Update in first post: Help me help my bonus young person?

[Jenny in Florida]

Update for those who might wonder what's happening:

After visiting/contacting a bunch of complexes and being told (a) there was nothing available and/or (b) everything was laughably out of their price range, Bonus YA (BYA) and her boyfriend targeted a complex in a less-than-great area of town that is also farther away from her work location than they wanted. They gathered every possible document they could find to bolster their case, applied and were accepted.

Truth be told, it's not where I would have chosen to start, and they had to wait two weeks past when they initially wanted to move in for a unit to be ready, but it does appear they have a place. The management office is not great about communication, which has been causing BYA a lot of stress as she has worried that the lack of response to any of their attempts to check in meant that the unit was not going to be available or something else had gone wrong. This complex also has some weird policies like not signing leases until the day you get the keys and only doing lease signings on Friday afternoons, all of which feel like potential red flags. However, as of yesterday, the resident portal does show them as approved and all set for move-in, and the staff confirmed by phone that the unit is ready. 

They are going to sign the lease this afternoon, pick up a rental truck and start loading her stuff from our house this evening. 

I took her out last night for some last-minute shopping and am sending her out the door with some basic kitchen supplies and a toolkit, as well as our old couch.

I don't think any of us will believe this is a done deal until they have a signed lease and keys in hand and have moved in at least the first few boxes, but things do appear to be happening.

 

Okay, quick back-story for those who aren't familiar: 

My son and his ex-girlfriend were together for about three years, beginning when they were just turning 18. For the last year or so of that time, she lived with us, following a lot of unpleasantness with her parents. When they broke up, my son was working close to full-time and had the opportunity to move in with a friend/co-worker who needed a roommate, while the about-to-be-ex-girlfriend was working very part-time and for a variety of reasons wasn't in a position to move out on her own. My son asked me to let his ex stay on with us for a little while, until she could figure out how to move on, and I was happy to agree. (My husband was less excited about this, but agreed it was the best option for everyone involved.) 

She has continued to live with us for a little over a year, during which time she has made enormous strides towards being ready to be independent. Several months ago, the three of us (husband, me, son's ex) agreed that she would be moving out in February. She is now working at a better, almost full-time job and is planning to get a place with her current boyfriend. (Not asking for opinions on this part. She's an adult, not my kid, and is allowed to make her own decisions.)

So, where I'd appreciate suggestions: 

The problem is that the two of them have been looking for a rental with increasing amounts of panic for the last few months. The market in this area is bonkers, with prices going up precipitously seemingly overnight and apartments in short supply. They were scheduled to tour one complex tomorrow that they might be able to afford, but were notified today that there are no units available for the next five months. They are in the difficult position of making a little too much money to qualify for the limited income complexes (even if there were units available there) but not really enough to afford anything anywhere else. 

To make things more challenging, she has some pretty serious issues with anxiety. And, although she's handling things much better than she did for a while, she still isn't driving. Her boyfriend drives, but ideally they would find a place close enough to her work location that she can walk (although the neighborhood isn't great), take a bus (although, given the anxiety thing, she can really only manage that if it's one bus -- no transfers) or Uber for a reasonable price when necessary for late nights or weather. So, the radius that is workable is not terribly wide. 

The more corporate, mainstream sites like Rent.com and Apartments.com are no help. The results are nothing but multiple copies of ads for the same three or four large complexes, all of which they have already ruled out for the reasons above. 

I've been helping them scour Craigslist, but it's so hard to sift the scams from anything real. And for someone who has limited time and energy plus anxiety about managing this process for the first time, the concept of chasing down the few legit possibilities is overwhelming. (Her boyfriend has been sharing an apartment with friends for the last couple of years, but has always been in a large complex and has never taken point on finding or choosing the place.) 

They did find Craigslist ads today for a few small houses that are within their budget, and the boyfriend is working on contacting the landlords to get a sense of whether any of them are real possibilities. 

I have volunteered to tag along on tours and viewings to be an extra set of eyes and ears. I am willing to provide some limited financial assistance in the form of covering a few application fees, and I am happy to act as a personal reference, but we do not feel comfortable co-signing. The boyfriend's parents are not good candidates to co-sign, and her parents have refused.

With all of that in mind: How would you help a young couple dealing with a limited budget and the constraints detailed above? 

 

Edited February 18, 2022 by Jenny in Florida

[Carol in Cal.]

Personally I would push on the bus anxiety issue.  I'd focus there.  She NEEDS to be able to get around, and if driving is a bridge too far, then she needs practice with the bus transfer/scheduling issue.  I'd scaffold that--sit down with paper and online bus schedules, talk through how they work, practice together, then go try it together (including transfers) once or twice.  Getting that logjam straightened out would help in a myriad of ways and it would be my highest priority.  

[WildflowerMom]

One thing I'd do is look on Facebook.  Even around here, we have several groups dedicated to finding rentals.  Also, if you have any Facebook friends in your local area, I might (with couple's permission, of course) ask them if they know of any places that will be coming available soon.   We've gotten some leads that way.  

[regentrude]

Can she increase her mobility by bicycle?

If the market is limited/unaffordable, I would encourage them to rope in a few more room mates and look for a bigger place to share.

I would direct them to the housing boards of the local colleges - there's gotta be some fb groups

Edited January 4, 2022 by regentrude

[Wishes]

I would definitely look into room share options. There might be somebody with a room or is willing to rent part of their house out. I did this and was both the owner and the renter in different situations and it worked out well. However as anything with roommates you do have to really sit down and talk to the person and see if it’s a fit. Maybe suggest going month to month in a situation where roommates are involved so they can get out if the situation is untenable

[Jenny in Florida]

7 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Personally I would push on the bus anxiety issue.  I'd focus there.  She NEEDS to be able to get around, and if driving is a bridge too far, then she needs practice with the bus transfer/scheduling issue.  I'd scaffold that--sit down with paper and online bus schedules, talk through how they work, practice together, then go try it together (including transfers) once or twice.  Getting that logjam straightened out would help in a myriad of ways and it would be my highest priority.  

The bus system in this area isn't great, honestly. Even the folks (including my husband and my son in years past) I know who are much more prepared to cope have found it frustrating to rely on our public transportation. It would be nice if she could manage more, but it's probably not worth the time and effort it would require to push through that barrier. 

[Jenny in Florida]

9 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

One thing I'd do is look on Facebook.  Even around here, we have several groups dedicated to finding rentals.  Also, if you have any Facebook friends in your local area, I might (with couple's permission, of course) ask them if they know of any places that will be coming available soon.   We've gotten some leads that way.  

I am not on Facebook, but I will suggest that they try reaching out there. Thanks!

[Carol in Cal.]

Just now, Jenny in Florida said:

The bus system in this area isn't great, honestly. Even the folks (including my husband and my son in years past) I know who are much more prepared to cope have found it frustrating to rely on our public transportation. It would be nice if she could manage more, but it's probably not worth the time and effort it would require to push through that barrier. 

But see, it's a transferrable skill.  She can use it here, with some frustrations but she will also be able to use it in many other places.  It's one of those life skills that is useful beyond the immediate need, and she needs more of those boxes checked.

[Jenny in Florida]

8 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Can she increase her mobility by bicycle?

If the market is limited/unaffordable, I would encourage them to rope in a few more room mates and look for a bigger place to share.

I would direct them to the housing boards of the local colleges - there's gotta be some fb groups

The boyfriend is coming out of a multiple roommate situation that has been fraught in a variety of ways. One thing that his existing roommate group has run into repeatedly is that landlords and rental agencies are reluctant to rent to larger groups of unrelated people. For example, even in their current situation (three bedroom apartment with five people), it took some negotiating to convince the complex to let them rent the unit. 

(Another challenge is that both of them, in addition to their day jobs, do artistic/creative work from home and need space to do those activities in which they won't disturb others.)

So, not a no, but an option they have explored/discussed and determined is far less than good.

[Katy]

3 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

The bus system in this area isn't great, honestly. Even the folks (including my husband and my son in years past) I know who are much more prepared to cope have found it frustrating to rely on our public transportation. It would be nice if she could manage more, but it's probably not worth the time and effort it would require to push through that barrier. 

But it isn’t just about busses. It’s about the ability to be independent and not stuck relying on unreliable or abusive people again. Learning independent travel will take her a long way towards actually being an adult. I would push on that too. 

[Jenny in Florida]

4 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

But see, it's a transferrable skill.  She can use it here, with some frustrations but she will also be able to use it in many other places.  It's one of those life skills that is useful beyond the immediate need, and she needs more of those boxes checked.

Oh, I don't disagree about that. But at the moment, we are facing a deadline and need to take care of the immediate need to find them housing.

Using various forms of transportation is one of those skills we've been encouraging for as long as she has been part of our lives. It's honestly a big achievement that she can now manage to Uber by herself. Progress in these areas is very slow.

[Jenny in Florida]

2 minutes ago, Katy said:

But it isn’t just about busses. It’s about the ability to be independent and not stuck relying on unreliable or abusive people again. Learning independent travel will take her a long way towards actually being an adult. I would push on that too. 

Totally agree, in principle. But, as I explained to Carol, progress in that area is unbelievably slow and painful, and we have a deadline to find them a place to live next month.

[Katy]

1 minute ago, Jenny in Florida said:

Totally agree, in principle. But, as I explained to Carol, progress in that area is unbelievably slow and painful, and we have a deadline to find them a place to live next month.

Realistically it will take 1-2 round trip bus trips and she’ll be fine. Not a lot of time, especially if you take one to one of the houses you’re going to visit.

[Jenny in Florida]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

Realistically it will take 1-2 round trip bus trips and she’ll be fine. Not a lot of time, especially if you take one to one of the houses you’re going to visit.

No, really, it won't. She's done that many. She's done more than that. She used to take busses with my son somewhat regularly. She still panics at the concept of trying to do it on her own.

(When I say "anxiety," I mean the diagnosed, treated-with-medication kind. She's made huge progress in many ways in the last couple of years, but this is not something she is prepared to tackle, especially at the same time as she is stressing out about finding and affording a place to live.)

[ktgrok]

Are you on any local facebook groups where you could put feelers out to ask about a place to rent?

[73349]

I agree with the FB idea--you never know whose grandma is looking to rent out her extra rooms or something. Or would be if she were confident that she could find trustworthy people to rent to.

Does she have a colleague she could carpool with (paying for gas) if she lived close enough?

Could they look at a map and see if there's a part of town or a nearby town they could move to that would put her workplace on her bf's way to work to help at least partially with the transportation?

We moved to a different town to save money for a few years to save money on rent even with a higher gas cost. You may have already considered this, but make sure they're willing to look anywhere they could get to work from.

[Jenny in Florida]

9 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Are you on any local facebook groups where you could put feelers out to ask about a place to rent?

 

8 minutes ago, Carolina Wren said:

I agree with the FB idea--you never know whose grandma is looking to rent out her extra rooms or something. Or would be if she were confident that she could find trustworthy people to rent to.

Does she have a colleague she could carpool with (paying for gas) if she lived close enough?

Could they look at a map and see if there's a part of town or a nearby town they could move to that would put her workplace on her bf's way to work to help at least partially with the transportation?

We moved to a different town to save money for a few years to save money on rent even with a higher gas cost. You may have already considered this, but make sure they're willing to look anywhere they could get to work from.

I'm not on Facebook, but I mentioned that to her a little while ago. 

They are hesitant to make any long-term plans based on her boyfriend's job, since they are hoping to get him something better soon. Ideally, he will find something in the same area as her job, but there's no guarantee that will happen. 

In general, though, yes, I have been encouraging them to widen their radius a bit. I just have to be gentle about how much I push, since these are not actually my kids. And, since this is her first time going through this process, her expectations are a little out of whack. Which is why I've been trying to be as hands-off as possible -- doing a lot of sympathetic listening and murmuring a lot of "uh-huhs" and "that must be toughs." However, now that they are getting close to the deadline, I'm finding myself dragged in more deeply than I really wanted to go. 

[Melissa Louise]

Renting is hard, and one needs to be prepared to rent further out than one wants ( unless money is no problem).

I think the big problem here ( besides housing, sigh, but you can't fix that) is the inability to transfer on public transport. 

I've had a bonus kid living with me this year, also with a sig history of trauma and anxiety. I think I would offer to go with her and do some bus transfers till she could manage them. 

I know you work full time, and that's probably not an option. Could you suggest to her that she and her boyfriend try public transport together? Being willing to go a bit further, in my experience, gives so many more options. 

If that's not going to happen, I'd suggest share housing closer in. Either looking for a room in an established household, or finding other people with whom to look with. 

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Jenny in Florida said:

The boyfriend is coming out of a multiple roommate situation that has been fraught in a variety of ways. One thing that his existing roommate group has run into repeatedly is that landlords and rental agencies are reluctant to rent to larger groups of unrelated people. For example, even in their current situation (three bedroom apartment with five people), it took some negotiating to convince the complex to let them rent the unit. 

(Another challenge is that both of them, in addition to their day jobs, do artistic/creative work from home and need space to do those activities in which they won't disturb others.)

So, not a no, but an option they have explored/discussed and determined is far less than good.

They need to rent a room, not rent an apartment with multiple roommates. 

I think everyone involved has unrealistic expectations. They're just starting out. They're likely going to need a very small space, which might be just a room and not even a studio apartment. I see what you are saying about their artistic/creative work from home, but it's a hard fact of life that lots of people don't really have the space for that at home. Not when they're just starting out, and quite often not after they're established. I know they may feel they 'need' it to establish careers or gain clients in specific areas, but space is a commodity that costs money. If you don't have the money for the commodity, then you get creative: barter services for hours of workspace, take a CC class that gets you access to workspace, rent a storage unit, work outside at the park. It's not easy and you might not succeed, for sure, but lots of people need more space than they have. You just have to make do. 

Likewise for transportation. If you don't have a car, you are reliant on public transportation and getting yourself around. If a place can't be reached by foot, bike, or bus, then you Uber. You can Uber a whole of places before you reach the cost of a monthly note, insurance, and gas. If you don't drive at all, then you also need to expand your view of what is walkable. Like, a lot! 

I am not trying to be unsympathetic at all, it's just one of those things things where you have to say, it is what it is. You can afford what you can afford, and there are plenty of people in similar situations. My friend's daughter graduated from college last year and does not drive, does not have good public transport, does not make much money, so . . . she rents a room, not an apartment. She walks, walks, walks and Ubers as needed. She doesn't have extra space, bc she can't afford to pay for it. 

They need to roll with the best space they can afford for now, and they can work on the other problems once they are settled in (looking for work space, finding a more walk-able job, etc). 

[catz]

Are there any rentals near a college campus that might be available?  Or sublets?  There are usually a range of price options and landlords are used to dealing with multiple tenants in a single unit.  I agree they may be overshooting if their budget is low, and maybe looking for a room to rent might be a start.  I mean, I am 51 and have a fully paid for home, and I have to flexible with my creative endeavors.  I have a system of plastic bins that store easily and I pull out to work on things and I just do it on the dining room table usually.  Talking through solutions like that might be helpful if they are hard headed and picky about what might work.  

[Jenny in Florida]

2 hours ago, katilac said:

They need to rent a room, not rent an apartment with multiple roommates. 

I think everyone involved has unrealistic expectations. They're just starting out. They're likely going to need a very small space, which might be just a room and not even a studio apartment. I see what you are saying about their artistic/creative work from home, but it's a hard fact of life that lots of people don't really have the space for that at home. Not when they're just starting out, and quite often not after they're established. I know they may feel they 'need' it to establish careers or gain clients in specific areas, but space is a commodity that costs money. If you don't have the money for the commodity, then you get creative: barter services for hours of workspace, take a CC class that gets you access to workspace, rent a storage unit, work outside at the park. It's not easy and you might not succeed, for sure, but lots of people need more space than they have. You just have to make do. 

Likewise for transportation. If you don't have a car, you are reliant on public transportation and getting yourself around. If a place can't be reached by foot, bike, or bus, then you Uber. You can Uber a whole of places before you reach the cost of a monthly note, insurance, and gas. If you don't drive at all, then you also need to expand your view of what is walkable. Like, a lot! 

I am not trying to be unsympathetic at all, it's just one of those things things where you have to say, it is what it is. You can afford what you can afford, and there are plenty of people in similar situations. My friend's daughter graduated from college last year and does not drive, does not have good public transport, does not make much money, so . . . she rents a room, not an apartment. She walks, walks, walks and Ubers as needed. She doesn't have extra space, bc she can't afford to pay for it. 

They need to roll with the best space they can afford for now, and they can work on the other problems once they are settled in (looking for work space, finding a more walk-able job, etc). 

 

32 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Are there any rentals near a college campus that might be available?  Or sublets?  There are usually a range of price options and landlords are used to dealing with multiple tenants in a single unit.  I agree they may be overshooting if their budget is low, and maybe looking for a room to rent might be a start.  I mean, I am 51 and have a fully paid for home, and I have to flexible with my creative endeavors.  I have a system of plastic bins that store easily and I pull out to work on things and I just do it on the dining room table usually.  Talking through solutions like that might be helpful if they are hard headed and picky about what might work.  

In this case, the issue is that both of their creative stuff is loud. They are both performers.

The area in which they want/need to rent is not near any of the larger campuses. 

But, yes, I agree with both of you that they need to adjust their goals. I've been gently prodding in that direction, but I have to be careful about how hard to push or she will shut down completely.

[J-rap]

I doubt they'll find the perfect solution, so I think they'll need to let that go.  Maybe it'd be easier (at least for now) for them both if he stayed in his current situation and she searched for a roommate situation online just for her.  It seems like there are often one or two people who are looking for an additional roommate in an apartment to cut down on rent.  She would probably need to meet them in person so they could decide if they get along.  Perhaps you could help drive her to those meetings.

Another option is to look for a multi-person rental house situation.  One of my dd's did that for several years in two different cities.  The first house had 4 people altogether and the second one had 7.  But the rent was very affordable and they all got along quite well.  (Obviously you want to be cautious about who you end up living with, and one with some house rules is good!)  They might even be able to do that as a couple.

Edited January 5, 2022 by J-rap

[katilac]

13 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

In this case, the issue is that both of their creative stuff is loud. They are both performers.

The area in which they want/need to rent is not near any of the larger campuses. 

But, yes, I agree with both of you that they need to adjust their goals. I've been gently prodding in that direction, but I have to be careful about how hard to push or she will shut down completely.

"Loud" is going to be an in issue in any apartment, because it's no less loud to the person next door than it is to the person in the living room. 

You don't have to push, because finding a place is on them, but you do need to be very clear about the move-out date. 

[Jenny in Florida]

42 minutes ago, J-rap said:

I doubt they'll find the perfect solution, so I think they'll need to let that go.  Maybe it'd be easier (at least for now) for them both if he stayed in his current situation and she searched for a roommate situation online just for her.  It seems like there are often one or two people who are looking for an additional roommate in an apartment to cut down on rent.  She would probably need to meet them in person so they could decide if they get along.  Perhaps you could help drive her to those meetings.

Another option is to look for a multi-person rental house situation.  One of my dd's did that for several years in two different cities.  The first house had 4 people altogether and the second one had 7.  But the rent was very affordable and they all got along quite well.  (Obviously you want to be cautious about who you end up living with, and one with some house rules is good!)  They might even be able to do that as a couple.

He can't stay in his situation, because his lease is ending and his current roommates are moving out of state.

As for the rest, she has explored those options but hasn't found anything workable.

[Jenny in Florida]

43 minutes ago, katilac said:

"Loud" is going to be an in issue in any apartment, because it's no less loud to the person next door than it is to the person in the living room. 

You don't have to push, because finding a place is on them, but you do need to be very clear about the move-out date. 

I do understand. We're not talking about rehearsing a death metal band, but she sings (and occasionally teaches online music lessons from home). He is a YouTuber who is beginning to earn a few bucks from ads. They both cohabitate with other people currently -- and he lives in an apartment. My point was simply that "packing supplies in plastic boxes" isn't a workable solution for their creative pursuits.

[Melissa Louise]

I think an arty share house might be ideal! 

[J-rap]

4 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

He can't stay in his situation, because his lease is ending and his current roommates are moving out of state.

As for the rest, she has explored those options but hasn't found anything workable.

Well, perhaps he'll need to move back home with his parents. But, it does seem like if they both have full-time jobs, they should be able to find a studio apartment.  Around here, a studio costs about $1,000/month.  Have you gone over budgets with her?  That might be helpful.  I did that with my dd recently and she learned she could afford a tiny studio apartment if she could keep her food costs (including all groceries and eating out) at $250 or less each month, which was very doable for her.  She also doesn't have a car and relies on walking or public transportation, so she doesn't have many expenses besides her rent.  Uber can add up pretty quickly.  My dd takes it only if she's running late or coming home late at night and feels unsafe walking or on p.t.

[Jenny in Florida]

10 hours ago, J-rap said:

Well, perhaps he'll need to move back home with his parents. 

Also not an option. His parents are divorced, and neither is in a financial or living situation that would allow them to take him in.

Her parents are not local anymore, so moving in with them is not practical (would require leaving her job, among other things), even if it weren't a terrible idea for her mental health.

[City Mouse]

Sounds to me like you need to be prepared for when they don’t find an acceptable place and both want to stay with you. I’m not saying that you should let them, but you should have a plan for what you are willing to do or not do to support them. 

[thewellerman]

We bought a house late last spring, and nothing online was available.  Even the houses that seemed to be just listed were sold already.  Our realtor was able to find listings that weren't available online yet.  Some realtors do rentals, too.  It could take a lot of calling around, but there might be something.

[Jenny in Florida]

4 minutes ago, City Mouse said:

Sounds to me like you need to be prepared for when they don’t find an acceptable place and both want to stay with you. I’m not saying that you should let them, but you should have a plan for what you are willing to do or not do to support them. 

We have made it clear we are not prepared to have them here. 

My husband is extremely ready to have her move out. And, although we haven't disclosed this to the our bonus YA, our son approached me a couple of months ago and expressed very strongly his desire to have his ex no longer living with his parents. They are not on good terms, and having her here makes life extremely awkward for everyone. 

And, although this thread took the same turn that such things often do around here, your last sentence is actually more closely aligned with my original query. Basically, the guardrails here are:

• She must move out.
• Her boyfriend must leave his current living situation.
• They have a limited budget and constraints related to employment and her mental health.
• The rental market in our metro area is very tight, both in terms of pricing and availability.
• We are prepared to help by assisting with the search for a rental, driving her to view possible housing options, providing advice and encouragement and personal references, helping move their belongings. We are not willing to cosign a lease or to provide any significant ongoing financial assistance. (We have not been charging her rent and have been driving her to and from work a few days a week, which has allowed her to build up some savings. I have not told her this, but I am also willing to cover a few application fees, since that could take a big chunk out of what they have set aside for deposit and moving expenses.) 
• Although I have a good relationship with her, I am not her mother and have to keep any prodding regarding what I think she "should" do somewhat gentle to prevent her from becoming overwhelmed and shutting down entirely.

I was trying to figure out whether there are any avenues I have not already explored to help them break through the obstacles they are encountering. So far, it sounds like the answer is "not really." So we will keep plugging away and hope something opens up for them.

[Jenny in Florida]

2 minutes ago, thewellerman said:

We bought a house late last spring, and nothing online was available.  Even the houses that seemed to be just listed were sold already.  Our realtor was able to find listings that weren't available online yet.  Some realtors do rentals, too.  It could take a lot of calling around, but there might be something.

I used to maintain a list of site for realtors who handle rentals, and I poked around yesterday for the ones I could remember. Additional places to search are helpful, but we are mostly running into the same challenges with limited/no inventory and very high prices.

[TechWife]

Have they looked for basement apartment rentals or for single room rentals?

Also, suggest they check with area churches - they often have pastors dedicated to single adults or college students and help them network to find roommates.

Can they get other roommates?

The housing market is really weird right now & it's an issue all over the country from what I understand.

[catz]

11 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I do understand. We're not talking about rehearsing a death metal band, but she sings (and occasionally teaches online music lessons from home). He is a YouTuber who is beginning to earn a few bucks from ads. They both cohabitate with other people currently -- and he lives in an apartment. My point was simply that "packing supplies in plastic boxes" isn't a workable solution for their creative pursuits.

Well that was not exactly my point.  I just meant they may need some creative problem solving for how a small space might work for their needs.  A room in a house with access to a basement or garage might be nice.   But maybe what they end up with is a folding green screen and a flexible table and their keyboard is only set up when it’s in use and they need to tag team their online pursuits.    Or maybe they explore local libraries and churches or whatever that might have a small corner they could reserve during the week.  I am know a number of young music teachers that use nooks in churches as teaching space.  Methodist churches tend to be especially welcoming this way.  
 

I just know how some young people this age can have tunnel vision when it comes to problem solving.  In a case like this I might even budget to get them a couple thrifted things to get them out.  I can see why this would be causing tension with your family.  

[Toocrazy!!]

This is such a tough situation. For them and your family. 
Would they qualify for housing assistance at all? HUD? Here’s a link with a search option. Although these might be spaces you’ve already ruled out. https://www.floridahousingsearch.org

[Toocrazy!!]

Here’s the general HUD website for Florida. Maybe they qualify for other help in some way. https://www.hud.gov/states/florida/renting

 

Also, maybe your local 211 number has options? Here it links to our United Way which might know nonprofits offering housing assistance. 

[J-rap]

I think it's really kind of you to want to help them, and to have helped her for so long already!

That said, it does seem like they are running into a lot of obstacles.  It might be that your best way of helping her is to go over her list of needs/wants and see what's even possible.  It might not be possible to live on a non-transfer public transportation line with her boyfriend in a place large enough to practice their creative talents.  I'm sure that feels frustrating, but that's not a bad thing to learn, and that attitude can be helpful throughout one's entire life.  

So, what's most important?  It seems that the most important thing is that it's something she can afford.  That might move her to a neighborhood where she does have to transfer once.  Or it might mean that she's able to find an affordable place by renting a room alone (not with her boyfriend) in an apartment that would be shared with two other females.  Neither of those options are terrible, they're just not ideal -- but that's life.  And, they are only temporary.  Just stepping stones to get to where she wants to be, and that's okay.

I think it's okay to help her see options that are available, even if they're not ideal.  

One last thought...  She and her boyfriend can advertise that they're looking for a roommate or two.  We know of a number of young couples who rent out the second room of a two-bedroom apartment to a single person, for example, to help make ends meet.

 

[73349]

Can she do her singing somewhere besides where she resides--a little studio space or a friend's place, maybe? It would remove one of the constraints if housing could be decoupled from that.

[regentrude]

MUST they stay in your metro area? Could they move to a lower cost-of-living area and find comparable jobs there? In the current situation, it's a great market for job seekers.

Edited January 5, 2022 by regentrude

[Faith-manor]

18 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Personally I would push on the bus anxiety issue.  I'd focus there.  She NEEDS to be able to get around, and if driving is a bridge too far, then she needs practice with the bus transfer/scheduling issue.  I'd scaffold that--sit down with paper and online bus schedules, talk through how they work, practice together, then go try it together (including transfers) once or twice.  Getting that logjam straightened out would help in a myriad of ways and it would be my highest priority.  

This, but also take a look a bike and walking paths. I would actually ride with her two or three bus runs so she has support.

One option might be to look at community college apartments. While some schools reserve housing for only full time students, other will allow first come first serve to anyone taking a class. Maybe they could each sign up for one class a piece. Another option would be to actively loom for roommates to share a duplex or larger apartment. One of my sons is in a large, three bedroom apartment. He has a room, there is a married couple with a room, and then his best friend has the other room, and split three ways, it is affordable.

[Harriet Vane]

You seem to really understand what needs to happen and all the difficulties and limitations. I wonder if a new voice is needed? I stepped in to help someone with some transition logistics recently—do you have any friends with a social work mindset? Can she work with a life coach or a rental real estate agent? My thought is simply that sometimes a new voice can be a simple catalyst to consider things anew.

[Jenny in Florida]

35 minutes ago, regentrude said:

MUST they stay in your metro area? Could they move to a lower cost-of-living area and find comparable jobs there? In the current situation, it's a great market for job seekers.

They are not ready to move out of the area yet. That is the long-term plan, but neither of them has enough financial cushion to make that feasible right now. Additionally, she really likes and is good at her job, which is her first "real job." She has been there less than a year and is still in a building phase, career-wise. The hope/loose plan is that when they are ready to move out of the area in a year or so, she may be able to transfer to another branch of the company where she is working. So staying in her current job is a pretty high priority.

Also, it's a great market for some job seekers more than others. I, with my degree and certifications and years of experience, have recruiters coming out of the woodwork looking for me. However, a young person with just an associate's degree and very limited experience whose expertise in in a creative (and customer-facing, vulnerable-to-pandemic-shutdowns) field is having a much harder time.

[Jenny in Florida]

9 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

This, but also take a look a bike and walking paths. I would actually ride with her two or three bus runs so she has support.

One option might be to look at community college apartments. While some schools reserve housing for only full time students, other will allow first come first serve to anyone taking a class. Maybe they could each sign up for one class a piece. Another option would be to actively loom for roommates to share a duplex or larger apartment. One of my sons is in a large, three bedroom apartment. He has a room, there is a married couple with a room, and then his best friend has the other room, and split three ways, it is affordable.

I mentioned earlier that the bus thing is not something that she will be able to manage anytime soon. Seriously, y'all are just going to have to trust me. I've known this young woman for four or five years now, and she's made tons of progress, but there are some real sticking points that we're not going to be able to break through in the next three weeks. Just no.

In terms of biking and walking paths, Orlando makes the list every year as one of the most dangerous cities in the country for bicyclists and pedestrians. And the area right around her work location is a nightmare, right on a major street and in not a great part of town. I'm pretty fearless about these things (to the point at which it makes my husband very nervous), and I get twitchy at the idea of her trying to walk or bike in that area, especially knowing that she would be doing so already feeling anxious and distracted.

There is no campus nearby.

[Faith-manor]

4 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I mentioned earlier that the bus thing is not something that she will be able to manage anytime soon. Seriously, y'all are just going to have to trust me. I've known this young woman for four or five years now, and she's made tons of progress, but there are some real sticking points that we're not going to be able to break through in the next three weeks. Just no.

In terms of biking and walking paths, Orlando makes the list every year as one of the most dangerous cities in the country for bicyclists and pedestrians. And the area right around her work location is a nightmare, right on a major street and in not a great part of town. I'm pretty fearless about these things (to the point at which it makes my husband very nervous), and I get twitchy at the idea of her trying to walk or bike in that area, especially knowing that she would be doing so already feeling anxious and distracted.

There is no campus nearby.

Wow, that is tough. I didn't know Orlando was that bad. I wonder if they need to find jobs in another community and move away. Hard on her, but their economics and her issues make it seem like Orlando is not an option.

[Jenny in Florida]

5 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Wow, that is tough. I didn't know Orlando was that bad. I wonder if they need to find jobs in another community and move away. Hard on her, but their economics and her issues make it seem like Orlando is not an option.

Lest you think I am exaggerating: https://www.clickorlando.com/traffic/2021/03/10/orlando-is-most-dangerous-city-in-us-for-pedestrians-these-other-5-fla-cities-rank-in-top-10/

ORLANDO, Fla. – The City Beautiful is also the most dangerous place in the United States for pedestrians.

Six Florida cities, with Orlando topping the list, are among the 10 most dangerous for pedestrians in America, according to the latest “Dangerous by Design” study released Wednesday.

Florida is the No. 1 state for pedestrian fatalities, according to the Smart Growth America and the National Complete Streets Coalition.

 

And this one isn't specifically about Orlando, but Florida in general, and it mentions the annual death toll in Orange County (which is where we live): https://www.wftv.com/news/local/florida-remains-most-dangerous-place-america-bicyclists-pedestrians-new-data-shows/URLWVNTIDFB7ZJVW2KC5GS43BA/

ORLANDO, Fla. — For years, Florida has been named the worst state in the country for pedestrian and bicyclist deaths.

The Florida Highway Patrol is currently investigating a crash that left a bicyclist dead near John Young Parkway and Oak Ridge Road Monday morning.

The death brings the total number of bicycle fatalities in Florida this year to 154, putting Florida on pace to finish the year with more than 160, which would once again make Florida the deadliest state for bicyclists.

It’s a problem even more pronounced in Orange County where deaths are already more than twice what they were last year even as the number of accidents has fallen, new data shows.

[Toocrazy!!]

Maybe Airbnb or Vrbo. They have monthly rentals on there. Or longer. Could buy them some time? 

[City Mouse]

Could they purchase an RV to live in? 
I once gave an old but not leaking travel trailer to a local young couple who needed to move out of parent’s apartment.

[WildflowerMom]

Jenny, do they have enough money to buy a cheap RV and put it in an rv park?   It could also be something they take with them when they're ready to move on. 

[Jenny in Florida]

25 minutes ago, Toocrazy!! said:

Maybe Airbnb or Vrbo. They have monthly rentals on there. Or longer. Could buy them some time? 

I actually thought of that yesterday. That's what my daughter did when she moved to NYC, rented a room for a couple of months. I could see them going for this if they knew they had an apartment nailed down for a few months from now and just needed a place to hang out until then. Otherwise, the prices are very high for what is available. 

[teachermom2834]

I hate this suggestion and I wouldn’t accept it for one of my kids but I think they will have to live somewhere yucky/unsavory. I hate to say that. I have young adults and I often ponder how young adults manage to get launched without adults who are willing and able to smooth the edges. You have done more that you are obligated to and while I would have a terrible time enforcing the deadline to get out, I think you will have to. Then they will have to live somewhere that might not meet any of our standards for safe and clean, etc. At that point they will rearrange their lives to make the changes necessary to move up…or not. 
 

Like I said, I hate it. I’d have a hard time in your position. But that might be the only answer here.