High pressure charter school?

[Janeway]

My daughter was in a high pressure charter school. My olders were too, but oldest even says it was not worth the high pressure, fire and brimstone style discipline, and heavy workload. Daughter, who is in 4th grade now, still has friends who go there. So she wants to go back just to be with the friends. But, it took her almost a year of deschooling to get her to where she could do anything at home because she had been so stressed there. Also, she was waking up in the middle of the night, bawling from the stress on the nights before school. At the end of Thanksgiving break in 2nd grade, she begged not to go back. She wanted to go back for her friends, but her teacher was downright abusive and administration did not care. I do not feel they provided a better education than what she is getting at home. 

She is asking to return just to be at the same school as her friends. But what brings this up is when she sees her friends and spends time with them. When we have her on a waitlist, I do not put her in classes for home schoolers, which tend to fill up quickly. I considered putting her on the waitlist and just see what happens, but I know me, I will just put her in if she gets in. In reality, I am guessing she does not realize the level of work she will do and the fact that there is a good chance she won't see much of her friends actually during the school day. But, it is her childhood. Would you consider this? Or would you tell her she just has to wait until she is older?

[Katy]

I’d consider that she has unmet social needs and think about other ways to meet them, including sub-par public school, but I wouldn’t put her back into an abusive environment. 

[BusyMom5]

You are the parent and understand how the stress will affect her.  It sounds like you know the right choice into not enroll her due to the unnecessary stress it will bring.  She is telling you she needs more social outlets- maybe brainstorming together will give you both more options.  

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, Janeway said:

My daughter was in a high pressure charter school. My olders were too, but oldest even says it was not worth the high pressure, fire and brimstone style discipline, and heavy workload. Daughter, who is in 4th grade now, still has friends who go there. So she wants to go back just to be with the friends. But, it took her almost a year of deschooling to get her to where she could do anything at home because she had been so stressed there. Also, she was waking up in the middle of the night, bawling from the stress on the nights before school. At the end of Thanksgiving break in 2nd grade, she begged not to go back. She wanted to go back for her friends, but her teacher was downright abusive and administration did not care. I do not feel they provided a better education than what she is getting at home. 

She is asking to return just to be at the same school as her friends. But what brings this up is when she sees her friends and spends time with them. When we have her on a waitlist, I do not put her in classes for home schoolers, which tend to fill up quickly. I considered putting her on the waitlist and just see what happens, but I know me, I will just put her in if she gets in. In reality, I am guessing she does not realize the level of work she will do and the fact that there is a good chance she won't see much of her friends actually during the school day. But, it is her childhood. Would you consider this? Or would you tell her she just has to wait until she is older?

It's true that this is her childhood, but you are her parent, and you already know how awful her previous experience was at that school, so I don't see why you would even consider letting her return. She is clearly forgetting what it was really like to be a student at that school, but you haven't forgotten, and you should base your decision on the reality and not on your dd's fantasy of what it will be like. She's still just a young kid, and she's picturing the fun and the socializing with her friends, and isn't remembering the stress, the crying at night, and the begging not to have to go back there.

If you do allow her to return to the school, are you prepared to pull her back out immediately if things start to go wrong again?

Personally, my answer would be no. I would try to figure out exactly what she is looking forward to at that school, and try to find other ways to meet those needs and wants for her.

 

[TechWife]

I recommend looking for another school. Social needs are real needs & she may thrive in an environment around other children. Under no circumstances would I return her to an abusive school environment, though. I can’t imagine a scenario where it would be an acceptable alternative. 

[Soror]

I wouldn't consider the Charter School UNLESS there had some big change that made it a better environment.

I would be looking for activities for her hard and heavy this semester to see if you can meet her social needs while hs'ing. In the meantime I'd be looking into other options for school. I'd be considering one of those options for next school year if you can't figure out a way to at least partially meet those needs by the end of this school year.

 

[Bambam]

No. She is an elementary child who does not realize what is in store, but you, the responsible parent do, and it would NOT be good for her. So, I would just tell her that isn't an option. Just be upfront with her. 

I would, however, start exploring other options for her to be social. Maybe another homeschool group? Maybe trying to find a few good friends for her and start trying to arrange regular social events that are within everyone's comfort zone (zoo trip, hiking at a park, picnic, museum, Chuck E Cheese, whatever).  I would bump up the priority on my to-do list of finding a social outlet for this one. I would also let her know what was going on, so she would know that I acknowledge her desire and need for friends, and I'm working on it. 

 

 

[Insertcreativenamehere]

Also keep in mind that if she was stressed with 2nd grade work, the workload/expectations will most certainly have increased now that she is older and it may be even more stressful for her.