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Our Christmas Miracle

dirty ethel rackham

By dirty ethel rackham,
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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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A little background ...

For the past 12 years, Christmas has been hard.  My mom passed away in December of 2009 and she was the glue that held together my Christmas traditions.  My siblings started to do their own thing after that or do things that weren't inclusive of my family.  We tried to have the attitude that family is who you choose, but when K got sick, those friendships were strained and those holiday traditions were no longer open to us.  We tried to find joy with our family, but it was different.  K can't stand Christmas music so we would be decorating the tree without music.  Then she was hostile to the holiday all together and there was so much tension.  She was hostile towards me and towards my oldest, accusing us of all sorts of things that were untrue.   And then in March of 2019, our relationship was shattered and she left our lives.  She went no-contact under very difficult circumstances.  I didn't know where she was, if she had a place to live, how she was feeding herself, etc.   The only way I knew she was alive was if she spent money since I'm still on her account.  

The next 2 Christmases were so awful.  We tried hard to find joy.  My son came in both years.  My youngest daughter led the charge on baking, decorating, etc.  I felt like I was going through the motions, trying to smile instead of sob.  

We started to hear from her in the fall of 2020.  In the winter of 2020, she and her household all got Covid, so I made up several large batches of soup, bought a bunch of groceries, medicines, cleaning supplies, etc and dropped them off for her household.  I think that finally got through to her that, through it all, we cared.  Things with K started to improve last January and she started coming over for dinner.  In March, she experienced a major trauma and came back to live with us.  It has been hard having her here, but at least we know she is safe.  She has learned some less hostile ways of letting us know when she was struggling so we wouldn't take it personally.  We have been working toward getting her into an apartment - she has one now, but has been staying with us and only sleeping there occasionally.  (Problems with the water heater, not having internet access set up, etc.)  

This December has been challenging.  I've been dealing with a stress fracture in my foot (and I'm worried that it is osteoporosis since we can't find another cause.)  I had to have an ovarian cyst removed the middle of this month (surgery was laparoscopic.)  While the surgery went well, despite a nasty cough from being intubated, and the foot is nearly healed, I have very little energy. Nobody has been forthcoming about what they want for Christmas.  Dd came home from college and she got sick.  Fortunately it isn't Covid.  But she has been sick on and off (strep 3 times) since mid-October.  She really has not had a lot of energy to help with baking and stuff.  

I was sure this Christmas was going to be a bust.  My recovery meant I was so behind on stuff. DD didn't have the energy to pick up the slack like she usually did.  I was fearful about whether or not K was going to spend time in her apartment and leave space for Ds to be here.  Dh wasn't busy just doing the day-to-day stuff and wasn't helpful with planning.  Maybe I had spent so much of the last few Christmases grieving what we lost ... maybe we had hit rock bottom.  

So, what is this miracle?   

We are having a lovely Christmas.  It is majorly scaled back.  I won't be seeing any extended family.  There aren't any friends to see.  But, K and ds are getting along well. K started staying at the apartment to let and coming back to spend time with us, which has allowed ds to have the guest room.  K and dd are baking tonight.  Dh came through helping with gifts.  There are way more than I expected under the tree.  We have had several lovely dinners together.  I was able to let go of my perfectionist attitude, not feeling sorry for myself about everything that is different,  and really enjoy my family being together under one roof and we are all smiling. 

I'm truly grateful. 

Merry Christmas to my WTM family.  I appreciate all the wisdom, love, and support through the years.    

 

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J-rap

J-rap

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I just wanted to say, that I think that's how the miracle of Christmas plays out.  That is, YOU exhibited an unconditional, gracious love that probably wasn't always easy, that at times probably felt like it went against everything you believed.  But you let love be the driving force.  I'm so happy for you!!

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Harriet Vane

Harriet Vane

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I am so happy to hear from you. Grieved for all the continuing pain. Absolutely delighted to hear of improvements and especially of your connection as a family right now. Warm hugs for you—I’m so happy for you right now.

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