When you have a gift exchange with a specified dollar amount?

[teachermom2834]

Do you go by the dollar amount of what you actually spend or a roughly retail value? Do you stick to the limit? 

I’m a bargain shopper and I pick up things when I have deals and sometimes I worry that it looks like too much. I don’t want to be that person that overdoes it at the gift exchange and makes it awkward or unequal. That said, other people often seem to do more so if you really buy a $10 gift it can look puny. 

I usually will send something I got with a deal so it is nice but not something way over the price limit in value. It’s hard to buy a $10 gift these days that looks like much. 

What do you do? Do you stick to the limit? Buy a little something extra like candy to throw in that actually ups the limit? Use a coupon to give a $10 gift that really was more like $15-$20? 

I don’t know why this always seems harder than it should be. Especially now that candy and snacks can be tricky with the number of dietary restrictions people have. Add in needing something gender neutral and good for variety of ages and it can just seem hard.

(For the record, for this particular exchange dd is taking a gender neutral throw blanket I got on Black Friday for less than $10 but is quite nice- but not as nice as Air pods or something 😂- so I feel okay about this particular exchange but I have found it tricky in the past).
 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

I do the limit, no matter if I bargain shop or not.  But I also don't include shipping or tax.

Ds has a gift exchange tonight and this weekend.  He picked out both gifts: a "survival kit" in a can, that got a generous helping of candy on top of that in the bag.  His limit was $15, and that was the exact cost of the kit, but.....candy.  😄 It helps to disguise it. 

The other gift should be fabulous, though. They're doing a Secret Santa where the drew names, and he was nervous. But it's a game I found on Etsy where the creator customized it for the recipient.  It was exactly his limit, but I had a credit for the shipping that I applied, so..still fits?  It was hard for him to find something that didn't fall into that weird gap of boy/girl gift giving with "intentions" or treated her as one of the guys or was very impersonal.

[MercyA]

If the limit is $10, I wouldn't go over $15 retail value or what looks like approximately that.

I mentioned this on another thread, but I was so, so embarrassed years ago when we were told over and over to stick to a $10 limit for one exchange. I did. Other people brought gifts that were probably worth $40 at least. I felt like a cheapskate! I would have happily spent more but was trying to be compliant, especially because I knew there were people with limited incomes participating.

ETA: Yes to not including shipping cost. 

Edited December 14, 2021 by MercyA

[TheReader]

I try and stick close to the stated limit, like MercyA said. If you get some bargain thing that is really a value of double or more the limit, that can make those who stuck to it feel bad. 

Those things are so hard. 

[HS Mom in NC]

The point is to keep gifts to scale, so go with retail price.  Everyone isn't going to have time to bargain shop-most people won't.  I'm sure quite a few will buy something on the way to the event. The whole idea to make sure no one's gift is obviously more than the others, so please keep within the spirit of the limit for the sake of everyone else's feelings.

And the person who put it together and set the limit IS judging those who didn't keep to spirit of the limit and caused revealed or disguised discomfort in participants who did keep to the spirit of it.  I have personally heard more than one vent about it after the fact and debate whether or not do even bother doing it again or to cut the guest list next time to only people who can follow directions.  I've also heard participants talk about how much they hate these exchanges because at least one person completely disregards the limit and everyone else's feelings. 

[teachermom2834]

Yeah that is why I really don’t like these things. It seems people don’t stick to it and it leaves those who did looking cheap. Especially if it is one that involves stealing gifts. Then someone is sitting there with the actual true value gift that no one wants and of course the person that brought that feels bad. 
 

Those of us with some degree of social anxiety hate these things. We don’t want to bring a higher value gift and have people mad but we are embarrassed to bring the worst gift either. Wish people would just quit these things but I realize it is one of the go-to activities for Christmas parties. 
 

I firmly expected TWTM boardies to say they stuck to the limit. Would be easier if I had y’all to hang out with in real life!

[Carrie12345]

I’d say there’s multiple factors for me.
If a $25 retail candle is routinely on sale Buy 2 Get 2, I would NOT feel weird gifting one in a $10 limit.   
But I would feel super weird if, say, I scored a less recognizable deal on a clearly higher end gift. A sale price, 30% off and expiring Kohl’s cash might make a $60 kitchen gadget only $5 out of my pocket, but it’s still far from the spirit of the rules. 

[Faith-manor]

I don't like gift exchanges for this reason. I am the boring one...well back when we attended these things, and would buy a $10 gift card to Target or Amazon.

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, Faith-manor said:

I don't like gift exchanges for this reason. I am the boring one...well back when we attended these things, and would buy a $10 gift card to Target or Amazon.

I think everyone would appreciate and use those, though!  

[Emba]

I try to keep to the limit, or only a dollar or two over.  I go by retail value, not how much I spent. I hate the upward creep that seems to happen with this stuff, so I try to not contribute to it, especially in Christmas party situations where the gift is not for a particular recipient, and can’t be tailored to their wants/tastes. I hate spending more than $10 on a gift that I can’t be sure they’ll even like. All of the obligatory gift giving this time of year irritates me, though. 

[HomeAgain]

26 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I don't like gift exchanges for this reason. I am the boring one...well back when we attended these things, and would buy a $10 gift card to Target or Amazon.

Surprisingly, those are the most popular gifts. 🙂  The snack stand at my kid's practice sells cards to the kids.  Their names are put on them and kept in a file, so when a kid wants a snack they just pull the card and mark off the dollar amount used. You want to know what the most coveted present is in the gift exchange? 😄 The last one we attended two years ago had the kids stealing the card until the end of the game.

[Tap]

I go with the perceived value of the gift, not what I paid for it. Unless.....The price is higher solely because of brand. Because people in my family, aren't really brand specific people, so they don't always recognize a more expensive item. For example, we used to do a white elephant gift exchange with dh family. I had to provide 5(!) gifts because there were 5 of us. I got so sick of trying to find 5 separate $20 gifts. Over the years, I just started spending what I wanted to spend to make it easy on me. The actual price I spent, was often hidden by the brand of the item. For example: A nice reusable stainless steel water bottle and a small bag of coffee, was over $20 because it was a Hydroflask. But a water bottle and coffee are a fairly standard $20 gift so I didn't feel bad overspending. I often did a baking dish and brownie mix, but again, the dish was Le Creuset brand that I bought at TJ Maxx. So, yes still over budget, but not super expensive based on where I bought it.

I was happier giving and knowing people would actually like thier gift, than trying to stay under budget and struggling to buy desirable gifts. 

There was only one person in our gift exchange that seemed to low ball the gift. It was really obvious, and that person's gift usually didn't get stolen. They would get something at Ross (or maybe even a garage sale), and it would probably be tagged for the original price of more than $20, but they spent maybe $5-10. Since I hosted the holiday and the gift exchange, I always tried to be the last person to steal a gift. This person was not poor, they were just frugal. I would steal their gift to make sure they didn't go home with thier own gift, then I just donated it to Goodwill after the party. It would be odd ball collectors plates with Coca-Cola designs, a black and gold clutch purse, a wood jewelry box etc. 

[teachermom2834]

45 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I’d say there’s multiple factors for me.
If a $25 retail candle is routinely on sale Buy 2 Get 2, I would NOT feel weird gifting one in a $10 limit.   
But I would feel super weird if, say, I scored a less recognizable deal on a clearly higher end gift. A sale price, 30% off and expiring Kohl’s cash might make a $60 kitchen gadget only $5 out of my pocket, but it’s still far from the spirit of the rules. 

That’s how I feel too. Like if I buy something from Kohls with a sticker price of $20, surely everyone knows it didn’t really cost $20. But I wouldn’t go buy a $50 item with Kohls cash.

[HomeAgain]

Thought I would share how the gift exchange went tonight. Out of 10 kids, 6 brought headlamps,so there was a definite staying in the dollar limit. 😄 DS already had a headlamp and opted to trade with another kid for a handful of glow in the dark tent stakes and an ornament.  It was a decision momentarily regretted during the last 15-20 minutes of the meeting as they played in the dark school yard. 😉

I'm slightly relieved at how well it all worked out.  Now, on to the next one.

[vonfirmath]

36 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Thought I would share how the gift exchange went tonight. Out of 10 kids, 6 brought headlamps,so there was a definite staying in the dollar limit. 😄 DS already had a headlamp and opted to trade with another kid for a handful of glow in the dark tent stakes and an ornament.  It was a decision momentarily regretted during the last 15-20 minutes of the meeting as they played in the dark school yard. 😉

I'm slightly relieved at how well it all worked out.  Now, on to the next one.

I have found gift exchanges with kids are more fraught than adults.

 

With adults -- the exchange IS the gift. (not what you go home with). You make memories over the game,e tc. If you end up going home with something useful, great! Otherwise, you got your fun out of the game. 

But with kids we've done things like "Bring a pair of socks. Bring a favorite book to share. Bring a game" -- more specific and not just a price

 

[footballmom]

I try to stick to the $ amount for my out of pocket costs and pick something that is the best quality I can get at that price point. So, if I was going to a gift exchange and I know several people going like to cook, I might check Costco the next time I’m there for a good price on a recently released / popular cook book.  I guess I’m in the moderate camp? I’m not going to knock myself out finding the 1 90% off cashmere sweater to bring to the next gift exchange, but try to maximize my spend power if that makes sense.

if the limit were, say, $15 and I found a $25 item for $10, I might tuck a candy bar in with it to “be fair” to the $15 spend.

[mathnerd]

I go with what I paid for. I sent some fancy Japanese stationary for my DS's gift exchanges and I got them on a clearance sale a few months ago and had hoarded them - the value of the gifts were more than $20 each, which was the price limit, but I am happy that the recipient got something that they might not normally buy for themselves. In return, DS got many high end chocolates and edibles as gifts and he is thrilled to have so many goodies.

[HomeAgain]

8 hours ago, vonfirmath said:

I have found gift exchanges with kids are more fraught than adults.

 

With adults -- the exchange IS the gift. (not what you go home with). You make memories over the game,e tc. If you end up going home with something useful, great! Otherwise, you got your fun out of the game. 

But with kids we've done things like "Bring a pair of socks. Bring a favorite book to share. Bring a game" -- more specific and not just a price

 

Yes!  This one was scouts, so kids ages 11-17, with the only rec that it be "something related to scouting".  It's our first year with this troop so we didn't know if that's a suggestion usually taken or something the adults say and the kids ignore.  But finding something that both new scouts could enjoy and older scouts might not already have proved to be a challenge.

At least we know for next year.  Ds has already decided what to bring: a knot tying game we found on Rainbow Resource for him (but couldn't get another in time this year) and a bundle of p-cord.  I think every scout will be just fine in the headlamp department after this exchange, so no need to do that again.😄

[QueenCat]

I  hunt and will get a great gift for that $10-20 limit. I've noticed that most people do the same thing. It's more odd to not have done so, from my personal experiences.

[Farrar]

Stick to the limit or don't go more than a little over. I wouldn't feel bad about a good bargain buy though. If you find a $30 item for $12, I think that's actually fine.

[HS Mom in NC]

Speaking of:

 

[rebcoola]

We stick to rules and limits. Other people do not which is how we wound up with a new Betta fish.  It was supposed to $5 and useful.