Is Ballet the answer for a Shy, Homeschooled Boy?

[Magical_mommy]

DS is homeschooled now after being bullied for being girly when he went to kindergarten at the local public school. He started taking ballet classes in September at age six. Would you consider ballet for your son? 

He is proud to be a dancer and is happy to talk about ballet with new friends or anyone who seems nice. However, you just never know when a mean kid at church or a neighborhood party will start making fun and ask him if he wears tights. 

How much would you worry about teasing if your son did ballet? A homeschooled boy needs an activity where he can meet kids his own age but we are afraid ballet is only drawing attention to the whole issue that he might be gay and it isn’t fair.

[Janeway]

My son did ballet and it was great! He ended up with a great group of friends.

[City Mouse]

I think the mean people/kids will find anything to use as a weapon, so I wouldn’t choose an activity based on possible teasing or not.

[Rosie_0801]

I think the issue is teaching kids to have boundaries, including when and how to tell people to sod off.

He should go and live his best life, because not living his best life is not an inoculation against jerks. It just weakens people so they'll be more susceptible to jerks.

[mommyoffive]

My ds is a ballet dancer.  It hasn't a been an easy road for him.  He has been teased and usually is the only "boy" in the studio or school he is at.  Sometimes there is a 5 year old or something but he is a teen so that doesn't help.  Before Covid he had 2 other guys his age at his school, but they left after covid.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would want my son to do what he enjoys. 
 

If necessary you can practice what to say if he’s asked about tights. A simple “ no I don’t “ or “ I wear ____” should suffice. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My 6 year old DS loves ballet and is on his second year.  But he’s girly in a lot of ways and wouldn’t care if other people thought ballet was weird.  But his dance schools offers a boys only dance class that has a lot of boys(he’s not in that one since he’s not old enough yet) so he does see other boys dancing.

He also takes gymnastics.  

[mommyoffive]

Male dancers do where tights so that isn't incorrect.  Depending on your dress code for young boys or older boys maybe they don't at your school, but it is actually what professionals and kids where.  It is the dress code at our school.  Of course, male tights are different than female tights. 

[Ting Tang]

That's sad that he is only six and you're already having to worry about bullying.  However, I would only have him quit if he decided he wanted to explore other things.  As long as he is supported by the studio and the other dancers, that is what matters most.  Let that be his circle.  I don't believe studying ballet makes someone gay, nor would quitting ballet make someone not gay, and of course you know that.  So if he enjoys it, I would support him there.  Anyone who makes fun of him is the one with the problem.  

Edited December 30, 2021 by KrisTom

[Tanaqui]

Restricting your life out of fear of bullies does not make people happy.

If ballet makes him happy right now, fine. If you know people who do not stop their children from making ignorant and homophobic comments, stop associating with them. Seriously, which would you prefer? That your child does ballet and doesn't socialize with bullies, or that he socializes with bullies but doesn't do ballet?

[Catwoman]

49 minutes ago, Magical_mommy said:

DS is homeschooled now after being bullied for being girly when he went to kindergarten at the local public school. He started taking ballet classes in September at age six. Would you consider ballet for your son? 

He is proud to be a dancer and is happy to talk about ballet with new friends or anyone who seems nice. However, you just never know when a mean kid at church or a neighborhood party will start making fun and ask him if he wears tights. 

How much would you worry about teasing if your son did ballet? A homeschooled boy needs an activity where he can meet kids his own age but we are afraid ballet is only drawing attention to the whole issue that he might be gay and it isn’t fair.

If he enjoys ballet, let him continue. If he wants to quit, let him quit. If kids make fun of him, but he really loves dancing, teach him ways to respond to the jokes and taunting.

You have mentioned that your son is a “dancer” in almost every single post you have made on this forum, to the point where it has already been very noticeable, so apparently this is a big deal for you. Honestly, your son is only 6 years old, so I don’t really understand the obsession.

If it was my son, I would simply say that he is taking ballet lessons, but it wouldn’t occur to me to refer to him as a “dancer” or a “male dancer” because he’s still just a little kid, and by this time next month, he might want to play soccer or take karate lessons instead.  You seem to have a lot invested in him being a dancer and it seems awfully early to label him in that way in every post. 

Personally, I think your son sounds like a sweet little guy, and if he likes taking ballet lessons, I think you should let him continue, but I also think you should be looking for ways to teach him how to respond to criticism if you’re concerned that he might be mocked for it.

Edited December 30, 2021 by Catwoman
I can’t type tonight!

[Catwoman]

31 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I think the issue is teaching kids to have boundaries, including when and how to tell people to sod off.

He should go and live his best life, because not living his best life is not an inoculation against jerks. It just weakens people so they'll be more susceptible to jerks.

This is so true!!!

[MercyA]

If I had a son and he wanted to learn ballet dancing, sure, I'd let him. I do think I'd want it to be something he chose and not something I chose for him, though.

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, MercyA said:

If I had a son and he wanted to learn ballet dancing, sure, I'd let him. I do think I'd want it to be something he chose and not something I chose for him, though.

I agree. It wouldn’t be my first suggestion to a boy who has been bullied for seeming “girly,” simply because I wouldn’t want to add more fodder for the bullies to latch onto, but if it was my child’s choice and he wanted to do it, I would absolutely encourage him to take the lessons… and I would work with him on ways to deal with the bullies.

[Katy]

I’m sorry he’s been bullied already. IME a masculine or feminine demeanor has little to do with adult sexuality. Sometimes it does. Sometimes not. At any rate I would encourage him to do whatever makes him happy, including dance. And if he was being bullied at church I’d address it with leadership first, and then leave. Church is not as important as my child knowing God loves him. 

[Spryte]

You’re over-thinking this. If he enjoys ballet, he should take ballet. If the people around him are bullies, either don’t hang out with those people and find new friends who don’t act that way, and/or teach him how to respond appropriately. It sounds like you are very worried about this, maybe more so than him? Didn’t you say you (legally?) changed his name because a girl had the same name? I think starting with your own attitude about bullies might help him—teach him about boundaries by example. The less hung up you are about this, the less he will be. 

Lots of us here have been through boys taking ballet, boys who liked things traditionally associated with girls, boys who dressed like girls, and I could go on and on. Lots of us here have kids who are LGBTQ. I am stuck on your last sentence, and wondering what’s the big deal if doing something he presumably loves is “drawing attention to the whole issue that he might be gay.” So what? He’s 6. Who cares? He’s your kid, just embrace him where he is, and love him. Be proud that you have a kid who loves doing something, and that he’s not afraid to rock the boat to do it. That’s cool! 

 

[Farrar]

My high school senior is also in a trainee program at a relatively prestigious ballet. He's graduating and will spend the next year focusing on ballet. And maybe forever. Who knows. He has been dancing since he was 4 years old.

I agree with all of the above about drawing boundaries and living your best life. If a kid wants to do a thing, and you have the money and ability to let them do it, then... why would you not? He probably won't stick with ballet long term (just statistically) but dance is wonderful for life. Let him. And then if he does, great. And if he doesn't, then let him try the next thing and be enthusiastic about it. You can't choose based on outside appearances and what people will think.

Just so you have a sense of the male dance world, I'll share our experience...

We live in a very blue state, urban area. My kid was sometimes the only boy when he was really little, but that quickly changed as he moved up levels. Some studios will give perks, discounts, and scholarships to the boys, though don't count on it. We pay full for the trainee program now. My son was obsessed with pretty things when he was little - he loved Fancy Nancy and pink tutus and flowers. He was a gender nonconforming kid. Grew his hair long, spent a year wearing a pink ballet skirt over jeans. He saw Nutcracker at age 4 and was absolutely on the edge of his seat for the entire full length performance. After that, he was gone for ballet. He grew out of the pink clothes and eventually cut his hair and is mostly into "boy" stuff these days. But he has remained absolutely true to ballet. He has an incredibly determined personality and has stuck with ballet even when he's not a natural. 

Ballet culture is not always very positive. It's not always body positive. It can be catty and I've heard countless horror stories about smaller studios that would make your head spin. Favoritism and cliques are the low level crud that seem nearly omnipresent. Male ballet culture can be highly toxic. We've seen a lot of really unhealthy toxic masculinity in ballet. There's this outside perception of men in ballet as "girly" but it's actually a pretty bro-y culture and very gender normative overall. The company that ds is currently training with is wonderful and very positive (unions!) overall. It does get a bit better at the top.

Ballet has been amazing for my son. Everything he is stems from ballet. Even if he leaves it, it's so ingrained in him that he can't imagine life without it. 

 

[Starr]

Ds had a year of ballet and a couple of Irish dance and figure skating. His pals were taking marshal arts at the same time as dance and he chose dance. He’s a musician getting a masters in folklore now. Do what you love. 

[easypeasy]

If he loves to dance, let him dance! Who cares what people will say?! If he's already been bullied before dancing, then at least he'll have something he loves to do. My kid didn't dance, but has a friend who does. Kid was bullied, scrawny, and docile when he started dancing. Now, he's a 5'10" strapping, confident young man with muscles absolutely everywhere. Some of his male cohorts are gay, many are not. I definitely do not think being a male ballet dancer indicates sexual preference in any way whatsoever - the love of ballet is unconnected, so people shouldn't make assumptions. (In fact, the few male ballet dancers I've met have been decidedly masculine in presentation - again, that doesn't indicate their sexual preference - just a comment on their presentation).

When people asked my son if he was/might be gay during a certain phase of his life, he just shrugged and said, "And if I am?" His reasoning was that he didn't feel there was anything at all "wrong" with being gay, so he wasn't going to be offended by their question. He also wasn't going to honor their question (that they intended to be insulting) with an honest answer that he was not gay. His approach left many people confused, or thinking he WAS gay, and he (and the rest of his family) just did. not. care. Wasn't anybody's business. (and now those sad busybodies feel stupid about the rumors they started way back when, but whatever. didn't phase my kid one iota because he was busy living his great life.)

Let the kid dance. Let him find things he loves. The more things a kid has that he loves to do means he has bigger fish to fry than worrying about what a few sad, mean kids will say or think. He'll grow up confident and happy and talented.

 

 

editing because I'm only now realizing that the kid is 6! I'd thought that was past-tense (when he was bullied) and he was older now. Omgosh. He's six. Let him daaaaaance and just have fun with it until he's not having fun with it anymore. Then move to the next fun thing. He's six! Just discovering what gets his life engine revving! Try things and have fun!!

Edited December 30, 2021 by easypeasy

[Jean in Newcastle]

I keep getting stuck on the title:  Is ballet the answer for a shy, homeschooled boy”. Nothing is “the answer“ for a six year old. That’s putting a lot of pressure on an extracurricular activity and (possibly) a lot of pressure on the six year old boy. 

[kiwik]

I think you are focusing too much.  He is 6 so get him to try as many things as he will.  Both my sons did preschool ballet, ds14 did 2 years then moved to gym at 5 when he started school.  Ds12 did one term then quit because the teacher wasn't there one day.  He started tap at 8 and ballet about a term after.  He still does both.  He does a low pressure one class a week at a small school.  In all the classes my kids have been the only boy.  Ds12 also did some gym, hockey, mini-soccer and basketball before going back to dance.  I don't think he has ever been teased.

 

[Clarita]

As an aside a lot of pro athletes like football players (that's pretty manly right?) take ballet. I heard it helps them have better control/insight into the detailed movement of their muscles and have better balance (helps with agility I believe). 

[Hilltopmom]

Why are you bringing this up in every single post you make or comment on? Some parts of this are word for word from other posts you’ve made about it. Not sure what’s up with that.

It seems to me like “you’re” the one concerned about his interest in ballet and the “implications”. 

 

[historically accurate]

Eh, let him do what he loves. If that's ballet, cool. If it's kung fu, cool. He's 6. He'll probably change his mind about 1 million times over the years. 

I have only girls, but one of my girls loved chess, robotics and rocketry. She was often asked, "Girls play chess?!" during a match. She'd shrug and say, "Obviously they do." If he's being bullied, teach him a couple of phrases to shut them down. "You wear tights?!?!" Nonchalantly say, "Yep, for dance class. I like to wear XX when I do YY." 

Sexual preference usually has nothing to do with whether someone presents "feminine" or "masculine". I have a cousin who loved pretty jewelry, fashion design, music and dance as a kid/teen. He's been happily paired with a lovely woman for over a decade - now he shops with her and buys her gorgeous gowns and jewelry. 

Kids should get to explore what they want to do - let him do that. Don't pin your hopes on having a Dancer or an Athlete or a Mathlete. Kids will surprise you and change as they grow.

[Eos]

26 minutes ago, Hilltopmom said:

Why are you bringing this up in every single post you make or comment on? Some parts of this are word for word from other posts you’ve made about it. Not sure what’s up with that.

Reported.  

[Terabith]

If my son wanted to take ballet, I would absolutely encourage it.  

[itsheresomewhere]

54 minutes ago, Hilltopmom said:

Why are you bringing this up in every single post you make or comment on? Some parts of this are word for word from other posts you’ve made about it. Not sure what’s up with that.

It seems to me like “you’re” the one concerned about his interest in ballet and the “implications”. 

 

I was wondering this too. 

[catz]

My son took dance on and off growing up.  He was in a few Nutcrackers.  He also did circus and acrobatics stuff.  He ended up being more of a theater kid.  But in college he joined a performance group that has a Broadway level choreographer and he is developing some serious stage dance skills now.  He can tap like crazy.

Anyway, when my kids were young, we always had a 3 month trial period before dropping out of anything (unless there were weird extenuating circumstances).  My kids were always anxious trying new things and by 3 months in that anxiety would wear off and it would either be a win or not.  More often than not if they were interested before trying, they would like it.  Having kids they clicked with in a group was always helpful.  Good, positive coaching was always helpful.  

I guess I don't understand what you're asking.  If your son enjoys ballet, awesome.  If he does a season and think he wants to try something else, awesome.  If this is a thing about a boy being in ballet being weird, well, I disagree.  I know plenty of boys doing dance at some level here including ballet.  Follow your child's lead and don't over think it.  I think this is a great age to start teaching your kid how to respond to questions that may throw him off base or how to walk away from bullies.  A young kid asking if he wears tights might just be curious and not be bullying.  If your child give a good confident answer about dance a lot of kids this age will drop it.  I wouldn't worry about a 6 year old being gay or what other people think.  If some social situation results in a lot of kids your child doesn't click with, maybe it isn't for your family.  It sounds like your son is really enjoying it and it's you worrying about what people think.  Isn't fair to who?  Him.  Or you.

Edited December 30, 2021 by FuzzyCatz

[mmasc]

I’m calling it—troll. 

[Pam in CT]

re The Answer

7 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I keep getting stuck on the title:  Is ballet the answer for a shy, homeschooled boy”. Nothing is “the answer“ for a six year old. That’s putting a lot of pressure on an extracurricular activity and (possibly) a lot of pressure on the six year old boy. 

Above all, this.

 

 

Because this...

10 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

...He should go and live his best life, because not living his best life is not an inoculation against jerks. It just weakens people so they'll be more susceptible to jerks.

 

 

and also this...

10 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

..Seriously, which would you prefer? That your child does ballet and doesn't socialize with bullies, or that he socializes with bullies but doesn't do ballet?

 

 

and (as several other pp also noted), this.

10 hours ago, Catwoman said:

...You have mentioned that your son is a “dancer” in almost every single post you have made on this forum, to the point where it has already been very noticeable, so apparently this is a big deal for you. Honestly, your son is only 6 years old, so I don’t really understand the obsession.

 

[Jenny in Florida]

My son danced for years. He was at the pre-pro ballet school for several of them, beginning when he was six. It was, like everything else in life, a mixed experience, but over all a positive one. He did six (?) Nutcracker seasons and was cast in a number of other company productions during that time. Although he eventually left the pre-pro ballet life for a small, family-run studio where he focused on tap and other forms of dance, being a dancer definitely contributed to him being the young adult he is now. I'm especially grateful to the couple who run the small dance studio for helping me to see this kid through his most turbulent teen years. (They are, by the way, still part of his life, despite the fact that he hasn't taken class there for a few years now.)

My son very quickly decided that anyone who teased him about being a dancer wasn't someone whose opinion he valued. 

Both of my kids grew up in the performing arts and have continued involvement in one way or another into their academic and professional adulthoods. In general, being a guy in the performing arts is equal parts hard and wonderful. Outsiders tend to look on performer dudes through a very stereotypical lens -- and some of those stereotypes exist for a reason -- but from the inside, guys who dance (and sing and act) get a lot of opportunities. My son was often actively recruited for shows that my daughter couldn't get cast in even after auditioning. It doesn't mean the guys are any less talented or that they work less hard, just that the ratio of performers to roles is very different. 

In terms of the "might be gay" thing . . . Well, I just don't know what to say about that. Your son is or isn't gay. Dancing won't change his sexuality. (For what it's worth, despite years and years of wearing tights and makeup and working with a lot of LGBTQ peers and teachers and choreographers and directors, my son is still straight. My daughter identifies as queer.) What involvement in the performing arts can do for an LGBTQ young person is give them a safer place to be themselves and some role models who can show them what living an authentic and happy life looks like.

[Jenny in Florida]

8 hours ago, easypeasy said:

8 hours ago, easypeasy said:

When people asked my son if he was/might be gay during a certain phase of his life, he just shrugged and said, "And if I am?" His reasoning was that he didn't feel there was anything at all "wrong" with being gay, so he wasn't going to be offended by their question. He also wasn't going to honor their question (that they intended to be insulting) with an honest answer that he was not gay. His approach left many people confused, or thinking he WAS gay, and he (and the rest of his family) just did. not. care.

Yeah, I know my son was teased/bugged about this for a while, too, and basically just ignored it. He was much more bothered by people intentionally mispronouncing his name than he was being taunted about his sexuality.

He also, from the time he was quite young, had friends and adults in his life whom he loved and respected who were gay and so never considered it an "insult." 

Fun story: He was in a youth production of Hairspray one summer as one of the teen council and a featured dancer. One of his bits was in Welcome to the 60s, and the choreographer (who is gay, just for context) kept directing my son to be more flamboyant in his movements. My son just could not get his performance dialed up to where the choreographer wanted it to be. Everyone (including me) assumed he was embarrassed or worried about how he would look onstage, but he finally vented to me during a car ride home one night that his problem was that he just hated the idea of portraying such a caricature. He hated feeling like he was making fun of the gay people he knew and loved. 

I encouraged him to explain that the choreographer, and the issue was dropped.

 

[hjffkj]

I think you'd be better served building up your son's confidence and teaching him to love himself than worrying about what other people think of his activity choices. 

[vonfirmath]

1 hour ago, Eos said:

Reported.  

Why? it seems to be a relevant question.

[maize]

All of my boys have done dance, mostly Irish dance (you can look into that for your son as well, he may love it) but also some ballet.

My recommendation: encourage your kid in whatever activities he loves. That is going to matter more than whether or not he gets teased occasionally. If you find out about any ongoing bullying, address that however you need to (might mean getting him away from the situation where he is being bullied).

[Eos]

42 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

Why? it seems to be a relevant question.

I would generally agree but this poster is using all the same exact phrases over and over and that triggers my bot/machine learning alert.

[Catwoman]

29 minutes ago, Eos said:

I would generally agree but this poster is using all the same exact phrases over and over and that triggers my bot/machine learning alert.

I think @vonfirmath was thinking that you were reporting @Hilltopmom -- I was just about to ask you why you were reporting Hilltopmom, too.

Thanks for clarifying! 🙂 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Catwoman
clarity matters!

[vonfirmath]

9 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I think @vonfirmath was thinking that you were reporting @Hilltopmom -- I was just about to ask you why you were reporting Hilltopmom, too, but it turns out we are all on the same page.

Thanks for clarifying! 🙂 

Oh yes I thought Eos was reporting Hilltopmom for questioning.

[vonfirmath]

27 minutes ago, Eos said:

I would generally agree but this poster is using all the same exact phrases over and over and that triggers my bot/machine learning alert.

Oh. I didn't think bot. Just fishing for someone to be outraged. No one responded the way the poster wanted so they brought it up in a different context.

 

ETA: Or it really bothered the poster more than they were even admitting to themselves. Then maybe it needed to be pointed out to them so they could process it.

 

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by vonfirmath

[Magical_mommy]

2 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

 

If your son enjoys ballet, awesome.  

 

Wow, this is a great attitude and my sister keeps reminding me that too. But the reality is also that ballet can make some boys seem too different from other boys in the neighborhood. A mixed blessing, maybe?   

Kindergarten at the public school was rough… being teased for being girly all year and then on one of the last days of school, physically attacked by the class bully on the jungle gym. 

DS has become friends with another first grade boy in his ballet class who is more athletic than he is. The friend seems like the type of happy, confident kid who can shrug off the teasing while my DS is sensitive. 

DS now goes to dance class in a white t-shirt and black biker shorts...  

“A young kid asking if he wears tights might just be curious and not be bullying.”

You are right and DS should be able to politely explain that older boys and men wear tights for ballet. But he has to learn how to say this without getting embarrassed!  

He still gets nervous about being laughed at. 

[Innisfree]

Whose idea was the ballet... his or yours? If it was his, and he's enjoying it, I'd say support him in that. ETA even if it was your idea initially, as long as he's having fun, let him continue.

 

11 minutes ago, Magical_mommy said:

the reality is also that ballet can make some boys seem too different from other boys in the neighborhood. A mixed blessing, maybe?

 

11 minutes ago, Magical_mommy said:

He still gets nervous about being laughed at. 

If you yourself are uncomfortable because he's taking ballet (extrapolating from the first quote, here), he will pick up on that attitude. The best gift you can give him, besides support in pursuing his own passions, is an attitude of self confidence and security. Project confidence in his good choices, and help him find the words to respond confidently to others.

Genuine bullies should just be avoided, but most people don't fall in that category.

You don't want him to feel that he needs to change himself to avoid bad reactions from other people. Support *him*, as he is. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Innisfree

[EKS]

I think that the question isn't whether taking ballet lessons is going to make your son seem different from the other boys in the neighborhood.  The fact is, he already seems different.  You can't change how the other boys behave, but you can help your son figure out how best to live in the world as his most authentic self.  Unfortunately, doing so will most certainly involve learning how to weather teasing if he continues to behave as he has been.  He will need to decide for himself if or how he wants to alter his behavior to "fit in" better.

Since he loves the ballet class, I say he should keep doing it.

Edited December 30, 2021 by EKS

[Rosie_0801]

11 minutes ago, Magical_mommy said:

He still gets nervous about being laughed at. 

There is no cure for the human condition.
He'll probably feel like this for his whole life because no one likes being laughed at.
 

[Kanin]

2 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

My son very quickly decided that anyone who teased him about being a dancer wasn't someone whose opinion he valued. 

 

Love this. 

[Xahm]

The Cub scout den I lead has at least 3 little 5-6 year old boys who dance. I wonder where you live that this would be unusual. Yes, dance is more common for girls, like marital arts is more common for boys, but no one is supposed at all to learn a boy dances or a girl does taekwondo. It's healthy for kids to try out different things. Relax a bit.

[Eos]

2 hours ago, vonfirmath said:

Oh yes I thought Eos was reporting Hilltopmom for questioning.

Oh no!  So sorry that was your impression!

[Pam in CT]

(also learning for the first time that certain posts tag algorithmically-based reporting. Makes sense; I just didn't know that.)

[Pam in CT]

Any counsel -- to anybody, let alone a 6 yo -- to the effect of if [you] don't do ________, [other people] won't act badly towards you... is terrible advice.

• It isn't true;
• It wrongly places the burden of other folks' bad behavior on the person who isn't behaving badly; and
• At a minimum it undermines the self-worth / sense of agency of the person being counseled. And it could do far worse than that.

 

[Catwoman]

On 12/28/2021 at 3:02 PM, Magical_mommy said:

Thanks for the responses! DS is homeschooled and deals with loneliness. He is lucky to have the friend with the funny name. 

DS started kindergarten at the public school here but was teased because kids thought he wss too girly. When kindergarten began his name was Cameron but there was a girl in his class with that name and he hated being mistaken for a girl! So, we changed his name to something common and a boy’s only name.  

Dad is a librarian and a skinny boy at the library is named Arafat and some of the youngest kids will ask is he fat? 

Yes, Meeno is close to mean but people could always say, Don’t be a Meanie, be a Meeno. Make a nice joke…  

You adopted from Korea? That's awesome. My white friend married a Korean and all three children look Asian although they are bi-racial. 

My sister chose the name just because she liked the sound of it. No special reason. I am optimistic my nephew won’t have the problems my son had in public school and I am already getting used to his cute name, haha. 

 

 

3 hours ago, Magical_mommy said:

Wow, this is a great attitude and my sister keeps reminding me that too. But the reality is also that ballet can make some boys seem too different from other boys in the neighborhood. A mixed blessing, maybe?   

Kindergarten at the public school was rough… being teased for being girly all year and then on one of the last days of school, physically attacked by the class bully on the jungle gym. 

DS has become friends with another first grade boy in his ballet class who is more athletic than he is. The friend seems like the type of happy, confident kid who can shrug off the teasing while my DS is sensitive. 

DS now goes to dance class in a white t-shirt and black biker shorts...  

“A young kid asking if he wears tights might just be curious and not be bullying.”

You are right and DS should be able to politely explain that older boys and men wear tights for ballet. But he has to learn how to say this without getting embarrassed!  

He still gets nervous about being laughed at. 

I'm seeing inconsistency here. You previously posted (in an older thread, quoted above) that your son was bullied because of his name and because he acted "girly" when kindergarten first started, but seemingly once you "changed his name," all was well. 

Your current post suggests that he was bullied throughout kindergarten -- and was even physically attacked, which you hadn't mentioned at all in your earlier post.

I am confused.

[EKS]

1 hour ago, Pam in CT said:

Any counsel -- to anybody, let alone a 6 yo -- to the effect of if [you] don't do ________, [other people] won't act badly towards you... is terrible advice.

• It isn't true;
• It wrongly places the burden of other folks' bad behavior on the person who isn't behaving badly; and
• At a minimum it undermines the self-worth / sense of agency of the person being counseled. And it could do far worse than that.

 

IMO, this is completely wrong.  It is a fact that certain behaviors elicit certain responses.  Why is it that certain kids are bullied and others are not?  The bullied kids are (frequently) engaging in behaviors that make them targets.  Being sensitive to teasing, for example, is fairly sure to result in further teasing.  Learn to let it roll off your back and the teasing is likely to stop.

In fact, I would argue that learning that one can change how other people respond by changing one's own behavior can be incredibly empowering.  That said, there is a difference between changing superficial behaviors and fundamentally changing who you are.  I would never tell a child or anyone else to change what they love (for example) so that other people will "be nice."  But I would absolutely tell them about behaviors such as oversensitivity that are making them a target for teasing.