footballmom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I’ve been under a lot of stress the last few weeks, so maybe there’s some low level depression driving this, but I feel like I’m going through this stage of feeling led to drift away from many friendships. And if you’re the common denominator, maybe it’s you, right?! I was at an event tonight for a non profit board I’ve been on for years, and felt so out of sync with the group. With many of my friendships, lately I’ve noticed me putting effort into the friendship keeps it going and I kind of want to just save the energy and don’t feel like I have my people. Have you gone through this? I kind of want to hibernate and just put time and energy into me. 3 3 Quote
Rosie_0801 Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 22 minutes ago, footballmom said: I kind of want to hibernate and just put time and energy into me. If that's what you need to do, do it. In normal life, most people are stressed to the back teeth. Now we're living through a multi year historic event, people are even more stressed and it's no wonder they don't have the emotional energy to do much more than one foot in front of the other. Quote
Melissa Louise Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Team Misfit here - though that's more my perception myself than it is of others IRL. Am pretty good at masking Also Team Hibernate. Just out of a four month lockdown where my mental wellbeing improved so much. Kept in touch with a handful of True Friends. WFH, did yoga, went to therapy, sat on the verandah sewing otherwise. That's actually the speed I'm capable of. 12 Quote
klmama Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I think everyone's out of energy these days, and some more than others. Take time for yourself, absolutely. Still, keep in mind that you do want relationships when this period is over. Staying in occasional contact with the ones you want to be close to again will help with that, if you can manage it. 7 Quote
regentrude Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) I have never felt like I fit in since in my adult life after college. Not with the homeschool group - I was the only mother who was working a regular job. Not with my female faculty colleagues - for a long time, I was only part time, and now that I am full time, I still only teach and don't have a tenure track/tenured position. Not in my womens' circle - I am a scientist, don't do crystals, know that mercury in retrograde isn't a thing, and am not into affirmations and toxic positivity. Not with the poet guys who are connected to the local arts center - I am not an alcoholic, not mentally ill, not abused, don't hate the world, and I actually love my parents. I have individual friends. But I never feel I fit with any groups. Oh, and yes to it taking a lot of energy and effort to maintain connections if the others don't pull their weight. I have written about this here before - I am so sick of always being the one to reach out, check in, initiate get togethers, invite. The pandemic has exacerbated this because you'd not run into anyone by coincidence - every interaction had to be planned. Feeling like nobody cares about me enough to reach out was depressing and exhausting and makes me want to not do it anymore. Edited October 15, 2021 by regentrude 25 2 Quote
footballmom Posted October 15, 2021 Author Posted October 15, 2021 Thank you, each of you. Rosie, I wish I could heart your reply also 🙂 These replies gave me a lift in spirits. regentrude, you completely articulated how the Venn diagram never fits me - homeschool, work, clubs, all of it. Here’s to Team Misfits and Team Hibernate! 7 Quote
kbutton Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 31 minutes ago, regentrude said: I have individual friends. But I never feel I fit with any groups. I hadn't thought of it this way, but this is a good way to express my circumstances as well. My list is different, but it's the same dynamic. Thanks! 6 Quote
dsmith Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I have one friend that I keep up with on a not very regular basis, and that's it. When ds was in school I never clicked with any of the parents. They all knew each other for years and I didn't find them very welcoming. I had work friends that I hung out with frequently before moving in with dh. I tried keeping up with them but it was too difficult. Dh was a firefighter for a few years and that was fun, but once I became pregnant and I couldn't drink, that ended. (Big drinking scene there!!) Now dh and I are very content with each other's company and visits with family. Ds is on the spectrum and not interested in connections beyond family and online at this time. The three of us were perfectly fine during lockdown while mil was having a very hard time with it. We could do it again for a few years and be fine lol. I find it very draining to cultivate friendships or deal with groups, so I'm very content with the way my life is socially. 6 Quote
Faith-manor Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 My friendships have all been allowed to die. For me, this was because they were linked through church, and now that I am not a Christian anymore, I do not fit in with them. I never fit in with homeschooling groups because the ones around here were not pro academics, and ridiculed me for pursuing upper level math, science, foreign language, with my kids. The pandemic made everything worse. So I am becoming comfortable with being a bit of a loner. We are making more of an effort though to spend time with my nephew and his wife on the east coast. They are awesome people, and very dear to us, lots of fun. When we do retire in five years and move to our home in the Huntsville area, we plan on trying out the U.U. to see if we might find some folks to socialize with, and some good causes for volunteer work. Until then, I am reserving my energy for dh and my family. I am also trying to spend a lot more time outside. I find that my mental health is much better when I make this a priority. 10 Quote
happi duck Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) Chickened out! Edited October 15, 2021 by happi duck 1 3 Quote
theelfqueen Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) So I have a few good friends. And said friends drag me along to groups... I joke that my bestie forces me to have a social life. But it isnt a joke. If Michelle didnt make me go to things, i would stay at home... all the time. She talked me into bunco and made me stay for years. She was the one who talked me into going to Palm Springs recently. We are taking a cooking class together next week. The bunco girls are way more churchy than me. The Palm Springs girls are uh... way more trouble, drunk, woo-girls. My friend Susan decided I should go on a girls trip to Disneyland with other friends of both of ours, but much more of hers. It was amazing and a I treasure it - but wow was that a lot. These ladies have so much more energy to interact than I can handle. My friend Mikki talks me into going to scrapbooking retreats all over the country. These ladies are so...chatty and sharey. Somehow I feel like I am starting to have actual friends at the museum - not everyone but a couple I've made connections with ... But in reality- I'm probably cool with staying in the basement scrapbooking and watching British Period TV. Edited October 15, 2021 by theelfqueen 5 Quote
fraidycat Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I've always been a fringe-dweller. Not really fitting in anywhere and being the only one to try maintain contact over the long term. I feel so forgettable that many times when I say Hi to an acquaintance in public, I assume they don't even know who I am. Count me in on Team Misfit who has basically given up on reaching out. 7 Quote
Shoeless Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 2 hours ago, footballmom said: I’ve been under a lot of stress the last few weeks, so maybe there’s some low level depression driving this, but I feel like I’m going through this stage of feeling led to drift away from many friendships. And if you’re the common denominator, maybe it’s you, right?! I was at an event tonight for a non profit board I’ve been on for years, and felt so out of sync with the group. With many of my friendships, lately I’ve noticed me putting effort into the friendship keeps it going and I kind of want to just save the energy and don’t feel like I have my people. Have you gone through this? I kind of want to hibernate and just put time and energy into me. I've basically spent the pandemic hibernating and putting time into myself. I am sometimes lonely, but overall, it's been a positive to retreat into myself and tune out the world. As for friendships, I did ok here as long as I was willing to compromise my values and keep my mouth shut. I am not willing to do that any more. These are not my people. I realized that I am not really going to find what I want where I live. It took a long while to sort out what I *did* want: to be part of some sort of regular thing, where everyone shows up at 5pm on Sunday or whenever, and does the thing, and then chats and gets coffee after. So, what I am looking for is community choir, theater, orchestra, meetings at the local U.U., something like that. I have a friend that got into playing curling, of all things. I can't say I am especially interested in curling, but I am not necessarily disinterested. I am willing to give something oddball like that a try if it checks the boxes for regular, committed socializing where I don't have to do all the coordination. I was the coordinator for our local homeschool group, and it was utterly thankless. I will happily be a worker bee in someone else's organization! 8 Quote
Eos Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Most of my adult friends "forgot" about me when they all migrated to facebook. So now the national park is my bestie. We talk every day! 11 Quote
Pawz4me Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 7 hours ago, dsmith said: Now dh and I are very content with each other's company and visits with family. Ds is on the spectrum and not interested in connections beyond family and online at this time. The three of us were perfectly fine during lockdown while mil was having a very hard time with it. We could do it again for a few years and be fine lol. I find it very draining to cultivate friendships or deal with groups, so I'm very content with the way my life is socially. We're sisters! Seriously. Down to the DS on the spectrum and the MIL having a hard time. I've always found the overwhelming majority of people to be exhausting. Not because there's anything wrong with them--even being around people I truly, sincerely like wears me out. And in groups--even small, close groups--I always have the feeling of being on the outside looking in. Ever the observer rather than a truly belonging participant. Mostly my own fault, I think, because participating too much/getting too involved exhausts me. I've gotten to the point of acceptance. I am who I am, this is the way I was made. I don't think I can change it anymore than I can make myself taller or better at foreign languages or whatever. My only worry, and it's a small one, is that my DH has an illness that will almost certainly be terminal. People say I'll be lonely when he's gone, that all older single people are lonely. So I worry about that just a wee bit sometimes. But I can only remember one time in my life when I truly felt lonely, and it was for a short time when I was a young adult and had much more energy than I do now. So I'm kind of doubtful my much older, much less energetic, more-happy-than-ever-to-sit-at-home-with-a-book-self will struggle with it. But I don't rule it completely out, either. I'm sorry you're struggling, @footballmom. 6 Quote
MEmama Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I’ve never fit in. Over the years I’ve developed deep individual friendships, but they invariably die for one reason or another. As a teen and younger, I didn’t have much filter and just sorta let my freak flag fly. At the same time, I was reserved; the people surrounding me (beginning with my family) tore me down at every opportunity. I learned to hide myself —even from myself—from a very young age. As young adults, DH and I moved around the country a lot. I made some terrific friends along the way but lost them in the shuffle. Looking back, my relationship with DH was prioritized over other friendships and possibilities. Throughout my life I’ve made “friends” who only want to use me as their emotional soundboard. Only in the past few years have I learned to shield myself from that sort of manipulation and let them go from my life without regret. I never fit in with other moms at any stage. I’ve never had a “friend group”, social work group or anything that resembles TV shows or movies. At 49 I’m learning to reclaim myself. I have one very good and true friend where I live, and my best friend from high school with whom I’ve recently reconnected. He lives on the opposite coast, but our connection runs deep. I’m learning that in this stage of my life I'm feeling a pull to find a group of likeminded women (or primarily women) but I have no idea where to find them. I’m not a share-my-hobbies kind of person; what I need is an activism sort of group but not much is happening g right now irl due to covid. I’m feeling confident that with an open heart I'll find what I need in time. Until then I’m working on allowing myself to be more vulnerable and lower my walls I’ve spent a lifetime building up around me. 7 Quote
Melissa Louise Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 35 minutes ago, Harpymom said: Most of my adult friends "forgot" about me when they all migrated to facebook. So now the national park is my bestie. We talk every day! Trees, birds, river - all good friends here. 7 Quote
I talk to the trees Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 10 hours ago, Melissa Louise said: Team Misfit here - Such an accurate description. Like: I know there must be more people like me out there (my Team), but darned if I have ever been able to find any of them to hang out with (I'm such a Misfit.) I think we need team t-shirts so we can identify each other! 5 5 Quote
Ausmumof3 Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Well, I kind of feel a sense of belonging here I guess even though everyone here is so diverse. But yeah, as with many others not totally. I’ve been blessed with a few friendships over the years where I do really feel like I could be my authentic self and people would understand and not be intimidated or put off. Mostly I think maybe it’s a bit like - you cant have the perfect friendship or the perfect group but you can maybe just try to enjoy the incidental bits of human contact and conversation that come your way? This seems to be a kind of lost art. 4 Quote
MEmama Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, I talk to the trees said: Such an accurate description. Like: I know there must be more people like me out there (my Team), but darned if I have ever been able to find any of them to hang out with (I'm such a Misfit.) I think we need team t-shirts so we can identify each other! Can I join? 🙂 4 Quote
Carrie12345 Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I don’t fit in with very many people. I try to be open to clicking with people, but I’m not really interested in trying to fit in where I don’t. That just doesn’t feel like fun. 4 Quote
Indigo Blue Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 This is hard for me to put into words. I just feel different from other people. Not less than, not superior…just different. I’ve never found other people who truly get me, but I can relate to some of these other posts! So you are all out there somewhere after all. Like @Pawz4mesaid, others are draining, but if I can get emotionally comfortable and relaxed after spending enough time with you, that gets better. One other aspect of me that makes me not “fit in” is that I seem to be a magnet for manipulative user types. Being older, wiser, and aware has helped tremendously in this regard. So, that has gotten better. I’ve learned to not be so accommodating and apologetic. Really, though, in my heart I just want to be nice and have others to be nice to me. I’ve always been that way. That just always doesn’t get you anywhere, though. I believe this is why I attach myself so deeply to animals. Having said all this, I’m content and have a happy life. I’ve just accepted it all and it’s really not so terrible being different. So, truly, not fitting in isn’t always a bad thing. It’s just about accepting it and being happy anyway, no matter how others perceive you. I do have one son that I have long suspected could be on the spectrum, so there could be a plausible explanation for why I don’t feel the same as others. I dunno. 5 Quote
WildflowerMom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Definitely Team Misfit here. I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s hard isn’t it? No friends to connect with, family kinda looks at you with a side eye. My dog ‘gets’ me. That’s something, I guess. I wish I had a good friendship, just one, someone I could go walk with or go thrifting with just sit around and drink coffee with. i’m sorry you’re dealing with it, footballmom. I agree with Rosie, it’s ok to hibernate a while and it’s ok to put the effort into yourself. 💛💛💛 8 Quote
YaelAldrich Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) I want a t-shirt and a baseball cap please! I hear so much of my life experiences in everyone's posts. Being multi-racial and a convert to another ethno-religion makes me even more a misfit. Add in homeschooling, home birthing, etc etc. Oy vey. Edited October 15, 2021 by YaelAldrich 8 Quote
Wheres Toto Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I've decided that I just don't make close connections with people outside my family. I have friends/friendly acquaintances that I do things with sometimes, but they tend to be situational and attached to certain specific activities. We aren't meeting up for random dinners or calling each other to chit-chat (although I have one I swap funny memes with), or taking trips together. They are just people I can talk to when we see each other because of the activity. At this point, it's my mother or my adult daughter I do most activities with. Mostly my daughter at this point. We meet up a few times a week to walk/yoga/workout, her and I are going used book shopping in Connecticut in a few weeks, we go out to dinner or lunch sometimes. We are both pretty busy so it's not often but she's definitely the closest friend I have at this point, except maybe dh. I like connecting with my daughter, but otherwise I'm actually perfectly happy to be home reading or watching tv. Most of my other friends are attached to social activities that I do for the kids, not myself. I do feel it's important that they are occasionally around real life people around their own age, even if they also prefer to be home doing their own thing or chatting with online friends. 5 Quote
Indigo Blue Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Geez I wish we could all have dinner together. All of us who find others to be draining! What irony, lol. 1 1 6 Quote
Indigo Blue Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Football mom, I agree that you should take time for yourself, and that it’s probably just got a lot to do with the stress of the last 18 mos. Things are going to get better, IMO. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. 2 Quote
YaelAldrich Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 6 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: Geez I wish we could all have dinner together. All of us who find others to be draining! What irony, lol. The Mid-Atlantic had get togethers for a while. I was going to fly in one year but I dislocated my shoulder right before. I'm willing to set one up up here in NE if people will assist. 4 Quote
Dmmetler Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Yes. Often. One thing COVID, and then L graduating, showed me was just how few actual friends I have. 7 Quote
TCB Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I’ve always felt like I was different than most people, other than a few that had the same unusual childhood as me. Where I lived before I always felt different but accepted, even though I was strange to them lol, and I had a number of really good friends. Where I live now I feel different from everyone, but here I don’t feel acceptable, and I have mostly only acquaintances and really only 2 people, outside my family, that I would call friends. I’m not sure how much that bothers me or not. I’d like to have a really good friend or 2 but may be out of luck with that. When I see my old friends, from my previous location, it’s like we’ve never been apart and we just carry on where we left off. 5 Quote
WildflowerMom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 42 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said: I want a t-shirt and a baseball cap please! I hear so much of my life experiences in everyone's posts. Being multi-racial and a convert to another ethno-religion makes me even more a misfit. Add in homeschooling, home birthing, etc etc. Oy vey. I want this, too. For real. @Melissa Louise 3 Quote
WildflowerMom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 33 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said: The Mid-Atlantic had get togethers for a while. I was going to fly in one year but I dislocated my shoulder right before. I'm willing to set one up up here in NE if people will assist. I would love for the SE people to do this! 4 Quote
Indigo Blue Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said: I would love for the SE people to do this! Yes. The NE is too far for me, sadly. Edited October 15, 2021 by Indigo Blue 3 Quote
WildflowerMom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 50 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said: I've decided that I just don't make close connections with people outside my family. I have friends/friendly acquaintances that I do things with sometimes, but they tend to be situational and attached to certain specific activities. We aren't meeting up for random dinners or calling each other to chit-chat (although I have one I swap funny memes with), or taking trips together. They are just people I can talk to when we see each other because of the activity. At this point, it's my mother or my adult daughter I do most activities with. Mostly my daughter at this point. We meet up a few times a week to walk/yoga/workout, her and I are going used book shopping in Connecticut in a few weeks, we go out to dinner or lunch sometimes. We are both pretty busy so it's not often but she's definitely the closest friend I have at this point, except maybe dh. I like connecting with my daughter, but otherwise I'm actually perfectly happy to be home reading or watching tv. Most of my other friends are attached to social activities that I do for the kids, not myself. I do feel it's important that they are occasionally around real life people around their own age, even if they also prefer to be home doing their own thing or chatting with online friends. I only have an adult son and this is what I want so badly. I’m hoping that whoever he ends up with will fill that space for me. He is dating a new girl now and I could definitely see her on team misfit. She’s funky (in a good way). She is also a nurturer which is something his last gf was very opposed to. I’m hoping these two work out, but we’ll see. Sorry, I’m rambling like always. Just your post made me long for that relationship. I do have that close relationship with my mama but she’s 1.5 hrs away. ☹️ 2 Quote
WildflowerMom Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 If any of y’all are on Facebook, feel free to PM me and I’ll add you as a friend. 💛 2 Quote
dsmith Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 4 hours ago, Pawz4me said: We're sisters! Seriously. Down to the DS on the spectrum and the MIL having a hard time. So I worry about that just a wee bit sometimes. But I can only remember one time in my life when I truly felt lonely, and it was for a short time when I was a young adult and had much more energy than I do now. So I'm kind of doubtful my much older, much less energetic, more-happy-than-ever-to-sit-at-home-with-a-book-self will struggle with it. But I don't rule it completely out, either. Dh is still smoking and is at that heart attack age for men, so I have the same worry. And the book thing, yeah, that is totally me. 🙂 2 Quote
HS Mom in NC Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Every day of my life. I'm a female INTJ with everything that comes with it. I mostly enjoy my uniqueness and understand I won't click with most people or groups. I grew up in what was then rural AZ where the girls in my area were into horses. I was into books. My mother, step-dad, and dad are kind of "red America bubble" types and I'm interested in the wider world with purple political views. I'm a Christian from Evangelical circles but never really fit into, or had much respect for, the subculture built around it. I read widely from classics of Christendom and across denominations. I had a wide range of homeschool groups and did better in the mixed groups made of a variety of people with different views and approaches. Now that we moved 3 years ago, we're stuck near a homeschool subculture that's more red bubble, evangelical subculture oriented, so we make friends outside that environment. I'm not a joiner or extrovert, so I don't feel a loss when I don't have a group to be part of. I don't care what other people are doing because I'm not really a fan of other people. I never cared in my tweens and teens, I just rolled my eyes until they ached and looked forward to adulthood where I wouldn't be assigned to an environment I didn't choose for myself. 4 Quote
JennyD Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) As an adult, I generally feel like I fit in just fine wherever I go. I am pretty introverted but am also very interested in people and can usually find something in common with most others. That said, this pandemic has made me feel unsettlingly adrift. I really don't like being scared of other people all the time. Edited October 15, 2021 by JennyD 3 Quote
Granny_Weatherwax Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) Oh my, YES! I, like others, don't fit into groups but I also don't have many close friends. At my most recent job, I was the oldest new coach in the conference. It was difficult as the younger new coaches were all going to bars and what not and not inviting me. The older more established coaches already had a social group and most went home after work to be with their families. It was a bit uncomfortable and I struggled to find a niche. When I taught, I was an adjunct with no on campus office so no place to hang a shingle and just be available. I also taught the dual credit classes on the high school campuses so I traveled quite a bit. I didn't fit in with the high school teachers and had no place for office hours or socialization as the classrooms I taught in were used for high school courses before and after my classes. When I played league tennis, I had to drive an hour to the city to play. The ladies loved me because I would play singles (and was good at it so they could count the win). This meant I didn't have to attend team practices or mess up the doubles teams roster. I played a lot of matches but was never invited to the mimosa mornings or the wine parties. The team had been a group for years, they had raised children together and I hadn't been a part of that. They have all moved on to pickleball and the tennis team disbanded so I don't even have that outlet. I am a lonely misfit and would love to place an order for the team shirts. Edited October 15, 2021 by Granny_Weatherwax 3 Quote
wendyroo Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I have never felt like I fit in. Not in my FOO (though they always accepted and supported me), not at school, not in college, not at work, not in our neighborhood, not as a stay at home or homeschool mom, not as a public school mom, etc. Over the years I have occasionally had people who for short periods of time were slightly more than acquaintances, but I have never had friends individually or in groups. At this point I have become comfortable enough with myself and my needs that I have stopped trying to find the mythical BFFs that society says I need to live a fulfilled life. This board is the place where I feel I best fit in. 9 Quote
Indigo Blue Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 46 minutes ago, wendyroo said: I have never felt like I fit in. Not in my FOO (though they always accepted and supported me), not at school, not in college, not at work, not in our neighborhood, not as a stay at home or homeschool mom, not as a public school mom, etc. Over the years I have occasionally had people who for short periods of time were slightly more than acquaintances, but I have never had friends individually or in groups. At this point I have become comfortable enough with myself and my needs that I have stopped trying to find the mythical BFFs that society says I need to live a fulfilled life. This board is the place where I feel I best fit in. I feel that I fit in here, I guess? At least I hope I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a board full of intellects and here I go posting dumb stuff. I think little things are funny, and I think that’s one of the things that gets me so much side eye IRL. It doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Even here, I post dumb stuff anyway, and I think if they think that’s dumb, oh well. 9 1 Quote
Amy in NH Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 My entire life. I vividly remember feeling like I was in the wrong time-period as a child. I don't have that sense as often anymore, but I still don't feel like I belong. DH and I have made an effort over the past couple of years to get out and meet people, and we've made some new friends (first couple-friends we've ever both connected with!) which has been fun. I guess this is the most I've ever fit in. 5 Quote
wendyroo Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 19 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said: Even here, I post dumb stuff anyway, and I think if they think that’s dumb, oh well. I guess, I think that is part of fitting in. I know all too well that in many groups, all it takes is one comment to get labeled and subtly (or overtly) excluded: too elite, too geeky, not natural or attachment enough, not unfailingly supportive and positive enough, etc. And in homeschool groups, the same went for my kids; one comment could get them labeled as: too smart, too sheltered, too heathen...and most common, too mentally ill. In those groups, part of not feeling like I fit in was walking on eggshells and carefully playing a part lest I step out of line and stop being invited. At this point we stay on the very periphery of homeschool groups - we might tag along occasionally on a field trip, but we don't expect to be welcomed or included, or to actually make friends. On this board, I expect to find people I really relate to. And the thread format organizes conversation so that I can share jokes with one group of people, commiserate about mental illness with another, talk academics with a third, etc. I also fully expect to find people I don't relate to, of course, but I don't think that means I don't fit it, just that it is a very diverse group of people which is one of its greatest strengths. 12 Quote
MEmama Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 1 hour ago, Indigo Blue said: I feel that I fit in here, I guess? At least I hope I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a board full of intellects and here I go posting dumb stuff. I think little things are funny, and I think that’s one of the things that gets me so much side eye IRL. It doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Even here, I post dumb stuff anyway, and I think if they think that’s dumb, oh well. Well I love your threads! 🙂 I'm always thinking up random stuff to post here. Maybe I should take a chance more often. 6 1 Quote
Cordelia Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 I've found that a lot of my relationships keep going only if I do all the work and chasing. I have decided not to chase people any more. It's just too much. 6 Quote
YaelAldrich Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 4 hours ago, Indigo Blue said: Yes. The NE is too far for me, sadly. 4 hours ago, WildflowerMom said: I would love for the SE people to do this! I come to NC every six weeks. But honestly I'll come wherever something is held. If anyone wants to work on this I'll happily join in to share the burden. 4 Quote
SeaConquest Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 4 hours ago, WildflowerMom said: If any of y’all are on Facebook, feel free to PM me and I’ll add you as a friend. 💛 Same. 2 Quote
Granny_Weatherwax Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Oddly enough one of the books I read in Sept was Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging by Brene Brown. I enjoyed the book and found some of her advice to be insightful and relevant. This was my first Brene Brown book and, even though I read reviews that indicate it wasn't her finest work, I enjoyed it. I have a couple of her other books on order from the library. 5 Quote
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