Large house or small?

[Dillybeansown]

Hello!

 

I’m hoping for some advice and new perspectives from you all 🙂 We currently live in a 1200 sqft house that is not well laid out, and has very poor closets/storage options. We have 5 kids 7 and under. We homeschool. The house is kind of a nightmare for me to keep tidy especially as that is not one of my strong points. I know we could probably try to fix some of the house issues with creative storage options and such, but most of it is unfixable without major remodeling.

 

We are debt free, have the house paid off, and are well set up financially. There is a house for sale that we are considering. It is 4500 sq Ft, very nicely laid out (I think), and has LOTS of nice walk in closets and storage spaces, a good pantry, etc. It seems like a dream to me. HOWEVER, I am beginning to wonder if I am underestimating how much more work it will be to keep a large house clean, and whether I will regret leaving my little house.

 

What would you do? Stick with the little cramped house, and all it’s poor layout etc, or spring for the big one? Or perhaps there’s a good middle ground: something a little bigger than our current house but much better thought out and laid out.

 

I’m at a loss. I’ve never lived in a large house, nor have most of my circle, so this is new territory. Hoping to hear from others who’ve experienced larger houses.

 

thank you in advance.

[Elizabeth86]

Coming from a family of 6 in 1070 sq feet. BIG house. I can not even worry about the reality of the work. I feel so absolutely claustrophobic here I feel panicky sometimes.

ETA 4500 is huge! I'd shoot for something more like 2400 if I were you.

Edited March 28, 2022 by Elizabeth86

[QueenCat]

We have about 5000 sq ft and there are only three of us. We love the space. That said, how much space one wants/needs is really subjective. Only you and your dh can determine that. 

[JustEm]

I'd say middle ground, at least for us. We are a family of 10, ranging from 2 years to 72 years, in 3000 sq ft with a great layout. 3000 sq ft is a lot of house and not easy to keep clean. 4500 sq ft would be a nightmare for me personally. 

I am slowly getting each room better organized and decluttered one room at a time and keeping those rooms clean is getting easier. But it still takes daily work to not fall behind and have a huge mess again

[teachermom2834]

I had 2 kids in a 500 sq ft apartment and then 3 in a 1050 sq ft house and then 4 in a 2300 sq ft house and then 4 in a 2700 sq ft house. I am now down to one in the 2700 sq ft house. 

A bigger house makes a difference. It is totally worth it to have some more room that works for you. And they get bigger. And everything gets bigger for a while. Their shoes are bigger. Their clothes get bigger. They take up more room when they lay around and watch TV. They consume more space and bump into more things as they move through space. More square footage is a good thing.

But you don’t need 4500 to make a big difference. My 2700 has four bedrooms, three full baths. It has a lower level with a very large family room connected to a large bedroom with a full bath. We have a nice yard and a garage. 4500 sound wonderful but I can’t even imagine it, honestly. So, sure, go for the 4500 if that is what you want but you can get a life changing increase in living space for half that. 
 

And as hard as it seems to believe,  before you know it, they will start leaving! 

[prairiewindmomma]

Find a middle ground unless you can afford a housekeeper. 4500 is huge—a lot of bathrooms and floor space to clean, especially when you have kids still in the mess making stage. We’ve owned houses big and small, and our sweet spot seems to be a well laid out house 2400-2800 ft square for our family of 6 (with three adult sized kids). 
 

Keep in mind that your expenses will increase dramatically as your kids age—groceries, braces, college, etc. and taxes and insurance continue to go up also. Only buy a house that big if it still fits into your overall finances very easily.

[sweet2ndchance]

We have a small house (just under 1500 sq ft), terribly laid out imo, and at one time we had 6 kids living here (most of mine are grown now).

BUT we live on a large property (7 acres) and have nice weather more often than not. I think the fact that we have lots of outdoor space really helps.

It's just three of us living here now (youngest ds, dh and I) and if we ever get to build like we want to, I would stay near 1500 sq or a little smaller to be honest. I hate cleaning and the less space I have to clean, the better. But we have always lived in houses between 1000 to 1500 sq ft the entire time the kids were being born and growing up. I did sometimes wish we had more space in some houses we lived in but then I would remember that I also have to clean that space.

Like QueenCat said, space needs and desires are really subjective. I'm happy in a smaller space but you may not be.

[JustEm]

I guess I should add what our 3000 sq ft gets us. It is a 5 bedroom, 4 full baths house on an acre. One of the rooms is a first floor master suite. It has a wide galley kitchen, smaller dining room with amazing built in cabinets for storage and can fit all ten of us at the table. There are two large living spaces on opposite ends of the first floor. Each living space has a clear open room divide so we basically use them as two different rooms. For example, one living space has our computers/tv set ups and the other 3/4 of the room is a training floor. The other living space has our homeschool/calm activity area and an area for arts/crafts/boardgame playing(you can see pictures of this part of our house for reference in a previous post I made about paint colors.) Also a nice size laundry room.

We also have an unfinished basement that is about 800sq ft for storage. We will likely never finish it but I we need to we can. Also a carport for storing outdoor things.

[catz]

I personally think 4500 is crazy town large.  If I bought a house that large, I would want budget for someone to come in and help clean regularly.  I would go for something in the maybe 2500-3200 range with good storage and garage options and think carefully about layout.  Like sometimes those open plan houses have really high sq footage, but doesn't really have the right space if you're trying to tuck an office, a school room, or a playroom somewhere.  I think design can be more important than sq ft depending on needs.

We actually downsized to be in our current house.  It is in a better location and it definitely has better storage and better design.  

[gardenmom5]

Even with a larger house - you still need storage options.  Not just a closet.

with five kids under seven - I would go for more space.  They're going to get older, and you'll want more room as they get older.  But I had four kids in a 2100 + 1000 basement (and there were times I wished I either had more space, or it was laid out better. I only briefly had all five at home.)  I also live in the PNW and there were plenty of times the weather just makes it extremely unpleasant/untenable to be outside.

[Dillybeansown]

You people are amazing! Thank you so much for the quick responses! It’s incredibly helpful to hear others’ experiences and be able to draw from that. Definitely leaning towards looking for a middle ground, and heavily stressing the need for a good layout. Honestly I’d be happy in our current house if I could magically rearrange it and make certain things make sense that don’t. Thank you again.

[fairfarmhand]

With that many small kids, I'd shoot for something 2000-2500 square feet. I had a hard time keeping my head above water with tidying and cleaning when I had small kids, and I lived in a 2000 square foot house with 4 kids. The kids just expand the mess to whatever space you have. 

With that 2000-2500 square feet, you will want just plain old storage space instead of closets. Places like a garage, attic that YOU can access, or a basement. 

Remember that more space means more floors to vacuum/mop/pick up, and more bathrooms to scrub. You want a house that works for YOU. 

I liked having 2 living areas, one for TV/Computers/Video games, one for sitting quietly/reading/doing school. I don't have a dining room, just an eat in kitchen and I didn't ever want one. 

[Spryte]

Team Middle Ground here. We went from 1200 (and we really only lived in 800 of that) to 3500. Felt like we were swimming in space! It works perfectly for us now, but we have always budgeted for housekeepers, so we are not doing all the major cleaning, mostly keeping things picked up and minor stuff. I could easily move to a 2200 - 2500 home, with the right lay out.

Pay attention to the outdoor space as well. We have a magical outdoor space, with lots of vignettes in the yards. Comfy couches on an espresso porch; covered dining area on deck; hangout area on deck for rocking and using an outdoor heater; firepit area; big pavilion/outdoor living room for entertaining; more. It’s made me realize how much we use our outdoor spaces, and they are like extra rooms. If we househunt again, our family loves those extra spaces outside to do school, spend time. Then again, that means upkeep and yard work so YMMV.

Edited March 28, 2022 by Spryte

[alysee]

With young kids it seems it doesn't matter. There mess expands with the amount of space. We felt cramped in 1700sqft with 7 people in our first home and we still feel cramped at 2400sqft with 7 people. More space means it's easier to fill your home with. Stay small. That being said, as my kids have grown it's easier to at least keep the living areas clean because of the extra hands. We are planning on building a 3500sq ft bungalow by 2024 and we will have 6 kids by then under the age of 14. The key for us is to stick to a cleaning schedule(all hands on deck!)

[JustEm]

16 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

With that many small kids, I'd shoot for something 2000-2500 square feet. I had a hard time keeping my head above water with tidying and cleaning when I had small kids, and I lived in a 2000 square foot house with 4 kids. The kids just expand the mess to whatever space you have. 

With that 2000-2500 square feet, you will want just plain old storage space instead of closets. Places like a garage, attic that YOU can access, or a basement. 

Remember that more space means more floors to vacuum/mop/pick up, and more bathrooms to scrub. You want a house that works for YOU. 

I liked having 2 living areas, one for TV/Computers/Video games, one for sitting quietly/reading/doing school. I don't have a dining room, just an eat in kitchen and I didn't ever want one. 

I find most dining rooms are just a waste of space. We do have a dining room, it is kind of important because with a galley kitchen an eat in kitchen would be impossible. But our dinning room is basically like most people's ear in kitchens. It is smaller, directly next to the kitchen and more of a walk through room than a separate room, I'd that makes sense. If we need more dining space for events we hold then we use the boardgame table in the living room or set a folding table out.

[fairfarmhand]

When you're looking for a house, if you're homeschooling, one thing that has been important to us was spaces that can be closed off from the rest of the house. So the kitchen and living area  is more practical when it is somewhat private from each space. My LR and kitchen have an open doorway that separate them, but it is way bettter than the open floor plans where it's one giant space. I can teach my son in the LR and someone can be in the kitchen and it isn't too distracting.

Our bonus room is where our TV is so people can watch television in one area without it blaring through the whole house. Sound and privacy are crucial considerations when you have a homeschooling family.

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, QueenCat said:

We have about 5000 sq ft and there are only three of us. We love the space. That said, how much space one wants/needs is really subjective. Only you and your dh can determine that. 

Same situation here for three people. It’s totally manageable. If I were the OP and the house was within their budget, I would absolutely recommend that she buy it!  🙂 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

Well…I have one sister who has four kids and refuses to live in anything under 5000 square feet.  But we moved from a 2500 square foot home with no storage, no basement, no attic, one closet and a terrible layout to a very nicely laid out 1500 square foot home, and the good layout makes all the difference.  It actually feels like we have more space now with a full basement for storage, a garage and lots of closets.

I think layouts make all the difference. I’m not sure I’d like 4500 square foot but if it’s a better layout, take it.

[rutheart]

We owned a 2,000 sq ft house, then rented a 1,200 sq ft townhouse (out of state move, and needed to get to know the area and find the right house for us), then bought a 4,000 sq ft house. We are a family of 4, but my youngest is now 12.

I find that bigger houses are not that much more to clean. With bigger rooms, it's easier to move the vacuum around the furniture. There is one more bathroom, but my kids clean half the bathrooms for me now. Dust is less frequent of an issue with bigger rooms (i.e. still the same number of bodies shedding skin, but spread over more square footage). I find I do most chores less frequently, so even if they take a minute or two longer, I'm still not spending any more of my life cleaning.

Also, the little kid clutter is only for a few more years. Around age 10, my kids started confining their mess to their bedroom. Schoolwork and projects were still in the common space, but toys didn't live in my living room anymore IYKWIM.

One thing to keep in mind with such a big jump in house is that it will take more furniture to fill the space. For instance, I had never had a den separate from a living room before, so my living room currently only has one rocking chair in it.

I have never regretted having the extra space. Smaller houses give me claustrophobia and I'm just stressed all the time. Being in a large, fairly empty house makes me feel so much more comfortable. This is also the first house I've lived in with 10 foot ceilings and that helps a lot, even more than vaulted ceilings.

ETA: The 2000 sq ft house was built in the 1980s and the 4000 sq ft house was new construction, so our utilities actually decreased in cost. The only things that increased in cost were light bulbs (in the first two years we had to replace LED bulbs multiple times , until we bought a whole house surge protector) and HVAC filters (there are four to change every couple months).

Edited April 7, 2022 by rutheart
info on utilities

[QueenCat]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Find a middle ground unless you can afford a housekeeper. 4500 is huge—a lot of bathrooms and floor space to clean, especially when you have kids still in the mess making stage. We’ve owned houses big and small, and our sweet spot seems to be a well laid out house 2400-2800 ft square for our family of 6 (with three adult sized kids). 
 

Keep in mind that your expenses will increase dramatically as your kids age—groceries, braces, college, etc. and taxes and insurance continue to go up also. Only buy a house that big if it still fits into your overall finances very easily.

I agree on the housekeeper part... At 5000 sq ft, I definitely wanted help. I have someone once a month. She does the deep dusting, bathrooms, all floors, baseboards, windows/mirrors, ceiling fans & a few other little things. In between, we do bathrooms weekly and floors as needed. Definitely helps. 

[gardenmom5]

55 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

With that many small kids, I'd shoot for something 2000-2500 square feet. I had a hard time keeping my head above water with tidying and cleaning when I had small kids, and I lived in a 2000 square foot house with 4 kids. The kids just expand the mess to whatever space you have. 

 

The kids had the family room and basement. (the basement had a glider from the rafters, big cardboard blocks and a bunch of other stuff for building forts. They had a blast down there.)  They were NOT allowed to bring toys into the living room/dining room.  I had to have a sane space.  You can do that with separate living areas.

[Lisa]

We raised 4 boys in a house with a little under 3,000 sq ft and almost an acre of land. It was perfect for us. Now that our boys are adults and two have moved out, we are looking for a smaller ranch house with little maintenance. 

[Carrie12345]

I went from 3 kids to 4, then 5, and currently back down to 3 (11-18) in 1100sf. Have we survived? Yes. But, ugh!!!

We are moving to about 2400 sf of finished space, and I’m actually wondering how I’m going to fill it, as well as how I’m going to clean it! That 2400sf includes room for “big kids” to come and go, though there is additional unfinished space that could be worked with if needed.  But, if it’s needed, some big kids better be doing some real cleaning!

Looking back on those younger kid years, I still think +/-2400 would have been optimal. When they were too young to be of much help, and quite likely to just strew their filth and trinkets further, I think much more space would have had me drowning nearly as much as our tiny space did, just in a different way.

[Lecka]

4500 sq ft sounds huge to me.  

[Bambam]

I'd go look at the house with my dh and really talk about where we would put things/how the layout would work. 
I think having more space so each child can have their own room or only share with one other is a real advantage. 
As for keeping the house neat/tidy, you have 5 little helpers. Sure, there isn't a lot of stuff they can do independently now, but they will grow in the abilities, and what good life-training that will be! 

If the layout is good, I'd do it. But I'm not a spotless housekeeper - the kitchen and the bathrooms are clean. The robotic vacuum takes care of the main flooring. But I was also relentless with only letting my kids eat and drink in the kitchen/breakfast area (hard flooring surface) - it was only when they were teens I allowed eating in one other location (upstairs game room).  To me limiting the super messy activity to one location helps things stay neat. 

[rebcoola]

Middle ground we wound up with a 3600 sq ft house with 5.  It's a pain to clean and to easy let un used spaces get cluttered until they are needed and than it's an overwhelming mess.  

[Bootsie]

I would be more concerned over the layout and usability of space than on the total number of square feet.  I don't, for example, count the square footage of walk-in closets as a plus.  I don't need to walk or do a dance in my closet; I need maximum storage space in my closets.  I have also found that different areas of the country do not necessarily count square footage the same.  I hear people talk about living in 1500 square feet, but they have a 1000 square foot basement with natural light, a bathroom, and temperature control in which they do crafts, watch TV, homeschool, play games, etc--but that space isn't counted in their square footage.  In other parts of country that type of space is counted in square footage.  

Right now you need space for little ones, but quickly you will need space for 5 tweens/teens.  I would look toward how flexible the space is for that.  How much more time cleaning will take will really depend upon the space.  With that large of a house is there, or would there be room for, two laundry areas?  One near the kitchen/master bath and one near kids bedrooms so that they can easily do their own laundry?  What is the bathroom layout?  The older kids are getting to an age range that they will be able to do much of the cleaning/tidying in a bathroom.  It is much easier to have that assigned to them if two are sharing a bathroom than if you have seven people in a household all brushing their teeth in the same sink.  

In addition to square footage, I would prioritize location. As kids get older, they will probably be more involved in outside activities.  What will be the commute to these?  Will you be close to a grocery store?  Would they be able to walk to a park?  

[Arcadia]

It really depends on layout and personalities. Some of my aunts have six children each. Those with hoarders have a large home but still claustrophobic. The rest just have messy bedrooms.

My cousin has a large home with five bedrooms. The bedroom on the highest floor is being used as a home office by my cousin for his work stuff. A live in domestic helper stays on the ground floor bedroom because she prefers that for convenience. My aunt climbs half a flight to get to her bedroom. Honestly, as my 63 year old cousin and his similar age wife age, the top floor home office is going to be underutilized unless his kids take over that room. It is like three and a half flight of stairs to get there. 

[Laura Corin]

I think middle ground. The family house we sold housed three adults and two teenagers. With small children sharing rooms, it would have still been spacious for your family. It was 2, 800 square feet, four bedroom, three bath, two reception.

[DawnM]

Any chance of just adding on to your existing house?   Would you even want to do that?

If not, I would go bigger.   

[Dillybeansown]

I agree; 4500 is quite large. My husband is very fond of the idea of a house that size. I like the idea, too, but am trying to figure out what the reality would be. Haha.
 

We are both from large families, and we want to be able to host our inlaws (or other friends and family) without it feeling claustrophobic. In our current house and setup it’s hard to have over more than 2 or 3 people in a manner that is pleasant for the guests. We also want to be able to allow our children to have their friends over as they get older, as well as (hopefully!) their own families someday.
 

I try extremely hard to keep things clutter free but between baby necessities, homeschool books and supplies, rubber boots and raincoats, etc. there’s only so much you can get rid of without lifestyle changes I’m not willing to make (changing school, getting rid of all weather gear etc.).

 

31 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Any chance of just adding on to your existing house?   Would you even want to do that?

If not, I would go bigger.   

We’ve been considering remodeling. It was our plan until we found this house that we really like. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be as simple as knocking out a wall or even adding on a room or two. I don’t necessarily need “more room”, I need “better room”. For instance, the small laundry room isn’t too small necessarily, but it has the water heater, the giant water filter system, a sink that blocks off part of the washer and is never even used, and two doors that open into it. There is literally not even enough room on the floor for the laundry basket without impeding the walkway, let alone have a functioning laundry room for sorting and treating stains etc.

There would be dozens of changes and mini remodels that would need to happen to maximize our current square footage. Maybe that would be best. I don’t know. I do love our home. So many memories; the outside is great, with a pond and a pool, fruit trees and grapes we’ve planted; I’ve put in years of effort into the garden and landscape…

 

1 hour ago, Bambam said:

I'd go look at the house with my dh and really talk about where we would put things/how the layout would work. 
I think having more space so each child can have their own room or only share with one other is a real advantage. 
As for keeping the house neat/tidy, you have 5 little helpers. Sure, there isn't a lot of stuff they can do independently now, but they will grow in the abilities, and what good life-training that will be! 

If the layout is good, I'd do it. But I'm not a spotless housekeeper - the kitchen and the bathrooms are clean. The robotic vacuum takes care of the main flooring. But I was also relentless with only letting my kids eat and drink in the kitchen/breakfast area (hard flooring surface) - it was only when they were teens I allowed eating in one other location (upstairs game room).  To me limiting the super messy activity to one location helps things stay neat. 

I like your suggestions. Maybe doing a more in-depth look of the house, really analyzing the space and whether it’s suited to our needs or overkill, etc. Also yes! to banning food to the kitchen. I need to implement that!

[Dillybeansown]

1 hour ago, Bootsie said:

I would be more concerned over the layout and usability of space than on the total number of square feet.  I don't, for example, count the square footage of walk-in closets as a plus.  I don't need to walk or do a dance in my closet; I need maximum storage space in my closets.  I have also found that different areas of the country do not necessarily count square footage the same.  I hear people talk about living in 1500 square feet, but they have a 1000 square foot basement with natural light, a bathroom, and temperature control in which they do crafts, watch TV, homeschool, play games, etc--but that space isn't counted in their square footage.  In other parts of country that type of space is counted in square footage.  

 

Yes, I completely agree with maximizing space being far more important than space itself. Our current closets drive me up the wall crazy. Again, we could do a complete overhaul and make them actually make sense, but there are so many areas of our home that are like that and I wonder if it’s worth it, instead of just starting fresh in a place that’s better to start out with.

[prairiewindmomma]

One of the things I found helpful when we were talking about house functionality was an idea from Sarah Susanka's Creating the Not So Big House: think about the activities you do in your house, and where you do them, and what you need to make that flow better.

Being able to articulate those things helps both if you decide to house shop but also if you plan to stay and remodel.

[KungFuPanda]

We have 4 people in just under 1800 sq feet. We moved in 20 years ago when my kids were one and four. It has always been a little too big for us. We’ve always had an extra room we don’t really need. I used it as a dance studio for about a decade until I moved the studio to the basement. 
 

It’s worth noting that our full basement doesn’t count as square footage because it’s below grade. Having abundant rough storage is useful. Right now half of it is a dance studio and the other half is laundry/storage.

Now that my daughter has moved, we have a bathroom for every person. It’s a bit ridiculous. We won’t bother downsizing because the house isn’t THAT big, but the kids grew REALLY fast and I never have figured out how to enjoy cleaning. A 3 bedroom 2 bath rancher would be soy much easier to clean. I’ve lived in those before and single story homes are just more efficient to clean. 4500 sq ft would be a nightmare even with a weekly maid service. It would take forever to find things. 

[mom@shiloh]

We have 7 people and live in a house that is 5,000 square feet. We moved from a house that was half the size. My experience is that bigger is easier to keep clean. For one thing, there are places for everything to be put away. When there are a few things out of place, it's much less noticeable in a bigger space. It doesn't feel as if I'm falling over things all the time. I have to clean less often in a bigger space and since there are several of us making the messes, there are also several of us cleaning up. When I divide chores, we can get it top-to-bottom clean in less than an hour.

[ktgrok]

On 3/28/2022 at 1:58 PM, rutheart said:

 

I find that bigger houses are not that much more to clean.

Agree other than vacuuming/mopping. But that's what robot vacuums are for!

Also, the upstairs doesn't need as much floor care as most dirt falls off before people make it upstairs. (and our dogs don't go up there, so they are not tracking dirt/hair up there). 

But really, so much easier to keep sane because even if the upstairs is messy (like now - play/school room has stuff all over from playing before bed) the downstairs is NOT messy, and man, that is nice!

[Dillybeansown]

Thank you all for the advice and experience shared! It is so appreciated. I have gotten a lot of wisdom from asking you all and others, lots of good things to learn. We decided to pass on the giant house, due to several factors. Currently we’re planning on tackling down and trying to fix some of the issues with our little house that we’ve been avoiding, like redesigning the tiny laundry room so that you can actually walk through it and tearing apart the closets to put them back together in a way that maximizes the space.

 

I think there’s a lot we can do just by changing things around our home that we’ve been just “making do.” And if something comes up that we like that seems a good fit, then we’ll have to try to make this decision all over again, but if not we’ll think about an addition. I do love many aspects of our property, just the outside not the inside. lol. And since the kids practically live outside when we’re not doing school, that’s pretty important. Haha 🙂

definitely agree that less is more. I do try to keep things to minimum. And yes, the kids all pitch in on the house for sure. Good for the house, good for Mama’s sanity, good for their work ethic 🙂

so at this point I’m making a list of all of the issues with our living space, and solutions for them. The necessary things that don’t have a place to go. The areas that collect clutter. The rooms that make it hard to have company over. And then figuring out what we can do about it. It’s pretty encouraging, because at least on paper, there are solutions for many things, even if there will be lots of work and hassle involved.

thank you all again for the advice! Really appreciate you, and the community on here

[Grace Hopper]

On 3/28/2022 at 11:14 AM, Elizabeth86 said:

Coming from a family of 6 in 1070 sq feet. BIG house. I can not even worry about the reality of the work. I feel so absolutely claustrophobic here I feel panicky sometimes.

ETA 4500 is huge! I'd shoot for something more like 2400 if I were you.

I agree with the mid-range of square footage suggestion. My 1500 sq ft house wasn’t quite large enough with homeschooling and dh’s need for a home office, I could clean it fast but it lacked storage (ie, a place for everything). But my 4000 sq ft house is tooooo much! Stuff just expands. We’ve been the warehouse for furniture and possessions through the years of college students who moved around a lot (which is a blessing to them except more often than not, they’ve not wanted a lot of the stuff they left here and I’m stuck dealing with it).

We are looking at around 2400 sq ft next to give us just enough room to be the two of us, both who need some work-from-home space, and room for some overnight guests and entertaining visitors. 

If the 4500 sq ft house is just too good to pass up, just be careful with how much stuff you bring into it. You can keep some open exercise space. And remember that a bigger house will come with higher utility usage and bills, and likely higher insurance premiums and property taxes  

Look for a house that has good storage. The other side of the coin is to regularly declutter, get rid of anything you don’t really need to keep. Also, teach the kids to help. To learn to have a preference for neatness (not fastidiousness, but enough neatness to function well logistically and mentally, iykwim). Things have places to live; instill that concept. I did a good job of that with a couple of my kids and not such a good job with a couple of others, and there’s a noticeable difference between how they get to spend their leisure time now. 

[Ting Tang]

I hear you.  We are a family of 6 living in a 1600 sq. ft. house.  We have a large unfinished basement, but we've had a mouse problem in the past, and I am afraid to finish that space.

We previously considered building but were in a pinch, so we bought this house. At the time, I was pregnant with #2 and never imagined having 4 kids.  Now 3 of the boys share a room.

I do wish we had a bigger house.  But I do not wish to take on what that would require---more time for cleaning (I barely have that now), more money to pay for it, utilities, etc.    Oh, when I want something for this house, such as new quartz countertops, it is far more doable than with a larger home.   

I do have a clutter problem. Lots of toys. Homeschool. There are solutions.  

My background is I lived in a large home with my parents, and they ran into financial trouble.  They had kept on upgrading homes, eventually to the big house.  They had to sell it for less than what it was worth.  Maybe that is where I get my feelings about a bigger house.  

Space would be nice, but I think you made a good choice if you are feeling uncertain. If you still can't make your current home work, then you can revisit other options later!

Edited April 7, 2022 by Ting Tang

[Murphy101]

We went from a 1000sq ft house for 10 of us to this just under 3k sq ft house.  But this house is extremely well laid out except for the kitchen. All the bedrooms are large enough to easily put 2 sets of bunk beds. My entire family can eat at a table in the dining room.

Personally I think 4500 sq ft is too big. The kids won’t be living with you forever. And nature hates a vacuum. So do houses. All that space will get filled with STUFF. So.  Much. Stuff. And you have to clean all those floors. And replacing carpets and painting and all the maintenance of any house is going to be that much greater.

If you are thinking of this as a “forever” home - I’d consider how elderly accessible it is.  Can the main living areas downstairs and if needs be converted to handicap? How close is it to all the things teens and adult kids may need to access?

I do think the key to housing comfortably is not size (or not only anyways) but layout. I’ve seen home twice the size of mine that had horrible layouts that would have been really frustrating for our family size. Half the storage spaces in my house aren’t even being used. And at this point (only 6 kids still at home) I have an entire room I’m turning into a fitness room and still have only 2 kids each per the other rooms.