Terabith Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 My family of four are spending the holiday with my parents, my aunt with dementia, and my sister, her husband and three children. The plan for food for Christmas Eve and Christmas, lunch and dinner, is “snack type food.” This is fine. For days I have been trying to nail down the food. We had finger sandwiches and fruit at my sister’s for lunch. For dinner tonight, we are having cold cut sandwiches, two apples, and two containers of strawberries. This leaves us with two small containers of chicken salad and 60 nuggets for lunch AND dinner tomorrow, for 12 people. There will be no bread for tomorrow. Every time I have tried to raise the point that this isn’t enough food, I have been majorly rebuffed. It’s been implied that I’m being unreasonable and greedy. I am just incredibly frustrated by this. I had offered to shop, to prepare a meal, and had tried to show with math that this isn’t enough. I was told I’m high maintenance. Arg. I am not out of line, am I? 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 What in the world? 12 people are sharing a little bit of chicken salad and 60 nuggets for an entire day?? Any chance they’ve got a turkey hidden somewhere? I think tomorrow for lunch, I’d hit a Waffle House with my crew. There’s no way that’s enough food. I’d be irritated. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Just out of curiosity, how do you think it will go down tomorrow when all the chicken nuggets get eaten at lunch? 21 minutes ago, Terabith said: had tried to show with math that this isn’t enough LOL! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Can you just go to the store? Pick up some rolls and snack type foods. If it isn’t eaten or needed just use it for your trip home. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 Oh! Just found out that my brother in law’s sister will also be here. 13 people! I have a kid that usually eats 12 nuggets at a sitting. I’ve been over here whispering that nobody can have more than three nuggets tomorrow. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said: Can you just go to the store? Pick up some rolls and snack type foods. If it isn’t eaten or needed just use it for your trip home. Well, the store is closed now. I had planned to do that yesterday but was told that under no circumstances was I to do that, because it would be “too much.” 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 @TerabithI don't have words...this is ridiculous! What are they thinking? I mean, it's not even close to what you'll need. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Chinese takeout tomorrow? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Oh my gosh, I’m laughing here because the disaster is coming and it’s unavoidable at this point! Do you have a car with you? Sounds like a trip to 7-11 or McDonald’s is in your future! If no car, since you’ve been rebuffed, sounds like you just need to order enough on Door Dash for just your family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 I say you quietly send dh to a drug store or gas station for "feminine supplies", I.e. food snacks that can be discreetly eaten in your rooms, and then quietly sit back and watch how it all gets handled. Practice now saying, "Hmmm." and "Huh!" for tomorrow. My apologies right now if it gets handled by blaming everything on you and your "fancy food math"! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Gosh. I have been to events where the hosts were insistant about having “heavy appetizers” and it never works out. One time I remember everybody scarfed up the meatballs in about fifteen minutes because it was the only substantial thing to eat and people were hungry. Nobody (in the US anyway) goes to a holiday party expecting to nibble on a couple of crackers and call it good. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Quill said: Gosh. I have been to events where the hosts were insistant about having “heavy appetizers” and it never works out. One time I remember everybody scarfed up the meatballs in about fifteen minutes because it was the only substantial thing to eat and people were hungry. Nobody (in the US anyway) goes to a holiday party expecting to nibble on a couple of crackers and call it good. Especially when it’s for 36 hours! 2 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 I think Chinese takeout is likely. I hope so anyway. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Anyone have visions of Denny’s from The Santa Clause? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Please tell me there’s a Chinese restaurant nearby 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 I'm really confused as to why you let these people keep you from buying food. If I were you, I'd get it in writing, right now, that under no circumstances will anybody blame you for the hunger tomorrow if you refrain from audibly saying you told them so. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Be hangry tomorrow so as to teach them a lesson for future years? 😉🤫 I would definitely sneak out to get plenty of snacks from the gas station, if nothing else. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 For my group of 15, I usually do a charcuterie board with meats, cheeses and crackers, an olive platter with various olives and cheeses, a fruit platter with six or seven types of fruit, deviled eggs, pigs in a blanket, some chips and dips and a full holiday meal on Christmas day alone plus I have various snacks and desserts set out all day. Most of the food is eaten in a day or two. I cannot imagine thinking that that is enough food for that many people for that long of a period of time or anyone caring if you wanted to get more food. People are strange. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 This is bringing back memories of Christmas dinner when I was a kid and us hitting the McDonalds drive thru. One of my grandparents fixed the same amount for 3 people for 3 times that. It was a potato a piece, a thin slice of ham, etc per person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Do the Chinese take out. This isn’t a fasting holiday!!! Is this how your family usually is? Mine always goes overboard (on purpose) so I’d be super concerned if they were suddenly weird about food. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Go get some popcorn and bread for toast and take a cue from snoopy’s thanksgiving 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 20 minutes ago, TexasProud said: Anyone have visions of Denny’s from The Santa Clause? My husband and I have eaten Christmas dinner in a Denny's. We had traveled to see my sister and her family, and our mother, and were staying with mom, who kept very little food in the house. We had an early Christmas dinner at lunchtime, then were sent home with no leftovers. So, off to Denny's we went. At least our 6-month old got enough to eat (nursling). 10 minutes ago, Tanaqui said: I'm really confused as to why you let these people keep you from buying food. If I were you, I'd get it in writing, right now, that under no circumstances will anybody blame you for the hunger tomorrow if you refrain from audibly saying you told them so. We we used to visit my in-laws, we would bring snacks in our luggage and keep it in our room. They are very weird about food, and we never got enough to eat when we stayed with them. Well, to be fair, there were certain things we would not eat, like the perpetual fruit salad that just got stuff added to it daily, like half a banana left over from breakfast, but apparently was never finished, emptied, bowl washed and started over. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 You are not out of line. I was once fed a slice of white bread with Mayo and a slice of tomato for lunch… We left on a quick “errand” and had lunch while we were out. I wouldn’t be above ordering door dash. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longtime Lurker Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Terabith said: had tried to show with math that this isn’t enough Sadly, I have learned over the past two years that math is no longer convincing 😞 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Idk. At some point it’s not on them. You know you need food and they have no plans to provide it. I wouldn’t ask permission to get food for my family. I’d have just gone and done it. Chances are somewhere will be open tomorrow. I or Dh would go shopping asap in the am of Christmas Day and resolve the issue. I’d also order out if need be. Hangry people are no fun, holidays or not. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Terabith said: I’ve been over here whispering that nobody can have more than three nuggets tomorrow. I am sorry that you are going through this. Your description brings back suppressed memories of fun times at my IL's. My MIL used to cook petite portions of food to feed 5 adults because my DH and I ate so little anyway (because we were slim, she assumed that we ate very little and went around saying so), she was always feeling ill and not hungry anyway and it was only FIL who had a "man's appetite" (her words) - true to form, FIL used to finish off the lion's share of the dinner, my DH never showing interest and moving on to snacks right after dinner and me eating tiny scraps while my DH's married sister and her grown son sometimes popped in to share the tiny portions! She used to chop quarter of an onion and half a tomato to make her dinner dish with! Depending on where you are visiting right now, there ought to be Chinese, Thai and Indian restaurants/buffets/takeouts open all of tonight and tomorrow. Another option is to buy some groceries or supplies if food emergency arises tomorrow at international markets, ethnic grocers or 24 hour grocery stores/pharmacy stores. Good luck and I wish you more peace for the rest of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 My MIL has done strange things with food over the years and would be HIGHLY offended if you brought food. She also eats mostly only carbs, nothing that sticks. I started bringing my own food while pregnant and just dealt with the anger. Another in-law also had reasonable meal portions for grown ups, but not enough for my growing kids, and she didn’t allow her kids to snack at that point. They were fine, but my kids were starving. We weren’t frequent guests and didn’t stay long, so we got through. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Terabith said: Well, the store is closed now. I had planned to do that yesterday but was told that under no circumstances was I to do that, because it would be “too much.” Um, why would someone tell you not do go to the store? People with healthy dynamics say things like, "I don't think that's necessary, but you can do whatever you want." 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Stacia said: Be hangry tomorrow so as to teach them a lesson for future years? 😉🤫 I would definitely sneak out to get plenty of snacks from the gas station, if nothing else. Hungry relatives aren’t fun to have around. My supermarket down the street is open tomorrow or I would go to 7Eleven and get a few boxes of instant noodles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 It's just sooo weird. Why would someone not make a huge amount of food so they can have leftovers for a couple of days and avoid cooking? I don't mean just leftovers for the host, I mean leftovers so everyone takes home food containers that they brought for leftovers for a couple of days. Are you visiting Wonderland for Christmas? How's the white rabbit doing these days? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 It will be fine. There’s plenty of candy. It’s possible my sister has plans I am not privy to. We are going to a movie tomorrow, so we can go get something then. I suspect Chinese will happen. I learned a long time ago that there’s no point in going against what my mom thinks. My kids are 16 and 18, so they are old enough to understand and to deal with hunger for a bit. It would be an entirely different situation if they were little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 We had this happen. That super stinks. I understand about being told that you can't bring more food in; in fact, that they won't allow more food in their house. I'd probably be ready to take my family "to the park" and go out to eat, and then bring snacks to store in the car. If you bring food in, just say something about kids are growing, but yeah it probably won't go over great. I hope you aren't there too long. As people get older, sometimes their concept of a serving shrinks. They may see 2 chicken nuggets as overfilling. While it's not reasonable to hold people to that standard, they could have a completely distorted view. If 2 chicken salads plus nuggets would be eaten for a week and maybe still have some go bad, maybe they can't comprehend a "whole week's work of food" being eaten in a day. A funnier story: my parents went to a "party" hosted by my dad's cousin and his wife. There were 20+ people there. Anyway, my parents brought a deli tray as a contribution/hostess gift. The wife took, it, said thank you, and walked it down the hallway and put it in a closed room. When my parents got to the main area of the party, there was one small table with a plate on it. The plate had 14 slices of cucumber on it. It was arranged "nicely" and had obviously not been touched. Next to the plate of cucumber was a stack of snack plates. There was also water from the tap available. My parents saw at least 3 other couples bring food that was promptly whisked away to another room, so on the whole the cousin turned a food profit from the whole thing, lol. Anyway they don't go to parties there anymore. 4 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Dementia? When MIL was starting to experience dementia, we visited on Christmas Eve one year. We arrived after lunch, with a four year old, and by 6:30 or 7:00 when it was clear no food was going to magically appear, not even snacks, I suggested we order pizza from an allergy safe place. MIL was insistent that we not inconvenience the drivers on Christmas Eve. We offered to pick it up — same thing. We left around maybe 8:00, and tried to find a restaurant on the way home but nothing was open that was safe for the allergy kid. Two long hours later, we hit a town with a restaurant we could make work for the allergies. I think it was the start of her dementia, really. Be the hero tomorrow who says, "Let's order out!" to all the other hangry people. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 It’s not dementia. Honestly, this isn’t really new behavior. It’s just stressful and I can’t wait to go home. My mom is stressed by her sister’s dementia. My parents are good people, but my mom has very peculiar views about the world and how things should work, and she doesn’t let reality really interfere with that. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Sorry you have to deal with this. If you are going to the movies tomorrow, you will be fine. Movie theaters, these days, have so much food. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Far be it from me to tell you how to live your life - no, who am I kidding, I love telling people how to live their lives. If your mother is utterly unreasonable, stop trying to reason with her. If you feel you have to be there for the holidays next year, bring your own food without telling her in advance and feign deafness if she tries to complain. You learned "there's no point" in going against your mom, but you taught her that she can get away with everything because there will be no meaningful pushback. Even your mother can learn. But, you know, that's just how I'd do things. 9 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 What is it about food that makes some people nuts? my advice… unless you want your kids to only associate granny’s house with food weirdness, just quietly take care of the food without saying anything. Don’t ask permission. Just do it. theres some weird things that my kids eternally associate with their grandma because of this kind of nonsense, and it crowds out many of the good memories. No need to make a big deal out of stuff, don’t even announce that it’s going to happen. Just show up with extra food. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 We always plan additional food when visiting my MIL. It used to be that we were “eating at noon” but it would end up being 3 or 4 — that didn’t cut it for my scheduled kids, lol. We’d hit McD’s for a pre-lunch lunch on the way over. 😉 Nowadays, we simply don’t care for the food served there, so we pack some snacks and plan a 7-eleven run afterwards. It’s become part of tradition. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 People are so weird about food and holidays. I am sorry you are stuck dealing with this. There is weirdness about food at my dad's house. It's always a friction point and it's exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 8 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said: What is it about food that makes some people nuts? my advice… unless you want your kids to only associate granny’s house with food weirdness, just quietly take care of the food without saying anything. Don’t ask permission. Just do it. theres some weird things that my kids eternally associate with their grandma because of this kind of nonsense, and it crowds out many of the good memories. No need to make a big deal out of stuff, don’t even announce that it’s going to happen. Just show up with extra food. Honestly, if the only thing my kids associate with Grammy and Pops's house is food weirdness, we'll be doing great. There's been a constant barrage of how my sister's kids are so much better than mine. There was also a major temper tantrum from my mom because when my 8 year old nephew slept over on the couch, we made him up a bed with a throw blanket and one of my husband's pillows because he was falling asleep on the couch while my mom in the shower. My mom was like, "It's like I'm the only person in the house who knows where anything is located." It turns out we could not find the bedding she had appropriated for him because she had put it in the dining room. Go figure. And no, this really, truly is not new behavior, unless by new you mean since 1982. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Do your kids... do they want to keep going over there? Because if they're okay tapering off visits to your parents, I'd stop going. It sounds massively stressful if you have to live it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 I'd be done. Come over an hour or two for presents and leave. There's no point in being a hungry black sheep. She'll get more satisfaction from complaining about how awful you are while you stay home with a full, happy, stress-free belly. 9 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 13 minutes ago, Katy said: I'd be done. Come over an hour or two for presents and leave. There's no point in being a hungry black sheep. She'll get more satisfaction from complaining about how awful you are while you stay home with a full, happy, stress-free belly. This is so true of this type of person. They aren't happy unless they are miserable! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Can you hit the pantry and see what else is hiding there? Make pancakes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 For my mom, this was a combination being a control freak, particularly around food, and her own appetite declining with age. Plus, if you're having 3 -4 glasses of wine across the evening, that's half your calorie needs, but she doesn't take that into account. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 26 minutes ago, Katy said: I'd be done. Come over an hour or two for presents and leave. There's no point in being a hungry black sheep. She'll get more satisfaction from complaining about how awful you are while you stay home with a full, happy, stress-free belly. It's an 11 hour drive each way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 1 minute ago, Terabith said: It's an 11 hour drive each way. I'm sorry, that stinks. Luckily your kids are old enough they'll be a good excuse for skipping it whenever you're ready. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 25, 2021 Author Share Posted December 25, 2021 Just now, Katy said: I'm sorry, that stinks. Luckily your kids are old enough they'll be a good excuse for skipping it whenever you're ready. Yeah. We will see. I mean, I know my mom loves all of us. And it's not like she's personally happy either. It's just challenging and fraught. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 Hugs, Terabith. Hoping something happens tomorrow & the food situation will be better than you anticipate & be stress-free (or less stressful). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 25, 2021 Share Posted December 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Terabith said: I think Chinese takeout is likely. I hope so anyway. 5 hours ago, Katy said: Please tell me there’s a Chinese restaurant nearby Am I the only person who lives where most Chinese restaurants are owned by Christians who take Christmas off? Seriously, I have tried ordering Chinese on Christmas and everywhere nearby was closed - and we do seem to have a lot of churches and services here in various Asian languages...so yeah...no Chinese food for us 😞 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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