My parents were in a bad car accident today

[Kassia]

@Dmmetler what a great update.  thanks for posting.  Glad your mom is continuing to progress and how sweet about the security people! 

[Dmmetler]

I'm really thinking that we should do something nice for the security folks as well as for the ICU. It can't be fun to have to spend a lot of your time telling people they can't see their loved ones-which is the case now due to COVID. 

[TexasProud]

Thank you for updating. Glad they are doing so well. I know this is hard. Hang in there!

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[TechWife]

10 hours ago, Dmmetler said:

I'm really thinking that we should do something nice for the security folks as well as for the ICU. It can't be fun to have to spend a lot of your time telling people they can't see their loved ones-which is the case now due to COVID. 

Let me know if you want some ideas - I’ve seen some good appreciation efforts and some weird ones, too. It’s sometimes very interesting to see what people think will be helpful. Like, socks. I don’t think I’ll ever understand staff socks. 

[Dmmetler]

Mom will be stepping down as soon as a room is available, and there are patients in extended care who are ready for discharge today. We should have a room number, etc. According to Jennifer, they are also reevaluating visitation restrictions, so hopefully the ban on visitation won’t last too long. 
 

I’m going to try to set up the new Kindle Fire my husband got for Christmas for mom, so she can have a device there (DH is fine with that, and suggested it when I was planning to do the same with one of my teaching iPads). We’ll also send up the prayer quilt, and I plan to include a new journal, an adult coloring book or two, and colored pens. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Is there any chance your Mom can FaceTime/facebook messenger call you from the ipad/kindle?

One of the helpful things for me during this pandemic is to have relative call me during rounds and that way I hear the game plan of what is going on.

Even if she can't talk, she can text or write on paper and show it to the screen.

I don't know how functional she is, but I wanted to toss that out there if visitation is getting limited.

[Dmmetler]

6 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Is there any chance your Mom can FaceTime/facebook messenger call you from the ipad/kindle?

One of the helpful things for me during this pandemic is to have relative call me during rounds and that way I hear the game plan of what is going on.

Even if she can't talk, she can text or write on paper and show it to the screen.

I don't know how functional she is, but I wanted to toss that out there if visitation is getting limited.

That's one reason for getting a Kindle to her. It would open up more lines of communication. She'll be able to get on FB and message friends, maybe zoom in to the weekly Bible study and participate by messaging, etc. I don't know how much she'd be able to do, but it gives her some extra autonomy, and it's actually the kind of thing that OT will be available to work on if needed. 

 

I think just getting into a private room where she can have personal belongings will be a big help emotionally. I do hope that the hospital is able to get a "test to visit" policy in place-thaf's something the director mentioned they're working on today. 

 

 

[Dmmetler]

Mom has moved out of ICU! we'll be able to take the prayer quilt and other things over to her tomorrow. We'll be taking cards, etc over regularly, even if we aren't allowed in (visitation is restricted when COVID spread is too high, which it currently is). Dad was able to go up and visit today, and she was in a good mood, her ribs hurt less, and it's easier to breathe. The goal of extended Care is to wean off the ventilator and rebuild physical skills, and she will be working with PT, OT, speech and respiratory therapists. 

 

 

[Innisfree]

So glad she's making progress! 

[ktgrok]

11 hours ago, Dmmetler said:

Mom will be stepping down as soon as a room is available, and there are patients in extended care who are ready for discharge today. We should have a room number, etc. According to Jennifer, they are also reevaluating visitation restrictions, so hopefully the ban on visitation won’t last too long. 
 

I’m going to try to set up the new Kindle Fire my husband got for Christmas for mom, so she can have a device there (DH is fine with that, and suggested it when I was planning to do the same with one of my teaching iPads). We’ll also send up the prayer quilt, and I plan to include a new journal, an adult coloring book or two, and colored pens. 

would she like a journaling bible maybe? 

[Dmmetler]

Mom had a good first day in Extended care. She is writing notes and communicating with the nurses, working with PT, and is able to push herself up and over the edge of the bed to stand up. They didn't change vent settings today to give her time to adjust. 

We also talked to the case worker about eventual discharge plans, and that mom would like to go to VMRC if she can't go straight home, or for additional therapy so she's going to start working on that. It feels so awesome to have them discussing discharge plans and after the hospital, when only a couple of weeks ago a big question was if she would survive at all. 

We won't be able to visit in person until they change the COVID policies, but will take cards, etc over in the meantime, and will be taking a tablet over so that when mom is up to it she can get on FB, send e-mail, and hopefully eventually participate in video calls/zooms-and I'm sure she will be catching up on church services, too! We cannot take in plants or flowers, but can take in most other things. 

I go back to work Monday...eep!!

[fraidycat]

It's nice to see she is continuing to improve and has been moved down a level in needed care. Hopefully she will be able to have visitors soon, but it the interim it'll be nice that she can have some personal comfort items.

[Faith-manor]

22 hours ago, Dmmetler said:

Mom has moved out of ICU! we'll be able to take the prayer quilt and other things over to her tomorrow. We'll be taking cards, etc over regularly, even if we aren't allowed in (visitation is restricted when COVID spread is too high, which it currently is). Dad was able to go up and visit today, and she was in a good mood, her ribs hurt less, and it's easier to breathe. The goal of extended Care is to wean off the ventilator and rebuild physical skills, and she will be working with PT, OT, speech and respiratory therapists. 

 

 

Woot! 👏👏👏

[Dmmetler]

Today's update is positive-mom is doing well. They tried a 1 hour trial with oxygen support only, but had to stop before the bed because she started to hyperventilate, but she made it farther than the 5 minutes she's done before, and they'll continue to work on it. 

Dad made it through two zoom meetings for JMU and managed to get a letter of recommendation written, so he's building back up, too. 

L and I did the first Athena's classes for the semester, and both Herp 1 and Dragonology look like good groups 🙂.

[mlktwins]

On 1/18/2022 at 10:14 PM, Dmmetler said:

I'm really thinking that we should do something nice for the security folks as well as for the ICU. It can't be fun to have to spend a lot of your time telling people they can't see their loved ones-which is the case now due to COVID. 

I know your life is very busy right now.  If you have the names and positions of the people you have dealt with in the ICU and security, a letter to hospital admin regarding how well you were treated by them and what it meant to you would go a long way.  Will be good in their file and evaluations.

[Dmmetler]

I'm having a hard time. I don't know if it's not being able to go to the hospital and actually see mom, even though it's a step up, that Dad is struggling more emotionally, but also really wants to go back to Va since he doesn't feel he can do anything here, and I'm not sure he's ready-some days he does well, some he can't do much more than sit on the couch under a heavy comforter with his eyes closed, if it's that I haven't been there for my BK's, including a 504 meeting, and I finally got caught up after three weeks of not seeing them and feel horribly guilty because there is stuff going on that usually I would have been there to support them for.

 

Last night I kept waking up thinking I'd heard the phone ring. Apparently I'm now dreaming it. 

 

I have no clue how I'm going to handle going back to work Monday. Part of me is looking forward to it. Part of me is afraid the world will collapse. 

 

My parents keep getting cards from their friends back home that compliment me for being so great at keeping them informed and telling Dad not to worry and let me handle it. Thanks...I think....

 

[Kassia]

@Dmmetler big hugs to you.  You have so much going on all at once.  It's a lot to handle and totally understandable that you're struggling.  

[sassenach]

On 1/18/2022 at 7:14 PM, Dmmetler said:

I'm really thinking that we should do something nice for the security folks as well as for the ICU. It can't be fun to have to spend a lot of your time telling people they can't see their loved ones-which is the case now due to COVID. 

Ds spent 5 weeks in the hospital last year, more than half of those being in the ICU. A few weeks after his discharge we brought treats gourmet donuts to the ICU (one box for each shift) with a thank you message and Ds's picture. It was much appreciated.

[Dmmetler]

Mom got to keep her cards, notes, prayer quilt and Kindle. According to Keiko (who came down to get them and took them up), she's very happy and having a great day. She's still not making it very long off the ventilator before she starts struggling, but is working on it. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Hugs! You’re on a rollercoaster. Any chance you can find an hour to just relax? Sip Starbucks in a quiet parking lot? Take a bath with candles? Things are going to not get done in this season of life and that’s ok—let go of the guilt and try to triage as best you can.

[happi duck]

Thinking of you!

[Faith-manor]

Thinking of you today! Hoping you are finding some time to de-stress, and that your mom is having another good day.

[Dmmetler]

Mom sent email! She hasn't been able to get into her FB account yet (I didn't have the password to set it up on the new Kindle), but she was able to get into her science fair yahol mail account and send from there. She watched part of Asbury's service before the nurses interrupted her to have her sit up. She says sitting up is more comfortable and everyone says she looks better but she feels worse (which I suspect may be that she's awake more of the time). She watched Soul on my Disney Plus account (I'd set that up on the Kindle)-and wants a few more things brought over. 

It's so nice to see 🙂. 

[Dmmetler]

And, based on the Disney Plus evidence, she's also watched Toy Story 4 and Star Wars Episode IV 🙂

[Dmmetler]

Just checked with the hospital. They've moved mom to a pressure support setting, so she has to breathe on her own, but it's making it easier, and the next step will be oxygen support after that. She also worked with OT and PT today on sitting up and  just general positioning to make it easier to breathe and regain mobility. So, overall moving in a  positive direction.

Dad tried to go through his USB drives to see if he has anything he can work on and mostly ended up wearing himself out. 

I taught my first day back in person. Three kids were out because they or someone in their family is sick and awaiting a Covid test. One showed up without a mask, but got one when prompted without issue. Otherwise, pretty good day.

[Dmmetler]

We booked plane ticket for Dad to go back to VA for a couple of weeks in Feb, with the plan that he’ll see his doctor and possibly look at rehab/LTC options, get some of the paperwork needed for insurance. My brother will be coming over to stay with him (and since my brother is a disability advocacy attorney, his skill set may be useful). It’s changeable if needed, but it makes Dad feel better. 

[Dmmetler]

Mom had a good day, with more time spent sitting up and working on breathing. She sent some e-mails to Dad and I. 

We ticketed flights for Dad to go home to Harrisonburg Feb 9 (with a lot of flexibility if needed) to try to start getting things together here, and Zack will be coming down to Harrisonburg to provide support as well. Dad was also able to get some book chapters to work on while here. He’s doing better overall, but still fatigues very easily. 

I taught my second day of lessons for this semester. So far, my students and their parents  are very supportive on masking, which I am very grateful for. 

[Innisfree]

I'm glad things are going well, especially your mom's improvement, but also working out details for your dad. It's great that your brother can help out, so one of you can be at each end geographically. Hope the steady progress continues.

[Dmmetler]

The big news is that the current plan is to wean mom off vent support to Oxygen by Friday 🙂. She's also fully passed her neurological evaluations, so things are sounding very positive. 🙂 

[TravelingChris]

That is fantastic news!

[Dmmetler]

Mom's had some stomach issues, which has paused things a bit (they seem to have a hard time recognizing that some tube feeding formulas have gluten).Hopefully, it will get under control and continue moving forward. 

 

She appreciates all the notes and cards :). 

[fraidycat]

4 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

Mom's had some stomach issues, which has paused things a bit (they seem to have a hard time recognizing that some tube feeding formulas have gluten).Hopefully, it will get under control and continue moving forward. 

 

She appreciates all the notes and cards :). 

Oh goodness! 🥲😖 That makes me cringe just thinking about it. I hope they figure it out soon and she gets to the other side of being glutened quickly. 

[Starr]

14 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

they seem to have a hard time recognizing that some tube feeding formulas have gluten).

Ack!

[Faith-manor]

16 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

Oh goodness! 🥲😖 That makes me cringe just thinking about it. I hope they figure it out soon and she gets to the other side of being glutened quickly. 

I know. Thinking about my sister's celiac and my wheat allergy (which is getting worse). Note to self make sure dh and BIL know to speak up about this if we are ever unable to communicate.

[Dmmetler]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

I know. Thinking about my sister's celiac and my wheat allergy (which is getting worse). Note to self make sure dh and BIL know to speak up about this if we are ever unable to communicate.

We have told them this repeatedly, but I guess it didn't transfer from ICU to extended care. Or something. Realistically, I can see how it happens. I don't think anyone would expect tube feeding formulas to be anything but hypoallergenic. Except that apparently at least one formula is. 

[fraidycat]

6 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

We have told them this repeatedly, but I guess it didn't transfer from ICU to extended care. Or something. Realistically, I can see how it happens. I don't think anyone would expect tube feeding formulas to be anything but hypoallergenic. Except that apparently at least one formula is. 

It's probably not possible to have one formula that is 100% hypoallergenic for everyone, as it is possible to be allergic to anything. For example, I cannot have gluten, but my sister can't eat most of my GF foods because she reacts to rice, which is the main replacement grain in crackers, pastas, etc.

I hope they put a large, neon, glow in the dark sticker on your Mom's chart (digital and physical) re:gluten from now on.

[Dmmetler]

I'm going to try to call the case manager and see if we can do exactly that-and maybe bring a nutritionist or someone who can go through and make it clear WHICH formulas are safe. I really suspect what's happening is that maybe things aren't well labeled as to whether they're GF, so whoever is changing our the bags sometimes doesn't link the wheat/gluten allergy tag to what they're doing, and since it's a delayed reaction, it's entirely possible that by the time she starts reacting, she has someone who has switched back, so the labels LOOK fine then. 

 

And it's possible that it's a completely unrelated virus. But the symptoms are exactly what she experiences for gluten. 

 

 

[Dmmetler]

I talked to the case manager. She's going to make sure that nutrition knows about the gluten allergy and make sure there is no gluten in the formula mom is getting. If it turns out she's been getting gluten, then it's mostly a matter of letting the reaction pass and heal, and then they can continue weaning. If it isn't, then we need to figure out what else is going on. 

 

She also said that when Dad and my brother start looking for rehab/long term care options, to look into which can manage a trach, because while the hope is still to wean off the ventilator, she thinks it is very possible that mom may require long term oxygen and that a trach would be a better way of providing that, but not all LTC/rehab situations are capable of managing one.  

 

They are going to revisit visitation after this weekend. I really hope Dad can get in at least a couple of times before he goes back to VA. I think he needs it emotionally, and the case manager thinks it will help mom, too. 

 

I guess everything can't always be positive. 

[Faith-manor]

22 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

I talked to the case manager. She's going to make sure that nutrition knows about the gluten allergy and make sure there is no gluten in the formula mom is getting. If it turns out she's been getting gluten, then it's mostly a matter of letting the reaction pass and heal, and then they can continue weaning. If it isn't, then we need to figure out what else is going on. 

 

She also said that when Dad and my brother start looking for rehab/long term care options, to look into which can manage a trach, because while the hope is still to wean off the ventilator, she thinks it is very possible that mom may require long term oxygen and that a trach would be a better way of providing that, but not all LTC/rehab situations are capable of managing one.  

 

They are going to revisit visitation after this weekend. I really hope Dad can get in at least a couple of times before he goes back to VA. I think he needs it emotionally, and the case manager thinks it will help mom, too. 

 

I guess everything can't always be positive. 

I am so sorry! ❤

[Dmmetler]

And while I'm sure she doesn't mean it, my SIL is really making me feel guilty this morning. Because the fact is, for the last week, since mom moved to Extended care, and we couldn't visit, I've felt safe focusing on working. Because honestly, I couldn't do much more than call in a couple of times a day anyway. And now it looks like a really major ball got dropped in the transfer, and I missed it. And whether she means it or not, saying that "you need to make sure everything is documented" and "you need to stay on them so that nothing gets missed" makes me feel horrible because it's all on me. It's been all on me for the last month. And I can't do it all-especially not via phone while trying to teach 30 private piano and flute students. And dealing with my Dad's post concussive symptoms, but also that he's feeling better and feels guilty for not doing more. And his depression over not being able to see mom. He's getting better at initiating stuff (things like making a sandwich if he's hungry vs just waiting for food to appear). DH is doing a great job of picking up on things (things like putting a casserole in the oven an hour before I'm due home-because otherwise, we'd be eating dinner about 9:00. I've gotten the meal things figured out. I actually felt safe going back to work and have been enjoying getting to teach.

 

And now I feel horribly guilty for doing so. This stinks.

 

[Faith-manor]

5 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

And while I'm sure she doesn't mean it, my SIL is really making me feel guilty this morning. Because the fact is, for the last week, since mom moved to Extended care, and we couldn't visit, I've felt safe focusing on working. Because honestly, I couldn't do much more than call in a couple of times a day anyway. And now it looks like a really major ball got dropped in the transfer, and I missed it. And whether she means it or not, saying that "you need to make sure everything is documented" and "you need to stay on them so that nothing gets missed" makes me feel horrible because it's all on me. It's been all on me for the last month. And I can't do it all-especially not via phone while trying to teach 30 private piano and flute students. And dealing with my Dad's post concussive symptoms, but also that he's feeling better and feels guilty for not doing more. And his depression over not being able to see mom. He's getting better at initiating stuff (things like making a sandwich if he's hungry vs just waiting for food to appear). DH is doing a great job of picking up on things (things like putting a casserole in the oven an hour before I'm due home-because otherwise, we'd be eating dinner about 9:00. I've gotten the meal things figured out. I actually felt safe going back to work and have been enjoying getting to teach.

 

And now I feel horribly guilty for doing so. This stinks.

 

You have done nothing wrong. And frankly, the hospital social worker should.have been on top of this! Not you. It is NUTS and immoral how !such they think untrained, inexperienced family should be expected to do and arrange.

Tell your sister in law I said to take a flying leap off a short pier! If she wants the job done, she can do it herself or shut up!

[Dmmetler]

6 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

You have done nothing wrong. And frankly, the hospital social worker should.have been on top of this! Not you. It is NUTS and immoral how !such they think untrained, inexperienced family should be expected to do and arrange.

Tell your sister in law I said to take a flying leap off a short pier! If she wants the job done, she can do it herself or shut up!

My father doesn't want her having access to the hospital folks, and I think he's right on that. She went through a bad car accident herself as a teen and has long term TBI. So this is bringing back a lot of emotional associations for her. And she doesn't have much, if any, filter. And I know that, and know not to let her get to me. But today, she did.  

 

 

[Kassia]

5 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

And I know that, and know not to let her get to me. But today, she did.  

 

 

That's understandable - you've been through an enormous amount of stress.  Thinking of you.

[Faith-manor]

Big, huge, bear strong type hugs from me to you!!

 

[DreamerGirl]

You're an awesome person and your SIL can go pound sand.

What is it with family making it about themselves when people are in crisis ?

((Hugs))

Glad everything is on the up mostly. 

[Dmmetler]

Ok, it's not gluten-they did indeed keep that change from ICU. Which means it's something else that is upsetting her GI system. And all of the things my SIL was saying do not apply. 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Dmmetler

[Faith-manor]

10 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

Ok, it's not gluten-they did indeed keep that change from ICU. Which means it's something else that is upsetting her GI system. And all of the things my SIL was saying do not apply. 

Well, I don't know what to express. If it was gluten, then it would have been easier to pinpoint. But, not being gluten means your SIL can pound sand double time. 

I am sorry, Dmmelter!

[prairiewindmomma]

Hugs!

[Innisfree]

Sending lots of hugs. I hope tomorrow is better.

[Frances]

7 hours ago, Dmmetler said:

And while I'm sure she doesn't mean it, my SIL is really making me feel guilty this morning. Because the fact is, for the last week, since mom moved to Extended care, and we couldn't visit, I've felt safe focusing on working. Because honestly, I couldn't do much more than call in a couple of times a day anyway. And now it looks like a really major ball got dropped in the transfer, and I missed it. And whether she means it or not, saying that "you need to make sure everything is documented" and "you need to stay on them so that nothing gets missed" makes me feel horrible because it's all on me. It's been all on me for the last month. And I can't do it all-especially not via phone while trying to teach 30 private piano and flute students. And dealing with my Dad's post concussive symptoms, but also that he's feeling better and feels guilty for not doing more. And his depression over not being able to see mom. He's getting better at initiating stuff (things like making a sandwich if he's hungry vs just waiting for food to appear). DH is doing a great job of picking up on things (things like putting a casserole in the oven an hour before I'm due home-because otherwise, we'd be eating dinner about 9:00. I've gotten the meal things figured out. I actually felt safe going back to work and have been enjoying getting to teach.

 

And now I feel horribly guilty for doing so. This stinks.

 

I’m so sorry your SIL was so rude and inappropriate and added to your stress. You are going above and beyond for your parents and I’m sure they are very grateful.

Does the hospital where your mom is staying have free nurse care coordinators? My mom’s was a lifesaver for the family when she was hospitalized several times during the fall of 2020.