cutting off the narc . . . .

[gardenmom5]

 How do you over come the feelings of "if I just tried harder"?, or wanting to defend yourself from the accusations?

part of me feels bad for him - for reason's I won't go into, but he's brought it upon himself. 

Dr. Ramani had an excellent post on the helper child? fawn?  I just know I listened to it in the last few days.  The helper child/fawning - basically people pleasing.  I realized I did it in my FoO.  It was the only way I got any attention.  Of course - I thought she meant "Fawn" - how a fawn will freeze when confronted with a threat.   

[Carrie12345]

I don’t know that I have overcome it. Resist, yes, but I still have feelings. And fantasies of grand speeches that reach the unreachable and change everyone’s lives and, even though it doesn’t reunite us, it sets everyone into the world on healthy trajectories. 😂
 

What holds me steady is self-preservation (actual self and that of my family unit.). 
How I personally got there was, unfortunately, a lot of trial and error. I do tend to think that I might have made fewer errors if I had had a better understanding earlier, but I don’t know.

[Kassia]

51 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

 

What holds me steady is self-preservation (actual self and that of my family unit.). 
 

I think this is my answer too.  

[Rosie_0801]

Mostly for me it's just accepting the reality that they are that way because they want to be.