Losing a cat today.

[Jenny in Florida]

Our elder cat (15 years old) has been seeming a bit more frail for a while. This is the one who doesn't like people (other than my son, my husband and, grudgingly, me) is really unpredictable about biting/scratching and freaks out every time we make him leave the house. For years, because I know the odds are good I will walk away injured if I have to pick him up, I have literally had stress dreams in which an emergency occurs and I have to force him into a pet carrier before we can run away. He has sent two vet techs and me to ERs with bites and scratches and managed --despite notes in his record and my husband's firm warnings about using extreme caution when handling him -- to draw blood from the vet just this week. So, we tend to take him to the vet only when necessary. However, as of a few months ago when he had surgery to remove what turned out to be a benign growth, he seemed pretty healthy for a senior cat.

Things took a turn last weekend, though, and I insisted he go get seen on Monday. He had been peeing outside the littler box, spending lots of time hiding in the closet in my husband's office/craft room and seemed to be losing weight.

The vet (after she bandaged herself and did a mild sedation) did an exam and blood work and diagnosed end-stage kidney failure. She sent my husband and the cat home with a brochure for a pet hospice agency and recommended we consider euthanasia. My son, who was always closest to the cat when he still lived at home, came over to visit with the intention of saying goodbye, but assessed that he wasn't sure the cat was actually ready to go yet. He asked us to hold off until it was really clear.

When I went to check on the cat before bed last night, I was honestly not sure he was going to make it until this morning. He was very wobbly and just seemed out of it. He wandered into the bedroom just after 4:00 am meowing loudly and demanding my attention. As soon as they opened, I called the hospice people to try and get some advice. They were very kind and mostly not helpful, except to advise me that, because this cat is aggressive, they would need a lead time of as much as 48 hours to put a plan in place to make an at-home euthanasia work for him and be safe for their vet, I called our regular vet (twice), and ended up scheduling an appointment to take him there this afternoon. If he's in pain, I don't want him to have to wait two days.

This cat came into our home as an anniversary gift for me. He was supposed to be "my" cat, but he spent years actively disliking and avoiding me. Only when our son first did some travelling with his choir and then moved out for college did he discover that he could demand attention and pets from me even after my husband conked out for the night. After all that time of fruitlessly hoping he would like me, it has seemed magical to me every single time he jumps up into my lap or otherwise decides to spend time with me. (It's been less magical when he has left me with scrapes, bites and scars, but still . . .)

He never accepted my dog, who came into the family a couple of years after he did, and life with the two of them in a house often means the humans have to run interference, closing and opening doors and generally preventing bloodshed while one beasty or the other relocates from one end of the house to the other.

I'm going to miss him a surprising amount.

 

Edited December 17, 2021 by Jenny in Florida

[Selkie]

I'm sorry, it's so hard to lose an old friend. You are doing the right thing for him by having it done today rather than waiting.

[Innisfree]

I'm so sorry. Yes, you're doing the right thing, though it's always hard. Sending hugs.

[Spryte]

I’m so sorry. 

[Katy]

I’m sorry.  

[readinmom]

I am so sorry...know how difficult this is for your heart.  Hugs to you...

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I'm so sorry. Sending gentle hugs.

[I talk to the trees]

I’m so sorry! 

[73349]

I'm sorry. We lost ours a week ago today.

[Carrie12345]

Oh, I’m sorry!
This is our first Christmas without my pain in the butt, attempted-murderer (only ever of me) cat. He had stood guard under our Christmas tree for 14 years. I’m missing the poor jerk.

It’s amazing the hold these little monsters have on us.

[regentrude]

I am sorry.

[Catwoman]

I’m so sorry, Jenny. Sending hugs. It’s so hard, and being right around Christmas makes it even worse. 😞 

[fraidycat]

I'm sorry. It's amazing how much one can love even the biggest of jerks. 

[Kassia]

I'm so sorry.  😞

[Terabith]

I'm so sorry.  This is so hard.  

[MooCow]

I'm sorry. 😢

[stephanier.1765]

I am so incredibly sorry! We had to put one of our cats to sleep last year on Christmas Eve. It was horrendous and the only time I was glad their was a pandemic because that meant I didn't have to socialize with people the next day. We had tried everything to save him but it wasn't enough. Shoot, just writing this is making me cry. Losing a pet is so hard. My heart goes out to you today. To your all whole family.

[Jenny in Florida]

Thank you for the commiseration and reassurance. 

There's been a ton of other life-stuff happening this week, and I think I'm just so unable to deal meaningfully with all of it that I have existed in a kind of "do-the-next-thing," Zen state for most of the day. However, I just got to the end of my must-do list and am counting down to less than two hours from now, and I'm starting to have trouble holding it together. 

Watching and listening to him today, though, it is solidifying my presumption that we are making the right decision. He's clearly just miserable and looks so shrunken and rumpled. 

Poor dude. 

[Catwoman]

It’s going to be a long two hours, but I hope you’ll be able to spend that time cuddling your precious cat while you’re waiting. 

Sending more hugs.

[Annie G]

I’m so sorry. 

[wintermom]

I'm very sorry. It's so hard to lose a pet. 

[MercyA]

I'm so sorry. He has been beyond blessed to have a home with you and you are doing the right thing. 

I still miss my little biter. Animals like humans are imperfect but all deserving of love. ❤️

[Harriet Vane]

So sorry, Jenny. 

[Jenny in Florida]

Thank you again, everyone. I cried a lot more than I anticipated, to be honest. I loved the cat in the way that you love any fuzzy, warm, purring thing that lives with you for an extended period of time, but he was never "my cat."

It was hard and extremely sad. I was okay more or less until I pulled into the vet's parking lot and had to check in at the desk. The vet's staff was absolutely lovely, getting us into a room right away already equipped with a cozy blanket on the table. They explained to me gently but thoroughly exactly what to expect. 

When they gave him the sedative/pain-killer, they said it might take as long as 15 minutes for him to be relaxed and out of it enough to do the injection, but he took just a couple of wobbly steps and conked out. I honestly think he was just exhausted and ready to rest. 

I stayed with him, petting and talking to him, all the way through. 

As hard as it was, seeing how quickly and peacefully it went, I left feeling secure that we made the right decision for him. I'm glad I could be there for him.

Edited December 20, 2021 by Jenny in Florida

[MercyA]

Jenny, I'm thankful it went so smoothly. I know it is never easy. Hugs to you. ❤️

[itsheresomewhere]

I am so sorry.  He sounds like he lived a great life and made an impression on anyone he met ( maybe a few of those might have been a painful impression). Thank you for being a great pet owner.