Struggling with activities for teenager

[BotanyBae]

We moved across the state 2 years ago right before the pandemic, so we never had a chance to settle into and meet people in our new community. DS(16) is shy and introverted by nature, but he always had a couple of friends and participated in several activities. Now that things are starting up again, we've been looking for social outlets because DS is getting very lonely. It seems in our small city that most activities aimed at high school kids are only provided by the public schools. The few homeschool groups we have are for younger kids or are church based, which doesn't work for us. To make it worse, neither of us feel ready to try and start anything on our own (both shy introverts). 

He's into computers, environmentalism, and sci-fi (but not boardgames/cards/tabletop RPGS). Most groups/clubs/classes outside of the high schools we've found are 18 and over or the all ages groups only have retirees -- not a bad thing but he wants to be around some peers. It's frustrating because my older son thrived in high school without any help from me, but he's an extrovert and he also had the benefit of a few childhood friends that gave him access to larger friends groups as they grew older and some entered public and private schools. 

I'm open to any ideas, I'm starting to worry about him as he's quite upset over this.

[kirstenhill]

Here's a few ideas...some of these might not apply at all, but it's kind of a brainstorming list:
 

• Local library -- our library used to offer a lot of "teen hangout" type activities before COVID.  Ours has not yet started offering these activities again, but maybe yours has?
• Is there a local community college? Even if he isn't seriously interested in DE classes right now, could he register for one easy class (PE or something like that) to get access to student activities at the community college level? Many community college students would be high school age or just older (here I think at least a third of the CC enrollment is high school students).
• Private school -- I am assuming the public school doesn't allow homeschoolers to participate in activities...(ours does, so if you haven't checked, I would check).  But a private school may allow your son to participate in a club, maybe paying a small fee.  I know homeschoolers who have played on private school sports teams
• If some of the "18 and up" clubs have young adults that would feel like peers, you could ask privately if they would allow a 16 year old to participate, even if they advertise that it is for adults.  If it is a liability issue, you could offer to stay on the premises.
• Be open to a longer drive -- my 17 year old often drives to a bigger city 1.5 hrs away where we used to live to see friends.  I would absolutely let her drive that far, even weekly if she wanted to, to participate in an activity if she wanted to do that.  Another area within a reasonable drive might have more options. If your 16 year old doesn't have his drivers license yet, you could prioritize that so it is his time spent driving, not yours.
• Get a job at a place that hires lots of teenagers.  We moved to our current city when my oldest was 14, and she has a lot of hobbies that don't lend themselves to group pursuits (art, cooking, etc).  She is in public school but wasn't really finding a lot of clubs at school that interested her or other opportunities to really get to know her classmates.  She got a job at an ice cream shop that mostly hires teenagers, and she found that over time this was a great way to make friends because she spent a lot of time with her co-workers and they often had time to chat during slow periods.  She definitely didn't hit it off with everyone at work, but has made a few friends that way.
• Or in a similar vein, if there are places that allow teenagers to volunteer, even if it is not a preferred type of volunteer work related to one of his interests (like, it could be putting together food parcels at the food bank), he might be able to volunteer and meet other teens that way. 

[2_girls_mommy]

A summer camp counselor job was great for my 16 year old, and it provided a fall occasional job for the occasional weekend or school break camps they offer. So I agree with look for a job with lots of teenagers.  Mine was the youngest, but most were college age at her work.  

Scouts? if he is into environmentalism, he could find outlets there that do lots of camping or outside activities.  We had a new high schooler join our troop that has never done scouts before recently, and I have been busy thinking of all of the outlets available to her.  Our girls that have grown up in scouts have all kind of found their niche and are busy doing the parts of scouting that they enjoy.  

 

[ScoutTN]

Seconding volunteer work or a job.

[Lori D.]

Welcome to the WTM forum!

In addition to @kirstenhill's great ideas, I'd suggest be willing to try out other activities through high school age groups to meet others:

- local high school after school club or group -- chess, book club, etc.
- high school robotics team, or a FIRST Robotics team in your area
- local homeschool co-op enrichment classes or homeschool support group social activities
- academic group such as Math Olympiad or National Science Bowl team
- 4-H  -- it's not just animals; archery, pistol range, rocketry, ham radio, etc
- Youth & Government or National Model United Nations or Model United Nations -- model legislative groups for teens
- Teen Court, Youth Court, Mock Trial -- mock judicial groups for teens
- teen junior military group (you don't have to be headed to the military to enjoy involvement in these 2: Civil Air Patrol; U.S. Naval Sea Cadets)
- Speech & Debate team -- with a local high school, or high school team: STOA or National Speech & Debate Assoc.
- community youth theater groups (example: Christian Youth Theater)
- class offerings of your local Parks & Rec department
- local Parks & Rec department teen arts or other classes
- after school bowling league
- host your own bi-weekly teen social club -- sci-fi book discussion, cooking, air-soft or paint balling, go to a rock-climbing venue... etc.
- volunteer work with an animal shelter, food bank, or other group of interest
- volunteer teen docent at the local zoo, botanical garden, museum, etc.

Also, check out some of these past threads for ideas (all are linked in POST #5 of the pinned thread "High School Motherlode #2" at the top of the High School Board):

Advice for extracurriculars
What extracurricular activities for the high school years? 
High school socialization (activity ideas)
DS is so, so lonely (activity & social suggestions for teens)
Extracurricular activities for computer-obsessed introverted kid?

[Lori D.]

PS -- for the environmentalism interest:

Youth Conservation Corps through the US Forest Service -- summer programs
Student Conservation Association -- youth (teen) programs
Nature Conservancy Youth Engagement -- might be able to help you locate a program in your area

For the sci-fi, you'll have to do some research to find a local teen group -- example:
Teen Sci-Fi & Fantasy Book Club -- through the Metropolitan Library in Oklahoma

You might also consider signing him up for a live class with discussion to meet fellow teen sci-fi lovers online.

Edited November 3, 2021 by Lori D.

[kiwik]

My 14 year old does tennis through the local tennis club, judo through the local judo club and table tennis at the local table tennis club plus occasionally bridge at the bridge club (though he is about 50 years younger than average).  He attends a school but none of his activities are school based.

[BotanyBae]

Thank you for all of these wonderful ideas, there were quite a few that we didn't brainstorm! I'm sure at least one of them will be fruitful!

Yeah, a lot of activities are still online only, which I 100% understand but it is frustrating.  We're hoping that as the 5-12s get vaccinated, more opens up. 

He's working through driver's ed right now, but there's no way he'll be going too far out for activities as he's just not a confident driver yet and we are a one car family. We are also the biggest city unless he crosses over into Canada, which isn't a current option but could be in the future.  We're kind of locked between mountains and sea, so there's just a ribbon of cities and towns up the coast along the highway, and traffic isn't friendly to new drivers. This did give me an idea though! He's huge into sport kiting and I found a kite group that meets 1 hour away on one of the islands. They meet monthly in winter, then host kiting meetups in spring and summer. Worth checking out and I'm willing to do the drive with him once a month until he is confident enough to take over on his own.

 

[Lori D.]

Yea! Have fun looking around at what's available.

And, don't be shy about trying a group or activity that you might initially think is not a fit. For example: neither of our DSs has the LEAST interest in government or law, yet they both LOVED doing Youth & Government. They met some great friends that way, and had a blast writing bills and debating bills together.

[seemesew]

Can he do extra curriculars at the highschool? Ours allows it so my teens do sports or whatever extra curricular they are interested in.

[Idalou]

23 hours ago, BotanyBae said:

Thank you for all of these wonderful ideas, there were quite a few that we didn't brainstorm! I'm sure at least one of them will be fruitful!

Yeah, a lot of activities are still online only, which I 100% understand but it is frustrating.  We're hoping that as the 5-12s get vaccinated, more opens up. 

He's working through driver's ed right now, but there's no way he'll be going too far out for activities as he's just not a confident driver yet and we are a one car family. We are also the biggest city unless he crosses over into Canada, which isn't a current option but could be in the future.  We're kind of locked between mountains and sea, so there's just a ribbon of cities and towns up the coast along the highway, and traffic isn't friendly to new drivers. This did give me an idea though! He's huge into sport kiting and I found a kite group that meets 1 hour away on one of the islands. They meet monthly in winter, then host kiting meetups in spring and summer. Worth checking out and I'm willing to do the drive with him once a month until he is confident enough to take over on his own.

 

 Well I just went back and watched some sport kites on youtube...that is so cool! Does he attach a long tail on his kite and make it do those beautiful twirls and loops? 

[BotanyBae]

7 minutes ago, Idalou said:

 Well I just went back and watched some sport kites on youtube...that is so cool! Does he attach a long tail on his kite and make it do those beautiful twirls and loops? 

He does! It's so cool to watch, this last year he added two tails to his kite and they swirl every which way as he does loops and swoops. He currently has a two-string delta, but we are giving him a 4 string reflex kite for Christmas (shh 🙂)! Those ones are completely controllable but very challenging to learn, you can make them stop in mid mid-swoop or even walk on the ground. We even go to the international kite festival in Long Beach, WA every year. I never knew there were so many neat kites until the kid got into the hobby. He's a bit bummed because rain season is here which means not a lot of kiting until spring is back.