What to do when a gift is bad

[Dianthus]

We got Ds10 a $90, discounted to $70, snap circuit set which he put together and the motor didn't work at all. Traded it for a new one a couple days after Christmas. This one, the motor spins but doesn't work right either. I will return, but would you let child choose a replacement gift or you choose something. I'm irritated because it was already kind of an extra for him because I just thought it looked so fun. I don't want him to think he has $90 to spend in store. He saw the price sticker on the 2nd one. What would you do in this situation?

[barnwife]

When our kids get a gift that isn't a good fit, it is returned/exchanged, and they choose a replacement or the money is put into a bank account. Even if he saw the price sticker, I wouldn't feel badly about telling him the replacement must be $50 or less (or whatever). I mean, what if the item had been further on sale and just hadn't been restickered yet?

Sorry the snap circuits haven't worked. Our kids have liked them, although age 10 is about when they start outgrowing them. (In fact, DS11 just gifted his to DS 8 for Christmas.)

[prairiewindmomma]

I would try one more time, getting a free motor replacement from the manufacturer: https://www.elenco.com/replacement-parts/

[Dianthus]

4 minutes ago, barnwife said:

When our kids get a gift that isn't a good fit, it is returned/exchanged, and they choose a replacement or the money is put into a bank account. Even if he saw the price sticker, I wouldn't feel badly about telling him the replacement must be $50 or less (or whatever). I mean, what if the item had been further on sale and just hadn't been restickered yet?

Sorry the snap circuits haven't worked. Our kids have liked them, although age 10 is about when they start outgrowing them. (In fact, DS11 just gifted his to DS 8 for Christmas.)

I just feel like he already got a little more but now he gets to go shopping and hope ds7 doesn't take issue. I bought ds10 a cool and expensive book set but decided to save it for another time since he already had too much stuff. I was thinking of trying to give him that instead but probably not equitable in his eyes.

Snap circuits have been popular but this RC rover set is a dud.

[Dianthus]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I would try one more time, getting a free motor replacement from the manufacturer: https://www.elenco.com/replacement-parts/

Dh is annoyed with it and it's going back.

[Spryte]

I think whatever you do is fine. We’d possibly give him the money spent (not the sticker price) or the return value, to choose something else. We aren’t shopping in stores right now, so choosing an alternative would mean we do it together on the website, so DH or I would have some input, and we’d probably guide him toward something similar.

Honestly, my kids might be fine with just returning it, too, and not even notice that they might have gotten something else, but not sure that would work for all kids!

Are you looking for a similar type gift? 

[Storygirl]

I think it's a good lesson for him to learn that the sticker price is not always what one pays for an item. Tell him that he can exchange it for another item with a dollar value that you think is reasonable.

I understand trying to head off issues with sibling dynamics and worrying about his brother thinking it's not fair that he gets to go shopping. But, again, exchanging gifts is a life skill that they both need to learn, so you will just need to explain that it's just how things are sometimes, and it doesn't mean it's not fair.

Families have different gifting routines. But I'll share what I do for our our four close-in-age kids. For Christmas, I get the kids the same number of gifts with similar dollar values, and I often get them the same type of items. For example, each of my four kids got a hoodie this year. My two girls each got a necklace, while the two boys got a keychain. They each got a gift card of the same value, and so on. Their gifts don't always pair up this way, but I do make an effort for it to work out.

When I know there is something special for one of them that outweighs what the others will get, I give it to them for their birthday, instead, when there is no direct comparison possible.

[Ann.without.an.e]

41 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I would try one more time, getting a free motor replacement from the manufacturer: https://www.elenco.com/replacement-parts/

This because our snap circuit sets have always been big hits and I think the manufacturer might have a solution. Maybe it was a bad batch?

[Corraleno]

Since it was already an extra for him, I'd just choose a replacement myself and not worry about matching the monetary value. It doesn't matter that he saw the price sticker, it's not his money to spend. It was a gift from his parents and his parents can choose something else, including something that cost much less, to replace it.

[barnwife]

46 minutes ago, Spirea said:

I just feel like he already got a little more but now he gets to go shopping and hope ds7 doesn't take issue. I bought ds10 a cool and expensive book set but decided to save it for another time since he already had too much stuff. I was thinking of trying to give him that instead but probably not equitable in his eyes.

Snap circuits have been popular but this RC rover set is a dud.

Yet he doesn't know/understand that he already got "more." To him, he got what he got. And to return a gift and not get anything could be frustrating. OTOH, we've returned things our kids have gotten and told them more or less, "we aren't going to replace this right away. we are going to wait and really think about what we want to replace it." And then they forget about it relatively quickly, because our kids aren't lacking in stuff.

Also, a book that a kid really wants/is really interested in would definitely be equitable here. But I've been training them since infancy that books are basically the best. gifts. ever! I'd probably give that to him, and let him pick out one other book (with a $ limit) of his very own choosing. 

[Dianthus]

This is the Book set. Maybe I should give it to him and explain that I'd gotten it for him for Christmas and put it back because it was too much with the snap circuits. I just feel like right now he is seeing dollar signs and a shopping opportunity do the books might be disappointing and not understood how expensive they are.

I could wait and hope he forgets, but I think something like this happened once before. I think he got 2 of the same lego sets, so we returned one and he didn't get a replacement and he mentioned it like a year later. He is the middle child until the recent large gap baby, and he is the most likely to feel slighted.

[Lecka]

I would just say “too bad” and move on with life.  With context that he had a good Christmas otherwise.  

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, Spirea said:

We got Ds10 a $90, discounted to $70, snap circuit set which he put together and the motor didn't work at all. Traded it for a new one a couple days after Christmas. This one, the motor spins but doesn't work right either. I will return, but would you let child choose a replacement gift or you choose something. I'm irritated because it was already kind of an extra for him because I just thought it looked so fun. I don't want him to think he has $90 to spend in store. He saw the price sticker on the 2nd one. What would you do in this situation?

I think I’d let him choose the replacement gift with veto power. You explain that you got it on sale, it wasn’t $90 it was $70. If he balks because he has $70 and not $90 then he doesn’t get a replacement until he understands that he is entitled to $0 and that any amount of money is a gift, period. Most kids that age understand at least a little bit what a sale is. Alternatively, you could ask him for a couple of ideas and go from there. It would seem odd to me to not get his input, though. 
 

 

[Acorn]

I would call the company, they were great about replacing a damaged cable that got pinched in a drawer.

[Drama Llama]

Can you tell him you got it knowing it was something that was educational and that you knew his brother would one day use too, and then work together to choose how to spend the $70 that honors that?

 

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, Spirea said:

I just feel like he already got a little more but now he gets to go shopping and hope ds7 doesn't take issue. I bought ds10 a cool and expensive book set but decided to save it for another time since he already had too much stuff. I was thinking of trying to give him that instead but probably not equitable in his eyes.

Snap circuits have been popular but this RC rover set is a dud.

Treating children fairly doesn’t mean treating them the same. DS 7 doesn’t have to be involved. I’m one of five kids and we were always told in no uncertain terms that while they tried to treat us fairly, we weren’t part of that decision process and whatever sibling got, was doing, wherever they were going, was none of our business. They were right, with the caveat that mental illness/mental health treatment & attention should have been explained and when we were old enough, we should have been taught some skills on coping with sibling and how she affected us. 

[Dianthus]

10 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Can you tell him you got it knowing it was something that was educational and that you knew his brother would one day use too, and then work together to choose how to spend the $70 that honors that?

 

Good thought but I'm not sure what else I could get that is similar. I could maybe get another snap circuit if they have the arcade left, but the store (barnes and noble) was pretty depleted in stock.

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, Spirea said:

Good thought but I'm not sure what else I could get that is similar. I could maybe get another snap circuit if they have the arcade left, but the store (barnes and noble) was pretty depleted in stock.

Can you use it at the website?  They have legos, k'nex, board games, craft kits etc . . . 

[SKL]

I would give him a choice between a few different replacements that you consider reasonable.

[MercyA]

I would allow your son to pick out a different gift worth X amount. Don't overthink it. 🙂

Edited January 3, 2022 by MercyA

[Bootsie]

I would think about what I would do if it were a gift from another person to the child that needed to be returned because it did not work properly.  In that situation, would you choose a replacement for the child or would you let the child choose the replacement?  I think that by the time my children were 10, I would let them pick out their replacement (so long as it wasn't something that we would otherwise object to).  I might make suggestions such as "Granny gave you a nice construction set that doesn't work, so I think it would be nice to replace it with a different construction set."  I might even have in mind a few suggestions to make.

The value of the replacement would be the value that was received when the item was returned, not necessarily the sticker price.  So, if a $70 store credit was issued, it would be $70 I would allow for the replacement, rather than the $90. 

I do think there is value in learning what a gift is and what one does if it doesn't work.  As an adult, if my mom gave me a blender that does not work and I had to exchange it, I would try to get a different brand, or some similar kitchen item, to honor the spirit of her gift; I would not take it to Target and exchange it for a piece of jewelry, for example. That is unless, of course, my mom walked in and said "oh, I didn't know you had a blender--you can return this and get something you really want."  I think to simply say that it doesn't work, but it was really just an extra so there is not a replacement (when the store is accepting it as a return), would mean that it wasn't really a gift.  

[mmasc]

If that happened to us, I would let him pick out another gift that’s worth around $70. Like you said, he doesn’t know that he already got “extra”, so I’d just let him choose something else. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Annie G]

I’d be sure he knew the gift was purchased on sale, not at sticker price. Also, if you bought it as an educational toy, I’d want him to choose something reasonably comparable. For instance, another educational toy or game, but not a video game or $70 worth of Pokémon cards. (Yeah, I’m dating myself…but you know what I mean. 😀)  I would also not give him the cash difference if he chose something lesser priced- when our kids were young and exchanged gifts for various reasons, we never made an effort to make them even out- if they exchanged one book for another, it was ok if the new choice cost more or less.  It was more about ‘the gift’ than ‘’the value”

 

[Catwoman]

If you paid $70 for the gift, I would give him $70 to spend on a new gift.

[vonfirmath]

1 hour ago, Bootsie said:

I would think about what I would do if it were a gift from another person to the child that needed to be returned because it did not work properly.  In that situation, would you choose a replacement for the child or would you let the child choose the replacement?  I think that by the time my children were 10, I would let them pick out their replacement (so long as it wasn't something that we would otherwise object to).  I might make suggestions such as "Granny gave you a nice construction set that doesn't work, so I think it would be nice to replace it with a different construction set."  I might even have in mind a few suggestions to make.

The value of the replacement would be the value that was received when the item was returned, not necessarily the sticker price.  So, if a $70 store credit was issued, it would be $70 I would allow for the replacement, rather than the $90. 

I do think there is value in learning what a gift is and what one does if it doesn't work.  As an adult, if my mom gave me a blender that does not work and I had to exchange it, I would try to get a different brand, or some similar kitchen item, to honor the spirit of her gift; I would not take it to Target and exchange it for a piece of jewelry, for example. That is unless, of course, my mom walked in and said "oh, I didn't know you had a blender--you can return this and get something you really want."  I think to simply say that it doesn't work, but it was really just an extra so there is not a replacement (when the store is accepting it as a return), would mean that it wasn't really a gift.  

My son got a gift from his aunt that does not work. I'm not sure how to return it so it may end up not being replaced at all. he said thank you and appreciated the thought but sometimes--things cannot be returned and replaced and that is just the way it is.

 

[KungFuPanda]

Can you exchange it for an old school erector set. It’s the same type of gift but skews a bit older and has more room for creativity.