Why do we revere fighters?

[Teaching3bears]

What if I don’t want to be a fighter?   What if I don’t want to stand up for myself all the time?  What if I don’t want to go against other human beings?  Not because I’m afraid of losing but because I’m just disgusted with the fight?  Could fighting be overrated? Sorry for the lack of context.  There is more than one context anyways.  It doesn’t really matter.  It’s just how I feel right now.

Have you ever had other people encourage someone to go against you?  It’s an awful feeling, especially when you’re already in a difficult place.
 

 

[Melissa Louise]

Well, I'm not sure we do revere fighters.

Certainly not in practical terms, if we look at returned service men and women, for example. 

On a personal level, it is v tiring standing up for oneself constantly. If someone is trying to drag you into a fight, you can walk away. No need to engage in personal battles. 

[YaelAldrich]

I think we revere fighters because it's a little (or a lot) of "There but for the grace of God goes me (and I'm glad I don't have to)!"

I don't think you always have to fight for your needs, but you often feel good if you get what you want and deserve. You can always take a break but you are usually the best litigator you have. 

[Ausmumof3]

Yep. I wonder too. I certainly lack courage and mostly back down or make peace. I wasn’t like that as a kid.  
 

i think there’s a time and place for both. Sometimes you have to make a stand, other times it’s ok to make peace with circumstances. 

[Idalou]

We don't always revere fighters that stand up for themselves, unless they are standing up for what we think is right, too.

I'm sorry you're in a difficult place.

Edited March 13, 2022 by Idalou

[TechWife]

8 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Yep. I wonder too. I certainly lack courage and mostly back down or make peace. I wasn’t like that as a kid.  
 

i think there’s a time and place for both. Sometimes you have to make a stand, other times it’s ok to make peace with circumstances. 

Making peace takes courage. Sometimes more courage than fighting. 

[sweet2ndchance]

I've wondered the exact same thing. 

[Happy2BaMom]

Um, if you live in the U.S., you're living in a country that spends more on it's military than the next 11 countries *combined*. We start "pre-emptive wars" that cost thousands of lives, trillions of dollars, inflict punishment on millions of hapless everyday citizens, "justify" the use of torture, and then later, decide it wasn't worth it, including those who actually fought in those wars. (views on Vietnam are much the same). The HCWs in my circles of contact all report *repeatedly* being struck, threatened, spit on, pushed, and massively verbally abused. Usually, they are told that tolerating that behavior is, "part of the job" and that they "signed up for this". I won't even go into the statistics on gun violence, road rage, and what behaviors and language are encouraged and approved of in our politicians.

As a culture, we worship fighting and displays of "strength". It's about the only thing people can agree on and is a commonly and widely held value....the highest compliment we can pay a person is often, "he's a real fighter", "he fought like hell", "she doesn't back down from anything", etc etc. Fighting/violence (and 'winning' through those tactics) are one of the most basic underpinnings of this culture, and, IMHO, always has been (which is why we are *so* concerned about how the past is presented). When was the last time you heard (in complimentary terms): "he really knows how to bring people together". Phhhheewwwwt.

As the saying goes, when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

 

Edited March 13, 2022 by Happy2BaMom

[Farrar]

I'm not totally sure I'm understanding the context you're speaking to. But one thing that occurs to me is that we like someone who "fights their own battles" because it lets us off the hook. If that person with that disability, disadvantage, or other issue can take care of it by standing up for themselves and making the changes they need and forcing their needs to be met... well then, we can tell ourselves that we weren't responsible and that we don't need to make systemic changes. After all, the "fighters" who "really deserve it" will fix it for themselves. And maybe those who don't fight for it, don't have the "grit" they needed and don't deserve to have their needs met. It lets us revere one hero and ignore the problems that led to their need to fight.

[fraidycat]

Because parents "fight" for their non-neurotypical children to receive an adequate education and accomodations.

Because workers "fight" to unionize or receive adequate wages and/or benefits.

Because people "fight" for accomodations such as wheelchair ramps, braille, captioning, etc.

Etc.

Because we, in the general sense, don't do what we "should" a lot of the time, or don't even realize a need because it doesn't affect us personally. Then 'we', in the business sense, try to take the easiest, least expensive, most profitable route.

So, in that regard, "fighting" has moved our society forward. Women can vote, have bank accounts and credit cards, own property, etc. all because they fought for these things.

Fighting isn't bad. Violence is bad.

All that said, I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling burned out right now. Gentle hugs. I hope you find someone to support you and be in your corner.

 

 

 

Edited March 13, 2022 by fraidycat

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, fraidycat said:

Fighting isn't bad. Violence is bad.

This is an important distinction because 'fight' means both zealous advocacy (which may or may not bring others along) and physical violence. The two are often equated but they're distinct and different. I don't know that anyone is revered for being a fighter in any sense. Mostly they're lionized in hindsight, after a victory, after bringing others along in agreement. Most people aren't fighters in any sense of the word, they're bystanders or passive observers. Peacemakers are just as rare as 'fighters' and equally disdained.

Edited March 13, 2022 by Sneezyone