Food dilemma with teens

[Tap]

6 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Ugh! Yeah, maybe the sugar free lemonade?

I did that this summer with one of those cans of lemonade powder. She was drinking a full pitcher a day. The Costco size can was gone in less that 2 weeks.  I think I just need to only have water in the house. Which is best for her, but bad for me. I love having a glass of juice at night. It helps me sleep better. That is why I have tried to make it work with other items like juice boxes etc.

[DawnM]

Can you have some of your own treats in your room or somewhere where she can't see them and doesn't know you have them?  

Or buy a bag of chips to keep at your work for lunch only or something?

That way she won't have access but you can still enjoy.

[ktgrok]

1 minute ago, Tap said:

I did that this summer with one of those cans of lemonade powder. She was drinking a full pitcher a day. The Costco size can was gone in less that 2 weeks.  I think I just need to only have water in the house. Which is best for her, but bad for me. I love having a glass of juice at night. It helps me sleep better. That is why I have tried to make it work with other items like juice boxes etc.

Yeah, she will not be able to regulate, so you need to limit what is there. Even if that means storing stuff in your car and bringing in one days worth at a time, etc. Like, keeping juice at work for you, and bringing it home in your purse where she doesn't see it?

[Tap]

1 minute ago, hippymamato3 said:

We went through a lot of this with my oldest (adopted from foster care at age 10) son. He had all these same behaviors, but no autism diagnosis, and does have low IQ, conduct disorder, reactive attachment disorder, PTSD. He ate anything and everything, as much as he could. He didn't care at all about getting heavy or health issues. None of that made a difference to him. His aggression and violence and property destruction became so bad we did finally get him approved for a residential facility once he turned 19.  Though the behaviors did not necessarily improve, he was not ever going to be able to be safe (to us or anyone else) in a home setting, so this was the best thing for him. I wish you luck. I know the frustration. You can PM me if you'd like. We did utilize locks on some cabinets, but he frequently pulled them off so caused damage in another way that way. *sigh*

Thanks for the offer 🙂 

This is part of the problem. Food can't be in the house or she will get it. Period. 

I wouldn't lock food away from her, since it is just the two of us. Knowing her, that would create more issues when she perseverated on it. 

I really don't know what else to do other than a treatment facility. 😞 

[Tap]

Just now, ktgrok said:

Yeah, she will not be able to regulate, so you need to limit what is there. Even if that means storing stuff in your car and bringing in one days worth at a time, etc. Like, keeping juice at work for you, and bringing it home in your purse where she doesn't see it?

LOL. I keep junk food at work all the time! I also hide it in my room (SHHH don't tell) or purposefully buy the spicy version, so she will leave  it alone.  We have extra lockers since so many people are teleworking. I sometimes have an entire locker full of junk food when I go grocery shopping. HAHA. It looks like 'I' have the problem but it is all single serving size so I can have a bit at a time, without it going stale. 

[Tap]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Can you have some of your own treats in your room or somewhere where she can't see them and doesn't know you have them?  

Or buy a bag of chips to keep at your work for lunch only or something?

That way she won't have access but you can still enjoy.

See the post just above this one. 🙂 

[Tap]

Ya'll have given me some great advice. It really shows how much everyone cares. Thank you!  I know I have tried almost everything I can think of and now I know I have tried most of what everyone her can think of too. It makes me happy I am not missing something obvious, but also sad that it has to be this hard. 

I am at the end of my parenting abilities with her. I have so many topics like this that float through my head on a daily basis. Something that should be simple, like feeding a teenager! It may be expensive, but it shouldn't be hard! My older kids I was always trying to get nutrient dense, high calorie things into them! That is why I know as much as I do, just looking at the opposite side of the weight spectrum. 

What it all comes down to...is that I am not an effective parent for her anymore. 😞 I need to find a place for her to go for a while. Maybe if we both get a break, we can try again. But this topic (among many others) really shows that I am in over my head. If I don't give her food, she will rage and get violent. At least in a care facility, they can deal with that better than I can, since they have staff with her all day long. 

 

Thanks everyone! Once again, you are all my favorite people in the world! I appreciate you all so much. 

[Junie]

(((Tap)))  I have no advice at all, but I'm sending you huge hugs.

 

[KungFuPanda]

I don’t think you can talk your way out of this. You’re not qualified . . . none of us are. This is a medical crisis. She needs specialists and it’ll take some time to assemble the right team. The binging seems like a symptom and it’s pointless to focus on treating the symptoms long-term. You’re not going to talk her into eating less. She’s not really in control. 

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, Junie said:

(((Tap)))  I have no advice at all, but I'm sending you huge hugs.

 

Yeah, me too. (((Tap)))

Also want to affirm that a residential placement be the only option. Not because of anything you have or have not done. Because her needs are what they are.

[Melissa in Australia]

A  care facility sounds like a great idea. You have done a fantastic job getting her this far.  

There comes a time when it gets beyond what a person by them  self is capable of giving 

 

Hugs

Edited October 7, 2021 by Melissa in Australia
Spelling

[Hannah]

Tap, I have followed your story over the years and I agree with Melissa - you have done an amazing job!  It has been a tough parenting journey and you have given it your all.   I hope that you are able to advocate for and access the right care facility where there are qualified staff to deal with your daughter's needs and that it works out well for you all.

[teachermom2834]

31 minutes ago, Hannah said:

Tap, I have followed your story over the years and I agree with Melissa - you have done an amazing job!  It has been a tough parenting journey and you have given it your all.   I hope that you are able to advocate for and access the right care facility where there are qualified staff to deal with your daughter's needs and that it works out well for you all.

I was thinking this but didn’t have the right words do I’ll just quote to say “ditto”. I have been on these boards and followed along all this time with you and your dd. You are amazing. Best wishes to you on all of it. 

[Amy in NH]

nm

Residential treatment sounds like the best place for her. 

I've known a teen much like your dd who has thrived in their residential program (and lost a lot of weight, too).

Sounds like you may need to force the going-to-school issue in order to get the documentation you need to get a placement, though.  One-hour per day of school doesn't really meet the letter of the law in terms of IDEA, either.

Edited October 29, 2021 by Amy in NH