~~~ November Frugalistas 2021 ~~~

[EmilyGF]

We bought a table and eight chairs off Craigslist this weekend. My parents had given us a bunch of money to buy eight new chairs (think Ikea prices), but I found a dining set on CL that is very high quality. I watched the price come down over four weeks while our life was too busy to act on it. Now it is ours and it is perfect: very sturdy and larger than the old dining set.

I need to enter last week's purchases into YNAB. I'm figuring out presents for the kids. DH says he wants experiences, so I'm going to brainstorm with my dad about that. (He says he liked backpacking with my dad.)

Emily

[EmilyGF]

Also, I've been watching couches on CL. DH doesn't want to flip couches with me, but DS9 (who is as strong as the average 15yo) does. So I'm keeping my eyes open for a good one to flip! I came across one last week, but wasn't sure I wanted to do it. 

Emily

[mommyoffive]

49 minutes ago, EmilyGF said:

Also, I've been watching couches on CL. DH doesn't want to flip couches with me, but DS9 (who is as strong as the average 15yo) does. So I'm keeping my eyes open for a good one to flip! I came across one last week, but wasn't sure I wanted to do it. 

Emily

So cool that your ds is going to do that with you!  I hope you find lots to flip.

[JustEm]

1 hour ago, historically accurate said:

Finished off our baseboard trim for the house yesterday. A little sore today because we had to move our ginormous cabinets in the living room to do so, but it's done. Cleaned walls and the oven yesterday as well.

Got the child tax credit today - already applied to where it needs to go. 

Going to be a long week at work - work 22 hours and the library won't have a computer system for a while (doing electrical repair work). So, I'm going to be digging around in the old files for several days. Might need a massage after the week.

Oldest DD is sick as of yesterday - getting a covid test today. DH was supposed to go get her for Thanksgiving this coming weekend; fingers crossed it's a cold. Especially since he purchased a non-refundable hotel room on Friday for the trip. 

Middle DD is feeling better today - yay!

Hope your dd only has a cold. And thanks for mentioning the tax credit because I forgot it was the 15th which is tax credit day and payday. Gotta get the bills paid

[mommyoffive]

4 hours ago, Soror said:

Did 7 hrs with Cambly this weekend- bringing my total to 8, 32 to go for my bonus. I'm aiming for 10 hrs a week for the time being.

Dh had to buy some odds and ends for his physics class experiments. We needed cat food. Dh bought a few of the T-giving dinner freebies for Ibotta. He kind of messed up the turkey but it looks like it went through anyway (ya!). As soon as that clears, I'm cashing him out. He got a $5 new customer bonus too. 

Today is dd3's bday. She requested a simple dinner- frozen pizza and waffle fries. 

I need to work on the grocery list and menu, time goes too fast. 

Got in a medical bill. They screwed it up again (in May they recharged me for something I already paid). I sent the check with the correct amount and my EOB highlighted to show it.

And my EOB for my labs is showing 3x higher for my last visit for the same tests. I foresee lots of phone calls on this one. The reason I went back to that lab was because of the great prices. I am NOT happy. 

Happy Birthday to your DD! 

Boo on the medical bills and EOB.  That stinks.

Yay for getting some more hours on Cambly.  Are you getting any on VipKid?

[Soror]

Just now, mommyoffive said:

Happy Birthday to your DD! 

Boo on the medical bills and EOB.  That stinks.

Yay for getting some more hours on Cambly.  Are you getting any on VipKid?

None, so far on the global platform for VIPKID. 

I'm still working for the Korean company too. I'm averaging 7.5 hrs a week with them (has been nice to have some easy weeks after being really busy) but I want to get that up to around 10-12.5 in addition to Cambly or get certified on Cambly Kids and get more with that (of course if VIPKID picked up that would be my first choice though as it pays the most). 

[mommyoffive]

2 hours ago, historically accurate said:

Finished off our baseboard trim for the house yesterday. A little sore today because we had to move our ginormous cabinets in the living room to do so, but it's done. Cleaned walls and the oven yesterday as well.

Got the child tax credit today - already applied to where it needs to go. 

Going to be a long week at work - work 22 hours and the library won't have a computer system for a while (doing electrical repair work). So, I'm going to be digging around in the old files for several days. Might need a massage after the week.

Oldest DD is sick as of yesterday - getting a covid test today. DH was supposed to go get her for Thanksgiving this coming weekend; fingers crossed it's a cold. Especially since he purchased a non-refundable hotel room on Friday for the trip. 

Middle DD is feeling better today - yay!

Hoping your ODD doesn't have Covid.  

Yay for all the house projects getting done!  Always nice to have the house looking better. 

A massage would be so nice! 

[JustEm]

Dh and I sat down yesterday and decided that we are turning our main living room into a training studio while we save up for money to build one out back.  This is going to be a drastic change but we have both felt that we don't utilize the spaces in our large houses well enough and since the pandemic life shifted from being very active to centering things more on electronics and we're just ready to but an emphasis on our active hobbies again. 

So, that means a massive overhaul of the house.  the tv and couch are moving to the sunroom, which is smaller and also holds our 2 computers.  The toys that are in that room are going to go through a culling and then the rest will be in the kids' rooms.  My goal is to spend no money on that part of the process.  I think we have enough storage to that without spending money.

Then comes the training toom.  We have the weights, and storage to hold sparring equipment and weapons.  We'll need flooring but that is going to happen after the dogs die so they don't ruin the training floor.  Until then we'll use gym mats.  My mom wants a treadmill in there so she's buying one of those.  We'll also need a dehumidifier and air purifier. I don't know if dh wants a wall of mirrors or not yet.  

I'm so excited! It'll probably be a month long process to get everything finished.

[mommyoffive]

4 hours ago, hjffkj said:

Dh and I sat down yesterday and decided that we are turning our main living room into a training studio while we save up for money to build one out back.  This is going to be a drastic change but we have both felt that we don't utilize the spaces in our large houses well enough and since the pandemic life shifted from being very active to centering things more on electronics and we're just ready to but an emphasis on our active hobbies again. 

So, that means a massive overhaul of the house.  the tv and couch are moving to the sunroom, which is smaller and also holds our 2 computers.  The toys that are in that room are going to go through a culling and then the rest will be in the kids' rooms.  My goal is to spend no money on that part of the process.  I think we have enough storage to that without spending money.

Then comes the training toom.  We have the weights, and storage to hold sparring equipment and weapons.  We'll need flooring but that is going to happen after the dogs die so they don't ruin the training floor.  Until then we'll use gym mats.  My mom wants a treadmill in there so she's buying one of those.  We'll also need a dehumidifier and air purifier. I don't know if dh wants a wall of mirrors or not yet.  

I'm so excited! It'll probably be a month long process to get everything finished.

So cool.  I bet you will get tons of use out of it.  I swear another boardie turned a room into a martial arts room too.  Do you remember that?  Do your kids still go to martial arts?  We put in a dance studio in the basement when Covid started.  We only wish we would have done it sooner. 

[JustEm]

12 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

So cool.  I bet you will get tons of use out of it.  I swear another boardie turned a room into a martial arts room too.  Do you remember that?  Do your kids still go to martial arts?  We put in a dance studio in the basement when Covid started.  We only wish we would have done it sooner. 

I do not remember which boardie did that but it sounds familiar.  Unfortunately, they stopped going to the martial arts school once mask mandates were lifted and the school left it up to people to wear them or not.  And now because of other reasons we won't be going back ever.  But thankfully dh is able to train us himself.

We considered using the basement but the ceilings aren't high enough for the type of height dh can get with some of his jumps

[historically accurate]

Oldest DD does not have Covid!! Just run down from it being mid-semester and came home from the test (and class afterward) and slept until dinnertime. She says she has some homework and then she's going back to bed for the night.

[mommyoffive]

43 minutes ago, historically accurate said:

Oldest DD does not have Covid!! Just run down from it being mid-semester and came home from the test (and class afterward) and slept until dinnertime. She says she has some homework and then she's going back to bed for the night.

Great news!  I hope she feels better soon.

[mommyoffive]

Had some refund checked that I deposited.  $$$

Have some other ones to deposit.  $$$

 

I was going to do a Lego order last night and saw VIP weekend is this weekend, so I guess I will wait.  I never knew this was a thing, so hopefully what I want is still in stock then. 

 

 

[JustEm]

Well people are travelling again for the holidays so that means I'm making some nice easy money taking care of their pets.  One dog will be staying with us this weekend and next weekend and I have another job on Thanksgiving day.  A nice unexpected few hundred bucks.

[mommyoffive]

On 11/14/2021 at 4:06 PM, hjffkj said:

Nutcracker season is going really well.  It is just my oldest dd this year but I have a few nephews and a niece who are also in it.  My dd is an angel and a party boy.  There are 3 shows and it is with the professionals as well. 

How is your season going?

Is your odd the only one that dances now? 

Cute that you have other family in it.  Did your son like the dance class? 

I think there are 14 shows this year.  There usually are 10, but I don't think that they are doing the school show this year due to Covid.  But they are doing 4 shows for the Afghan refugees in our state.   It is a marathon. 

One of my girls is an Angel too.  She is also 2 other parts.  It is new choreography so it has a few new parts and things this year.  It will be neat to see it compared to the old choreography.

Edited November 16, 2021 by mommyoffive

[mommyoffive]

$285 surprise stimulus check in november: who is getting extra money? (msn.com)

[JustEm]

3 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

Is your odd the only one that dances now? 

Cute that you have other family in it.  Did your son like the dance class? 

I think there are 14 shows this year.  There usually are 10, but I don't think that they are doing the school show this year due to Covid.  But they are doing 4 shows for the Afghan refugees in our state.   It is a marathon. 

One of my girls is an Angel too.  She is also 2 other parts.  It is new choreography so it has a few new parts and things this year.  It will be neat to see it compared to the old choreography.

No my 6 year old dd dances too she just wasn't old enough to audition this year.  My son hated dance, just as I suspected he would.

[JustEm]

Made $175 meeting up with someone and then selling two vintage blow molds!

[historically accurate]

I won 2 lights for my house in a small store giveaway. Yay for free lights. The flush mount one will be put in my walk-in closet because it should be brighter in there for DH to work (we have a ginormous closet for some reason and we put his desk in there). The vanity one should work in the kids' bathroom where we have one of those light bars with the big round light bulbs. 

I think they're these: https://www.hunterfan.com/collections/flush-mount-lighting/products/ceiling-lights-hartland-2-light-flush-mount-famc57 and https://www.hunterfan.com/collections/bathroom-vanity-lights/products/ceiling-lights-starklake-2-light-vanity-faml212

[prairiewindmomma]

I wish it was more fun to save money and eat healthy. That is all. 

[historically accurate]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I wish it was more fun to save money and eat healthy. That is all. 

Ditto

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, historically accurate said:

I won 2 lights for my house in a small store giveaway. Yay for free lights. The flush mount one will be put in my walk-in closet because it should be brighter in there for DH to work (we have a ginormous closet for some reason and we put his desk in there). The vanity one should work in the kids' bathroom where we have one of those light bars with the big round light bulbs. 

I think they're these: https://www.hunterfan.com/collections/flush-mount-lighting/products/ceiling-lights-hartland-2-light-flush-mount-famc57 and https://www.hunterfan.com/collections/bathroom-vanity-lights/products/ceiling-lights-starklake-2-light-vanity-faml212

pretty!

Yay for the luck of winning stuff.  You do win a lot of things.

[mommyoffive]

1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

Made $175 meeting up with someone and then selling two vintage blow molds!

I always see those blow mold selling on youtube.  I sigh every time I see something vintage that I used to have sell for big bucks.  

[JustEm]

3 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

I always see those blow mold selling on youtube.  I sigh every time I see something vintage that I used to have sell for big bucks.  

Yeah. I found these ones in the trash so they were free.

[mommyoffive]

Just now, hjffkj said:

Yeah. I found these ones in the trash so they were free.

Score!!  People just don't know how much $$ they are throwing away with that old stuff.

[EmilyGF]

Yesterday I had an epiphany. 

Our income went down by $750/mo this year.

Our expenses went up by $1400/mo this year.

No wonder things are tight! And no wonder past years DIDN'T feel like this. In past years, we could save for things like vacation, house repairs, a new-to-us car, without much problem.

It isn't clear whether the income down will continue past the end of this school year. The expenses should decrease by $850/mo beginning late next summer. 

I subscribed for one year to YNAB. I figure this'll give me a chance to track everything well for a year and try to get some savings for things that matter. But this year is one for keeping our head above water. We have enough saved that if something crazy happened, we could cover it, but barely.

[historically accurate]

6 minutes ago, EmilyGF said:

Yesterday I had an epiphany. 

Our income went down by $750/mo this year.

Our expenses went up by $1400/mo this year.

No wonder things are tight! And no wonder past years DIDN'T feel like this. In past years, we could save for things like vacation, house repairs, a new-to-us car, without much problem.

It isn't clear whether the income down will continue past the end of this school year. The expenses should decrease by $850/mo beginning late next summer. 

I subscribed for one year to YNAB. I figure this'll give me a chance to track everything well for a year and try to get some savings for things that matter. But this year is one for keeping our head above water. We have enough saved that if something crazy happened, we could cover it, but barely.

It wasn't until I started working that I realized that with our medical bills, there was no way we were ever going to get ahead. It wasn't due to my "wasteful" spending or any mismanagement on my part that we were continually falling into the hole. There just plain wasn't enough cash to cover necessities and medical. I still have a huge yawning pit of medical bills, and it kills me to have to continually scramble to cover a $500 bill here and a $1000 bill there, but I can cover them now, and we can tightly live on DH's salary. I despair of ever getting right side up though.

[mommyoffive]

Anyone need wipes?

Hand Sanitizer Wipes, 80 Wipes, 30/CT (MED1501CT) | Staples

[Soror]

2 hours ago, EmilyGF said:

Yesterday I had an epiphany. 

Our income went down by $750/mo this year.

Our expenses went up by $1400/mo this year.

No wonder things are tight! And no wonder past years DIDN'T feel like this. In past years, we could save for things like vacation, house repairs, a new-to-us car, without much problem.

It isn't clear whether the income down will continue past the end of this school year. The expenses should decrease by $850/mo beginning late next summer. 

I subscribed for one year to YNAB. I figure this'll give me a chance to track everything well for a year and try to get some savings for things that matter. But this year is one for keeping our head above water. We have enough saved that if something crazy happened, we could cover it, but barely.

 

2 hours ago, historically accurate said:

It wasn't until I started working that I realized that with our medical bills, there was no way we were ever going to get ahead. It wasn't due to my "wasteful" spending or any mismanagement on my part that we were continually falling into the hole. There just plain wasn't enough cash to cover necessities and medical. I still have a huge yawning pit of medical bills, and it kills me to have to continually scramble to cover a $500 bill here and a $1000 bill there, but I can cover them now, and we can tightly live on DH's salary. I despair of ever getting right side up though.

I had a similar realization a few years back when doing the taxes. We were making 20k a year less with more expenses, no wonder the old budget wasn't working. Dh has made more this last year and I started working a few years ago but we had some years were we were just treading water and now need to be using that money to get further ahead. You can only save so much money at some point you need more income. I thought I'd only work short term but I think I will continue PT unless the kids all go to school then I'll likely move towards something FT or close to it. 

[prairiewindmomma]

It’s interesting we’re all on the same wavelength.

I was looking at our budget yesterday from a decade ago when our kids were all littles (10 and under) and our grocery budget has more than tripled and our medical has more than quadrupled plus now we have other expenses. We came to the conclusion years ago that we couldn’t avoid the increasing expenses so we had to deal with the income. It’s so frustrating to never feel like you are getting ahead…..but it’s also a relief to let go of the guilt and realize that you aren’t a “failure” at budgeting. I used to always compare to people who I knew were making less but having way more fun than us…and then I realized one day that our expenses were really different.

[mommyoffive]

McDonald's Coupons & Deals are Hot - Get Free Fries & More | Hip2Save

Today, November 18th only, in celebration of the iconic breakfast sandwich’s 50th anniversary, they’re offering up Egg McMuffins for just 63¢! The same price you paid when they first came onto the McDonald’s menu in 1971. Plus, there’s no coupon needed to snag this offer!

This deal is only available today, November 18th, exclusively when ordered through the McDonald’s app!

[Soror]

21 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It’s interesting we’re all on the same wavelength.

I was looking at our budget yesterday from a decade ago when our kids were all littles (10 and under) and our grocery budget has more than tripled and our medical has more than quadrupled plus now we have other expenses. We came to the conclusion years ago that we couldn’t avoid the increasing expenses so we had to deal with the income. It’s so frustrating to never feel like you are getting ahead…..but it’s also a relief to let go of the guilt and realize that you aren’t a “failure” at budgeting. I used to always compare to people who I knew were making less but having way more fun than us…and then I realized one day that our expenses were really different.

No, it is not a failure. I know plenty of people who make less than us who live much more lavishly. With healthcare the way it is and the number of people bankrupt or in the poorhouse due to medical costs doing well in America is somewhat a matter of luck. We like to think it is just hard work, it isn't. Plenty of people work hard for many hours. 

But there are also plenty of people that live beyond their means. People put everything on payments, things they need but also many things they don't need. Our society is driven by consumerism, newer, bigger, better. There is a strong pull to keep up with the Joneses but the Jones are likely broke.

Comparing to the outward appearance of others only gives a partial picture. I know dh has more in retirement than any of the Engineers (that have made more than him for years) but every single one has newer cars and bigger houses. They go out to eat all the time. Now, when dh talks about going on a European vaca some make comments about how rich we are. Well, we don't have $1400 in car payments a month along with a ton of other bills. We couldn't afford that and place a higher priority on other things.

[mommyoffive]

2 hours ago, Soror said:

No, it is not a failure. I know plenty of people who make less than us who live much more lavishly. With healthcare the way it is and the number of people bankrupt or in the poorhouse due to medical costs doing well in America is somewhat a matter of luck. We like to think it is just hard work, it isn't. Plenty of people work hard for many hours. 

But there are also plenty of people that live beyond their means. People put everything on payments, things they need but also many things they don't need. Our society is driven by consumerism, newer, bigger, better. There is a strong pull to keep up with the Joneses but the Jones are likely broke.

Comparing to the outward appearance of others only gives a partial picture. I know dh has more in retirement than any of the Engineers (that have made more than him for years) but every single one has newer cars and bigger houses. They go out to eat all the time. Now, when dh talks about going on a European vaca some make comments about how rich we are. Well, we don't have $1400 in car payments a month along with a ton of other bills. We couldn't afford that and place a higher priority on other things.

Holy cow.  What kind of cars are they driving for those kind of payments?

[prairiewindmomma]

1 minute ago, mommyoffive said:

Holy cow.  What kind of cars are they driving for those kind of payments?

A minivan and a SUV will do that, easily. A new Honda Odyssey Elite (leather) runs $49,000. An Escalade is about $78,000.

We drive a 20 yo car with no ac and sketchy electrical for a reason, yo. 😂

 

 

[Soror]

21 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

Holy cow.  What kind of cars are they driving for those kind of payments?

What she said. Tricked out Jeep and Toyota and not great credit.

15 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

A minivan and a SUV will do that, easily. A new Honda Odyssey Elite (leather) runs $49,000. An Escalade is about $78,000.

We drive a 20 yo car with no ac and sketchy electrical for a reason, yo. 😂

 

 

Lol. 16 and 19 yr old here. My van is great but looks rough!

[JustEm]

Those kind of car payments are crazy!  Actually, any sort of car payment would be unbearable for me after going 6 years without one. 

[mommyoffive]

*HOT* Groupon: Possible $10 Starbucks Gift Card for just $5! | Money Saving Mom®

[historically accurate]

6 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

McDonald's Coupons & Deals are Hot - Get Free Fries & More | Hip2Save

Today, November 18th only, in celebration of the iconic breakfast sandwich’s 50th anniversary, they’re offering up Egg McMuffins for just 63¢! The same price you paid when they first came onto the McDonald’s menu in 1971. Plus, there’s no coupon needed to snag this offer!

This deal is only available today, November 18th, exclusively when ordered through the McDonald’s app!

The McDonald's line was HUGE this morning! I didn't go, but I drive by the local MickeyD's on my way to work, so I noticed when the line was out onto the road.

[mommyoffive]

4 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

A minivan and a SUV will do that, easily. A new Honda Odyssey Elite (leather) runs $49,000. An Escalade is about $78,000.

We drive a 20 yo car with no ac and sketchy electrical for a reason, yo. 😂

 

 

When we bought our Honda new it wasn't that much.  We don't go top of the line because I hate most upgrades.  Hate leather seats, sunroofs, and other stuff.   And yeah Escalades, I forget how expensive they are.  I don't get it.   A lot of people in our neighborhood drive those.  I feel like if you can afford it and you are saving then go for whatever floats your boats.  Expensive car, super expensive kid activities, traveling.   We spend more than that on dance a month and people would think we are nuts.  Plus the kids do other things than that too.  But we max out our retirement accounts.   We have had car payments of $800 a month before and still did all that, plus traveled.  But we like newer cars with updated safety features.   So because we value that we aren't bothered by car payments.  $800 was for 2 cars.   I would like to only have one car payment at a time.   I much prefer that.  

Edited November 18, 2021 by mommyoffive

[mommyoffive]

Americans to Get Help This Winter With Heating, Utility Bills as Part of Relief Package (msn.com)

[mommyoffive]

Test Us At Home (covid19testus.org)

National institute of health is funding a covid test at home study. Requires testing yourself 2x every other day, dropping off or having a pick up from FedEx every other day. Pays $250 if you complete it.

[mommyoffive]

Home - Say Yes! To Covid Test (sayyescovidhometest.org)

Free at home covid tests for certain areas.

[prairiewindmomma]

--

Edited November 18, 2021 by prairiewindmomma

[Shoeless]

@prairiewindmomma I have experienced this with one of my relatives. I stopped trying to explain the reality of my situation to them and became a broken record. "That sounds nice/fun, but it's not in our time/money budget".  I've sometimes said "Sounds great! I can afford to contribute $XXX to that, but that's it. If *you* decide to go ahead, let me know and I will send you a check for $XXX".

It usually shuts the whole thing down. If they want to go ahead with a complicated, expensive plan, they can, but it's on their dime.

If my response isn't vague enough, let me know and I will delete.

[Soror]

43 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

When we bought our Honda new it wasn't that much.  We don't go top of the line because I hate most upgrades.  Hate leather seats, sunroofs, and other stuff.   And yeah Escalades, I forget how expensive they are.  I don't get it.   A lot of people in our neighborhood drive those.  I feel like if you can afford it and you are saving then go for whatever floats your boats.  Expensive car, super expensive kid activities, traveling.   We spend more than that on dance a month and people would think we are nuts.  Plus the kids do other things than that too.  But we max out our retirement accounts.   We have had car payments of $800 a month before and still did all that, plus traveled.  But we like newer cars with updated safety features.   So because we value that we aren't bothered by car payments.  $800 was for 2 cars.   I would like to only have one car payment at a time.   I much prefer that.  

Well, ya, if you can afford it. In my world I don't know anyone personally who makes that much money. The median income in my town is $42k- so just maxing out a 401k for both spouses would be an impossibility. Let alone all the other things. We can't afford all the things so we have to prioritize, we cannot have everything.  And that's the thing these people can't afford these things, not really. That is why they don't hardly have any retirement and/or have a lot of debt. On the median income in my area most can't afford what they are spending unless they are getting a lot of support from someone else. 

[Soror]

@prairiewindmomma Ugh that is a bunch of crap. I'd be very annoyed, especially if it kept happening after it was already explained it wasn't a possibility. I'd say group things were just not going to happen, period. We've had multiple similar issues and have just ended up opting out as the stress and worry was not worth it but it took a lot of years to make that happen.

[cjzimmer1]

14 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

 

I'm assuming your parents aren't in the position of funding these things themselves?  Otherwise I'd be phrasing it like, "I would love to have mom and dad come visit.  You should suggest it to them.  I can do (offer, lodging, meals, whatever is appropriate to your situation)."

Edited November 18, 2021 by cjzimmer1

[mommyoffive]

2 minutes ago, Soror said:

Well, ya, if you can afford it. In my world I don't know anyone personally who makes that much money. The median income in my town is $42k- so just maxing out a 401k for both spouses would be an impossibility. Let alone all the other things. We can't afford all the things so we have to prioritize, we cannot have everything.  And that's the thing these people can't afford these things, not really. That is why they don't hardly have any retirement and/or have a lot of debt. On the median income in my area most can't afford what they are spending unless they are getting a lot of support from someone else. 

Oh yeah, when I see people doing these things I doubt most people can really afford it.   I would assume most don't have an EF, retirement savings, and have money leftover every month to pay go towards their wants.  I mean most families go into credit card debt for things.    But when people are saving, don't have credit card debt and have money leftover have at what is important to you in my eyes.  We still prioritize what is important to us.  We don't have it all.   We could do more, but I like saving more so I lean more to doing that vs spending more. 

[prairiewindmomma]

---

Edited November 18, 2021 by prairiewindmomma

[Shoeless]

1 minute ago, Soror said:

Ugh that is a bunch of crap. I'd be very annoyed, especially if it kept happening after it was already explained it wasn't a possibility. I'd say group things were just not going to happen, period. We've had multiple similar issues and have just ended up opting out as the stress and worry was not worth it but it took a lot of years to make that happen.

My relative that likes to suggest elaborate, expensive things LOVES "group gifts".  They also love foisting most of the work for these elaborate, expensive group gifts onto other people.

@prairiewindmomma I have also had success with saying "Sounds great, but I already bought my gift for so-and-so! Perhaps another year!", and keep kicking that can down the road.