Should I pull my daughter out of public school?

[mama78]

Hello! Mom of 4 (grades 8,7,5,1). All used to mostly homeschool until 2 years ago. Younger 3 are doing well in public school. Oldest child is in middle school and seems distracted and disturbed by culture, disrespect in classrooms, etc. I’m concerned bec she is not sleeping well and has several physical complaints. I think public school is giving her anxiety. She is doing okay academically, but not as interested in her classes as when she was homeschooling. She does have friends at school and looks forward to interacting with peers. But she states that she prefers to homeschool. She is also very artistic and had more time to explore her interests at home (painting, music, drawing, crafts, sewing  etc), she doesn’t have as much time right now. My husband prefers that she stays in public school, but is not 100% set on that. I don’t feel like she is at peace and she is not herself. I’m at my wits end trying to figure out why PS doesn’t seem to be working, when it seems to be okay for the others. Any insights? 

[freesia]

Middle school is tough. How is she doing socially?Does she have friends? Could someone be being mean to her? Is there a way to help her connect more in school—drama (set design?)

If you bring her home would you be able to provide social opportunities for her?  I find this age child really does better when they feel connected outside the house. I wouldn’t homeschool one child at this age if I wasn’t sure they had friends I got them together with. 
It sounds like she is anxious. Has she struggled with anxiety before? It might be good to look into that aspect of it, too. 

[Kassia]

18 minutes ago, mama78 said:

Hello! Mom of 4 (grades 8,7,5,1). All used to mostly homeschool until 2 years ago. Younger 3 are doing well in public school. Oldest child is in middle school and seems distracted and disturbed by culture, disrespect in classrooms, etc. I’m concerned bec she is not sleeping well and has several physical complaints. I think public school is giving her anxiety. She is doing okay academically, but not as interested in her classes as when she was homeschooling. She does have friends at school and looks forward to interacting with peers. But she states that she prefers to homeschool. She is also very artistic and had more time to explore her interests at home (painting, music, drawing, crafts, sewing  etc), she doesn’t have as much time right now. My husband prefers that she stays in public school, but is not 100% set on that. I don’t feel like she is at peace and she is not herself. I’m at my wits end trying to figure out why PS doesn’t seem to be working, when it seems to be okay for the others. Any insights? 

I would bring her home if that's what she wants.  My dd was very certain she wanted to homeschool in middle school.  I resisted for a while because I thought there were benefits to her being in ps that I couldn't provide for her at home, but she thrived at home and was so much happier.  I wish I had listened to her sooner.  

And it did give her so much more time to pursue her passions and interests.  

[EmilyGF]

I pulled my oldest out of 8th grade because the school was chaotic and he was coming home daily with headaches (though I attributed those at the time to the heat). He then went back to public school in high school, where he has been both happy and successful. The high school is so much less chaotic than the middle school. 

I thought that it was important to go to school before high school so that bad grades due to transitioning wouldn't go on the college transcript. It turns out that I am such a hard teacher with such strict deadlines, that my kids haven't found school difficult at all. I do get frustrated at the comparative lack of rigor in their public school classes, but they are learning a lot of things that they need to before they leave my house, so it balances out.

Emily

[ElizabethB]

Your husband was never a girl in middle school, and it's worse now. There is a line in a Temple Grandin (high functioning autistic) book where she talks about how elementary school was mostly OK friend wise, then girls turned weird. Something about them being crazy aliens, I can't recall the exact phrasing. I've polled women, 99% did not enjoy middle school (not just homeschooling moms, random neighbors, military moms, etc.)

Since health and interests are both being impacted, I would bring her home. 

[Insertcreativenamehere]

If she wants to be homeschooled, I would absolutely take her out! Middle school can be so toxic. I'm in the opposite position of having a 12 year old begging to go to school next year. She's the only one still home, with older siblings in high school. PS is off the table for the same reasons you mention, but we may send her to a small private school where she already has friends and has played on the soccer team. My preference would be to homeschool but this particular child is dead set on going to school. 

[Miss Tick]

On the one hand, this is the last year you can make that decision and then age-place her next year when she returns (assuming your district works like my district).

On the other hand (again thinking of my district) is she enrolled in any classes that will count for high school credit? That, combined with whatever your family's long term plan is, could give me pause.

I would investigate your husband's feelings a bit more thoroughly, and then work out some options for high school that you are comfortable with and he is willing to support. Are you, in your heart of hearts, up for teaching all four years of high school? That kind of thing.

[*****]

 If your daughter is the one who would rather homeschool, I think that says a lot.  You didn't mention any private schools in the area, is that an option?  Or do you have a choice of charter schools in your district that may be more art oriented?  If not, it sounds like she would do well at home, especially if you had other ways to help with socialization.

[2_girls_mommy]

I would homeschool her.  High school is very rewarding, and they get to begin their lives in the real world, managing their own time, jobs, passions, and friends around their homeschool work, not the other way around as in school.  We recently were on a college tour day and coincidentally got seated with another homeschool family for lunch.  The young girl who planned on becoming a dental assistant was already working days in a dental office getting experience, doing her schoolwork at night.  My current senior in high school works during the days some days of the week also and has dance classes during the day during the week, and then does her schoolwork in the evenings on those days.  Mine plans on pursuing art, so at home, she can spend time entering different art contests and pursuing art projects and media of her choice.  For social, mine is so busy with her jobs, her dance classes, and her extra curriculars, plus we attend a co-op, that she often doesn't have a lot of time to look for extra just hang out time, but she sees her friends at those activities.  We just camped out for the weekend with our girl scout troop.  She has long time scout friends in our troop that are all busy, and don't get together very often anymore.  They don't do weekly meetings like when they were younger.  but they had lots of hangout time over the weekend to stay up late and talk.  Plus my dd actually works at the camp that we were camping at, and they had an event for all troops one night that we were there, so she actually left our troop, got to clock in, and worked a few hours at the camp, so she had her work scout friends to see at that time too. I don't worry that she didn't have free time at the movies or mall just to hang out.  She had plenty of interactions.   Our weeks are just as busy.  She doesn't do a lot outside of dance with her dance friends, but they spend a lot of time at the studio together a week, year in and year out.  And a few times a semester they get together for something extra.  Every once in awhile they will just stay late to talk or something.  The same at co-op and so forth.  She stays busy in her activities that are meaningful to her and has friends and acquaintances at each place that are into the same things that she is there for.  Some she is closer to than others, but her life is full.  She is looking forward to college and dorm life and meeting a roommate and other friends there. I love the hours we do have together schooling, reading together, planning her art projects, etc.  She does several online classes now that I am not highly involved in except for helping her manage her schedule, studying for an exam or whatever, but the time we do still have working together is so awesome at this age, to be able to have funny moments, deeper conversations about what she is reading and so on is very rewarding. 

[Idalou]

I'd bring her home. In my opinion, public middle school or junior high is a waste of time academically. Math classes seem to be repetitive, unless you are in a great district. Literature classes felt measly.  It's as if the schools put the students in a holding pattern while waiting for them  to mature a bit, lol.

 

Edited October 18, 2021 by Idalou

[Carol in Cal.]

Yes, bring her home.  She wants to be home, and you already know how to homeschool, and the middle school years are super fun to homeschool—these might end up being the years you look back on the most fondly.

[porque?]

I really wish I would have brought my older daughter home from middle school when she asked. I strongly believe it was a mistake to insist she stay and finish the year.