Self care-JAWM!

[DawnM]

If ONE MORE PERSON tells me to "practice self care" I am going to punch them in the face.

If you have some practical applications like, "Hire someone to help with your dad,"   "Get your resume ready to get away from your narcissistic boss," "Come have some wine with me and talk,"  or "Here is a check for $1M," don't talk to me!  You are just making it worse.

That is all......you can now go about your day and ignore me.....😂

[Carrie12345]

IAWY!!!

[Kassia]

32 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

IAWY!!!

Me too...you have it coming from all directions

[Eos]

Just Agreeing With (((You)))

[Slache]

Maybe if you practiced more self care you wouldn't be so cranky.

I jest.

Seriously though, I'm sorry. Been there.

[Faith-manor]

I am sorry, Dawn! Many, many hugs.

[Teaching3bears]

DawnM, I could not agree with you more!  As a mom of special needs kids, I get that phrase ALL THE TIME!  I think it just makes people feel good to say it.  It doesn’t make me feel good and often it is said with condescension.  Funny, I don’t remember the last time somebody offered to help me.  
 

The other day, I had 2 paid workers over to help as per everybody’s suggestion.  I had to remind them to do all basic hygiene with my sons and to wash their own hands.  They spent the whole day on their phones.  When I asked if either of them would like to vacuum they did not answer.  When I repeated my question one of them said that she only vacuums on Saturday.  I had never been told of that.  They left all the pieces of my kids toys a mess and it took me 20 minutes to clean and left their own candy wrappers on the floor.  I could go on.  If this is self-care …

 

[DawnM]

53 minutes ago, Teaching3bears said:

DawnM, I could not agree with you more!  As a mom of special needs kids, I get that phrase ALL THE TIME!  I think it just makes people feel good to say it.  It doesn’t make me feel good and often it is said with condescension.  Funny, I don’t remember the last time somebody offered to help me.  
 

The other day, I had 2 paid workers over to help as per everybody’s suggestion.  I had to remind them to do all basic hygiene with my sons and to wash their own hands.  They spent the whole day on their phones.  When I asked if either of them would like to vacuum they did not answer.  When I repeated my question one of them said that she only vacuums on Saturday.  I had never been told of that.  They left all the pieces of my kids toys a mess and it took me 20 minutes to clean and left their own candy wrappers on the floor.  I could go on.  If this is self-care …

 

I am incensed on your behalf.   Is there someone you can call to report them?

[Slache]

1 hour ago, Teaching3bears said:

... often it is said with condescension.  

Yes! If you would just make better choices, you know-like me, you wouldn't be so stressed!

As both a familial and paid caregiver, I am mortified by your second paragraph. I am so sorry.

[porque?]

I totally agree with you! I really don't need to be told one more thing that I should be doing!! 

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, Teaching3bears said:

DawnM, I could not agree with you more!  As a mom of special needs kids, I get that phrase ALL THE TIME!  I think it just makes people feel good to say it.  It doesn’t make me feel good and often it is said with condescension.  Funny, I don’t remember the last time somebody offered to help me.  
 

The other day, I had 2 paid workers over to help as per everybody’s suggestion.  I had to remind them to do all basic hygiene with my sons and to wash their own hands.  They spent the whole day on their phones.  When I asked if either of them would like to vacuum they did not answer.  When I repeated my question one of them said that she only vacuums on Saturday.  I had never been told of that.  They left all the pieces of my kids toys a mess and it took me 20 minutes to clean and left their own candy wrappers on the floor.  I could go on.  If this is self-care …

 

This is the unfortunate reality of in-home care. We found we had to kiss a lot of frogs before we found one amazing princess to help with fil. Some of those frogs were absolutely appalling—totally uninterested in working at all. It was more work getting them to do anything than it was just to do the work myself.

[Hilltopmom]

I totally understand. Btdt with young kids, disabilities, & caregiving.

I do have a book suggestion that might help to reframe your self care thoughts- you know, to read in your spare time, 😂 

180 Days of Self-Care for Busy Educators (A 36-Week Plan of Low-Cost Self-Care for Teachers and Educators) https://www.amazon.com/dp/194953927X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_NXN0DXHE73WJP9Z6ZCRS?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

It broke self care down for me into small things I can do for myself.

I know what you really need is more hands on deck & less responsibilities.

[Spryte]

IAWY!

I wish we were close enough to say, “Come have a cappuccino with me! We can talk on the back deck with a heater.”

The thing about self care, for me, is that often what I need most is time alone. And with kids and in home care, and everything else — I don’t know the last time I was alone. 

Next best for me is an IRL friend coming over for coffee and hanging out (or the Tiara Nights I referenced in saraha’s thread!) … and the pandemic put a crimp in all of that.

All the other “self care” stuff feels like just more work.

I hope you can hire someone great to help with your dad. We had to let our awesome aide go, when my mom moved, and I’d love to send her to you.

 

[Jenny in Florida]

My issues are different, but I have the same frustration with this "prescription" for "self-care."

I have been told by multiple doctors and counselors that I need to "be kind to myself" and practice self-care. When I ask them what that means, practically, I have gotten so little meaningful advice that it's actually wryly amusing. I am very much not a candles-and-a-long-hot-bath person. I don't do spas or massages. As an introvert, things like meeting up with a friend for coffee are really hit or miss as to whether they feed me or deplete me. I already do some of the things that are frequently suggested as alternatives, such as walking and exercising regularly.

So having someone tell me that practicing self-care is important without providing any helpful guidance at all as to how I'm supposed to do it just makes me want to cry.

[BusyMom5]

IAWY!   So often what self care seems to mean is just forget your real life responsibilities and take a day off..... while all those responsibilities just pile up- waiting to fall on you once you open your front door!  I can't relax when I know all the stuff is piling up and waiting for me.  It stresses me out even more!  And if you have incompetent help, its often more work than just doing it yourself.  

The only thing I do on a regular basis is take a walk.... and even then I have to arrange one if my big kids to watch my little for 30 minutes,  and I just go up and down my driveway so that I can hear and see them playing outside.  This isn't real self-care, but it seems to be the only "me" time I can find.  

Hugs to you!  

[SKL]

Yes!  That and "your problem is that you stress too much."

[Ann.without.an.e]

I feel you and Couldn't agree more  ❤️

People LOVE to throw out catch words or half baked advice they gleaned from a 30 second Tik Tok or reel 😂 But it isn't practical.period.

This advice always comes from someone who (1) has no real hardship or responsibility or (2) pushes anything difficult they face onto someone else or (3)doesn't even take their own advice. 

You're doing your best. Hang in there ❤️ 

[Moonhawk]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

If ONE MORE PERSON tells me to "practice self care" I am going to punch them in the face.

I think, technically, the punch could be considered a form of self care. Which would mean, technically, that they asked for it. You could even go so far as to say it'd be rude not to punch them since you don't want them to feel ignored. 

It's a win-win!

Edited February 19, 2022 by Moonhawk

[DawnM]

43 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

I think, technically, the punch could be considered a form of self care. Which would mean, technically, that they asked for it. You could even go so far as to say it'd be rude not to punch them since you don't want them to feel ignored. 

It's a win-win!

THANK YOU!   I feel validated.

[Tap]

IAWY

for me, sure I can make time for self care, but it comes at a price higher than the benefit!!

Anything I delay, to allow for self care, still has to be done. And then, I have to do double work on another day, which is even more exhausting than just maintaining status quo. 

[DawnM]

14 minutes ago, Tap said:

IAWY

for me, sure I can make time for self care, but it comes at a price higher than the benefit!!

Anything I delay, to allow for self care, still has to be done. And then, I have to do double work on another day, which is even more exhausting than just maintaining status quo. 

EXACTLY!

[elegantlion]

IAWY too. 

I also bought a punching bag for um, self-care. I don't have room to set it up now which is kind of disappointing. At the ideal, there is room for punching and kicking, of the bag that is. 

 

[LifeLovePassion]

It irks me to no end. I am teaching at a charter school. This year is loads harder than last year when I taught FT distance learning. Every week the counselors send out self care ideas in the weekly staff update. 

I will spare you the details, but actions from admin are saying F-U, but practice self care. Needless to say I am stepping up the job hunt. 

[Spryte]

4 minutes ago, elegantlion said:

IAWY too. 

I also bought a punching bag for um, self-care. I don't have room to set it up now which is kind of disappointing. At the ideal, there is room for punching and kicking, of the bag that is. 

 

If you can’t find room for that, and need a physical outlet, here’s an idea that has been passed among my IRL friends. Buy old, junky dishes at a yard sale. Go in the garage and set up a very large box (my friend that does this regularly says the box is key to contain mess) she puts the box on its side, with the opening like a door. Wear eye protection. Smash dishes! When you’re done, tape up the box and take it to the trash.

She says it’s very satisfying. I have not tried it, but have seen the appeal, at times!

 

[Ausmumof3]

It’s the modern day equivalent of “Be warmed and filled” - a stock phrase to use to avoid helping with real needs.

[mlktwins]

IAWY

Even better when it comes from the family member who hasn't helped with anything in 3.5 years 😐

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, Spryte said:

If you can’t find room for that, and need a physical outlet, here’s an idea that has been passed among my IRL friends. Buy old, junky dishes at a yard sale. Go in the garage and set up a very large box (my friend that does this regularly says the box is key to contain mess) she puts the box on its side, with the opening like a door. Wear eye protection. Smash dishes! When you’re done, tape up the box and take it to the trash.

She says it’s very satisfying. I have not tried it, but have seen the appeal, at times!

 

She should put a call out for local mosaic artists, then it's not just self care, but community service.

[Kassia]

Just now, mlktwins said:

IAWY

Even better when it comes from the family member who hasn't helped with anything in 3.5 years 😐

That's offensive.  😞  

Thank you for this thread.  I don't think I've ever suggested this to anyone but will make sure I don't in the future.  I guess I never gave it much thought.  

 

[Rosie_0801]

My favourite is when people tell me to fight unwinnable battles, and to go to counselling, which is about helping people accept they can't fight unwinnable battles.

[Frances]

20 hours ago, LifeLovePassion said:

It irks me to no end. I am teaching at a charter school. This year is loads harder than last year when I taught FT distance learning. Every week the counselors send out self care ideas in the weekly staff update. 

I will spare you the details, but actions from admin are saying F-U, but practice self care. Needless to say I am stepping up the job hunt. 

I hope you find a great new job soon!

Edited February 20, 2022 by Frances

[Spryte]

29 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

She should put a call out for local mosaic artists, then it's not just self care, but community service.

Love that. Anxiety to art.

[DawnM]

Well, my well meaning aunt called me over the weekend and kept telling me, "You have to take care of yourself."

Thankfully she is on the West Coast so I didn't punch her 😂

I know she meant well, but UGH!

[OH_Homeschooler]

I do AWY!

Have you gotten the oh-so-helpful suggestion to try therapy? Therapy can be great but it doesn't solve every problem. And if you're overworked and overbooked, it's another thing to do, which adds to the stress. 

Has anyone just said "I don't know how you do it! You're superwoman! Stay strong!" Yeah, great thanks super helpful. Instead of complimenting me, maybe swing by with a dinner (leave it on my porch steps so I don't have to entertain) so I get a break from cooking or even deciding what to cook.