Some things I'm trying

[PeterPan]

I just thought I'd throw out what we're working on. Multiple people who work with ds are commenting that his working memory is down, and I'm seeing it trying to work on spelling with him. We had worked on it long ago when we did Barton, but of course working memory is use it or lose it. Also, he has struggled conspicuously to memorize his multiplication facts, in spite of reasonable instruction, which may reflect the working memory drops that affect the brain's ability to get things from short term to long term memory. When his WM was higher, he had learned facts pretty readily.

So normally with working memory we talk about digit spans, games, n-backs, visual/auditory/kinesthetic, having distractions, that kind of thing. I have the Cusimano workbooks and games to work on it, but I was looking for something different. I wanted to see if I could target spelling or math facts or at least raise *attention* to spelling or math facts while bumping non-verbal WM scores. We're turning on music, youtube, etc. to create significant distraction.

-visual memory of multiple math facts--Write n number of math facts on the whiteboard, show for 5-7 seconds, turn down, 5-0 countdown with fingers, then he says the facts. Goal is for him to *visualize* the math facts and for him to be able to say increasing numbers of them as both the WM and content knowledge build. 

-n-backs with spelling--Write a spelling word on the whiteboard, show for 7 seconds, turn down, 5-0 countdown with fingers, then he says and spells the PREVIOUS spelling word.

To me this would be similar to those games where you look at a card with facts and pictures about states or countries and say as many things as you remember after 30 seconds. The more familiar the material, the easier it is to remember. I liked what I was seeing, because it's increasing *attention* to the components, compelling him to use strategies that make the cognitive processes intentional, and actually learning something worthwhile. I was realizing we could something similar with states/capitals, anything. 

It's curious to me that he has (from previous attempts) fine visualization when it's a limited distraction environment, but when he has to use the skills plus language in a distracting environment (which is real life!) it's a lot harder. You can see his level of engagement increase as he becomes very intentional about it. The SLP working with him on APD has him turn on youtube videos during their sessions to create distraction. She has *increased* the volume of the videos numerically over the course of the year to stretch his ability to comprehend and focus in noisy environments. I see a similar thing here, where we could increase the level of the volume to increase functionality. As is, his starting point was a volume 14 on the tv, our normal quiet room listening level, which was difficult enough that he could complete the target 5 reps on a skill at a middle point of difficulty (neither too easy nor frustratingly hard). 

Ds has made marvelous progress this year with the work of the SLP for APD. They work twice a week and he is now able to eat in noisy restaurants and go to noisy activities in a preferred environment. It has not moved the bar on his auditory sensitivities, which remain and continue to give him headaches and problems, sigh. Also the lightbulb has some on for spelling, which is probably the most fascinating thing. He FINALLY thinks of english morphologically, making word jokes, making his own rhymes, making up little songs for tunes, etc. I had always said he ought to be considered language gifted with a language disability, and we're finally seeing it. He's asked to learn a language, which frankly given the complexity of his other issues is probably not realistic or worth a lot of time. However I LOVE that he views himself as a learner and potentially capable this way. I want to see if I can find something reasonable (extremely superficial, focused on basic communication, probably in spanish) to honor the request without overwhelming him. He himself pointed out that he's "still learning english" haha, which is true. I have more grammar resources and need to continue to work on syntax with him to get that moving forward to see if we can increase his reading level. We're on a waitlist for fresh language evals, but they're very booked out. He can now have a 30-45 minute call on a phone or Discord with a friend, which I think is amazing. 

So I still have the simpler tools (working on digit spans, etc.), but I liked the idea of targeting these skills in a more sophisticated, challenging way. I haven't attempted any metronome work with him lately. I don't know where he's at for that and it's NOT something I could bring in now with this, mercy. He has WM goals in his IEP this year, but I told the SLPs I'd work on that. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping it gives him bumps in his ability to hold his thoughts for narrative language also, because I see a lot of dropping there. I'm hoping to take two weeks here and focus on WM significantly then see if it gives us a springboard for good work this summer.

What are you all up to? Doing anything you're proud of or want to share? 🙂

Edited May 21, 2022 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

I'm also thinking about having him read the Dead Sea Squirrels series to see if we can work on doing audiobooks with text. It's kind of silly, with good morals, and fast paced to keep it interesting. 

[Lecka]

I’m going back through Saxon Math 5/4 with my 13yo.  Many things are good review, a few things he will not know how to do and then remember very well after one day, and then a few things are turning up that he needs work on.  I’m pleased with how it’s going.  I expect to go through 5/4 and 6/5 with him this way.  Then after that 7/6 may be too hard and I may look elsewhere at that point.  Also I think being very solid through 6/5 would go a long way for him so I’m not as concerned past that.  Through 6/5 I really want to do because I think he can be very solid on it and I think it’s very practical.  
 

He’s currently reading Rowley Jefferson Diary of an Awesome Friendly Kid, which I worked on a lot with him probably 2 years ago.  He likes it now.  He is at a point where I don’t think reading is going to hold him back in life.  He can read for daily life, and he can follow along in church.  
 

Overall his behavior and independence are beyond my wildest dreams from when he was younger.  
 

Social skills are a problem area.  They are not a problem at home, but apart from family he is either an observer or not interested.  This is improved because he will talk to adults and can ask adults for help.  He can talk totally reliably (no silences, no “just not answering”).  So there’s progress but it’s still just — the area where it sticks out as being lacking.  But he is a happy kid.  I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s not a problem *for him,* but it’s definitely not a big problem for him.  
 

My husband and I both spend time with him watching and discussing tv shows.  He learns a lot this way, but I think he learns more about things not to do, than things to do.  Like — I think he learns about “don’t make that joke, don’t be inappropriate to women.”  He can tell what is bad behavior like that, or we can explain it.  He can recognize sarcasm on tv, too.  These are things he is interested in about tv shows.  He also likes things that are funny and likes a lot of the same tv shows as the rest of the family, which is really nice.  But he’s not watching dramas, he’s not watching things that are more about relationships.  But I think that not sexually harassing anyone is so important, and I am glad that area does seem fruitful!  Though it’s obvious that he thinks through new things he sees, it’s not just “snap” that he sees something is inappropriate.  And then we don’t like him to watch things alone where he might see something and not pick up that it is inappropriate — though this is much better.  If we have watched some of a series and he knows that such-and-such character is the one who is doing inappropriate things, then he will know to suspect that person.  Like — Michael from The Office.  My son doesn’t pick up on everything he does, but he’s definitely a character where he knows he is the one doing things not to emulate.  And then there’s a lot of Michael not knowing he did something while everyone in the office besides Dwight roll their eyes.  It’s hard to explain.  And he does attend middle school so it’s like — this is the age he is.  
 

I think it’s likely he is going to be in a segregated program in high school, but he is apparently right on the line.  He will be in 8th grade next year and then next year is when we decide about high school.  There’s also a life skills program at a private school here that gets rave reviews, but his teacher doesn’t think he would definitely get accepted, because he doesn’t totally fit what their program is focused on.  We are interested, though, in at least checking it out.  He can start DRS services in 9th grade, too.  

 

[PeterPan]

3 hours ago, Lecka said:

 Like — Michael from The Office.  My son doesn’t pick up on everything he does, but he’s definitely a character where he knows he is the one doing things not to emulate.  And then there’s a lot of Michael not knowing he did something while everyone in the office besides Dwight roll their eyes.  It’s hard to explain.  And he does attend middle school so it’s like — this is the age he is.  

That's something I'm watching for too as my ds is more out, whether he's recognizing what is right/wrong, good to emulate or not good. You can laugh, but I've been reading to him from Proverbs (NLT) each night. He seems to understand it and he's good about connecting it to life. Seems to scratch his itch right where he is. He doesn't have complex questions and doesn't seem to fit in church. He's just at this kind of middle level of understanding and thinking about life. He thinks a bit about politics now, but it's still very b&w. He gets into youtube and seems to gravitate to info type videos, which can be good or bad. As you say, not much in dramas for him, haha.

I didn't realize your 13 yo is back in school! Our school is keeping his grade level as 8th for fall, even though to my mind it's much more helpful to consider him 7th. I think it's just the way they work the system. In our area you can stay grade level and then do 2-3 years of post-grad still in the same school. It's just what they do apparently, but it's awkward socially and not helpful for someone who will surely catch on eventually that he has a timeline and expectation of being DONE. So that was a definite disagreement but it is their system. The autism schools are set up to roll with that.

We're rearranging and tidying his office. With covid I got two years of dust accumulated, oops, so I'm cleaning that out. I had been trying to create some new work spaces in the bedroom we use (12X15) but it gets more challenging as his body gets bigger! He's now 5'9" and growing like a weed thanks to feeding therapy that helps him eat. When he started he was *small* and we could get 4-5 spaces in the room, easy peasy. So it's tricky but I bought a new small table (4') and rearranged and brought in another shelving unit to go VERTICAL and create more divisions. I tried it with a 6' table this past year and it just COLLECTED stuff, oh my. So that planning stuff is now vertical to make a clear work space for him. I might flip the sides too and move the read aloud chair to the other side, take out a drawer tower. I haven't figured it all out. 

He's less destructive now and mainly down to plastic hangers, popsicle sticks, pencils, things he can snap. I'm actually ok with this, though I do need to charge him to replace the hangers, lol. He has a bin of fidgets he uses. 

He's enjoying the IEW All Things Fun & Fascinating, which blows my mind. 

Yeah, I think math is what it is. It's not going to decide anything about his life and just isn't a hill I'm dying on. We do word problems, lots of fun math (symmetry, logic puzzles, etc.), and I hand him a calculator. We've been getting mileage from some Lakeshore Learning kits. I always love their stuff because it's easy to parcel out a bit at a time.

[Lecka]

For my son, we expect (at this point) or think it’s likely he will receive school services until he is 21.  It makes more sense to allow for him to have another year post-high-school than another year in school.  
 

I also think DRS services will be good for him and that is tied to being a 9th grader here.  
 

It’s pretty practical.  
 

He’s also not a huge fan of school.  He likes school but we don’t have a sense that he would like to spend an extra year in school vs an extra year in transition services.  We think he will prefer the latter.  

 

 

[Lecka]

He’s also a twin and has a brother starting his Senior year in high school in the Fall.

It’s not realistic for us to think he would want to spend another year going to high school while his twin graduates, and he sees that his brother graduates after his Senior year.  They are all too close in age for that, and he notices things like that.  
 

We are already talking up “some people work and some people go to college” and I tell him college is for people who really like school and like doing a lot of homework.  
 

 

 

[Lecka]

Oh, I saw what you said about the post-high-school school services.

The way it is set up here, we think it will work for my son.  
 

It’s not set up like “more school like you’ve been doing,” it’s set up to be noticeably different.  
 

But we don’t think it will be an issue where he thinks “I don’t want to be in this program with these classmates.”  He does not currently notice that kind of thing and he’s 13.  
 

Right now he has 3 classes that are special needs, one that is intervention, and 2 that are mainstream electives.  He does not make any distinction between these classes at all, it seems he does not notice.

 

So basically we don’t have any reason to think he will object to post-high-school.  The only reason it’s likely he wouldn’t do it is if he found employment before aging out, which some people do and I think it is possible for him.  
 

Honestly I think this says a lot about his combination of independence, behavior, and social skills.  He is independent and has behavior to have this schedule, and his social skills/social awareness are such that he does not tell apart the classes.  

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, Lecka said:

post-high-school school services.

In our area there are academic and applied/life skills post-high school tracks, both in the same school. What you're doing totally fits your situation. It just seems a lot stickier to me for an academic track. He's clearly continuing to grow with work and with his maturity level he's safer with the extra bloom time. But to go into a youth group (which I keep hoping he'll do but I'm not sure is going to happen) or go on trips and meet peers and say his grade, that's setting up expectations. 

So at this point I'm pretty much ignoring it and teaching him where he is. But that doesn't give him answers socially where oh yeah I'm going to do 2 extra years of high school doesn't cut it. I don't even think that's wise with him. We'll see, but I think I'm just talking one more year. I don't know. It's true he DOES NOT NOTICE ages of his peers or anything like that. He hangs with young kids and 21 year olds equally on cruises. Now he has a girl he writes letters to, which is completely adorable. 

I'm just trying to make sure I manage expectations. This is a district that is sort of two-faced. I brought this issue up years ago and they said oh high school starts when he's doing high school level work! Well sorry, he's working at maybe a 5th grade level. I can't get the language up to just somehow zoom him up. So if you just take what they say at face value, it's frustrating, because that's not actually what's happening. They finally admitted they would just differentiate and simplify the content while keeping him in the same classroom with his peers, shoving him through, which was fine to them. Thing is, with a grade adjustment, he gets close enough that he can actually have a rich experience. 

I don't know, I haven't figured it all out. I just don't think that what they are saying completely explains the system.

I tend to go *back* and use easier materials that are rich and accessible to him rather than moving forward into simplified materials that would also be accessible. I guess it's just two different thought processes. And it's not like I'm against making more advanced material accessible, because I've looked into that too. It just seems to fit him better to drop the grade level to get the language down and keep the content up. 

He's no man's land in that sense, bright but with so many disabilities that it's tricky to know how to nurture that. He's actually HUNGRY for learning. I want him to feel like he had a fulfilling education and found himself as a lifelong learner. I think he can get there. I think he would be a very sad soul if we graduated him too early and all he had to look forward to was very straightforward work because he didn't have the bloom time to do what he's at least capable of. I think it's something sort of middle of the road. I just see a potential for depression if he's shoved out too soon because he won't have the skills even to do basic things he's cognitively capable of. It needs time to come together successfully.

[PeterPan]

I think that's just thinking out loud because it's something I flip around on a lot. I *want* to say oh yeah, he's so bright, teach him with this or that higher level material. But I also see the issue of comprehension, being able to use the language, being able to talk about it. And that's such a toggle. If you aren't using the specific words, then where are you? Or if you get lots of oddball knowledge and you don't have a framework of basic knowledge to put it into, where are you?

So that's why he's kind of all over the place. I don't feel like it's reasonable to do all one direction that makes it sound lofty and not have that other direction (the ability to talk about it, the ability to use the language). 

His brain isn't even LOOKING for this kind of big picture systematic framework stuff yet. And that's characteristic of children developmentally that they learn stories and piece them into a whole later. But I think having some sense of that whole, even at sort of a junior high survey level, will help him feel like a confident, put together adult. At least that's my goal for him to have enough time in the system to get that click. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely wet and his development is really going to stay at this story level. It's really not completely clear to me. I tried the VP cards with him for history, and it was like thanks for the tornado, NO click at all, completely worthless to him. It's stupid because most other areas I'm pretty solid on for teaching him and am getting good clicks. I think I'm just processing out loud here. I don't think that it's a *methodology* issue, ie. that my methods and options are good/bad, so much as recognizing what in the world is going on developmentally that it's not clicking. 

And that's what I see with employment too. It's so easy to look at his IQ and go oh "someday" he'll be this or that. But to look at him right now, he should go work at Target. He really should. Or maybe Home Depot. Something low stress, slightly varied, slightly social, intriguing. But then people will say oh big leaps between 13 and 20, stop worrying. No, my dd was who she was and the writing was on the wall. It's hard to be very realistic sometimes. You have to see potential to work toward it but then be realistic at the same time, which is sort of contradictory.

[kbutton]

I am enjoying the updates. 🙂

We're really wrapping up my career as a homeschool mom. I have some dregs of things next year, but I am pretty much finished.

My younger one is going to brick and mortar high school--it's a small private school with a degree of multi-age classes in the high school (which is relatively new; it was PK-8th for a long time)). The principal for the high school homeschooled her kids all the way through graduation, and the kids at the high school tend to get into their desired schools (big variety of colleges). It's really designed to naturally scaffold kids with mild learning issues, but they also provide intervention as needed (I think we can ask for as much or little as works, and they bring it in, but have to pay more). They do cross-curricular stuff whenever they can, such as combining aspects of history and literature. They do a lot of projects. It sounds like the students AND the teachers are all a bit quirky.

This same child is quite seriously interested in becoming a music therapist, and he recently started guitar lessons with a teacher previously unknown to us who is apparently the premier teacher in our area. We are so happy with this opportunity and with his progress. I think music therapy will be a really good field for him. As with other helping professions, job prospects vary a lot, and none are going to make him a mint. He's my kid that always gravitated, even as a toddler, toward kids who were struggling, and he would bring them toys and do other things that would calm them and make them engage happily. He also always liked old people and has always been comfortable around a variety of ages. 

At this point, he's the kiddo I worry the most about. His career interests are pretty narrow, but I think it's a factor of personality, not any kind of rigidity. I worry about his academics--he tends to not ever follow directions. He's not stubborn on purpose or subversive; he just thinks so differently that he can't conceive that what he's doing isn't what people had in mind, lol!!! His new school seemed to think that's standard issue for kids, so I really hope it works out. He also just fatigues quickly and is still a bit of slow processor (though well out of single digit percentiles, thankfully!). He's also still pretty dreamy and in his own head.

He's facing some health issues (structural this time, lol), but that should improve by school time.

My older one did really well this year. He had math and writing tutoring--I don't think his writing will ever be IQ appropriate, but he can get important ideas across, and I think if he had to do a general ed writing class for an associate's or something, he would be able to pass if he took a light load and got tutoring. He's doing pre-calc (after about 2/3 of a stats course, but the book wasn't supportive enough on the teacher/tutor side), and it's sort of touch and go. His previous tutor moved on to a new employer, and the new tutor is more about executive functioning and such, and math is more secondary. They are working it out, but it's not as smooth as with his previous math tutor. For things like literature and history, we use programs that tend to be structured (Notgrass) or that he can divvy up x number of pages/chapters per sensible time period (anthology). He did Ellen McHenry's Mapping the Body with Art, which is also structured and hands on. 

He is at the local career center studying Building Trades. He'll have a bunch of industry-standard credentials at the end of next year and has some basic stuff under his belt now--forklift license, OSHA, etc. He continues to impress at the career center. He'll be a super senior next year as we delayed the career center move for Covid (turning out to be the best idea ever!!!). At home, he'll do his math and writing, and then I think he'll do some music appreciation, finish out a psychology course (we might add in some "practical" psychology to help him self-advocate, but he seems to be doing that well on his own), watch some plays, read some novels, and do some labs for the anatomy class he did this year. The lessons got longer and longer as the year went on, and that really bogged him down. The labs will be very practical stuff. Oh, and I want him to work on a portfolio of projects he's been working on since he was 13 that he can take to interviews--so maybe a presentation style with online slides and a photo book format too. 

His transcript will be college prep by the skin of his teeth if he needs it or changes course, but I have never seen someone who is more happy about doing hands-on stuff. We still sometimes get the "But parents know best" about his choice to go into the trades (even from career center people after seeing his aptitude tests for their programs). They have no idea how difficult some aspects of school have been or how much it takes out of him (while doing things with his hands and solving concrete problems makes him alive and energizes him), and remind them that they'd like someone competent doing their next kitchen remodel.

Older kiddo is working at a local garden center again. It's seasonal work, and they love having him there. They told him to come back this year as early as possible, and he will likely be just about the last seasonal worker they let go this summer (they do gradual hire and letting go as the work ramps up and slows down). Every department says they want him, so if things are slow in one spot, he sometimes gets to do odd jobs for anyone who has one lined up. He might get to use the forklift there as well. He gets an employee discount that he can give out when at the register (previously, he had to be off duty and accompany people), and applying that discount that might be one of his favorite things to do. I think he feels like Santa Claus, lol! While we want him to have a good, competitive job after graduation, we're really hoping that he can have one more summer at the garden center before working full-time for the rest of his adult life. We'd love to do a family vacation and some other things next year that we've been unable to pull off in recent years.

It feels really good to see things come together. There are still quirks, but we're past the worst of the decision/"how will he turn out" angst with one and about to try something new but supportive for the second one. 

[kbutton]

11 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

I think that's just thinking out loud because it's something I flip around on a lot. I *want* to say oh yeah, he's so bright, teach him with this or that higher level material. But I also see the issue of comprehension, being able to use the language, being able to talk about it. And that's such a toggle. If you aren't using the specific words, then where are you? Or if you get lots of oddball knowledge and you don't have a framework of basic knowledge to put it into, where are you?

So that's why he's kind of all over the place. I don't feel like it's reasonable to do all one direction that makes it sound lofty and not have that other direction (the ability to talk about it, the ability to use the language). 

Your sense that they won't work on this in school is spot on. I have seen so many people run into this. 

Quote

His brain isn't even LOOKING for this kind of big picture systematic framework stuff yet. And that's characteristic of children developmentally that they learn stories and piece them into a whole later. But I think having some sense of that whole, even at sort of a junior high survey level, will help him feel like a confident, put together adult. At least that's my goal for him to have enough time in the system to get that click. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely wet and his development is really going to stay at this story level. It's really not completely clear to me. I tried the VP cards with him for history, and it was like thanks for the tornado, NO click at all, completely worthless to him. It's stupid because most other areas I'm pretty solid on for teaching him and am getting good clicks. I think I'm just processing out loud here. I don't think that it's a *methodology* issue, ie. that my methods and options are good/bad, so much as recognizing what in the world is going on developmentally that it's not clicking. 

And that's what I see with employment too. It's so easy to look at his IQ and go oh "someday" he'll be this or that. But to look at him right now, he should go work at Target. He really should. Or maybe Home Depot. Something low stress, slightly varied, slightly social, intriguing. But then people will say oh big leaps between 13 and 20, stop worrying. No, my dd was who she was and the writing was on the wall. It's hard to be very realistic sometimes. You have to see potential to work toward it but then be realistic at the same time, which is sort of contradictory.

On the bolded, I know someone who did this with her kids, then they went to public high school and were semi-pushed through (some classes were okay, none were really ideal). They are more functional for having engaged at that level at home first. Truly. And those kids have borderline IQs. Young adulthood has been worrisome but is working out well.

I think you're going to see the skills vary across domains. I don't think he's going to be the same in all of his areas. There will be spikes. 

There is nothing at all wrong with letting him have an intellectual life of learning on his own terms at home and having a steady, predictable job. There are lots of gifted people who do that voluntarily. There are a lot of people who haven't had opportunities in life that do that! It's just harder than it used to be financially to make ends meet that way, but it sounds like he has support options or that you'll be able to help with that. 

[prairiewindmomma]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

It's hard to be very realistic sometimes. You have to see potential to work toward it but then be realistic at the same time, which is sort of contradictory.

Yes. It's especially hard when you can't precisely nail down what realistic is because you see the range of possible outcomes.

[Terabith]

My youngest just turned 17 and is finishing up 10th grade.  When we enrolled her in school, we put her back a grade by age because of a combination of emotional maturity and her learning disabilities made it so she was more "on level" a grade back.  She had dramatic emotional growth and most of her friends now are either high school seniors or college freshmen, but from an academic standpoint, I think it was a good choice.  

She's doing pretty well in her academic classes, but she's still very spiky.  She's got all A's, though she really is not comprehending Algebra 2.  She gets massive credit for being a decent human being, behaving in class, and putting forth effort.  My husband works with her a lot, and I think we'll be able to get her through a college algebra class or math requirements for a college degree, but I think calculus is probably not realistic.  She loves science, and weirdly, she's doing phenomenally in chemistry despite her major math issues.  She's in Pre-AP English this year, but she decided she does not want to do the AP English next year.  She is a competent writer, but she struggles with it, and she needs an editor due to major issues with spelling and moderate issues with punctuation.  I wish there was a level in between standard/ fist fights and people who can barely read a cereal box English 11 and AP English Language, but there's not, so she is going to do the standard English class.  She will take a Functions, Statistics, and Trig class for math, which will be challenging, but I think she'll get through it.  She will do AP US History, because the teacher is great and while she has no memory for dates, she enjoys the story of history and thinks critically.  She'll do AP Environmental Science next year and AP Bio as a senior.  Foreign language would be really tough, but she's doing fantastic in ASL and will continue with that.  She's also loving ceramics and choir.  Her current plan is to go to college and major in biology, and we have a couple small liberal arts colleges that offer BAs in Biology that I think she can manage that probably.  I never would have guessed when she was little that she'd be able to handle college, but I think with some assistance in a few classes, it will be doable.  She wants to get a masters in library science and work as a librarian, and I think that's a realistic possibility.  

Her life skills have really bloomed.  She is genuinely pleasant to live with, and she is able to manage self care like hygiene and taking meds on time and cooking, as well as executive functioning.  We've joked that our kids are old enough we could leave them home alone and go out of town, but the reality is that I'd have real concerns leaving my 18 year old home alone, but with the 17 year old, I think it could work.  The younger one with the learning disabilities and diagnosed ASD could run the household just fine.  She is learning to drive, and that's going reasonably well.  Her emotional regulation is good.  

The exciting thing this year with Cat is that she got a job!  She is basically an intern doing repetitive tasks for a small business that makes books and art.  https://arteofthebooke.com/. She enjoys the repetitive nature of the work, and she impresses them with how organized she is and that she watches and learns how to do things that they didn't explicitly teach.  The folks she's working for are folks we are friends with, and they knew about her challenges but have been really impressed by what she's able to do.  She's able to walk there after school.  It's just been a really good environment for her, and she really enjoys the work.  

[Lecka]

I have talked to my son’s teacher and she had hopes for him to improve more when he started with her in 6th grade, but she says (and I have heard for years) it’s really unlikely for there to be a huge change at this point.  
 

Like — I expect progress for sure, but not a huge jump in level. 
 

I get this where — basically my son has been blessed to have really great therapy etc overall.  I feel like he has missed out some with Covid — but I don’t feel like he’s missed out like he would be at a totally different level.

 

But he has had two teachers (we have moved) who are used to having new students come in at such-and-such level and taking them up.  Because basically — they are used to kids moving in who hadn’t had as good of a program.  So they think they will take my son up more than they do take him.  However I have been happy with both these teachers.  It’s hard to explain.  I do think it’s just the case that kids who weren’t well-served before make a lot more progress when they start to be well-served.  But my son has always been pretty well-served.  
 

At this point his teacher thinks his social skills thing is mostly his personality and she doesn’t see him as having “lesser” skills than what I will think.  Like — there are some very chatty, bubbly kids that I think are doing so well, but his teacher sees it more as a personality thing and doesn’t see those kids as being at a higher level.  
 

I do find it hard to know at what point we should accept his personality or still push or prioritize for more for social.  
 

But in other ways I think it’s easy to say he’s not college bound, and he needs employment skills.  
 

He’s an interesting person and he does like to learn new things and watch educational YouTube videos.  But I don’t see that translating into — independent academic performance.  But I do think he is still going to be able to be interested in things and learn more about them.  Right now he is interested in bunnies, he’s interested in Guinea pigs, he’s interested in differences between different countries and time period.  He heard the word “mutiny” recently and asked if we thought there should be a mutiny in Russia against Putin.
 

But do I think it’s realistic that will translate into college prep high school academics — no.  
 

Feedback I get is that they usually see kids who will make greater social progress make it before this age.  
 

I don’t actually think Covid has changed hie trajectory but I do think he could have had more done on social without it.  
 

But in that area I think it’s hard to know.  I don’t feel like that overall, I think my son is not one where it’s so hard to know what is realistic/possible.  
 

I have tried hard on social but it’s also the area where I feel like I am weakest.  And I think it has not been given as much prominence as I would like at school, over the years.  And again — I think I have gotten feedback over the years like — I have always gotten feedback, which I have agreed with, that my son would rather have a break to himself during recess than have someone kind of social skills programming at recess.  
 

But I still see that as something where he can change as he gets older.  

[Lecka]

We actually left our kids at home alone for two nights recently.  We needed to go see my mother-in-law on short notice.  
 

My parents live nearby and they check on the kids, and I had thought they (or the younger two) would sleep at my parents’ house.  But they all slept at home and did fine!

 

The biggest drama was that a neighbor dog came through our fence, and my oldest son had to get that dog in its yard and put a log across the fence.  
 

But it makes a difference to know they could call my parents any time.  We wouldn’t have left them before we moved back to my hometown.  

[kbutton]

46 minutes ago, Lecka said:

But he has had two teachers (we have moved) who are used to having new students come in at such-and-such level and taking them up.  Because basically — they are used to kids moving in who hadn’t had as good of a program.  So they think they will take my son up more than they do take him.  However I have been happy with both these teachers.  It’s hard to explain.  I do think it’s just the case that kids who weren’t well-served before make a lot more progress when they start to be well-served.  But my son has always been pretty well-served.  

I think this is a really insightful comment. We see gains when my kids get appropriate therapy, but they don't need indefinite therapy. 

47 minutes ago, Lecka said:

He’s an interesting person and he does like to learn new things and watch educational YouTube videos.  But I don’t see that translating into — independent academic performance.  But I do think he is still going to be able to be interested in things and learn more about them.  Right now he is interested in bunnies, he’s interested in Guinea pigs, he’s interested in differences between different countries and time period.  He heard the word “mutiny” recently and asked if we thought there should be a mutiny in Russia against Putin.

That goes a really long way!

47 minutes ago, Lecka said:

And again — I think I have gotten feedback over the years like — I have always gotten feedback, which I have agreed with, that my son would rather have a break to himself during recess than have someone kind of social skills programming at recess.  

Time alone can really help people regulate. Both of mine are friendly introverts and need this alone time.

On 5/23/2022 at 9:15 AM, Lecka said:

Social skills are a problem area.  They are not a problem at home, but apart from family he is either an observer or not interested.  This is improved because he will talk to adults and can ask adults for help.  He can talk totally reliably (no silences, no “just not answering”).  So there’s progress but it’s still just — the area where it sticks out as being lacking.  But he is a happy kid.  I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s not a problem *for him,* but it’s definitely not a big problem for him.  

He might be taking in a lot while observing. A disengaged YA I know who is on the spectrum is not observant. At all. Another is, and while he has some life skills challenges (academics go fine), he is interesting, and he will talk to adults also. I think he's going to be fine. 🙂 

[PeterPan]

7 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Yes. It's especially hard when you can't precisely nail down what realistic is because you see the range of possible outcomes.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

9 hours ago, kbutton said:

Older kiddo is working at a local garden center again.

That sounds wonderful!!! It's a really good sign when they want you back. 

9 hours ago, kbutton said:

This same child is quite seriously interested in becoming a music therapist,

You remember that @Tiramisu's dd with APD became a music therapist, yes?

9 hours ago, kbutton said:

We're really wrapping up my career as a homeschool mom. I have some dregs of things next year, but I am pretty much finished.

My younger one is going to brick and mortar high school

His new placement sounds wonderful!! How will you busy yourself? Chauffering and finally getting your house like you want it? 🙂 

8 hours ago, kbutton said:

It's just harder than it used to be financially to make ends meet that way, but it sounds like he has support options or that you'll be able to help with that.

Exactly.

9 hours ago, kbutton said:

They are more functional for having engaged at that level at home first. Truly.

Thank you. 

7 hours ago, Terabith said:

My youngest just turned 17 and is finishing up 10th grade.  When we enrolled her in school, we put her back a grade by age because of a combination of emotional maturity and her learning disabilities made it so she was more "on level" a grade back.  She had dramatic emotional growth and most of her friends now are either high school seniors or college freshmen, but from an academic standpoint, I think it was a good choice.  

Oh that's interesting, thank you for sharing that!!! And that was a private school, yes? The ps must have these pressures, because what you're describing is what I'm saying, that ds will have a much better chance with a bit more time. I just did the math, and ds would turn 17 in the fall of 10th with the adjustment/retention I wanted. So basically I want him to be 7th again this fall to smooth things out and make expectations work out. I don't know if there are things he'd want to do that say be 9th. With his bday he's usually a bit older anyway.

 

7 hours ago, Terabith said:

She is basically an intern doing repetitive tasks for a small business that makes books and art. 

This is SO smart. Much better to work with your neurology than fight it.

 I love hearing that your kids are doing so well. 🙂 

 

[Terabith]

Yes, when we enrolled Cat in school, it was at a private Catholic school.  It was a really good experience for her.  She moved to public in 7th grade and has been there since, though she did virtual school last year at home because of the pandemic.  Her birthday is at the very end of April, so she turned 17 at the very end of her sophomore year.  I am not sure I would have been comfortable holding her back if her birthday had been any earlier in the year.  

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

You remember that @Tiramisu's dd with APD became a music therapist, yes?

I totally forgot, but that’s right! Very cool.

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

His new placement sounds wonderful!! How will you busy yourself? Chauffering and finally getting your house like you want it? 🙂 

Yes and yes. I also hope to work part-time. I think working at the garden center seasonally also sounds great if my older kiddo will put in a good word for me, lol!

We are incredibly excited about the new school. He loved his day to shadow. It sounds like they have another student with his connective tissue disorder, which is wild, if true. I hope we can connect, though it may very well be an elementary student. The odds are pretty wild!