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50/50 parenting


Scarlett
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So.  We have talked and talked about how important it is to get a consistent work schedule and to begin the shared parenting schedule that they are both agreeing to put in place. 

He turned down a Monday through Friday day job.  But he tells me that this current company he is working for has agreed to give him days when he has the baby.  I said,  1) Going back and forth between days and nights is not going to work  and 2) how is the company going to even begin to keep up with the parenting schedule they have agreed to (it is a 2/2/3 schedule).

Also, I asked if he and his stbXW had discussed when they will begin the schedule?  He said 'sort of'.

That conversation was earlier in the week.

Last night he was working a 16 hour shift.  Dh and I were wondering what the rest of his week schedule was....so I texted him.  He tells me he is working a night shift today and a day shift Friday and 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday. And Sunday night into Monday morning shift.  Immediately after he tells me that he is picking up the baby Friday night and taking the baby to his other grandparents Sunday before he goes to work.  

Anyone else see a problem with this plan?  So I tell him that his dad and I are going out of town Friday  night to Sunday night.  And I add that he can't keep working 7 days a week.  He needs a consistent schedule so he can see his son.

He says, 'you don't think I know that?' 

Hmm.  

I then reminded him that he was suppose to get with the paralegal this weekend (via zoom) to finalize a few things with her before she collects the filing fee and files it for him.  And that he couldn't do that if he is at work all weekend.  He responds, 'well I am available 7pm Saturday to 5 p.m. Sunday.  Is that not enough time?'   

SMH.

So dh calls him and chats with him and as dh says, 'rinse and repeat.'  Apparently dss told his dad he didn't like me pointing out he needs to be able to see his son.  Dh told him, 'well, too bad, because we are going to keep saying that until you start making some decisions in line with what you claim you want.  And if you want us to keep helping you, you are going to have to follow through on what you said you would do.'  Dh said he responded decently to that....just a sigh and "I know, but I just wanted to say I don't like it.' 

Dh also told dss that when he gets home tonight (I think it will be between 10 and 11) we will be discussing where his money is going and he WILL STOP paying for other people's stuff. And get a plan together.

So the saga continues.  

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I'm sorry to hear he turned down the day job.  Was it because of a pay cut? I can understand him feeling pulled in the 2 directions of earning the most he can to provide for his child and having a workable schedule so he can care for his child. I hope he sees the day shift is the better option.

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1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

I'm sorry to hear he turned down the day job.  Was it because of a pay cut? I can understand him feeling pulled in the 2 directions of earning the most he can to provide for his child and having a workable schedule so he can care for his child. I hope he sees the day shift is the better option.

He just lacks the maturity to see all the angles clearly. 

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1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

He just lacks the maturity to see all the angles clearly. 

It'll come with time. Lots and lots of time unfortunately. 

We're at the tail end of an adult child finishing their maturity and they're finally almost done...it's both frightening and exhilarating at the same time. We can literally hear it in their voice as they overcome the struggle to b***** , whine and complain and get all huffy and mad. 

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