If your adult child said....

[lynn]

"He'd rather people gave his kids diapers for birthday gifts because they have to many toys given to them".   Would you take him seriously?  We plan treat my son and family to a couple zoo trips this spring.  Dil doesn't see diapers as a gift but is overwhelmed with toys as gifts from her family alone.  I told her I don't play the " who gave the biggest toy game" and really think through gifts I do give.   So what do you say....diapers and a book and a reminder that we are going to the zoo when the weather clears.    (They have 3 little ones 3, 2 in a few weeks, and 6 month old)

[regentrude]

I would take him seriously (making allowance for a slight degree of hyperbole). I take it to mean that they do not want any more toy items coming into the house (but don't necessarily think he really wants diapers) and give the experience of the Zoo trips as a gift.

[plaidpants]

I think that's nice idea, especially if it's a zoo/animal book? Can you maybe say as an aside to DIL/son that you'd like to pick out a treat while at the zoo for the kids (or maybe give a membership?)?

[prairiewindmomma]

I would take him seriously and I think your plan is a good one. 
 

I would also wonder financially if they are under a bit of strain—that is a lot of kids to need to diaper and they are dealing with baby delivery bills. So, if you are in a position to help, I would wonder about adding a door dash card or a target gift card to gently and quietly help out.

[Hilltopmom]

Please listen to him! My parents have given my kids so many toys over the years that just cluttered up our house. And then been donated.
That could’ve been experiences or diapers- that would’ve been used & appreciated. Or even money in a college fund… or towards first car.

Edited January 2, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[athena1277]

I think in that case, I would give each child a book and a new outfit.  Clothing growing babies/toddlers can get expensive too.  

[Starr]

I wouldn't want to be the grandparent that never gave a grandchild a toy because the other grandparents did. What a pain. The zoo trips with a book and a sweatshirt with an animal or from the zoo would be fun.

[Rosie_0801]

Sure I would. It's not like a baby is going to remember what they were given, especially when they're too young to have an impression of what a birthday should be.

[Storygirl]

We were so overwhelmed with toys when my kids were little, and when I asked MIL to give the kids fewer gifts at Christmas, I could tell that she was offended. But I was truly overwhelmed. Take them at their word.

If you don't want to give diapers, a book would be nice! Or ask if there is a larger item that they would like that you could contribute to (a swing set, a double or triple stroller, a new toddler bed, etc.).

[SKL]

What I would do is ask their mom what she wants them to have.  My sister used to let me give something she was going to buy otherwise.   Like one year it was a specific type of swim goggles.

I can relate to the frustration of having too much stuff, but I think little kids should be allowed to get something fun from their granny.

[elegantlion]

Yes, I would take him seriously. I like the idea of adding a book. I remember being glad when ds got into Thomas trains, it helped my parents buy gifts to build a collection instead of just one more toy. 

[mommyoffive]

22 minutes ago, Hilltopmom said:

Please listen to him! My parents have given my kids so many toys over the years that just cluttered up our house. And then been donated.
That could’ve been experiences or diapers- that would’ve been used & appreciated. Or even money in a college fund.

Yes please listen to them.  Ask his wife if there is anything she wants for the kids. My family has always gone nuts with presents for our kids.  They are the only kids so they are spoiled.  I have asked over and over for things they would get more use out of memberships, college money, classes, or even just a day out with them doings something together, but they don't think that is fun to give as they want to see them open something.  So they have never gone for it.  The kids even wish they would get less.  Even my older kids barely remember what is given to them year to year. 

 

[Anne]

This is what I do with my grands - I ask their moms what they’d like me to get for the children, usually giving them some options which give them an idea of what I’d like to spend, and letting them know that I’d be happy to get something that wasn’t on my options list.  So far, it’s worked out well.  

Anne

[Innisfree]

Take him at his word, by all means. A book or two, zoo trips, and if appropriate, a gift card for parents to use at their discretion sound like good ideas.

In my experience, the kids had the closest relationship with the family members who listened to us about what the kids actually wanted and needed. Not coincidentally, *we* had the best relationship with those same family members, because they listened and respected our actual needs. It's not about the gifts, mind: it's about being the person who listens.

There was a period of time when dds' friends all got a lot of cash at birthdays from grandparents. Our dds were occasionally jealous, because they got small gifts. All the while, though, their grandparents were contributing to college 529 accounts, which are much appreciated now. All that to say that there are lots of ways to give gifts which mean a lot and draw families closer together.

[Loowit]

I just don't think I could give diapers as a gift to a child.  I would be happy to get some for the parents if they needed/wanted but not for a child/baby.  I would, however, look into non-toy gifts if they are feeling overwhelmed.  I think books are a great idea, as are experiences.  Some of my kids' favorite memories are time spend with they grandparents.  I might also invest in savings bonds or money toward college/adult expenses.  I would also talk to the mom first and see if there is something that she would like for the kids.

[Spryte]

I’d listen. Give a book and an experience gift, and/or a 529 contribution or similar if you can do that. I’d probably listen to my kid and give the diapers, too, not as a birthday gift, just a “thought of you and picked these up” gift. Or talk to the mom and see what they need.

My gift to my brother and SIL, years ago, for one niece or nephew, was about a year of diapers. I probably didn’t buy every single diaper they used, but I dropped off a Costco case at least once a month. 

[Melissa Louise]

I'd clarify. 

"You said you'd rather have diapers than toys. Do you mean that literally, or would an experience gift also be ok? I am happy to do diapers or other needed items if that's actually what you and wife would like."

[Amy Gen]

I am a person who still loves toys and doesn’t mind clutter, but from decades on this board, I’ve learned that sometimes the toys and clutter are very upsetting to other families. This has made me think about how I would handle it if there is a mismatch between my preferences and those of the parents of my future grandchildren. 
 

1. We plan to have our own giant playroom at our house. That way, when grandkids visit, we can play with them and share the toys we love without causing mess at their own homes. 
 

2. Gifts of time. My best friend is a single mother of one. I’m a married mother of five. Gift giving was unbalanced because my kids already had a billion toys and she didn’t need to be buying 5 extra gifts every holiday. She started giving them experiences instead such as the year she hosted a costume tea party. We used her good china and silver and ate fancy treats and even the grown ups dressed up. We ended up walking down the street, and delivering tiny pastries to her elderly neighbors, which brightened their day. My kids still love looking at the photos from that day 10 years later.
 

3. What I remember most about my grandmother was how she would take me to get library books whenever I visited her, and she would let me try on all of her hats and costume jewelry.  I would listen to stories on LP while she cooked. I even remember going with her to the salon when she got her hair done, but I don’t remember a single gift, and that is okay.
 

If my grandchildren’s parents asked me not to buy toys, I would absolutely give them some diapers, in fancy wrapping paper! And then I would try to carve out a little place in my house to keep some special things for them for when they visit. It might only be a bookshelf where I’d start a collection of pop up books and puzzles and toys that they don’t necessarily ever take home.   

Edited January 2, 2022 by Amy Gen
Grammar

[teachermom2834]

I would not buy a toy but I would ask if there was something else I could do. Shoes? An outfit? A jacket or coat? When we went to the zoo could I buy a cute hat or sweatshirt or water bottle? Something useful but also fun/cute?

I would definitely listen because I really am anti-clutter and I really resented both too much stuff and people not taking me at my word. But I would have loved to have useful things purchased for us with our input. 

[MEmama]

I only have one kid who had no cousins or any hand me downs, plus a set of grandparents that gave him virtually no toys ever in his childhood and we still were given too much. Most toys from the other set of grandparents were immediately donated, because we had asked for fewer and not the kind they liked to give (battery operated, loud, with bright lights…totally overwhelmed poor DS with his mild sensory stuff). They wouldn’t have taken kindly to a request for diapers, but those sure would helped us out a lot more and would have been more appreciated—and actually used.

Definitely listen. Books and experiences (zoo pass etc) for the win. And diapers. 🙂 

[LifeLovePassion]

Absolutely!  We also ran into this problem.  My children were the only ( and still are into their teens)  The only grandkids on both sides of the family.  We were living in about 900 ft² at the time and we just kept getting stuff at every occasion, it was overwhelming. 

Definitely clarify to see if you can offer experiences or other non toy options. Consumables were nice once it was age appropriate ( art supplies,  craft kits, etc.).  Even some fun new clothing items were appreciated so they didn't always have thrift store items ( shoes or cute t-shirts). 

[MercyA]

I don't think most 2- and 3-year-olds would be super excited about a gift of diapers. Mom and Dad might rather have diapers or money for the child's savings, but the gift is not for them and it's rather ungracious (if understandable, perhaps) for them to say they want something else.

So, please, ask Mom what fun and useful thing you can buy for the children. There has to be something the kids would like that would not stress out Mom and Dad. An engaging book and a promised trip to the zoo would be very nice. Maybe a t-shirt with a favorite character on it? A new comforter for their bed? An outdoor toy? An outfit or sleeping bag for a favorite doll or stuffie? Art supplies? 

If the parents need financial help, I don't know why it has to be connected to a child's birthday. 

Lynn, you are very sweet. ❤️

Edited January 2, 2022 by MercyA

[Carrie12345]

Yes to taking him seriously! I had 3 under 5 (before adding two more) and toys were a nightmare situation. The storage space, the mess, the guilt I felt to keep things… it was way too much.  And it was overwhelming for the kids, too. Not that they would remember, because they don’t.

As they get older, a small souvenir or even just lots of pictures from an outing will give them much clearer memories than another toy. And pictures from now will make them smile later, even if they’re too young to remember the event.

 

[Katy]

Give the parents a gift card to target for diapers and clothes or anything else, and maybe seriously consider a family pass for them to the zoo. It’s probably cheaper than buying tickets 2-3 times, and they’ll get to enjoy it too. 

I’m SO grateful my FIL gives my kids money instead of junk. Even the three year old has enough to pay for a year at community college, largely because of FIL’s generous decision to give money instead of toys. The gifts from everyone else get constantly combed through and donated. Every birthday or holiday means at least 3 trips of donations and at least one garbage bag of junk too ruined to donate, and we don’t have a small house. It seems like such a waste. 

FIL does buy the kids shirts for fundraisers & family reunions. He brings back tiny souvenirs when he travels (a rubber duck with Pike’s Peak on it was a recent trip), and that’s more than enough. I don’t tend to declutter his gifts because they are so rare they’re special instead of more clutter. 

If you want to make it clear you really get it, buy DIL Dawn Madsen’s new decluttering workbook. Getting rid of extra toys do her house could stay under control had a huge positive effect on Dawn’s life.  Here’s her video playlist about toys: 

 

ETA decluttering workbook link: https://www.theminimalmom.com/store/Declutter-Your-Home-p419534242

Edited January 2, 2022 by Katy

[J-rap]

I think your idea is great!  I might give the kids each a very small gift so they have something to open besides a book and diapers.  Maybe, a small animal plastic figurine for each (just big enough so they wouldn't choke on it!) that represents your larger gift of taking them to the zoo.  I'd probably confirm with the parents.

I know my own children well enough that if they said something like that, they'd really mean it.  They're all very minimalist and if/when they have kids, they'll want to focus more on creative/imagination-type projects, outdoor activities, and experiences.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd trust them and get creative.  They are overwhelmed with toys.  What can you give that doesn't clutter their home? A kid-friendly meal? An experience?  Maybe plan a movie night with snacks for the kids at your house and let the parents have a few hours alone? Run it by them first and give the kid a homemade movie ticket that maybe includes a sleepover. Take the kids to a playground. Or bake cookies with the kids and do all of the clean-up? Start a college savings program and pay into that on each birthday? Can you ask if there are any non-toy items the kid might want or need like clothes or fun bedding?  Maybe they'd be open to consumable gifts like bath paints or fun soaps? Get the fun diapers.  The kids are going to play with the box anyway.

[Beth S]

Totally agreeing to respond cheerfully to your son's request.
You want to stay flexible, and not rigid.
It's hard being a young parent and feeling like you have no control over your house (clutter, noise, commercialism, whatever).

Plus it's easy to start a new habit now while the kids are little.
Much easier to deal with expectations now!

[Elizabeth86]

Yes!! I know how overwhelming toys can be! 

[Garga]

Kids that little have no clue what’s going on and no memories of presents. Get the diapers. Get a good kid’s book. Take them to the zoo later. 

Double check with Mom and see if diapers was really what was wanted, just in case Dad was speaking out of turn. 

I remember the decade of being overwhelmed with toys. It was just too much. 

And also, like a PP said, if you really want to buy toys (and most Grandmas do), create a little space with kids’ toys in your own house that stay in your house. Special toys that live at Granny’s house.

Edited January 3, 2022 by Garga

[ikslo]

Best thing my in-laws ever did was give us a diaper genie and then keep us supplied with diapers. (They even made sure we were able to try different types until we found the ones we preferred.) Once out of diapers, DS got regular gifts.  He does not remember not getting gifts because seeing nana and papa WAS the gift.  We made a big deal about them coming over.  I mean they may have given a gift or two during that time, but even I don’t remember. 

[Garga]

Oh, and I agree with putting money into a 529 for later.

[Jaybee]

2 hours ago, Loowit said:

I just don't think I could give diapers as a gift to a child.  I would be happy to get some for the parents if they needed/wanted but not for a child/baby.  I would, however, look into non-toy gifts if they are feeling overwhelmed.  I think books are a great idea, as are experiences.  Some of my kids' favorite memories are time spend with they grandparents.  I might also invest in savings bonds or money toward college/adult expenses.  I would also talk to the mom first and see if there is something that she would like for the kids.

Hmm. Well, I just gave diapers to my 1yo grandson for his first birthday. Dd and Ddil have a small house, he has an older brother, and they just didn't need any more toys. She said he plays with whatever is around, so she didn't have any requests for anything specific--and he wouldn't really know the difference. She had also just gone to a thrift store and bought clothes for them both, so he didn't need any clothes either. Dd was very pleased to get diapers (they are also on a limited budget). For Christmas, I offered several choices, and they asked for a family membership to a local center. I know they will enjoy the outings.

I'm currently at Ds and Ddil's house, helping out with new babies. Their house is also small. It is hard, because they have too much stuff, but Ddil's mom is always sending toys, books, snacks, and clothes. I know they are thankful for the clothes, etc., but it is constant and they don't want to seem ungrateful. I have to fight a little resentment because it feels like there is nothing left for me to give, and whatever I give won't seem special due to the quantity they already have. I always ask before I finalize gifts, because I know our kids may have a preference that might not get met, or they might really not want something. Ddil is always kind, but I often find that her mom has already given everything that I offer in some form or another. I'm not sure they know how to handle it, because this is just how her mom shows her love, and they don't want to hurt her. After spending some time here, they will definitely be getting a family zoo membership next year. 

I have thought about adding to savings accounts, but the amounts we add wouldn't be a whole lot. We may still consider doing that eventually.

[Guest]

I would absolutely do something like that; there is a good chance I will with my grandkids even *without* being told to. 
 

My MIL *never* gave any grandchild a single toy. She gave money/bonds/investments. I thought it was absolutely awesome for us both. It was good for her because she had a lot of grandkids and trying to choose specific gifts for each would be crazy-cakes. And it was good for me because it did not add to the endless useless stuff. 
My daughter cashed out her gifts to afford study abroad. I 100% think that was better than a bunch of forgettable toys and trinkets for 18 years. 

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, lynn said:

"He'd rather people gave his kids diapers for birthday gifts because they have to many toys given to them".   Would you take him seriously?  We plan treat my son and family to a couple zoo trips this spring.  Dil doesn't see diapers as a gift but is overwhelmed with toys as gifts from her family alone.  I told her I don't play the " who gave the biggest toy game" and really think through gifts I do give.   So what do you say....diapers and a book and a reminder that we are going to the zoo when the weather clears.    (They have 3 little ones 3, 2 in a few weeks, and 6 month old)

Have you spoken directly with your DIL about this? Are you sure she is against the idea of you buying the 2yos a few toys for their birthday? 

Honestly, it would seem weird to give 2yos some diapers as a birthday gift. They are just getting old enough to learn that birthdays are fun and special, so I would want to give them something fun -- and a zoo membership isn't fun for 2yos unless you take them to the zoo that day (and even then, wouldn't you buy them something at the gift shop?) 

I would definitely talk to your DIL and see what she says. Maybe she truly is overwhelmed by all of the toys her own family has given her kids, but does that mean her family will always get to give the fun gifts and you will have to give the practical stuff? That doesn't seem fair.

I should mention that I am a big believer in kids having lots of toys, and that if I knew space was an issue for a family, I would ask the mom if there are any small-sized toys the kids really wanted. I thought the suggestion above about Thomas trains was excellent, and maybe something like Calico Critters would be fun for little ones, as well. I just bought this Thomas train set as a Christmas gift for our new neighbors' little boy and he loves it, but it definitely takes up some room. But it also opens the door for future, small, "train-only" gifts for other occasions. https://www.walmart.com/ip/Thomas-Friends-Wood-Busy-Island-Set-Toy-Train-Set-with-40-Pieces-Including-Track-5-Characters-poseable-Figures-and-3-Destinations/887828700?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=101059871&adid=22222222222000000000&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=10352200394&wl4=pla-1103028060075&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Online&wl12=887828700_10001079243&wl14=Thomas and friends fisher price busy island&veh=sem&msclkid=796f7097731b140af8141145366b2cbd&gclid=796f7097731b140af8141145366b2cbd&gclsrc=3p.ds

 

[katilac]

Diapers aren't a gift for the child. I'd give the parents diapers as gifts if they so desired, for sure! 

I'd be very open to giving children different kinds of gifts, including experiences and money to spend, but things that the kid requires are gifts for the parents, not them. 

I definitely understand the "please, I beg of you, no more toys!" feeling, lol. Heck, I lived it, but I really just wanted people to pare down and also to consider gifts that were a bit unusual in their eyes, but that my kids would have loved (books, science kits, almost any experience). I had no success, so I just kept the flow of toys and clothes churning. My gift to the gift-givers, I suppose. 

But I still wouldn't give diapers and such to the child. I might do something like take them to lunch (which my kids always loved, bc they rarely got to do it), and that does include a gift to the parents as well (kid-free time!). 

Edited January 3, 2022 by katilac

[katilac]

28 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

Hmm. Well, I just gave diapers to my 1yo grandson for his first birthday.

Sure, he's 1, he's not going to know the difference. But you really gave them to his parents, not to him. Which is fine and very generous, but he's going to know the difference next year, lol. 

[Faith-manor]

Our grandsons get a lot of toys from their grandparents who cannot visit very often and then the two great grandmas are very generous so it ends up being A LOT. Dh and I focus on experiences, so often we give a book and since covid is still so problematic, instead of a museum membership, dh does projects with the six year old, and takes a train from his collection to Alabama to play with the two year old who is enamored of all things train, but then brings it back home with us. He made a birdhouse with N this year for Christmas and then hung it from a tree on a pulley system so N can get it down and fill it all on his own. I gave him a bird identification book. He has been happily hanging out in the yard cataloguing birds since we left.

So I say take them at their word. Diapers are expensive so donate a package, buy a nice book to read, and print off a picture for the refrigerator to remind the oldest child that a zoo trip is coming.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

I told her I don't play the " who gave the biggest toy game" and really think through gifts I do give.

Did she say you don't think through the gifts you give? If not, then you should act as though she didn't mean that.

If so, then you should suit your actions to your words and think through the implications of giving a gift other than what the parents already asked you to give.

Diapers are not much of a gift - but honestly, kids young enough to need diapers will not remember later that  you got them diapers for their birthday!

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

Sure, he's 1, he's not going to know the difference. But you really gave them to his parents, not to him. Which is fine and very generous, but he's going to know the difference next year, lol. 

That's exactly why I'm against the idea of giving diapers to the 2yos. They are old enough to know that diapers are not a gift for them, and they are also getting old enough to realize what their birthday is, and how it is a special, fun day. Diapers are not fun. 

I'm also not big on giving monetary gifts to little kids, when the money is going to end up in the bank and the kids feel like they got nothing for their birthday. It's great when grandparents contribute to the college fund, but if it were me, I would do it in addition to regular gifts for the kids, not in place of gifts. 

I feel the same way about experiences as gift for little kids, when it's something like a membership that can't be used until Spring, and it's still only January. A gift like that is meaningful to the parents, but not to a 2yo. An older kid can appreciate and look forward to a membership or a future outing, but a 2yo can't really do that.

[Pawz4me]

17 minutes ago, Quill said:

I would absolutely do something like that; there is a good chance I will with my grandkids even *without* being told to. 
 

My MIL *never* gave any grandchild a single toy. She gave money/bonds/investments. I thought it was absolutely awesome for us both. It was good for her because she had a lot of grandkids and trying to choose specific gifts for each would be crazy-cakes. And it was good for me because it did not add to the endless useless stuff. 
My daughter cashed out her gifts to afford study abroad. I 100% think that was better than a bunch of forgettable toys and trinkets for 18 years. 

Yep. Our boys had a decent net worth by the time they were 18 just from the money my parents gave them for their birthdays and Christmas. And that had a LOT more meaning for them than the long forgotten, mostly useless plastic crap other relatives gave them.

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I'm also not big on giving monetary gifts to little kids, when the money is going to end up in the bank and the kids feel like they got nothing for their birthday. It's great when grandparents contribute to the college fund, but if it were me, I would do it in addition to regular gifts for the kids, not in place of gifts. 

Right, and there are plenty of fun gifts that don't cost a lot, if you want to keep the bulk practical. 

I'll probably put money on the side for the grands every birthday and such, but it's not going into their main college fund. It's going into an account I make for them, so I can wow them at high school graduation! 

My grandkids are still purely theoretical, by the way. I like to plan ahead. 

[QueenCat]

I'd give the family a zoo membership. I'd also get each person in the family a zoo t-shirt or sweatshirt. 

[ktgrok]

What about gifting a new toy box or storage cabinet, instead of toys?

Sheets with fun characters?

Beach towel with fun character on it, or embroidered with their name?

My sister gave my oldest  $25 into a savings account towards a car when he turned 16, plus a small toy or book. 

But definitely ask your DIL - maybe they are about to say, start swim lessons and need new bathing suits, or need a new lunch box for daycare or whatever?

[katilac]

1 minute ago, QueenCat said:

I'd give the family a zoo membership. I'd also get each person in the family a zoo t-shirt or sweatshirt. 

Or each a gift card to the gift shop! 

Just now, ktgrok said:

What about gifting a new toy box or storage cabinet, instead of toys?

Parent gift, lol. 

[Drama Llama]

I think there is a happy middle ground between cheap toys and diapers.  It sounds like your DIL would like that too.  Experience gifts like the zoo or swimming lessons, things a child needs but maybe made a little more fun (light up sneakers, new clothes with a favorite character on them), books, 529 donations, consumables like home made playdough or replacement markers, a "gift certificate" to do a special thing with grandma, something for their room like new bedsheets. 

I hate to be sexist, but if your DIL is the default parent, I'd talk directly to her, and see if you can come up with some ideas together.  

 

[gardenmom5]

I generally don't buy "stuff" for grandbabies because their dad LOVES to shop . . . I've bought some classic books.  (Winnie the Pooh)

I buy zoo passes, children's museum passes, etc.   experiences.

[Arcadia]

When I had 2 under 2, we told relatives to give cash or ToysRUs gift cards. That help defray the costs for diapers (including swim diapers), baby formula and baby laundry detergent. 
We had a crazy amount of toys and lived in a 695 square feet apartment. So we had to regift all the unwanted stuff from my in-laws.

The best gift was a family membership to the children’s museum which was $150.

Edited January 3, 2022 by Arcadia
Typo

[freesia]

I keep thinking about this bc I think that it’s one of those it depends on the age things. Below 5, I absolutely would have preferred experiences or help with things like skating lessons or dance. We didn’t have a lot of money and had enough toys. From 5-19,  I do think getting a gift they want from a grandparent means a lot. My MIL went through a give money for an educational gift phase. I would be lying to say it didn’t effect ds’s opinion of her. One of his friends actually gave him straight cash for his birthday to make up for it. It would have been better to give him a small lego set and the bulk of the money to us for something educational. This grandma did always buy gifts for them to play with when we visited, so she wasn’t stingy, it just wasn’t a good decision.I think if the experience had been Legoland or something, that would have worked. The zoo at 5-10 might have felt too ordinary. I think kids of those ages like to have their desires noticed an supported—so a lego set communicates I see you and care that you want this. After 10, experiences are a great idea again. 
 

In your situation, I would clarify what they mean. I would have said I really really want ice skating lessons for him.  If they really don’t want toys and you want to buy them, buy some to keep at your house. 

[lmrich]

I would rather give money so the parents can buy the right size, right brand of diapers. 

A future trip to the zoo and a book about going to the zoo is perfect and maybe a box of animal crackers. Just don't buy toys at the zoo, too. 

For the big day, you can also volunteer to bring the cake or decorations or pay for a housekeeper. 

[katilac]

4 hours ago, Arcadia said:

When I had 2 under 2, we told relatives to give cash or ToysRUs gift cards. That help defray the costs for diapers (including swim diapers), baby formula and baby laundry detergent. 

Would you have been okay with them just not giving a present?