So close and yet missed. WHY?! Venting

[Murphy101]

UGH!!!! It’s infuriating and happens all day every day. 

Husband brings me some paperwork about car insurance. I’m sick and I tell him, “Put it in the bill folder.” (There is zero question about what I meant. There is one bill folder and it’s location never varies.)

I go looking for the car insurance paperwork.  Is it there? Hell no. I go through every piece of paper the folder and the drawer it’s in and the top of the desk the drawer is in. Nada about car insurance.

I call him bc he ran to Costco. Where is it?  He swears he put it there. I have been sick for 4 days and he was supposed to put it there yesterday so no one would have moved it. Dude. You did not put it here.  He is exasperated and says we’ll go through my emails and find it and reprint it. Oh hells no. His email is a cluster from hell. I don’t think he has sorted or deleted or unsubscribed an email in at least 5 years. I am not digging through that hellscape. He can go find it for me when he gets home.

I get off the phone and decide to print something for a kid instead and when I go to the printer that has a decorative sunflower bowl and picture frame on it. What do I see under the sunflower bowl? The insurance paperwork. This is less than 2 feet from where the bill folder is.  ARGH!!!!

Dh gets home and I’m like you owe me an apology bc it was in fact not where it was supposed to be. And he says well that’s not where I put it. 

What the?  Dude. No.

Only two people ever mess with my desk. Me and him when I say to put something in the bill folder. And if a kid were to mess with it - I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be to screw with my head and our marriage by hiding the blasted car insurance paperwork. Seriously?!

Just. The hecken. This drives me nuts all day every day. It’s a whole thing where if something isn’t where it belongs - look within 2 ft of where it goes. Or me saying to quit complaining  about cleaning up bc all anyone has to do to clean my house is move everything 2-3ft.  Except shoes. Those are always in the one walkway from the living room to the kitchen. They literally pass 2 shoe rack locations to leave them there too. 🤦‍♀️

Just. WHY?!?!
👿🙄😳

[Katy]

I don’t know, but as someone married to a DH with ADHD, you have my sympathy.  Lovely man, but it took me YEARS to get systems in place so I can usually find what I need. 

[ktgrok]

49 minutes ago, Katy said:

I don’t know, but as someone married to a DH with ADHD, you have my sympathy.  Lovely man, but it took me YEARS to get systems in place so I can usually find what I need. 

As someone WITH ADHD I'm constantly looking for things that are not where they should be BUT I don't even get to be angry at anyone else, lol. Just myself!

(I actually know my own bizarre habits enough to usually find things...I can backtrack my own insanity pretty well. But I'd feel very sorry for someone else trying to figure out my crazy!)

[prairiewindmomma]

Mmhmm. *nodding in sympathy* 
 

My vent this week: Why did you walk into the bathroom and take my eyebrow hair scissors (tiny!) and use those to open your package instead of walking two feet in the other direction and use regular scissors? Or walk to the office where I keep three pairs? Or down to the kitchen drawer where there are two more pairs? Why, of all things did you use those and then get mystified that I am angry? I have three pairs of scissors no one else is allowed to touch and they all look nothing like regular scissors: fabric shears, eyebrow scissors, and hair scissors. Scissors are tools. We don’t blunt and chip my blades because you are disorganized.

[Murphy101]

16 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Mmhmm. *nodding in sympathy* 
 

My vent this week: Why did you walk into the bathroom and take my eyebrow hair scissors (tiny!) and use those to open your package instead of walking two feet in the other direction and use regular scissors? Or walk to the office where I keep three pairs? Or down to the kitchen drawer where there are two more pairs? Why, of all things did you use those and then get mystified that I am angry? I have three pairs of scissors no one else is allowed to touch and they all look nothing like regular scissors: fabric shears, eyebrow scissors, and hair scissors. Scissors are tools. We don’t blunt and chip my blades because you are disorganized.

Ohhhh. Wow. Are they still alive?  My husband once got my knitting collapsible scissors out to cut a wire. A WIRE! His reasoning? It was a thin tiny wire and he thought it wouldn’t matter. 🤦‍♀️

[MercyA]

I am so sorry.

Just look at your sig and remember why you love him. 😉 

[WildflowerMom]

What does lube the dog mean?  
 

and yes, I swear it's a good thing I'm not a violent person, because my husband drives me freaking nuts with crap like this.   Except in your case, dh would've said 'what bill folder?' Like he all of a sudden forgot we have one of those.  🤯  ds can't find anything at all either.  They are both crazy adhd. 

[Murphy101]

39 minutes ago, MercyA said:

I am so sorry.

Just look at your sig and remember why you love him. 😉 

Ha! I can’t see my sig in the mobile version! I need to go see if it’s even still current…

Eta: I updated my sig line. Another year, another graduate!

Edited October 2, 2021 by Murphy101

[Murphy101]

49 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

What does lube the dog mean?  
 

and yes, I swear it's a good thing I'm not a violent person, because my husband drives me freaking nuts with crap like this.   Except in your case, dh would've said 'what bill folder?' Like he all of a sudden forgot we have one of those.  🤯  ds can't find anything at all either.  They are both crazy adhd. 

A day in my life several years ago.😂https://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/563047-i-bet-this-didnt-happen-to-you-this-weekend/?tab=comments#comment-6562611

 

Edited October 2, 2021 by Murphy101

[Carrie12345]

I’m the adhd’er here, but have similar dh stories! 
No one is allowed to put things *in a file but me, because I won’t remember that it exists if I don’t touch it before putting it away. Things must be put on my desk and then, if something mysteriously happens from there, I know that’s on me and I can probably untangle the journey.

But, yeah, hearing “I gave it to you” or “I did put in on your desk” sends chills down my spine. Because my non-adhd dh drives around in a black hole of a vehicle I dread pawing through!

[HomeAgain]

This is probably how dh feels dealing with me. 😳  It is very hard for me to remember to put things inside things.  Okay, strike that.  It's very hard for me to remember that I put something somewhere if I don't see it or feel it in that place.  I question myself and/or I forget about it and then problems arise.    Most of our house now is designed to meet various needs, but a huge emphasis on my need for open containers: baskets, trays, slots...  We've kept much of our home to a minimum (except the homeschool storage) for this reason.

[Garga]

Yup. Got stories like that, too. I’ve given up being mad. I’m in a state of cynical ennui when it comes to the adhd shenanigans that go on in this house. I’m just so done with the drama. “Gasp! I should have left 20 minutes ago! I’m late!” “I have to leave in 30 seconds and can’t find my keys!” “I don’t have the paperwork! I’ll have to sort through 500 emails!” 

Yawn. Whatever. I’m just over getting riled up anymore. But it’s taken me 29 years to get here.

[SKL]

Yeah, I don't get it either.

One of my daughters always used to take off her shoes and leave them in the MIDDLE of the floor, where someone was sure to trip over them.  Many reminders did nothing.  The other kid with her socks (always inside out) left wherever she happened to sit down.

Having a puppy did help with both of the above.  😛

[Murphy101]

Y’all. I’m like 80% confident adhd is not one of the problems my husband has. 😂

He was just having a stressed out so being a butt nugget day.  While I think his email is a hellscape - he actually has zero problems with it.

The kids now…. Ugh. I think they are just mostly absentminded kids.🤷‍♀️ Not that that’s easier to parent. 

[Beth S]

Our marriage benefits from Auto-Pay.  😉

ETA:  I am serious.  My parents have disagreements about paying bills all the time.
My brothers and I look at each other and say, "Auto Pay."

Edited October 2, 2021 by Beth S

[Murphy101]

5 minutes ago, Beth S said:

Our marriage benefits from Auto-Pay.  😉

ETA:  I am serious.  My parents have disagreements about paying bills all the time.
My brothers and I look at each other and say, "Auto Pay."

We don’t argue about bills? I handle all the finances the last 4 years.  I have been sick all week with a horrid respiratory virus.  I asked him to put the paperwork in the bill folder. So that I can handle it when I’m improving. That’s literally all he had to do.

[bensonduck]

I feel for you on this. My DH never met a clean, flat surface that he didn’t want to put a random assortment of papers on. As soon as I clean one off and organize it, it starts again. Everything from important work documents to oil change coupons to old newspapers to bills 🙃

I’m glad the paperwork was found in the end!

[ktgrok]

I have a feeling what was more annoying than him misplacing it was him insisting he didn't misplace it. That stubborn refusal to admit a mistake drives me bonkers! I misplace stuff sometimes, but I KNOW I do that and I fully admit it, rather than insist gremlins broke into the house and moved something. 

[Murphy101]

1 hour ago, bensonduck said:

I feel for you on this. My DH never met a clean, flat surface that he didn’t want to put a random assortment of papers on. As soon as I clean one off and organize it, it starts again. Everything from important work documents to oil change coupons to old newspapers to bills 🙃

I’m glad the paperwork was found in the end!

Darn flat surfaces are clutter magnets!  I have very few and it’s a constantly battle to have them clear enough to actually use. Lol