Potty training is NOT going well, thanks for asking....

[DawnM]

UGH.

DH sets the timer and then tells him to go potty.   If he doesn't want to go, a drama ridden episode ensues.

I took the advice of so many moms who say, "Oh, I bribed him with M&Ms".  um, ok, so he goes pee every 4 minutes to get more M&Ms.   80% of the time, he doesn't need to go, he just wants candy.

He still has not pooped in the potty.   Not once.

But he did put on underwear tonight and said no more pull ups, so maybe we are heading in the right direction????

And yes, we give him lots of praise, stickers, etc....

Edited November 24, 2021 by DawnM

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

Neither of my boys potty trained fully until they were close to 5.(neither is neurotypical though so that was probably a lot of it). I commiserate.

With the oldest; I bribed him with autobot toys from some cartoon he liked. He’d get one every three days he used the potty, I think. My youngest loves soda and I don’t let the kids drink soda, so he got a small amount every time he went number 2 in the toilet. It took a while, but we got there.

[fairfarmhand]

Maybe stickers instead of M and M's with a candy when he actually pees?

[DawnM]

8 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Maybe stickers instead of M and M's with a candy when he actually pees?

Honestly, I don't have the patience or the energy to follow him in there and watch him pee.   that is part of the issue.   

But yeah, I think we need to go with something non food.

Edited November 24, 2021 by DawnM

[Elizabeth86]

Potty training is exhausting and I’ve only ever potty trained one of my 4. My first was the poor victim. The other 3 figured it out for themselves. 

[Clarita]

No advice I feel really bad that it's not going well.  Also timer didn't work for my eldest either. Tons of fighting each and everytime. My eldest did the same with fake going potty to get the candy too. I switched the candy bribe to he gets a treat every hour he is dry. (Something you could try even though it didn't work for me, it was apparently not a good enough incentive.)

It is absolutely exhausting to potty train a kid who doesn't naturally do it. I found my sanity in teaching my kid how to clean up his messes. It's not a magic bullet by any means, he is still not nighttime trained (neurotypical 5) but he deals with his dirty diapers by himself and it doesn't stress me out. 

My second is fully potty trained herself (she's been keeping dry at night for months) at 3 years old so I can honestly say some parents have never known the misery of having to actually potty train a child. I can only claim that I gave her access to a potty.

[Kassia]

My oldest was an absolute nightmare but my other three were easy.  It's really really hard with a child who has no interest or motivation.

I won't go into details about my oldest to protect his privacy but we ended up being connected to a child psychologist through a mutual friend and she had a suggestion that worked for us (ds1 was 4 years and 3 months by then).

We told him that pee and poop belonged in the bathroom and it wasn't hygienic (we used a more basic word) for him to be using diapers out of the bathroom.  So, as long as he insisted on using diapers he had to stay in the bathroom.  It was just a logical consequence - no judgement, arguing, etc.  He could have toys in there but I'm sure he came out for meals.  So, if DH went to run errands or just go outside (things ds1 loved to do with him), he couldn't go if he was in diapers.  Again, no scolding involved or anything like that - just very matter of fact that he couldn't go if his poo and pee weren't going in the toilet.  It worked like magic for him. 

But this is a study of one so I don't know how it would work for another child.  We never had to use it for my other kids.  Two initiated potty training themselves and mastered quickly.  The third had developmental delays so we waited until he was 4 and he was ready to be like his siblings and wear underwear so it went smoothly.

Good luck.  I know how stressful it can be.

 

ETA - we wouldn't have done this with a younger child or a child who wasn't developmentally ready to train.

Edited November 25, 2021 by Kassia

[kbutton]

Would mini m&m's instead of full size might make the candy less of a problem? 

[Ananda]

We did the M & Ms for staying dry.  Set the timer for a short period of time, when it goes off if underpants are dry they get an M&M.  Gradually increase the time.  To start we gave plenty of drinks to make sure they had plenty of chances.  If the child did wet himself, we didn't make a big deal.  Just "oops, lets get cleaned up. "  Anyway since the goal is dry underpants that is where we focused our efforts. 

[freesia]

3 minutes ago, Ananda said:

We did the M & Ms for staying dry.  Set the timer for a short period of time, when it goes off if underpants are dry they get an M&M.  Gradually increase the time.  To start we gave plenty of drinks to make sure they had plenty of chances.  If the child did wet himself, we didn't make a big deal.  Just "oops, lets get cleaned up. "  Anyway since the goal is dry underpants that is where we focused our efforts. 

Yes!  But we did chips ( to make them thirsty) and juice for dry and m and ms for going in the potty. We used the timer, too. 

[kristin0713]

Potty training seriously ranks up there as one of the WORST parts of parenting ever. I did the 3 day pt method and it worked really well, but still was horrible and stressful.  

[sangtarah]

I’m a potty training drop-out, so I’m commiserating with you!
Oldest was awful to potty train, second took care of it without me, third was awful again, so I didn’t try with the fourth. She wanted to figure it out, eventually, at 4yo! 

[athena1277]

I would rather deal with teens than have to potty train a child.   The worst parenting stage by far.  OP, you have my sympathy.

[SoCal_Bear]

hang in there...did you know it is possible for a toddler to poop 18 times in a day every day because you get a a reward for pooping. You can end up with an opposite problem of incomplete bowel movements.

[alisoncooks]

Both of my girls peed in the potty long before they would poop there. I’m talking completely pee trained but still hiding under the kitchen table to poop. Totally frustrating. I think it just took time. 

[HomeAgain]

Every time I've potty trained a kid I stocked up on about 30 pairs of leggings, underwear, and socks.  Couches and chairs were covered with washable mats, and we didn't go into carpeted rooms. The first week was a lot of routine (potty immediately after waking, meals, and before naps/bed), and letting them wee themselves with a simple "huh, looks like you forgot you needed to potty.  Let's get you cleaned up".  The uncomfortable feeling of having it run down their legs into their socks was a reinforcement for eventually figuring out what to do about that feeling and how to prevent it.  I still offered a diaper for poo, and we just slowly moved that into "okay, but we stay in the bathroom for that" and then "We sit on the potty for that" (diaper on) and then finally doing it without.

[DawnM]

On 11/25/2021 at 7:45 AM, HomeAgain said:

Every time I've potty trained a kid I stocked up on about 30 pairs of leggings, underwear, and socks.  Couches and chairs were covered with washable mats, and we didn't go into carpeted rooms. The first week was a lot of routine (potty immediately after waking, meals, and before naps/bed), and letting them wee themselves with a simple "huh, looks like you forgot you needed to potty.  Let's get you cleaned up".  The uncomfortable feeling of having it run down their legs into their socks was a reinforcement for eventually figuring out what to do about that feeling and how to prevent it.  I still offered a diaper for poo, and we just slowly moved that into "okay, but we stay in the bathroom for that" and then "We sit on the potty for that" (diaper on) and then finally doing it without.

Eh, he doesn't seem to feel that uncomfortable......and he just goes and changes his clothes on his own (see my other thread) and he is good.   And if he doesn't want to take the time out to change?   No problem, it is just wet.

[TravelingChris]

How old is he, Dawn?

My first was trained by my husband sometime close to three of soon after- I have no idea about the detail z because I was atending the federal law enforcement training center from mid February to mid May and he head trained when they flew to meet me to accompany me on my drive home and get a vacation too.

My other two I can't remember day training at all- not ages nor techniques.  One of them had a hard time with nighttime.   My advice abiyt nughtine is to be not to make a big fuss. That one had sleep walking too and it was a neurological issue that did resolve but way l way older than everyone expects.

[DawnM]

11 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

How old is he, Dawn?

My first was trained by my husband sometime close to three of soon after- I have no idea about the detail z because I was atending the federal law enforcement training center from mid February to mid May and he head trained when they flew to meet me to accompany me on my drive home and get a vacation too.

My other two I can't remember day training at all- not ages nor techniques.  One of them had a hard time with nighttime.   My advice abiyt nughtine is to be not to make a big fuss. That one had sleep walking too and it was a neurological issue that did resolve but way l way older than everyone expects.

Four

[HomeAgain]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

Eh, he doesn't seem to feel that uncomfortable......and he just goes and changes his clothes on his own (see my other thread) and he is good.   And if he doesn't want to take the time out to change?   No problem, it is just wet.

Yeah...I think this is one of your times you really have to pick which phase to approach and seriously curtail the other one.

You can focus on potty training but you need to cut access to clothes and start tomato staking.

You can focus on teaching him to deal with the freedom of clothes but you can't potty train at the same time.

You only get stretched so far, and you can't deal with competing phases pulling you in opposite directions.  It has to be singular, a laser focused approach to mastery of one skill.

[KrissiK]

On 11/24/2021 at 8:04 PM, sangtarah said:

I’m a potty training drop-out, so I’m commiserating with you!
Oldest was awful to potty train, second took care of it without me, third was awful again, so I didn’t try with the fourth. She wanted to figure it out, eventually, at 4yo! 

That kind of sounds like me with number 5. She was so stubborn, I just gave up and told her she had to wear a diaper until she was willing to use the potty all the time. Finally, one Sunday after church she told me she wanted to wear underwear and that was that. She was like 3 1/2.

[KungFuPanda]

We went the low-stress route here. We’d start the day with a set number of cloth undies. Once those got ruined, it was back into pull-ups for the day. I needed to know there was a limited number of catastrophes in my day to remain completely relaxed. Eventually they eliminate the pull ups and a single pair of undies lasts all day.  Today’s diaper technologies keep them too comfortable. My kids needed the sensation of being wet as a motivator. 

[gstharr]

We followed methods I saw in my travels through Asia.  Here are some examples: https://godiaperfree.com/infant-potty-training-in-indigenous-asia-how-people-potty-their-babies-in-countries-without-diapers-part-2/    Our was a modified versiion of the Japan model.  Pooped trained by one yr and pee trained by two. 

[HomeAgain]

39 minutes ago, gstharr said:

We followed methods I saw in my travels through Asia.  Here are some examples: https://godiaperfree.com/infant-potty-training-in-indigenous-asia-how-people-potty-their-babies-in-countries-without-diapers-part-2/    Our was a modified versiion of the Japan model.  Pooped trained by one yr and pee trained by two. 

My youngest did a form of this, but it's much easier to accomplish with a less mobile infant than it is to look for cues in a healthy 3yo running around.  It's just hard to start later.

[popmom]

Ok so take this with a grain of salt, but I’d lay off the praise and stickers—for awhile at least. I’m not saying put him back in diapers though.
If he’s willing to go nakey/pantless, it might help—I know he’s a bit old for that. I have this theory that some kids respond with fear in situations like this when praise/rewards are given. I’ve seen the same thing happen in my children when we used the fancy pediatric dentist. It was like all the videos and smiles and all the “extra” set off their red flags. When I took them to my old family/adult dentist, they did so much better—because it was just more routine, relaxed—no one was being “extra”. 
 

I’m not sure if this makes a bit of sense. There is some science/psychology—especially on the topic of elimination/pooping in the toilet—fear and anxiety. And a preschooler isn’t going to be able to articulate that. All they know is “I don’t want to do this.” And “mom is stressed when I don’t and too happy when I do.”

As I said take this with a grain of salt.
 

 

Edited November 28, 2021 by popmom

[DawnM]

Well, today he surprised us and put underwear on and even pooped in the potty!   And he peed on his own until around 7pm, which I think he just got tired.

We are on our way!   Maybe he is just deciding it is time.   Fingers crossed.

[Catwoman]

Great news!!!

[Melissa in Australia]

That is fabulous 

[DawnM]

today wasn't as stellar.....😏   But we were also out a good portion of the day.

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

today wasn't as stellar.....😏   But we were also out a good portion of the day.

Steady on. There are ups and downs, but he'll get there.

[Kassia]

4 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

Steady on. There are ups and downs, but he'll get there.

Yes, this is what I was thinking!  Hang in there and hope for more good days ahead!  🙂