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Is challenging bright kids essential?


AurieD
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My child is not homeschooled or accelerated but this still seemed like a good place to ask this question.

I have a very bright 7 year old, she goes to public school and enjoys it. But she is not being challenged at all. Is this a problem if she is happy and learning? We do try and work at doing things that will challenge her at home. But it is a hard slog, she does not like challenge, in fact she does not like to try something at all unless she is already sure she can do it.

My concern is her not learning to work at things. Some of this is definitely projecting based on my own schooling and how it hit me once I got to university. I don't want the same thing to happen to her.

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on this.

 

 

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I'd find something that can be challenging but is actually enjoyable/fun for her. Challenging things do not have to be academic pursuits. They can be sports, playing a game, art something that she is interested in. For my son (even though we homeschool) most of his schooling isn't challenging for him, instead I signed him up for a PE class where they switch random atheletic things to do every month. He loves sports so jump rope that's his challenge.

1 hour ago, AurieD said:

Some of this is definitely projecting based on my own schooling and how it hit me once I got to university. I don't want the same thing to happen to her.

I definately had this experience myself, but I also have to remind myself that this occured in university many years from where my kid are. Also, university was a challenge that I chose to pursue something that I like. I think it would be very different than having that same challenge in something that I didn't like.

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13 minutes ago, Clarita said:

I'd find something that can be challenging but is actually enjoyable/fun for her. Challenging things do not have to be academic pursuits. They can be sports, playing a game, art something that she is interested in. For my son (even though we homeschool) most of his schooling isn't challenging for him, instead I signed him up for a PE class where they switch random atheletic things to do every month. He loves sports so jump rope that's his challenge.

This is what we try to do at the moment, but it is hard to find something that works. Right now she gets a a bit too overwhelmed by group classes or organised sport to have that be successful. Maybe when she's older. We do have her in Joey Scouts which is going well and will hopefully introduce her to some new challenges and interests.

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I've dealt with this with some kids by explaining that it is important to be good at trying. They didn't want to be bad at trying, and were kind of horrified to think they might be below average at it. lol

Haha, that might be worth a shot.

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So, I don't think that's an unusual position for a 7yo.  They're still pretty young, and smack in the middle of "not a baby, not a big kid".  Some of them don't want to look silly if it looks like something they can't do yet.

Challenge can come in a lot of forms.  In our house, it's a lot of modeling, giving something that looks familiar with a slight upgrade, or leaving it to be discovered.  DS had a lot of ThinkFun games at that age where they would come with 40-50 cards of puzzles that slowly increased in difficulty.

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 I have seen smart friends fail to persevere when things finally got hard for them, so I get the question! 

I think it would be good to make a list of the behaviors that are part of trying hard. Then you can offer smaller opportunities to practice and discuss those. 

- don't quit until you're done

- don't stress out if you fail/lose; analyze and try again 

- it's okay to do it over

- prioritize one thing and set other things aside in order to focus on the big thing temporarily 

These emotional skills might be practiced with games or crafts. Knitting is really hard; crocheting is slightly easier. Maybe she'd enjoy persevering in one of those.

 

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2 hours ago, elroisees said:

I think it would be good to make a list of the behaviors that are part of trying hard.

Your list is really good. I think it raises a problem for kids in school. Going to school every day is enjoyable for some kids, but exhausting for all kids.

You want your kids to learn that investing lots of time and energy in a project can really pay. But a 7-year-old going to school every day has most of her time and energy spoken for. Even if the school is not "challenging" her.

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We definitely don’t do more schoolwork at home, but rather play lots of fun logic games (Tipover, Gravity Maze, Rush Hour…),  build things with blocks, play scrabble or bananagrams, play musical instruments, read books of interest and discuss them, identify trees and flowers, watch interesting age-appropriate documentaries, draw and paint, etc. I think tough puzzles and musical instruments work best for learning to persevere. Beast Academy problems are also good for learning patience and developing problem solving abilities. I guess the BA books are academic, but they are also fun because they’re comic books. Chess is another fun pastime. As are other board games. 

Edited by bibiche
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  • 1 month later...

I think that all kids need challenge in their lives, regardless of whether or not they are bright.  I don't think that challenge always needs to come from other people.  I think that for many kids, an environment that encourages exploration, and is more open ended, whether that's at school or at home, can give them the space and time to figure out how to challenge themselves. 

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I think it’s a pretty common experience for bright kids to go through school without much challenge until they eventually reach a high enough level to hit that point of having to work at learning for the first time, and struggling through that experience when a lot hangs on the outcome.  I found that point in college.  My dh did in law school.  That was a tough one, having to learn how to work and persevere at learning while also managing law school.  It’s certainly doable, and still produces bright adults who have learned this important lesson, so I don’t know that one can really say that bright kids need to be challenged as children, but I definitely think it is advisable to learn at a younger age before so much hangs in the balance.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 1/20/2022 at 10:57 PM, Condessa said:

= I definitely think it is advisable to learn at a younger age before so much hangs in the balance.

This is so true. I didn't have to work until college and that came too late in the sense that I didn't value the point of hard work. I did enough to do well enough versus learning to love learning to achieve mastery or to persevere to reach goals. That's what I am trying to impart to my son because I wasted a lot of my college experience. I do a lot of learning now because I desire to educate and improve myself but I didn't then. I just did the next thing to check the next box.

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I'm not someone who thinks challenge for young children needs to be associated with school.  There are plenty of ways to challenge kids without making academic learning at 7 be that hurdle.  Strategy games (everything from chess to card/board games) can be a fun way to get kids to realize that strategies take effort. Learning to play an instrument takes persistence to get beyond the simple introductory phase.  

There are 13 formal yrs of school before adulthood.  That is plenty of opportunity for kids to learn to that sometimes mastering a skill takes effort.  And effort does not have be defeating.  They can be small, incremental victories that are actually fun, too.

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23 hours ago, calbear said:

That's what I am trying to impart to my son because I wasted a lot of my college experience. I do a lot of learning now because I desire to educate and improve myself but I didn't then. I just did the next thing to check the next box.

This was me, although looking back I'm not sure it could be helped. I think I didn't appreciate school until I had a job and had to actually solve problems. Real problems where 1) I didn't know whether there was an answer and 2) if I didn't find the answer then no one else would. Even in hindsight I needed a lot of checking the boxes and doing the next thing before I got to that point. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Our large extended family has a lot of gifted people so I've seen this play out in lots of different ways. In my generation, now 30-40: Kid (actually 2 of these) challenged and pushed to do the best all her life, burned out and working entry level retail to figure out what she really wants. Kid not challenged at all K-10th who comes to believe things should be easy. When a modest challenge comes, he has no idea how to react, fails, becomes resentful, and starts failing everything. Kid challenged and given great opportunities all her life, now highly successful in chosen field (several of these). Kid never challenged and so very bored. Dropped out ASAP, followed own path that led to financial stability and eventually college, but realizes that many doors closed as the result of poor teenage decisions. And a lot of people in between.

These observations in my family make me determined to balance challenge with the opportunity to try out and even quit a variety of things. A challenging academic career doesn't need to mean taking the advanced slate of classes and getting great grades while participating in the correct extra curriculars. I'm still a bit nervous about how this will play out as my kids get older. There are a lot of hard headed people in my family as well, so laying down good foundations and habits while my kids are young enough to listen to my voice of wisdom has also been a priority.

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