Melissa Louise Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 Time to consider that just as weekly get togethers benefit the kids, so does having a mother who is not 100% burned out. Honestly? They're going to benefit just as much from a quiet weekend watching some movies with their Mama and a bowl of popcorn. Take some time out. That's my advice. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: Time to consider that just as weekly get togethers benefit the kids, so does having a mother who is not 100% burned out. Honestly? They're going to benefit just as much from a quiet weekend watching some movies with their Mama and a bowl of popcorn. Take some time out. That's my advice. IIRC, she's still in a multigenerational family living situation. Sitting out isn't an easy option for her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 Just now, prairiewindmomma said: IIRC, she's still in a multigenerational family living situation. Sitting out isn't an easy option for her. Not easy, but possible. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) . . . . Edited October 26, 2021 by BaseballandHockey 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: I need to be around adults who are not mentally ill. I need this. My kids need role models that are not my DH or me (because I am a mess) right now. Taking us away from our support network isn't the solution. Isolating me and my kids isn't the solution. It's not isolating yourself to take a temporary break from a situation that's causing stress. Idk. If I've misunderstood, and the benefit of the weekly get togethers outweighs the stress of your SIL not pulling her weight, I apologise for the suggestion. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: I need to be around adults who are not mentally ill. I need this. My kids need role models that are not my DH or me (because I am a mess) right now. Taking us away from our support network isn't the solution. Isolating me and my kids isn't the solution. All of this reminds me, do you have friends who are girls (I would say girlfriends, but that word has regional context) who you have managed to keep tabs on? I do agree that building your network of healthy people is important. Any chance for late night margaritas one night on the back porch or brunch with friends at a place with an outdoor patio? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 43 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: Her kids are OK. I mean I worry that they're growing up the center of the universe, and there will be some awkward realizations in their future, but she does right by her kids. To be clear, this is DH's sister. When I say it's not my place to say something, it's not because it's not at my house. It's because she implies that since I'm not a "real" sibling, it's not really my place to dictate "her" family's traditions. If DH was in a better place, he'd talk to her. Yeah, and that's a piece of my frustration. I often hear how stressful her life is, and it works because I end up doing stuff for her to alleviate her stress. But this particular weekend, I think it's fair to say that my stress level was higher. And yet somehow on Monday I ended up sending pretty much a whole meal to her house. (Yes, that's on me, I am really on autopilot right now because I'm overwhelmed. It wasn't until the food was packed and I was at work that I went -- how did that happen? It was too late to change the plans, so I posted here in frustration) Maybe you can't dictate "her family's" 🙄 traditions. But since you aren't "real" family, that means you aren't beholden to their rules. You are under no obligation to make her life easier. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) . . Edited October 26, 2021 by BaseballandHockey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 12, 2021 Author Share Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) . . . . Edited October 26, 2021 by BaseballandHockey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said: To be clear, we've had this event, with some changes over time, for 14 years, minus covid. It my not be "my family" but it's "my" tradition. She moved back to this side of the country during covid. She's an a$$. Seriously. Do whatever makes your life easier. She probably won't ever contribute in a meaningful way because she's an a$$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gil Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 On 10/11/2021 at 12:51 PM, BaseballandHockey said: What do you bring to family gatherings? Myself and my kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 12, 2021 Share Posted October 12, 2021 I know it's too late for this one, but next time, maybe see what happens if you don't send/bring anything. Based on many of your posts here, I get the impression you spend a lot of your emotional energy cooking for others, and perhaps food is your love language. But since food isn't everyone else's love language, you are not going to get the appreciation you deserve and perhaps expect. It really is OK to sit things out when you have a lot going on. Just say "sorry, we have a conflict on that date, have a great time!" and don't send anything. Nobody with a reasonable thought process will be put out by that, unless you do it every time for the next 6 months. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 Wine... several bottles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 On 10/11/2021 at 2:21 PM, regentrude said: I am the one who likes to cook. In our extended family, whoever hosts is cooking the entire meal. There is no expected food contribution - guests are invited unconditionally. When I host large gatherings for friends, I do not plan on folks bringing contributions; if they do, it's bonus. If I had to tell a non-cook to bring a thing, I would be specific and ask for a pie from the store, or ice cream, or some wine. Everyone is able to buy those. Or fruit. This is how we typically roll too. If someone asks, I will suggest wine or dessert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.