Vent - just got called a breeder, and old nag AND

[Melissa Louise]

a cat lady who no-one would @#$&.

Yeah, gonna vent about it. Long. 

So this old white guy got on my bus, mask less, of course. And part way on the route he decided to kick off at the driver because the driver didn't stop at his preferred stop. This bus route never stops there - it's a limited service. 

Most normal people would accept this, once informed. Which he was, by me. Not this guy - he began verbally harassing the driver. The driver was Asian - not irrelevant, as he then lobbed a racial slur at the driver.

I had just finished class with my five ADHDer's and was on my last nerve, so I got up, told him to stop harassing the driver, and to sit down and be quiet, or get off the bus. 

And was then treated to a tirade of sexist abuse for my pains, till the next stop. First I was an old nag, who no-one would you-know. I admit I flashed my ring at him then, so he switched to the breeder crap. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the passengers sit there in a dumb stupor, so before I got off I told them to get their act together as well, and to get up and bloody well do something the next time a racist misogynist starts harassing ppl on the bus, instead of leaving it to a lone middle aged woman. 

And then got off and fumed my way home. 

I'm so sick of people, truly. Men like that are like that because no-one ever stands up to them! The whole bus just watching like it's on YouTube. Jeez. 

On the plus side, I walked home really fast due to the adrenaline. 

End of vent. Ugh. 

PS I think the driver wished I hadn't said anything, because that's when it really kicked off, so maybe I am just a breeder busybody female. Oh well. 

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm sorry.  That's just ugly. .

[bookbard]

Wow, you are really brave, good for you. We had something happen where we stood up to a bully too and we ended up having to go to the police due to ongoing harrassment. However it has stopped since the police . . . I really feel it was the first time anyone told the (huge guy!) that what he was doing wasn't acceptable. I agree that a lot of men get away with a lot of crap for ages and ages because no one says anything. 

[Tanaqui]

I'm surprised the driver didn't just stop the bus until that jerk left. That's what would've happened here, no question. That's why people *don't* screw with bus drivers - it gets you literally nowhere, they just stop the bus.

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Tanaqui said:

I'm surprised the driver didn't just stop the bus until that jerk left. That's what would've happened here, no question. That's why people *don't* screw with bus drivers - it gets you literally nowhere, they just stop the bus.

Nope. He just kept driving. If it was me, I'd have stopped and told him to get off. They prefer a quiet life, and honestly, me interfering probably was a pita for the driver who would have been just hoping the guy would get off at the next stop. 

[Melissa Louise]

11 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Wow, you are really brave, good for you. We had something happen where we stood up to a bully too and we ended up having to go to the police due to ongoing harrassment. However it has stopped since the police . . . I really feel it was the first time anyone told the (huge guy!) that what he was doing wasn't acceptable. I agree that a lot of men get away with a lot of crap for ages and ages because no one says anything. 

Not brave, just on my last nerve and was not going to sit there and listen to this guy behaving worse than a six year old.

I think I've got election nerves too - in my head I was thinking 'I bet that bloody man votes for Pauline Hanson'.

Wow, glad your situation worked out. 

[Catwoman]

Good for you for standing up to that horrible man!!!!  I’m so glad he didn’t turn out to be violent or dangerous, because it doesn’t seem like your driver or your fellow passengers would have stood up to defend you.

I hate people like that awful guy!!! 

Sending you lots of calming hugs. 

[Arcadia]

20 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

I'm surprised the driver didn't just stop the bus until that jerk left. That's what would've happened here, no question. That's why people *don't* screw with bus drivers - it gets you literally nowhere, they just stop the bus.

Here, the drivers do get harassed by cranky people and may even get hit. Some passengers just want to pick a fight on a bus.

15 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Nope. He just kept driving. If it was me, I'd have stopped and told him to get off. They prefer a quiet life, and honestly, me interfering probably was a pita for the driver who would have been just hoping the guy would get off at the next stop. 

Maybe the driver is worried the guy would stalk his bus routes. I have taken the buses and trains in NSW and luckily that was way before the pandemic and anti-Asians sentiments were more “subdued”. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

7 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Here, the drivers do get harassed by cranky people and may even get hit. Some passengers just want to pick a fight on a bus.

Maybe the driver is worried the guy would stalk his bus routes. I have taken the buses and trains in NSW and luckily that was way before the pandemic and anti-Asians sentiments were more “subdued”. 

Here bus violence can be severe.  There are cameras on the bus but police can't always respond quickly enough. 

[Ausmumof3]

On the plus side, the fact that you copped his abuse probably allowed the bus driver to focus on driving safely. But seriously. I can’t believe no one else said anything. What a jerk!

[Melissa Louise]

39 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Here, the drivers do get harassed by cranky people and may even get hit. Some passengers just want to pick a fight on a bus.

Maybe the driver is worried the guy would stalk his bus routes. I have taken the buses and trains in NSW and luckily that was way before the pandemic and anti-Asians sentiments were more “subdued”. 

I think you're right. 

[Guest]

Wow, that’s rotten. Good on you for calling out his behavior. I think not getting involved is a way more common response from other people. 
 

I called the police this week because two young men were in a brawl right outside my office window. It dispersed before the police could arrive but I’m not sorry I called. I was worried someone may have a weapon and there was about to be a stabbing or a shooting right there. 

[Carrie12345]

Sadly, I find it a lot harder to speak out these days, because of how violent people can be. I’d be especially afraid in a confined space, such as a bus.
No, I don’t think it’s okay for these schmucks to get away with their horrible behavior. But it’s not just the news that makes me cautious. I was once verbally assaulted by a great big trucker to an extent that absolutely made me fear for my physical safety and it has definitely scarred me.

[chiguirre]

6 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'm so sick of people, truly. Men like that are like that because no-one ever stands up to them! The whole bus just watching like it's on YouTube. Jeez. 

 

 

 

Wow, I'm glad you're alright. 

Men like that are often like that because they are mentally ill. In the US, people are rightly afraid that they may be armed, but even in Australia, I'd be leery of drawing attention to myself like that. He might very well have a knife and be looking for the slightest provocation to use it.

We're probably more used to living in constant low grade dread of violence than you all are, but that's where my mind went instantly. I'd have been one of the people sitting there filming the encounter, just in case.

[Spryte]

Glad you are ok!

[Fritz]

Sadly, after hearing about the incident below I'm not surprised by the inaction of the other passengers you describe. You are probably more likely to be on a social media video than to get back up from your fellow passengers.

https://fox59.com/news/national-world/philadelphia-woman-raped-on-train-while-commuters-held-up-phones/

[Ting Tang]

Can the driver file any type of incident report with police or even his company?  You are brave, and I am glad you are safe!  

[TechWife]

Good for you! 

[wintermom]

I'm sorry you were involved in that situation. It's not uncommon, unfortunately, and it's really hard to say what is the 'right way' for other people on the bus to react. My ds was the victim of a bus attack. A middle-aged woman did verbally stand up to the 30-something guy, and then the guy picked on my son, kicked him in the head twice, before more people on the bus started yelling at the guy. 

Would the guy have become violent if he wasn't confronted? There is no way of knowing. 

For your situation, it's probably the best result that no one got hurt. You just never know what kind of drugs the person is on, what they are capable of doing, and whether anyone would be able to stop them if they did go physically ballistic at some point. 

[SKL]

He was a jerk, but as far as how the others on the bus should respond ... honestly, I think additional attention from more people would have been more of a reward than a deterrent for him.

I think it was appropriate for one person (you in this case) to say something to let idiots and doubters know the racist slur etc. weren't accepted.  I think more would have been overkill and could have led to worse slurs and possibly violence.

Edited May 20, 2022 by SKL

[Melissa Louise]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

He was a jerk, but as far as how the others on the bus should respond ... honestly, I think additional attention from more people would have been more of a reward than a deterrent for him.

I think it was appropriate for one person (you in this case) to say something to let idiots and doubters know the racist slur etc. weren't accepted.  I think more would have been overkill and could have led to worse slurs and possibly violence.

It did lead to other slurs - the guy was a sexist pig, as well as a racist. 

[Melissa Louise]

Well, I've learned my lesson, that's for sure. I'm just going to turn a blind eye in future. Why should I be the one to say something and cop a mouthful of abuse for my trouble? Crazy. 

The guy wasn't drunk or drugged, not did he appear to be in the midst of a psychosis or somesuch. He was just a nasty bully. 

 

 

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, chiguirre said:

Wow, I'm glad you're alright. 

Men like that are often like that because they are mentally ill. In the US, people are rightly afraid that they may be armed, but even in Australia, I'd be leery of drawing attention to myself like that. He might very well have a knife and be looking for the slightest provocation to use it.

We're probably more used to living in constant low grade dread of violence than you all are, but that's where my mind went instantly. I'd have been one of the people sitting there filming the encounter, just in case.

Crime here is mostly organised crime. Bikies stabbing bikies, gang on gang. And of course, DV.

It's vanishingly unlikely that I would get stabbed by a stranger, even in a confrontation. Especially by an older person. 

[ktgrok]

I'm just sitting here wondering how one can be a breeder if no one will ..you know..breed with her? He doesn't even make sense, lol. 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Mean people suck. 

[gardenmom5]

take comfort in you made the hard choice to support the bus driver.  There are probably more times bus drivers (of all races) are on the receiving end of that crap from recalcitrant passengers and there isn't much they can do.  (maybe telling them to get off.)

[SKL]

The times I've said something to mean people, I mostly just use a really low, moderately loud voice and say "HEYYYYY."  It throws people off guard.  I learned people pay more attention to low voices.  The fact that it is coming from a female vs. a male may also make it less likely to bring on fisticuffs.

Edited May 20, 2022 by SKL

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, ktgrok said:

I'm just sitting here wondering how one can be a breeder if no one will ..you know..breed with her? He doesn't even make sense, lol. 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Mean people suck. 

Same. I was also wondering how he knows she has cats.  What a horrible man. 

[Tanaqui]

Fritz, that story is inaccurate as reported.

[prairiewindmomma]

Mean people suck. 

People die on public transportation here---too many people strung out on meth or very mentally ill with a tendency towards violence. There's been a huge uptick of both lately, though even before there were still issues. People have died for intervening for verbal slurs/bullying as well--two guys got stabbed to death intervening to protect a Muslim teen girl. Generally people will just lay low. I know I have gotten off trains at next stops and gotten back on again later because I was unsafe on the train I was on. The buses and trains have cameras here, but all that means is that they will have video of the attack, not that anyone will be safe.

[BlsdMama]

13 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

a cat lady who no-one would @#$&.

Yeah, gonna vent about it. Long. 

So this old white guy got on my bus, mask less, of course. And part way on the route he decided to kick off at the driver because the driver didn't stop at his preferred stop. This bus route never stops there - it's a limited service. 

Most normal people would accept this, once informed. Which he was, by me. Not this guy - he began verbally harassing the driver. The driver was Asian - not irrelevant, as he then lobbed a racial slur at the driver.

I had just finished class with my five ADHDer's and was on my last nerve, so I got up, told him to stop harassing the driver, and to sit down and be quiet, or get off the bus. 

And was then treated to a tirade of sexist abuse for my pains, till the next stop. First I was an old nag, who no-one would you-know. I admit I flashed my ring at him then, so he switched to the breeder crap. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the passengers sit there in a dumb stupor, so before I got off I told them to get their act together as well, and to get up and bloody well do something the next time a racist misogynist starts harassing ppl on the bus, instead of leaving it to a lone middle aged woman. 

And then got off and fumed my way home. 

I'm so sick of people, truly. Men like that are like that because no-one ever stands up to them! The whole bus just watching like it's on YouTube. Jeez. 

On the plus side, I walked home really fast due to the adrenaline. 

End of vent. Ugh. 

PS I think the driver wished I hadn't said anything, because that's when it really kicked off, so maybe I am just a breeder busybody female. Oh well. 

 

 

From one breeder busybody woman to another, I’m so freaking proud of you. You showed your kids there comes a time when you stand up to abuse. Way to rock it. Seriously, you should be so proud  of yourself. 

[Melissa Louise]

2 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

From one breeder busybody woman to another, I’m so freaking proud of you. You showed your kids there comes a time when you stand up to abuse. Way to rock it. Seriously, you should be so proud  of yourself. 

Ah, my kids weren't there, and are not major fans of me 'getting involved'. I think they think it's more of a Karen vibe than a brave one, tbh. Ds just looked at me like 'Well, what did you think was going to happen?' 

 

 

 

 

[wintermom]

9 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

Well, I've learned my lesson, that's for sure. I'm just going to turn a blind eye in future. Why should I be the one to say something and cop a mouthful of abuse for my trouble? Crazy. 

The guy wasn't drunk or drugged, not did he appear to be in the midst of a psychosis or somesuch. He was just a nasty bully. 

There are times and places to intervene, and there are situations where it's going to turn up the heat. In TKD self-defense, I was taught to avoid potentially dangerous situations and don't make a situation worse. They are pretty good tips for staying safe.

[LucyStoner]

I am glad you are safe.  I am glad you stood up to him despite it being a case where no good deed goes unpunished.  

[MercyA]

Good for you! I love it when people stand up to bullies. So sorry you had to take abuse for it, but you did good. 

[Eos]

18 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

Well, I've learned my lesson, that's for sure. I'm just going to turn a blind eye in future. Why should I be the one to say something and cop a mouthful of abuse for my trouble? Crazy. 

The guy wasn't drunk or drugged, not did he appear to be in the midst of a psychosis or somesuch. He was just a nasty bully. 

 

 

Right f-ing on, @Melissa Louise.  I relate to your story from many instances of my own, and that's why I know you won't turn a blind eye next time - it comes from deep inside.  You can't not stand up to bullies, and I'm pretty sure you will again.  And yes, the job of bystanders is to back you up to the hilt, including physically and/or by jumping in with de-escalation.  You know you would have, had it been someone else. Your kids have a great role model.  Even those silent and shocked bystanders might encounter a similar situation one day and surprise themselves by standing up, having seen you do it.

On whether this is a "Karen" situation: no, not an Entitled White Woman vibe.  I really object to the name being used for women standing up for themselves and others, this is anti-bullying not bullying like the infamous Karens.

[Murphy101]

On 5/20/2022 at 1:14 AM, Jean in Newcastle said:

Here bus violence can be severe.  There are cameras on the bus but police can't always respond quickly enough. 

Then there should be security on buses just like on planes.  And just like in planes, they can lose the privilege of bus use for violent behavior. 

On 5/20/2022 at 7:35 AM, Fritz said:

Sadly, after hearing about the incident below I'm not surprised by the inaction of the other passengers you describe. You are probably more likely to be on a social media video than to get back up from your fellow passengers.

https://fox59.com/news/national-world/philadelphia-woman-raped-on-train-while-commuters-held-up-phones/

The message here is clearly that every woman needs to buy a gun,  carry it, and use it to protect herself bc obviously “society” has come completely broken and she can not count on even an entire group of people to have one person that gives enough Fs to call 911.

smdh

Edited May 21, 2022 by Murphy101

[Terabith]

I'm so sorry, Melissa.  That's awful.  

[Halftime Hope]

On 5/20/2022 at 1:03 PM, Tanaqui said:

Fritz, that story is inaccurate as reported.

Please link one that you deem accurate. 

[bibiche]

21 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said:

Please link one that you deem accurate. 

https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/no-proof-anyone-callously-took-video-of-rape-on-septa-train-da-says/3006034/

[Murphy101]

I am very confused. I get that people may have been getting on and off the bus. But how do people not notice a woman being raped?  He seems to be saying they were all just too busy coming and going to notice a rape in progress? Just… what?

I’m glad they were not being callous enough to just video it - but let’s be real real here that being just too busy to notice really isn’t much better.

[Sneezyone]

3 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I am very confused. I get that people may have been getting on and off the bus. But how do people not notice a woman being raped?  He seems to be saying they were all just too busy coming and going to notice a rape in progress? Just… what?

I’m glad they were not being callous enough to just video it - but let’s be real real here that being just too busy to notice really isn’t much better.

It's a train. How much do you notice about what's happening on an airplane three rows away from you or even across the aisle? Sexual assaults have occurred there too.

[Murphy101]

16 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

It's a train. How much do you notice about what's happening on an airplane three rows away from you or even across the aisle? Sexual assaults have occurred there too.

Odds are high I’m having a conversation with people 3 rows away be it on a plain, train, automobile, boat, line at the grocery store…  I admit I miss a lot but I sure hope I never miss something like a woman being raped.

[Sneezyone]

32 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Odds are high I’m having a conversation with people 3 rows away be it on a plain, train, automobile, boat, line at the grocery store…  I admit I miss a lot but I sure hope I never miss something like a woman being raped.

I don't generally engage with strangers on any form of public transportation. I keep my head down, read, sleep, and generally try to pretend I'm not a sardine. Most people aren't interested in engaging in (or listening to) chatter.

Edited May 21, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Murphy101]

13 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

I don't generally engage with strangers on any form of public transportation. I keep my head down, read, sleep, and generally try to pretend I'm not a sardine. Most people aren't interested in engaging in (or listening to) chatter.

Who says most people don’t like to talk to others about their lives?  I’m not *making* anyone chat with me for cryin out loud.  

[DreamerGirl]

In my book you are amazing and brave. 

I am sorry you had to go through this. 

((Hugs))

[Sneezyone]

12 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Who says most people don’t like to talk to others about their lives?  I’m not *making* anyone chat with me for cryin out loud.  

Just in case you're curious...follow the links. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-02-23/hearing-loss-public-transport-etiquette/9471738

[Melissa Louise]

54 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

I don't generally engage with strangers on any form of public transportation. I keep my head down, read, sleep, and generally try to pretend I'm not a sardine. Most people aren't interested in engaging in (or listening to) chatter.

This guy wasn't 'chatting'. He was loud and aggressive. I didn't need to strain to hear him, lol. 

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Just in case you're curious...follow the links. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-02-23/hearing-loss-public-transport-etiquette/9471738

Good grief.  Who said anything about discarding digital manners or being loud and rude?

Having a perfectly normal casual conversation with someone who is free to engage in conversation is not rude in a public setting.

[Farrar]

1 hour ago, Murphy101 said:

I am very confused. I get that people may have been getting on and off the bus. But how do people not notice a woman being raped?  He seems to be saying they were all just too busy coming and going to notice a rape in progress? Just… what?

I’m glad they were not being callous enough to just video it - but let’s be real real here that being just too busy to notice really isn’t much better.

I can easily imagine this happening on a subway car and me not realizing anything was amiss. I've been on lots of crowded cars where people are yelling, throwing things, etc. and it could easily be lost in the midst of that. And I've been on not crowded cars where if the victim wasn't screaming for help (and that's a not uncommon response to freeze up) that it would be easy to get on, just be reading or playing sudoku on my phone and not realize what was happening a few feet away.

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

This guy wasn't 'chatting'. He was loud and aggressive. I didn't need to strain to hear him, lol. 

I would have probably been nervous to engage the rude guy, especially if my kids were with me. But I more likely would have struck up a pleasant conversation with the driver. Something along the lines of, “You’re doing a great job. It must be stressful being on a tight schedule for every planned stop on the route on any given day and shift.  Thanks to your expert chauffeuring I get to ride around town with no parking stress.”