindictive reasons but just to protect your interests and to explain things better and to actually care about your interests. 

I had a backup one I reached out to but my case wasn’t strong enough to overturn custody or fight the stepmom moving in so we didn’t move forward. I could reach out to her and get her opinion now given current events. Not to do anything drastic but for questions about contempt and modifications. 

[heartlikealion]

15 minutes ago, happi duck said:

Renting a car for those longer drives might be worth it in terms of piece of mind and less wear and tear on your car 

That’s one idea. I doubt the $25/day can be justified though. That’s Friday-Sun. 

[LucyStoner]

On 12/24/2022 at 4:29 AM, heartlikealion said:

This is what the state says about relocating: 

https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/mississippi/child-relocation-in-mississippi-3036.shtml

I wonder if he’ll have to help me with travel expenses at all (there’s a mention of that as a possibility) or give me more holiday/summer time? 

I won’t hold my breath though. I’m worried about the wear and tear on my car ugh 

I’m so sorry.  In my state, either parent has to give advance warning of any move outside of the school district that the children attend.  Permission is required from a judge to move if both parents don’t agree.  Generally it will be given for work related things but it can affect the parenting plan in terms of parenting time.    I’m sorry Mississippi is so lax about family law stuff.  

When my sibling’s ex relocated about 1.5 hours away (with a ferry boat ride), he was found in contempt of court and ordered to move back pending a hearing on permission to relocate.  He didn’t move back but lied and claimed he had.  That cost him a lot of creditability with the judge.   Ultimately, due to an unfavorable GAL report, my sibling settled for more weekends, most school breaks and more summer time.  The ex is also required to cover the cost of the ferry boat rides and pay the cost for the contempt filings.  

I would definitely pursue him being obliged to cover the transportation cost or do the lion’s share of the driving.  Honestly, I would also place a high priority on figuring out how to move if at all possible.  Could you live with your parents for awhile?  
 

 

[thatfirstsip]

I have sole decision making, and it is written into the standard template that any move of more than (45? something like that) miles away has to be brought to the court and parenting time can be changed; any change of school districts (even though I have sole decision making) is subject to court approval. 

 

This is a major move, mid-school-year, about which you were not consulted and which will significantly impact your parenting time and your financial situation. This is worth going back to court over. The marriage, the living together before marriage - none of that was worth going back to court. 

This is. Get a consultation (usually free) with a few different lawyers if you can. Do not voluntarily give up any parenting time until you've exhausted your legal options.

Edited December 28, 2022 by thatfirstsip

[Drama Llama]

20 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

You need a better lawyer . Not for vindictive reasons but just to protect your interests and to explain things better and to actually care about your interests. 

I think you need either a better lawyer, or a free lawyer.  Here the court will appoint someone for free in certain situations.  I might look into legal aid in your situation.  

I mean, ideally you should have a better lawyer who is free, but it seems as though a lot of your decisions are being driven by fear of legal fees, which I totally understand.  

[thatfirstsip]

19 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I had a backup one I reached out to but my case wasn’t strong enough to overturn custody or fight the stepmom moving in so we didn’t move forward. I could reach out to her and get her opinion now given current events. Not to do anything drastic but for questions about contempt and modifications. 

Yes, do this. The stepmom thing was not something a court is going to realistically care about. Moving 4 hours away and changing schools with no notice is something a court will care about. You might only get mildly changed custody (more summer time, three weekends instead of 2 to make up for the midweek days, reduced support obligations to compensate for increased costs of transportation), but you also might get an entire overhaul of the parenting agreement.  If I did this, as the sole custody holder (with a visitiation schedule much like yours), in a divorce in which the court found that the other parent was abusive of the children, my lawyer would lose. his. mind. - and I'd expect to lose in court, when my ex brought it up, and lose big.

[heartlikealion]

8 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

I’m so sorry.  In my state, either parent has to give advance warning of any move outside of the school district that the children attend.  Permission is required from a judge to move if both parents don’t agree.  Generally it will be given for work related things but it can affect the parenting plan in terms of parenting time.    I’m sorry Mississippi is so lax about family law stuff.  

When my sibling’s ex relocated about 1.5 hours away (with a ferry boat ride), he was found in contempt of court and ordered to move back pending a hearing on permission to relocate.  He didn’t move back but lied and claimed he had.  That cost him a lot of creditability with the judge.   Ultimately, due to an unfavorable GAL report, my sibling settled for more weekends, most school breaks and more summer time.  The ex is also required to cover the cost of the ferry boat rides and pay the cost for the contempt filings.  

I would definitely pursue him being obliged to cover the transportation cost or do the lion’s share of the driving.  Honestly, I would also place a high priority on figuring out how to move if at all possible.  Could you live with your parents for awhile?  

Mom died in 2020. My dad and aunt share the house. She took over the guest room a couple years ago leaving one room with a twin and a futon or 2 available. One futon is stored away. The other is on a frame in a common room. Moving in would not work for me. I’d rather do the commuting. My dad is very judgmental on matters of health etc and I can’t even use the microwave without all hell breaking loose. I’ve also stopped attending church for the most part and would be moving into the Catholic heavy atmosphere. Job prospects there were never great. The rent there is not even attainable let alone sustainable for someone like me. I am gonna wait this out… he might move again in like 6 months. 

[heartlikealion]

5 minutes ago, BandH said:

I think you need either a better lawyer, or a free lawyer.  Here the court will appoint someone for free in certain situations.  I might look into legal aid in your situation.  

I mean, ideally you should have a better lawyer who is free, but it seems as though a lot of your decisions are being driven by fear of legal fees, which I totally understand.  

I have some support with the fees, within reason, from a support network. Legal aid was unable to help me in the past. I just emailed the lawyer that I talked to a few months ago to get her input. She wasn’t able to take on my case before. Highly recommended and sounds very thorough. I did a whole intake process with her. 

Edited December 28, 2022 by heartlikealion

[thatfirstsip]

Not consulting the other parent about a major decision like this would be enough to lose me sole decision making. It's that serious. It's not a small thing, and your ex is probably counting on your buckling under and not fighting it.

[heartlikealion]

5 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

Not consulting the other parent about a major decision like this would be enough to lose me sole decision making. It's that serious. It's not a small thing, and your ex is probably counting on your buckling under and not fighting it.

I think with the right lawyer I can. I feel like my current one is acting like “shrug” 

[thatfirstsip]

If your lawyer didn't put anything in the agreement about moving, that lawyer sucks. 

[heartlikealion]

Just now, thatfirstsip said:

If your lawyer didn't put anything in the agreement about moving, that lawyer sucks. 

He also didn’t discuss morality clauses… he should at least have ran it by me as an option 

[Lecka]

I am also someone with divorced parents.

Of course your daughter needs to see you!!!!!!!

It is not fair to expect your daughter to be — what — happy? — that her parents are divorced and her routine is disrupted.  Is she expected to make zero comment about that?  
 

That is not a fair expectation for her.  
 

Her comment seems SO mild to me and not a rejection of you.

 

My dad reduced visitation with me and acted like it was something I initiated or desired — I think because one time I had a school event on one of “his” weekends and he took it so personally.   
 

It did permanently damage our relationship.  
 

I needed him when I was young and he let me know he was willing to reject me.  
 

But in his mind it was because I wasn’t giving him enough positive feedback?

 

It is just so foreign to me as a way parenting works.

 

At the same time — I totally see the side here, it is such a difficult logistic situation, and it seems like everything goes the dad’s way and the kids see the dad’s narrative.

 

But there is no need for the dad’s narrative to stay as the “official version of events” over time.  Kids do get older and reflect on things differently over time.  

 

I would also say — I don’t think that you have to see them twice a month, but if that changes, don’t present it like — well, it’s not like you wanted to see me anyways.  I think you can present seeing them when you see them in a positive light and maybe it doesn’t have to be twice a month.  

 

Overall though — I think it’s fair to be hurt by things your daughter says, but not to read too much into it.  Sometimes kids do say hurtful things, but it doesn’t change parent-child roles.  

 

Edited December 28, 2022 by Lecka

[thatfirstsip]

He should have, but he might have thought, well, a morality clause is hard to get a court to enforce and so it's not super useful.

A clause about how moving is handled, and how changing school districts is handled, is absolutely standard and necessary, especially with young kids and with parents who aren't particularly financially secure. 

[heartlikealion]

I was naive and didn’t ask for verbiage on moving because I guess I thought there were state laws that covered it regardless of what was in the settlement. Oof. My son once volunteered that Dad wanted to move then to TX but wasn’t allowed. 

[thatfirstsip]

The reason you hire a lawyer for a divorce is because you don't know what you don't know - you don't know what things typically come up, or what's necessary to have in a settlement so you don't have to be surprised by it later. That's like 90% of the reason you hire the lawyer, is just the knowledge about how the process works, what kinds of things are necessary to have written down, and how to write those things in a way that is unambiguous, so you don't have to worry about fighting about it in court later.

I think talking to the other lawyer will help.

 

eta: what I mean is, *everyone* is naive when they get divorced the first time. It's the lawyer's responsibility to know these things, not yours. 

Edited December 28, 2022 by thatfirstsip

[JennyD]

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

The papers do not mention moving at all, only out-of-state travel. 

This is a complete and appalling failure on the part of your lawyer. 

I agree with those who have recommended consulting a different attorney.  It can be difficult to modify an existing arrangement but it's not impossible.

 

[heartlikealion]

I hope she responds soon but many are on holiday 

[thatfirstsip]

It's probably not going to be a quick fix (although you can ask her about a temporary emergency plan - but generally these are reserved for things where the other parent is physically withholding the child, or there's some substantiated concern about abuse, etc.). You may have to plan to do this driving thing for at least a couple of months while the court situation gets ironed out, maybe longer if he delays. Do not voluntarily give up parenting time during this process. Don't move (which, obviously you can't right now anyway). There's nothing to be done until after New Year's at the very earliest, so don't worry if she doesn't get back to you this week.

This is absolutely something you can fight, heart. It might take months, but I think you can get a good result here. Generally speaking a family court's primary interest is the stability of the children; they don't care about you or your ex, or what is fair or unfair to you - but they will care that the kids were moved mid-year, that he's no longer financially stable, that he's taken a unilateral action that reduces the possibility of your having stable and predictable parenting time with the kids. Without consulting you, he's made it much more difficult for you to have regular parenting time with your kids as stipulated in the divorce settlement. That's huge. It's not an emergency, probably, according to the court, but it's huge.

[heartlikealion]

Not sure it matters but 

married/moved in new people + moved homes

Those are 2 major changes that I’d potentially argue affect stability 

And he refused to let me book therapy for dd a couple months ago. 

Don’t know Dad’s job status. 

I just hope one of these factors stands out. Yeesh. 

 

 

[Terabith]

It also sounds like his move is NOT for a job, because he doesn't have a job.  So he just.....up and moved.  Maybe because he was fired/ kicked out of previous residence (but I would have real questions about that), but also maybe not?  

I think a judge would look very unfavorably about him moving four hours away, with no warning or consultation, especially since it's not for a job related reason.

I do not think that you should move to him.  But I definitely think you should fight this.  The stepmother thing, I didn't really think you had a case, but this is a HUGE violation, and I think even a GAL might look unfavorably at it.  I don't think you should voluntarily give up time with your daughter, but I do think he should be required to bear the costs or burden of transportation, because that is a very viable concern of yours.  And I think the courts could easily require him to do so.

[heartlikealion]

Thank you for the input, ladies. I will fight. But it may take time to get legal feedback. 

Totally unrelated - since I give little life updates here (welcome to the soap opera) I am proud to say I now exercise roughly 6 days a week and I’m getting quite close to my goal weight. Photo of progress was in the Dec well-trained bodies thread. 

[footballmom]

I’ve been following along and want to also encourage you to formally push back on the move and the associated hard ship costs for you to see your kids, for three reasons.  1. HE needs to know even when it may cost you in the short term, you will fight for your rights with your kids and he can’t set a precedent with making big unilateral decisions like this. 2. Your kids need to see you are doing everything possible to solution it 3. You do NOT want to set yourself up for him to come back and require you to pay him because you didn’t take the kids when you were supposed to and his living expenses for the kids have thus gone up.  
 

I'm sure you are tired of running toward a concrete wall with no helmet. I’m sure you are tired overall. But everyone that has commented agrees - this very big move was a very big no no.  Don’t add noise with additional items like the morality clause, they married, that’s in the rear view mirror.  Stay laser focused on this big bad thing.

[scholastica]

Heart, don’t for a minute think his job loss is your fault. Since they married soon after the violation, that’s not the real reason for the job loss. His employer was looking for a reason and he handed them one by thinking he was above the rules. He wants what he wants when he wants it and doesn’t care about anything else. His poor habits have probably been in evidence to them for a long time and this was a convenient way to get rid of a less than stellar employee. 
Definitely push back against this move. He had to move out of staff housing, but he did NOT have to move four hours away. Just like he did not have to move his girlfriend in, but did anyway. 

[heartlikealion]

I will get to the bottom of the job thing. He won’t tell me if he’s currently employed, was laid off, fired or left on his own after an issue was brought up. But I will get answers. And I know logically this can’t be thrown on me. He doesn’t understand accountability. 

No one is at the college or I might have answers. 

[Spryte]

34 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I will get to the bottom of the job thing. He won’t tell me if he’s currently employed, was laid off, fired or left on his own after an issue was brought up. But I will get answers. And I know logically this can’t be thrown on me. He doesn’t understand accountability. 

No one is at the college or I might have answers. 

On the job thing: since presumably there’s CS involved, in my state any changes in employment status or income have to be reported within a certain timeframe. I don’t know how that works for you, though. We had to report to the state’s office that managed CS. 

[Spryte]

Oh, and to add to the CS issue, if he quit his job to move, in our state that would have been considered voluntary impoverishment.

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, Spryte said:

On the job thing: since presumably there’s CS involved, in my state any changes in employment status or income have to be reported within a certain timeframe. I don’t know how that works for you, though. We had to report to the state’s office that managed CS. 

I’ll ask the attorney about that (regarding both parties). 

[footballmom]

4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I will get to the bottom of the job thing. He won’t tell me if he’s currently employed, was laid off, fired or left on his own after an issue was brought up. But I will get answers. And I know logically this can’t be thrown on me. He doesn’t understand accountability. 

No one is at the college or I might have answers. 

Do you need to “get to the bottom of the job thing” to pursue the fact that he moved 4 hours away without any notification / decision making involving you?  Because if not, is it really worth the energy investment to chase those answers down while you are working through how you will navigate seeing your kids within the visitation schedule given the challenges in logistics?

Maybe I’m missing the obvious, but working on getting to the bottom of the job thing feels like a decoy chase he is sending you on distracting you from where you need to focus in YOUR best interests.

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, footballmom said:

Do you need to “get to the bottom of the job thing” to pursue the fact that he moved 4 hours away without any notification / decision making involving you?  Because if not, is it really worth the energy investment to chase those answers down while you are working through how you will navigate seeing your kids within the visitation schedule given the challenges in logistics?

Maybe I’m missing the obvious, but working on getting to the bottom of the job thing feels like a decoy chase he is sending you on distracting you from where you need to focus in YOUR best interests.

Mostly so he can’t go around saying it was my fault he lost his job, to say, a judge. More for personal closure than anything else. Trust me, it doesn’t take away from my other focuses because I can’t do anything right now. And it would take no significant time to speak to my old neighbor, HR. 

[regentrude]

6 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

And it would take no significant time to speak to my old neighbor, HR. 

I understand that you want to know; however, no HR person would be allowed to disclose whether he was fired for cause and if so, for what reason. They would violate employee privacy rules which apply even to scumbags.

Edited December 29, 2022 by regentrude

[heartlikealion]

Just now, regentrude said:

I understand that you want to know; however, no HR person would be allowed to disclose whether he was fired for cause and if so, for what reason. They would violate employee privacy rules.

Ok 

[Spryte]

Heart, it doesn’t matter if or why he was fired, and that’s not something you need to know.

IME, the only thing that might matter (say, to a judge) is a change in income that might affect the CS calculation. That’s the part that, in my state, has to be reported to the office that handles CS. So you would find out, in due time, indirectly through that if he was making more or less income, and they might recommend a change in the calculation. Some judges get irritated if they see a pattern of not reporting those changes, some don’t care. 

As far as telling a judge you caused him to lose his job — that’s hogwash, and any judge would know it, if he even got so far as to try to say that. Don’t waste your energy on even thinking about that. This is when you think, “well, thank goodness this isn’t my business anymore!” and let it go.

Keep your focus on the important stuff here — the kids, the move.

[heartlikealion]

Ok 

[maize]

I agree with others. The big deal here is that, without consulting you in any way, and without even informing you beforehand, he withdrew the kids from their school(s?) and moved them four hours away. 

That is massively disruptive to the kids, and absolutely in violation of court orders. He has a responsibility to consult you and, even if he is tie-breaker, inform you of major decisions decisions BEFORE carrying out those decisions, and he also has a responsibility to facilitate your continued relationship with the children.

[Sneezyone]

39 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I understand that you want to know; however, no HR person would be allowed to disclose whether he was fired for cause and if so, for what reason. They would violate employee privacy rules which apply even to scumbags.

In the South tho??? This is SOP. HR leaks like a sieve.

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Sneezyone said:

In the South tho??? This is SOP. HR leaks like a sieve.

My thoughts exactly 🤣 someone will probably find out and tell me even if it’s not HR directly. 

[heartlikealion]

I know the difference between the importance in these things but don’t act like you wouldn’t care about the tea. Lol 

[1234]

32 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

In the South tho??? This is SOP. HR leaks like a sieve.

😆 In my 20’s, I went from being a HR Manager in Texas to one in California. In TX, I was everyone’s friend but in CA I was allowed no friends because we could share nothing. So, friends were fired with no warning. It was awful but I understand it now. 

OP, I hope you get it worked out and receive some help. 

[heartlikealion]

I was told the contempt thing will depend on how our papers are worded. Attorney is reviewing my situation. 

[ktgrok]

On 12/24/2022 at 12:14 AM, heartlikealion said:

What the AF? 

got a text tonight from xh saying we have moved. Here’s our new address. This new address is 4 hours away near the grandparents. 

 

That is unconscionable. 

On 12/27/2022 at 1:43 PM, hshibley said:

At your dd age time matters. Put in the time year round to see your dd. 

The issue is, as much as any parent may be willing to drive all that distance, is it really fair to the KID to be stuck in the car 8 hours every other weekend? That can lead to BIG resentment on the part of the kid, to be stuck in a car that much just to see their parent. And really, it's not fair to the kid. It's just not, they WILL resent it eventually. 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:30 PM, heartlikealion said:

I had a backup one I reached out to but my case wasn’t strong enough to overturn custody or fight the stepmom moving in so we didn’t move forward. I could reach out to her and get her opinion now given current events. Not to do anything drastic but for questions about contempt and modifications. 

PLEASE keep following up on this. Not for your sake, for the kids' sake. This was totally unfair to them! Either they have to endure hours and hours in the car every other weekend, OR they lose time with their parent. Neither is fair to the kids. And Likely not legal. 

Do NOT bring up or focus at all on the other stuff - the grey area stuff. It weakens the focus on the BIG issue - the real one that is likely totally illegal. 100 percent of your focus needs to be on the moving the kids without warning/permission to the point where you are unable to see them as dictated by custody agreement. I mean, ther eis NO WAY for kids to do 8 hours in the car on your midweek visit - so immediately the court ordered visitation is now violated. Focus on the moving only. That you have ground to fight. The rest weakens focus on it. 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:07 PM, thatfirstsip said:

If your lawyer didn't put anything in the agreement about moving, that lawyer sucks. 

Absolutely! It is VERY standard. As in, so standard that my ex and I didn't even HAVE lawyers - we did our own custody document by freaking googling and finding a template we just had to fill in - and OURS had how far someone could move without permission of the other parent written into it. If a FREE downloaded boilerplate custody agreement includes it I cannot figure out how your lawyer didn't include it while charging you!

On 12/28/2022 at 2:40 PM, heartlikealion said:

Not sure it matters but 

married/moved in new people + moved homes

Those are 2 major changes that I’d potentially argue affect stability 

And he refused to let me book therapy for dd a couple months ago. 

Don’t know Dad’s job status. 

I just hope one of these factors stands out. Yeesh. 

 

 

The move. The move is the only one that matters, legally. The rest is subjective. The move is a blantant, objective violation. 

18 hours ago, footballmom said:

Do you need to “get to the bottom of the job thing” to pursue the fact that he moved 4 hours away without any notification / decision making involving you?  Because if not, is it really worth the energy investment to chase those answers down while you are working through how you will navigate seeing your kids within the visitation schedule given the challenges in logistics?

Maybe I’m missing the obvious, but working on getting to the bottom of the job thing feels like a decoy chase he is sending you on distracting you from where you need to focus in YOUR best interests.

This. The rest makes your case look weaker because if you mix in weaker arguments with stronger ones it makes them all seem weaker. 

[heartlikealion]

@ktgrok the backup attorney is the one currently reviewing my case. 

I was going to do the trip to and from the kids much of the time — in which case they wouldn’t enter foot in the car except to get from school pick up line or bus stop to my dad’s house. But I don’t want them to never come to my house, so inevitably there would be some 4 hr trips. 

The only thing I mentioned to the lawyer was the move/changing schools and how it affects visitation. 

[ktgrok]

28 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

@ktgrok the backup attorney is the one currently reviewing my case. 

I was going to do the trip to and from the kids much of the time — in which case they wouldn’t enter foot in the car except to get from school pick up line or bus stop to my dad’s house. But I don’t want them to never come to my house, so inevitably there would be some 4 hr trips. 

The only thing I mentioned to the lawyer was the move/changing schools and how it affects visitation. 

You are a good mom to do that, but it still sucks that the kids and you lose the midweek visit and can't go to your house often! NOT okay for ex to just unilaterally put all this into play. And probably not legal. 

[Sneezyone]

23 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I know the difference between the importance in these things but don’t act like you wouldn’t care about the tea. Lol 

Arkansas is Mississippi's kissin' cousin. Money and "Ms./Mr. Noseypants" gets first dibs and everyone else has to take a number. It's hard to compare your experience with what one could/should expect in other parts of the country. Mississippi is a law unto itself (see Favre, Brett and water, city of Jackson). Are your family court judges elected? If so, the disparity in judgments may be even more pronounced. I wish you **so** much luck but I wouldn't get my hopes up that a judge would see the move/marriage as a significant violation. "He's married now!" makes it all OK because married=stable/right/Christian/best set up.