2021 Year in Review - Day 5

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Biggest Challenge of 2021

[Slache]

Getting out of bed, emotionally and physically.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Oh my, how challenges abounded. Physical, financial, emotional.

I would say my biggest challenge was recovering from my bicycle accident. Multiple injuries (broken wrist and soft tissue(from hitting the ground), damaged knee(from hitting the ground), femoral hernia (from hitting the handlebar)) have meant a dramatic alteration of plans and goals. I'm still paying off medical bills and fighting about others (the ER billed for services they did not provide but I have to prove it in order to remove those charges).

My wrist will never be the same and I have to get used to the limitations the damage brings. I was supposed to begin babysitting a friend's baby but couldn't do it as my wrist wasn't yet strong enough to allow me to safely hold a newborn. I still can't change diapers properly as my wrist doesn't rotate and those little babies squirm and wiggle. It is an amusing frustration. Although, seriously, I almost dropped him the other day when they were visiting so I know that choosing not to provide daily care was the correct choice. I could not live with myself if I dropped a baby and there is no way of knowing when my wrist will quit working; it just doesn't do what I need it to do at times.

[Ditto]

Facing the fact my estranged* husband is a liar, cheater, and doesn't care what happens to me even while I faced cancer and cancer treatment, that our entire relationship/marriage has been a lie.   His exact words to me a few months ago were "I'm too busy to be concerned about you".   As @Slache said,  just getting out of bed is a challenge.

* We must continue to live together because we can't support 2 households and I need the health insurance his company provides.  It is truly a hellish purgatory that can't be described using words.   So we can't even officially separate even though the marriage is over.

Edited December 5, 2021 by Ditto

[regentrude]

Not to let the anger poison me.

The anger about people's selfishness, the complete absence of protection at work, the absolute idiocy with which Covid is handled in my state. Repressing the anger as well as I am able so it doesn't eat me and doesn't taint the good parts.

I have never been an angry person, and I hate how this pandemic is changing that.

Also, resisting the urge to rage-quit.

 

[ScoutTN]

Family relationships. 

[Eos]

Sorting through my relationship with dd16.  It's getting better, but it's definitely been the biggest challenge this year. All my previous teens were so easy comparatively, I had not yet developed the skills for her.

[MooCow]

Not sabotaging myself as I am so close to hitting to a major goal in my life and not letting others sabotage me. 

[ScoutTN]

1 hour ago, Eos said:

Sorting through my relationship with dd16.  It's getting better, but it's definitely been the biggest challenge this year. All my previous teens were so easy comparatively, I had not yet developed the skills for her.

In the same boat with a challenging teen.

[mom31257]

Leaving our home of 17 years, which meant leaving dear friends and a life that we truly loved. 

[Guest]

Nm

Edited December 5, 2021 by Quill

[Guest]

I’m so sorry, Ditto. 

[SounderChick]

Trying to a get a diagnosis and referrals for my autoimmune disorder.  Probably A.S. but between the crappy HMO and only 2 rheumatologist in town it's a long slow process 

[MooCow]

Deleted 

Edited December 6, 2021 by MooCow

[Hannah]

@Ditto  I can't imagine how rough it must be for you.  Wishing that you can find a way out.

[dirty ethel rackham]

{{  @Ditto }}.  I can't imagine the stress and grief!

I'd have to say my biggest challenge has been trying to stay positive and keep trying.  Learning sonography has and continues to be one of the hardest things I've attempted.  The learning curve is way longer than I ever imagined - most techs say it is about 5 years before they feel truly competent. I have to take criticism gracefully, even when it is not given gracefully.  I have to work hard to not give in to negative self-talk ("I'm never going to get this.  Why can't I be good enough yet?!")  

[Melissa Louise]

Honestly?

Not jumping off the bridge/stepping in front of the bus. Endless intrusive thoughts about it. I manage to work, study and engage with family and friends despite it, but boy, it's been unpleasant in my brain. Good on me for squaring up to that challenge. 

Less brutally - my uni work has been a good challenge. Despite 20 odd years of teaching, I'd  never studied pedagogy before, and it's been a thrill getting up to speed and beyond ( I'm in the type of course where pedagogy means 'the post-human agentic and entangled child', lol, and not, 'how to get Jake to read'). 

[Melissa Louise]

7 hours ago, Ditto said:

Facing the fact my estranged* husband is a liar, cheater, and doesn't care what happens to me even while I faced cancer and cancer treatment, that our entire relationship/marriage has been a lie.   His exact words to me a few months ago were "I'm too busy to be concerned about you".   As @Slache said,  just getting out of bed is a challenge.

* We must continue to live together because we can't support 2 households and I need the health insurance his company provides.  It is truly a hellish purgatory that can't be described using words.   So we can't even officially separate even though the marriage is over.

Oh, it's the worst, isn't it? 

Second year of it has been better for me. I hope it gets better for you. Well done for surviving purgatory. 

[Ditto]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Oh, it's the worst, isn't it? 

Second year of it has been better for me. I hope it gets better for you. Well done for surviving purgatory. 

So you are in the exact same position?  Any tips for getting through?  You can please feel free to pm me.  I am struggling so very hard and am so lost and lonely.

[Melissa Louise]

5 minutes ago, Ditto said:

So you are in the exact same position?  Any tips for getting through?  You can please feel free to pm me.  I am struggling so very hard and am so lost and lonely.

Yes. Separated under the one roof due to finances.

I'll message you.

Edited to say - it's a common uncommon situation. My therapist says it's not unusual. You're not alone, even if you're not aware of anyone else in your situation.

Edited December 5, 2021 by Melissa Louise

[sassenach]

Five week hospitalization for ds. More procedures to come...

[marbel]

Continuing to work at the job I despise so much. It's my own fault for checking out of work completely for so many years (believing that my work life was over when my first child was born), but it's still hard to log in day after day. 

[lovinmyboys]

Mine is hard to explain. Basically, I have always been very close with my family, but lately we have had major political disagreements and I don’t even feel like I know them. I am trying to figure out how to navigate that? Whether I should just be like “well, they like to keep guns unsecured and won’t get vaccinated and won’t wear a mask even in venues that require it and believe crazy conspiracy theories about my dh’s job that they post on social media, but politics shouldn’t divide families and I can be close to people I disagree with” or if I should be more like “If you won’t wear the required mask you aren’t coming to my kids concert.” And “if you keep posting lies about my Dh on social media I will block you.” 

I honestly don’t know how to handle all these relationships. It is not a situation I ever would have thought I would find myself in. 

[SKL]

Biggest challenge of 2021 ....

Mentally, and this is nothing new - my biggest challenges involve the self-destructive voices in my head.  I haven't made much progress.  Maybe someday.

Practically, probably my pup's difficulty accepting the existence of people who don't live here.  Also squirrels, deer, and cats.

Or maybe the impossible demands that the government put on my industry work-wise early in the year.  I'd almost forgotten that, but it was a huge stressor with a considerable domino effect (if I have to drop everything and do X for 3 weeks, then all the dropped tasks will become crises one by one).

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Bump

[TexasProud]

Biggest Challenge

Seeing everyone live a normal life and not being able to. Being isolated. 

[elegantlion]

 

Finding out I can no longer drive on the highway at night - I've always had some issues, but I tried driving home (1 hour each way) after my one class this fall. It was terrible. I was able to stay over at a friends after that, but it sets some limitations I wasn't ready to accept. 

[Corraleno]

Please don't quote (or at least not all of it):

My biggest challenge this past year has been knowing when to speak up with DD and when to keep my mouth shut — especially having to bite my tongue and (1) not trash talk her boyfriend and (2) not snap back when she was rude and disrespectful to me, knowing that either of those things would be used to manipulate her into believing that I didn't love or understand her, that her boyfriend was the only person she could trust who really loved her, etc.  I just had to remind myself over and over that the #1 priority was keeping the line of communication open and making sure she knew that moving back home was always an option (with no judgment or I-told-you-so), and that offering sympathy and validation of her feelings each time she expressed unhappiness with his behavior would be more effective than me pointing out all the huge, wildly-waving red flags I could see from a mile away. And gradually, over the last few months, she has been coming over more often, being more open about the issues, admitting that she wants to get out but doesn't know how, and is finally willing to let me help her.

Whenever I say goodbye to my kids, whether they're walking out the door or hanging up the phone, I always say "Bye, love you." DS says it back (or says it first) every time, but I literally haven't heard that word out of DD in a few years. A few days ago as she was leaving, after she'd agreed to move home, I said "bye, love you," and I got a very quiet "love you too" as she was halfway down the driveway. Closed the door and cried!

Maybe that will give some hope to those of you who are still in the trenches, that things may get better as they get older and realize they don't know everything about everything and mom really does love them. This kid was hell on wheels as a teen (like, jump out a 2nd story window, steal my car, and only come back when I threatened to call the police kind of hell on wheels). She knew everything about everything, I was an idiot, I was the worst mother in the world, and the coup de grâce — she didn't need to listen to me anyway since I'm "not her real mother" (she was adopted from an orphanage). Talk about a stab in the heart! Raising DD has not only been the biggest challenge of this past year, but probably the biggest challenge of my life. But now the kid who refused to do schoolwork is taking CC classes, caring about her grades, and asking me for help with math. The kid who insisted I was the worst mother on earth — and not her real mother anyway — is moving back home at the age of 19 and quietly said she loves me. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

@Corraleno  Sending so many hugs and small whispers of joy