Close by or a few hours away, mental health

[Janeway]

Please do not quote as I plan to come back in and delete anything identifying. 17 yr old son has struggled A LOT with mental health problems over the last two years. He did well in school prior to that. He was in public school for 9th and half of 10th grade. He passed AP tests and did well on the SAT and PSAT, but

But maybe this is a big blessing and we should jump at it. What do you think? Give him more time to simmer? 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Janeway

[Arcadia]

I’ll go with whichever has better support. I saw an eye specialist during college which is top in the country where I am from and he had consultation hours at the research hospital attached to my university. I could take the campus shuttle to all my eye clinic appointments. 
 

ETA: unless it is a financial burden, I would just sacrifice the deposit at OU. Of course I would not mention OU either.

Edited April 5, 2022 by Arcadia

[chiguirre]

I'd put down the deposit on UNT and wait a week to request the refund from OU. I wouldn't say a word more about either until after May 1 and hope your ds sticks with his decision. 

[Momto6inIN]

21 minutes ago, chiguirre said:

I'd put down the deposit on UNT and wait a week to request the refund from OU. I wouldn't say a word more about either until after May 1 and hope your ds sticks with his decision. 

This. Especially the not saying another word about it part.

[SanDiegoMom]

1 hour ago, chiguirre said:

I'd put down the deposit on UNT and wait a week to request the refund from OU. I wouldn't say a word more about either until after May 1 and hope your ds sticks with his decision. 

Agreed, 100 percent.

[easypeasy]

10 hours ago, chiguirre said:

I'd put down the deposit on UNT and wait a week to request the refund from OU. I wouldn't say a word more about either until after May 1 and hope your ds sticks with his decision. 

This is what I would do too.

[Farrar]

I'm a little confused. You cannot double deposit. End stop. Are you saying you already deposited at OU? If that's the case, I think ethically that you must inform them immediately that he won't be attending. None of this leaving a deposit at both schools for a week. Or are you talking about a housing deposit?

And did he visit OU? I wouldn't even consider depositing unless he was able to do a visit. Honestly, in this situation, I'd insist he visit solo at least once before you deposit. You have nearly a month left. He should do a visit by himself. Either driving himself there or you dropping him off and leaving him on campus to navigate. I think that's an important test for a kid who is likely to struggle that much with anxiety to see if they're ready.

[MerryAtHope]

I would go with the close-by school if he’s willing. With mental health issues, closer gives you more flexibility for going and getting him for a weekend, meeting for a lunch or dinner, using familiar doctors or counselors, and so on. 

Edited April 8, 2022 by MerryAtHope

[Lanny]

In general, I believe this student should attend the local school, for many different reasons.

However, I am curious about his interest in OU.  What interested him about OU?  A Major or something else?

 

[MamaSprout]

On 4/6/2022 at 9:21 PM, Farrar said:

And did he visit OU? I wouldn't even consider depositing unless he was able to do a visit. Honestly, in this situation, I'd insist he visit solo at least once before you deposit. You have nearly a month left. He should do a visit by himself. Either driving himself there or you dropping him off and leaving him on campus to navigate. I think that's an important test for a kid who is likely to struggle that much with anxiety to see if they're ready.

I agree here. I work on a small university campus and share office space with accessibility services and the mental health folks, and I see this play out every school year. We lose several kids the first week who probably weren't ready to be away from family, and several more mid semester who didn't continue whatever it was they should be doing to manage their mental health. They try to make it on their own and it doesn't go well. 

For that reason, I say close by, but also really weigh if it's time for him to make this move at all or if he needs another year. Whatever decision you make, though, make it and stop talking about it. That seems like it would increase anxiety.