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NorthernBeth
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Okay, this is super embarrassing, but I need to pick the Hive's brain for thoughts on weight loss.  Please don't quote as I will probably delete.

I desperately need to lose a LOT of weight, as it is beginning to affect my mobility and health.  But it seems like I can do whatever plan i create for only about 3 weeks and then everything falls apart.  I have lost significant weight before  ( like 120 +) so I believe I can do it again.  But at that point I had multiple outside supports that helped me to stay on track  ( and I was single with no kids)   I think if I am going to be successful, I will need to set up some outside supports but because i live so remotely they are a bit harder to set up here.

So , has anyone here lost a significant amount of weight AND kept it off? If so, what were some of the key factors that helped you?  

Personal trainer?

Dietician?

Counselling?

Peer support group? 

some internal mindset change?  

I am so tired of fighting this particular battle, but I know when I just give in and do whatever, the problem gets worse dramatically faster so that is not really a solution either.  

I can spend a bit of money on things, but if you found any particular profession or peer support group super helpful, could you tell me who/what it was and what made it so helpful.  

I don't want to end up in a wheelchair because my knees can't support my weight anymore and I think I am dangerously close to ending up that way.

Please don't say anything dumb like eat less, move more...   I know that already but am having trouble making it happen, that is the problem.  

Help!!!!

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My own weight loss journey is complicated and not as successful as I would like. Some things that have helped:  

getting proper support for prediabetes and diabetes from my doc. Even if you aren’t technically diabetic (and I have no idea obviously if you are or aren’t) getting blood sugars optimized helps a lot.   (Brw - there is an app called My Sugr by Accucheck that helps me track my blood sugars and my carbs. I think that I just started out getting a free app and logging using a different meter but I soon realized that signing up for their paid service saved me money. I got a glucometer from them and unlimited test strips for the subscription. It may or may not make sense for you financially. )

 I have a Fitbit. Just getting my steps works a lot for mobility. And weight loss. I log my food and water intake on Fitbit. It helps if your breakfast, lunch and snacks are mostly the same- easier than constantly figuring out new foods to log. 
 

I do have a personal trainer. I go every two weeks. My personal trainer works out of a Physical Therapy office. She gave me an app with my exercises on it to work on at home. I do some strength training with her. 
 

My neighbor and I walk our dogs together a couple of times a week. That really helps me to keep up my steps. 
 

I used to have an online diet buddy. I thought that I saw that places like Weight Watchers have online/app based programs now?  

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I wish I could say I have long term success losing and keeping it off. But I do not. I lost 40-60 pounds a couple times but I gained it back both times. I am 47 now and it is harder to lose again. So I need to lose about 40-50 right now and I'm just stuck.

But I am focusing on health and mobility and staying strong and active. I'm doing pretty well with that. My dh got me an Apple watch and that is helpful and motivating in tracking steps and workouts. More so than the Fitbit I used to have. Also, my dd started an activity five nights a week. I got a Y membership near the activity and I walk on the treadmill while she is in class. Sometimes she has an hour class. Sometimes it is up three hours. Depending on how I feel I might walk very slowly, or I might jog some intervals, or I might crank up the incline. But I always hit the treadmill while she is in class. Even if i walk very slowly on it I am still moving five nights a week. 

Are you a candidate for bariatric surgery? I know that is a big decision. I have always struggled with my weight but never enough to qualify. 

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Are you one dealing with kids with SN/disabilities at home? I'm sorry, I mix up people. If you are, having btdt, I would consider whether stress is a factor. For me, my best weight control was going to the Y. They have a variety of activities, and they have a steam room. I find the steam room motivating above all things, because you do nothing, just sit there, and you feel better. If you have stress, it's good for stress. If you need to lose weight, well you'll get your heart rate up and dump some water weight. So that's the first thing I'd be pondering, how you control stress. 

Two, have you had a proper thyroid workup with Free T3, Free T4, TSH, and antibodies? I wouldn't give yourself too hard a time if your doctor has been unhelpful on thyroid.

Have you talked with your insurance provider about supports? Ours has services if you call and ask.

For me, I'm zilcho on the food control and add on weight with stress. Going to the Y (precovid) gave me structure, peer support, and the blessed steam room. When they reopened, they didn't open to steam room (spit spit), but it's finally back!

You said you live remotely. Do you have access to a Y? 

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I can only tell you about my own experience. I know how to lose weight and have done it before successfully, but in the last few years, I just don’t do it. As a cancer patient, my doctors are happy when my weight is stable, but I still would benefit from losing 30 lbs or so. I’m having repairs done on both of my knees, so less weight on them would help me. Also, I think that being thinner would make physical therapy easier for me, and that is going to be the crucial part of making my knee surgeries successful. 
 

So I wake up telling myself that I will stay on my eating plan, and I fall off of it by evening. For years. 
 

About a month ago, I started seeing a psychiatrist for my anxiety. He diagnosed a depression that I didn’t recognize at first because it doesn’t manifest how I thought depression would. He put me on lexapro to start out because it has been helpful for my son and my doctor believes our issues are genetic. He assured me that we would make adjustments if I gained weight on it because many people do. 
 

Imagine my surprise when I started the medication and sticking to my eating plan is suddenly no problem at all. I’m in bed, recovering from surgery, so I can not possibly be any less active than I am now, yet, I am losing weight every week. I’m tracking my food so I make sure I’m getting enough calories. It isn’t as though the medication is killing my appetite. I get hungry and enjoy my food, but it is easy to stop when I’m full. 
 

So if you keep trying and find that you can’t follow through with your best intentions, it might be time to see if their is an underlying issue making it more difficult to succeed. 

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At my weight, I am pretty sure I would be a candidate for bariatric surgery but it pretty much terrifies me.  I have seen and heard some not super inspiring stories there.  And when i was working with a eating disorders clinic they said it can sometimes trigger depression and suicidal ideation in some patients.  As I already struggle with depression, that possibility is a serious concern.  But I am thinking about it. The nearest center that does it is a plane ride out of the wilderness and then 5 hours to the nearest big center so not easily accessible.  It would also be at least a year on the waiting list and they will turn you down if they don't think you meet the psychological benchmarks they are looking for.  

( note: I am no longer working with that clinic as it was super expensive but there were also scheduling issues that we couldn't seem to work around)

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Depression can be a thyroid symptom. Do you think it's connected to your weight gain? (do you eat emotionally? I eat when I'm anxious, so I'm not knocking it) Testing for the sugar and thyroid would be a good place to start.

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13 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Are you one dealing with kids with SN/disabilities at home? I'm sorry, I mix up people. If you are, having btdt, I would consider whether stress is a factor. For me, my best weight control was going to the Y. They have a variety of activities, and they have a steam room. I find the steam room motivating above all things, because you do nothing, just sit there, and you feel better. If you have stress, it's good for stress. If you need to lose weight, well you'll get your heart rate up and dump some water weight. So that's the first thing I'd be pondering, how you control stress. 

Two, have you had a proper thyroid workup with Free T3, Free T4, TSH, and antibodies? I wouldn't give yourself too hard a time if your doctor has been unhelpful on thyroid.

 

You said you live remotely. Do you have access to a Y? 

Yeah, we are dealing with our oldest foster son who definitely has ADHD and probably has ASD or at least "kisses the spectrum".  As well, we just took in 2 new foster kids ( his younger cousins) who were in a very bad situation and desperately needed to get somewhere safe.  The 5-going-on-6 year old has never gone to kindergarten and has not been toilet trained so we are working on that now, and he is going half-days until he can get through a whole day clean.  Cleaning up his accidents every day has been super stressful and I am pretty sure he is having some digestive issues but the nursing station doesn't want to do anything about it as he is so new in our care.  We are currently eliminating milk, candy and pop to see if it helps ( i think he was living off pop and chips at mom's house, so finding foods he will eat is very hard.) 

I have not had a proper workup in a few years so that would probably be a good thing to check up on.

No, no Y or proper gym.  There is a school gym as a place to work out if i arranged a time with my boss but it doesn't have exercise equipment or anything.

 

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Just now, PeterPan said:

Depression can be a thyroid symptom. Do you think it's connected to your weight gain? (do you eat emotionally?) Testing for the sugar and thyroid would be a good place to start.

I definitely eat emotionally .  Everytime they test my sugars ( which doctors do the moment they see me) it always comes up fine. )  I have had my thyroid tested in the past but could look at it again.

I think the depression is just genetic to be honest.  I am sure it doesn't help my eating.  I have set up a session with a therapist, but feel leery about whether it will help really.   When I am craving a chocolate bar, talking about my issues with mom last saturday doesn't really seem to stop me from wanting to eat the chocolate bar, KWM?

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So you're taking care of EVERYONE ELSE and not yourself? You see the problem here, right?

Mama who takes care of herself first can take care of everyone else better.

You can be strong and a bit overweight. It seems like the bigger problem is not taking care of you (not your body, not your mental health, nothing). Who is ok'ing all these extra loads coming in without taking care of you? Why are you not getting medical care?

I mean, I get not going to the doctor. I didn't go for a lotta years (15? I forget) because I had a doctor make me even more sick with his stupidity. But it's time Mama. YOU have to take care of YOU because zero, nobody else in that house is doing it.

-you go to the doctor and get full bloodwork including free t3, free t4, tsh, and b vitamins

-you get treatment for your depression immediately 

-you do something kind to yourself for 10 minutes every day to lower your stress. Anything you want. (tea, walk, lie down and body scan, anything)

After you've done all that, then you can make a game plan for the rest. You'll probably be more ready to tackle the body if you get the mental health under control. And maybe you have a chat with the other adults in the house about why you're overloaded and what can be done. Not everything is your problem. If YOU don't take care of yourself and love yourself enough to take care of yourself, WHO WILL? 

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17 minutes ago, Amy Gen said:

About a month ago, I started seeing a psychiatrist for my anxiety. He diagnosed a depression that I didn’t recognize at first because it doesn’t manifest how I thought depression would. He put me on lexapro to start out because it has been helpful for my son and my doctor believes our issues are genetic. He assured me that we would make adjustments if I gained weight on it because many people do. 
 

Imagine my surprise when I started the medication and sticking to my eating plan is suddenly no problem at all. I’m in bed, recovering from surgery, so I can not possibly be any less active than I am now, yet, I am losing weight every week. I’m tracking my food so I make sure I’m getting enough calories. It isn’t as though the medication is killing my appetite. I get hungry and enjoy my food, but it is easy to stop when I’m full. 
 

So if you keep trying and find that you can’t follow through with your best intentions, it might be time to see if their is an underlying issue making it more difficult to succeed. 

This is what I was hoping would happen when i went on my current anti-depressant.  I love this med.. as it seems to have almost no side effects for me and seems super effective at eliminating the worst of the depression symptoms.   But did not necessarily help me stop eating.  

I am reluctant to change meds as this one works so well so many of the very scary symptoms of depression.  I mean, I would rather be fat than dead, quite frankly.  

But my job is very active ( grade 1 teacher) and it is all dirt-gravel roads up here which are not exactly wheelchair friendly.  I just feel like my health is moving in a bad direction and I need to get it back on track before it is too late.  

But part of me is worried maybe it is already too late?

 

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So the secret no one talks about is that vyvanse is on label for binge eating. In other words, say you have some nice adult ADHD (let's just posit), then it could present with impulsivity in the eating department, which an ADHD med could help bring under control.

Your blood labs are all old since you haven't been to the doctor. Right? 🙂

Yes, you could have a TPH2 defect that would affect your production of serotonin. The treatment for that is 5HTP, which you can get in a terrific time release formula from Natrol. The studies are mixed and it seems to most help people who (no shock) have the TPH2 defect. I take it, love it, highly recommend. https://www.amazon.com/Natrol-Production-Serotonin-Drug-Free-Controlled/dp/B07BLLSNL5/ref=sr_1_5?crid=3GID228BALG2T&dchild=1&keywords=natrol+5htp+200mg+time+release&qid=1632413844&sprefix=natrol+5h%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-5  

Depression and anxiety (which is part of what you're describing) are linked and both respond to a nice fat juicy serotonin burst. Well except for my anxiety. That was B6 which traces back to another genetic defect (nbpf3) and turns out to also be easily treatable with a b vitamin (P5P). But you could get your serotonin up by your method of choice (5HTP if you think it's genetic, SSRI if you think it's not) and see how much improves. The 5HTP should not cause weight gain, if you're worried about that with a med option.

 

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Just now, NorthernBeth said:

This is what I was hoping would happen when i went on my current anti-depressant.  I love this med.. as it seems to have almost no side effects for me and seems super effective at eliminating the worst of the depression symptoms.   But did not necessarily help me stop eating.  

I am reluctant to change meds as this one works so well so many of the very scary symptoms of depression.  I mean, I would rather be fat than dead, quite frankly.  

But my job is very active ( grade 1 teacher) and it is all dirt-gravel roads up here which are not exactly wheelchair friendly.  I just feel like my health is moving in a bad direction and I need to get it back on track before it is too late.  

But part of me is worried maybe it is already too late?

 

Since the Lexapro is working for me, if I have issues like weight gain or lack of motivation, my doctor wouldn’t take me off of Lexapro. He would just add Wellbutrin to help balance it without losing the positive benefits. 
 

Since you know you are dealing with depression, my uneducated guess is that your weight loss struggles are being sabotaged by the depression. I have some PTSD from medical trauma, but my psychiatrist assures me that I can get better and they won’t stop tweaking what needs to be done until I am better. That reassurance helped me not feel so fatalistic about everything. I definitely feel like it is not too late. 

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5 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

So you're taking care of EVERYONE ELSE and not yourself? You see the problem here, right?

Mama who takes care of herself first can take care of everyone else better.

You can be strong and a bit overweight. It seems like the bigger problem is not taking care of you (not your body, not your mental health, nothing). Who is ok'ing all these extra loads coming in without taking care of you? Why are you not getting medical care?

I mean, I get not going to the doctor. I didn't go for a lotta years (15? I forget) because I had a doctor make me even more sick with his stupidity. But it's time Mama. YOU have to take care of YOU because zero, nobody else in that house is doing it.

-you go to the doctor and get full bloodwork including free t3, free t4, tsh, and b vitamins

-you get treatment for your depression immediately 

-you do something kind to yourself for 10 minutes every day to lower your stress. Anything you want. (tea, walk, lie down and body scan, anything)

After you've done all that, then you can make a game plan for the rest. You'll probably be more ready to tackle the body if you get the mental health under control. And maybe you have a chat with the other adults in the house about why you're overloaded and what can be done. Not everything is your problem. If YOU don't take care of yourself and love yourself enough to take care of yourself, WHO WILL? 

Thank-you!!   I needed to hear this today!!  

We had decided we wouldn't take any more foster kids in but then his cousins' family life just got very bad and it was breaking all our hearts.  My super anti-social, not generally sympathetic 14 year old was coming to me in tears demanding/ begging we take in his little cousins.  They finally got picked up by family services due to multiple complaints files by neighbours and family members who saw how bad things were getting .  It has been a very rough adjustment period especially around food.   They seem to have lived off pop, chips, fries, hamburgers and pizza.  Trying to get them to eat any real food has been a major challenge.  But this is NOT a diet I can follow safely!!!  

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19 minutes ago, Amy Gen said:

Since the Lexapro is working for me, if I have issues like weight gain or lack of motivation, my doctor wouldn’t take me off of Lexapro. He would just add Wellbutrin to help balance it without losing the positive benefits. 
 

Since you know you are dealing with depression, my uneducated guess is that your weight loss struggles are being sabotaged by the depression. I have some PTSD from medical trauma, but my psychiatrist assures me that I can get better and they won’t stop tweaking what needs to be done until I am better. That reassurance helped me not feel so fatalistic about everything. I definitely feel like it is not too late. 

I don't know if it was you or someone else here but I do remember reading about this combo before... I don't really understand. Isn't Wellbutrin just another antidepressant? Why would they prescribe two? I had Lexapro and it was horrible for me as far as fatigue and weight gain. Now I've been on Celexa quite some time and it's also affected my energy levels and weight. I would ideally like to wean OFF meds, not add to them... but I am curious about this combo. 

OP, I liked your post to send a heart... that's a lot going on and I know I'd also struggle with the diet conflicts. When I don't bring it in the house I can do much better. But once it's in the house, all bets are off. I think this is similar for many people. 

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2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don't know if it was you or someone else here but I do remember reading about this combo before... I don't really understand. Isn't Wellbutrin just another antidepressant? Why would they prescribe two? I had Lexapro and it was horrible for me as far as fatigue and weight gain. Now I've been on Celexa quite some time and it's also affected my energy levels and weight. I would ideally like to wean OFF meds, not add to them... but I am curious about this combo. 

OP, I liked your post to send a heart... that's a lot going on and I know I'd also struggle with the diet conflicts. When I don't bring it in the house I can do much better. But once it's in the house, all bets are off. I think this is similar for many people. 

Wellbutrin is not a SSRI. It is a dopamine/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor which works very well for some people in combination with a SSRI.  

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Gary Taubes has written a new book about obesity that is informative and offers better advice than CICO which does not take into account hormonal effects of certain foods and a person’s unique response to particular foods.

Taubes recommends using Virta, a company created by Sami Inkinen and Stanford U researchers that monitors a patient’s reaction to food using a continuous glucose monitor. (Sami, despite being an elite athlete, developed insulin resistance and worked with Stanford researchers to reverse it.) Patients discuss their results daily with a nurse who has been trained to understand the hormonal responses.

Jason Fung takes patients long distance, too. He often recommends fasting and now, higher protein, but he allows flexibility. Additionally, he offers a wide variety of meals through his Diet Doctor website that range from vegan to carnivore and fast food to complicated recipes. All are designed to prevent spikes in insulin. Most of the meals I make are from his site are delicious and uncomplicated.

Benjamin Bikman’s book Why We Get Sick explains the role of insulin resistance in disease and obesity. Bikman is a researcher as well as an advisor to Fung.

If you work with someone else, make sure they’re up to date on the research. Many are not.

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28 minutes ago, BeachGal said:

Gary Taubes has written a new book about obesity that is informative and offers better advice than CICO which does not take into account hormonal effects of certain foods and a person’s unique response to particular foods.

Taubes recommends using Virta, a company created by Sami Inkinen and Stanford U researchers that monitors a patient’s reaction to food using a continuous glucose monitor. (Sami, despite being an elite athlete, developed insulin resistance and worked with Stanford researchers to reverse it.) Patients discuss their results daily with a nurse who has been trained to understand the hormonal responses.

Jason Fung takes patients long distance, too. He often recommends fasting and now, higher protein, but he allows flexibility. Additionally, he offers a wide variety of meals through his Diet Doctor website that range from vegan to carnivore and fast food to complicated recipes. All are designed to prevent spikes in insulin. Most of the meals I make are from his site are delicious and uncomplicated.

Benjamin Bikman’s book Why We Get Sick explains the role of insulin resistance in disease and obesity. Bikman is a researcher as well as an advisor to Fung.

If you work with someone else, make sure they’re up to date on the research. Many are not.

Thank you , this is all really helpful stuff... some of these are people I have been investigating so I am glad to hear they are working for others.

 

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I'm working on this too. Every time I try to count calories or join WW or whatever I instantly rebel. (Like you, I was successful at losing a lot of weight at one point in my life but I was single then and had all the time in the world). I am at a point in my life where I just cannot count another thing. So I've been listening to podcasts lately that recommend making slow changes. I'm not in a hurry to lose weight right now, it would just be great to stop gaining, so I've decided to take this slow approach and make little changes. 

Half Size Me is my favorite podcast. Heather (the host) is a homeschooling mom and lost a lot of weight, and now coaches. She will recommend calorie counting to clients that she talks to, but also provides alternatives if that's not for you. Very helpful. Here is her website: https://www.halfsizeme.com/

Fitness Matters with Pahla B is a very good podcast as well (I learned about her here). And she has a YouTube channel with great low impact workouts, but also general videos about weight loss. Here is her website: https://pahlabfitness.com/?fbclid=IwAR1JisS_YWg8A5AJccJ9EmYYW9aUYxmEJeaLVVOeIRrP4IHh5K6jilIXL4w  She talks a lot about being over 50 and post-menopausal. I'm not there yet but that doesn't really matter.

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WW (formerly Weight Watchers) has a coaching program where you can talk with a coach as frequently as you want for $54/month. You can search based on certain things (weight loss amount over 100 lbs, kids at home, age, etc). If accountability and perspective is something you need, this might be helpful. Even if you are getting other things in order (depression medication, etc), finding a coach who clicks with you can be really helpful.

I've only lost 25ish lbs, so my experience is different than yours. I lost it with WW back when there was a Studio across the street from my house. I found that I lost motivation without the community. I actually like my coach better than my community now, though, because her values align better with mine. I was lucky and found the right coach for me the first time, but you can try as many as you like. I talk with her about once a week for 15 minutes, but she has stressed that I can set up as many appointments per week with as many coaches as I want.

Pahla B is great, too, especially as she herself lost a fair amount of weight.

Emily

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2 hours ago, NorthernBeth said:

They seem to have lived off pop, chips, fries, hamburgers and pizza.  Trying to get them to eat any real food has been a major challenge.  But this is NOT a diet I can follow safely!!!  

I hear you sister! And fwiw, I can't eat that when I'm stressed. Double whammy, super bad.

So are you saying you're bringing those things in to get the dc to eat? I mean, that's something we all have to be honest about. Like I might like donuts, but I eat them and they go straight zip to the hip. 

You know the drill.

-Throw the pop away.

-Throw the chips away. Corn chips (no salt to deter you from overeating them), rice chips, popcorn.

-Change the junk to whole food versions. Real potato fries, turkey burgers, pita pizzas only on Sundays. 

You know how to get this under control. The real issue is always you and whether you feel well enough to think clearly and do it. (mental health, time to yourself) You'll know the changes you need to make.

Are these children going to school?

We're clean eating, lots of veges, low gluten, etc. in our house. I've had kids stay with me and go through withdrawal, but it doesn't last. Their behavior radically improves within a week. Beneficent dictator, that's what you are.

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First, I want to say there is nothing embarrassing about having weight to lose!  

You've gotten some great ideas.  For me, the best way to lose weight (and I've lost a lot in the past - several times) has always been to make small changes one or two at a time and keep up with those changes until they become a habit and then move on to the next change.  

For example, instead of having three slices of pizza with dinner I would switch to two.  At first I would miss that third slice and then I didn't anymore.  Or I would have two big bowls of cereal then I'd go to one big bowl and one small bowl and eventually to just the one big bowl.  I had three squares of dark chocolate every afternoon, then went down to two, then went down to one and switched to a chocolate protein bar instead.  

What's really important to me is that I don't feel deprived.  If I substitute one food for another better choice, that better choice has to be something I really like or it won't work.  I've maintained my weight now for a long time and I really like my food.  There are certain foods that are trigger foods for me so I rarely eat them but I love the food I eat on a daily basis and that makes giving up some other foods SO much easier.  

Good luck to you and please don't feel ashamed of yourself because of the size of your body.  It's inside what counts.  Our bodies are just our shells.  ❤️

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The only things that works for me is logging my food and sticking within a certain calorie range.  Oddly enough,  the calories I was allotted at my heaviest were the same as my calories at my lightest, approx 1900 calories a day.  At my heaviest I could not work out much at all, walking was about it without hurting my body for many days after.  At my lightest I am sooo much more active both in every day life and planned workouts so that is why I still consume the same number of calories.

To make logging easiest, I basically ate the same things for breakfast and lunch daily.  But I made sure that those things were things I loved eating so I wouldn't get bored with it.  Breakfast was a huge plate of sauteed veggies (I switched up veggies regularly but not weekly) and 3 eggs (I'd change the way I cooked them regularly.)  Lunch was a huge wrap packed with spinach, other raw veggies, and like six slices of turkey lunch meat or whole fat yogurt loaded with strawberries, blueberries, and other berries.

Dinner varies but is ALWAYS mostly veggies in various forms, for example I eat a salad at every dinner but I also always have huge plates of non starchy roasted veggies too.  Then my starch is sweet potato or white potato 80% of the time.  The other 20% of the time it is rice or quinoa.  I only eat bread and pasta once in a blue moon because I can't control proper portions with them.  

The amount of food I eat at meals is so filling I very rarely snack between meals.  If I do, I have popcorn, a protein shake, or veggies and hummus or guac. 

Hope some of that info is helpful for you.

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Please read about Intermittent Fasting. It really works even if you follow a moderate version of it. There is a book called “The Obesity Code” that describes in great detail how it works by restricting when you eat rather than what you eat. There are support groups online for it as well. Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VVK39K8

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Can I recommend physical therapy?

When one is carrying a lot of weight, it impacts our bodies significantly and we begin to move our bodies in ways that create cascading problems. I would find someone who can help you build your core muscles and balance and strength in a way that is protective of the knee and other issues you have. Trying to exercise with poor form in something like squats when you have knee issues can be super dangerous. 
 

I think when you get moving and feeling better and are working towards health some of the eating patterns for stress relief might resolve themselves a bit. At least, that’s true for me. 
 

Best wishes!!

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oh, one other things that is necessary for me was writing. I am a binge eater and often get cravings that seem to nag at me until I give in and then end up binge eating.  Well what I found worked really well for when a craving came that would most likely end in a binge was to just write.  I wrote about the craving, what might have triggered it, how I was feeling that day and whether that was a factor in the craving, how I would feel if I gave into the craving, if I should have want I want, when I would allow myself to have what I was craving and how it could fit into my food plans, and many other things to try to help me figure out why I was obsessing about wanting to snack.  

Some days I'd write pages upon pages. some days it was just a short paragraph.  some days I caved to the craving and just wrote about how I wasn't going to harp on giving in.  Some days the craving would pass.  Some days I'd cave and it would trigger a binge.  I just took it one craving moment at a time and eventually those cravings get less prevalent and I was able to just stop writing about them and make the right decision on the spot of whether I could have what I wanted or not.

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If you don’t have access to PT because of your remoteness, I have a book list I can recommend to show a trainer, but in my experience physical therapy is so much better than even a good trainer because complex body problems require really individualized solutions. I could follow the instructions in the book but I often wasn’t moving the right muscles in an action or my body needed to reposition a few degrees.

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2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

I hear you sister! And fwiw, I can't eat that when I'm stressed. Double whammy, super bad.

So are you saying you're bringing those things in to get the dc to eat? I mean, that's something we all have to be honest about. Like I might like donuts, but I eat them and they go straight zip to the hip. 

You know the drill.

-Throw the pop away.

-Throw the chips away. Corn chips (no salt to deter you from overeating them), rice chips, popcorn.

-Change the junk to whole food versions. Real potato fries, turkey burgers, pita pizzas only on Sundays. 

You know how to get this under control. The real issue is always you and whether you feel well enough to think clearly and do it. (mental health, time to yourself) You'll know the changes you need to make.

Yes, this... the effort seems overwhelming!!  

I  have been so busy setting up the first few weeks of school that my husband has been doing all the cooking, ( and grocery shopping) so it has definitely been burger and pizza pretty much all the time.   For the food to change, I will need to commit to doing both groceries and cooking, as he will just go the easy route.... They are both going to school, the younger one  is only going half-days until we can get him properly toilet -trained.  ( The principal is aware of why we are only sending him half-days and he is fine with it. ) He seems to have a lot of diarhea and rather than solve the issue they have just been sticking a pamper on him,  

 

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2 hours ago, hjffkj said:

oh, one other things that is necessary for me was writing. I am a binge eater and often get cravings that seem to nag at me until I give in and then end up binge eating.  Well what I found worked really well for when a craving came that would most likely end in a binge was to just write.  I wrote about the craving, what might have triggered it, how I was feeling that day and whether that was a factor in the craving, how I would feel if I gave into the craving, if I should have want I want, when I would allow myself to have what I was craving and how it could fit into my food plans, and many other things to try to help me figure out why I was obsessing about wanting to snack.  

Some days I'd write pages upon pages. some days it was just a short paragraph.  some days I caved to the craving and just wrote about how I wasn't going to harp on giving in.  Some days the craving would pass.  Some days I'd cave and it would trigger a binge.  I just took it one craving moment at a time and eventually those cravings get less prevalent and I was able to just stop writing about them and make the right decision on the spot of whether I could have what I wanted or not.

This is the most helpful idea i have ever heard of... yes... sometimes i end up giving into the craving just to get my brain to "shut up" .   This sounds like a much better plan for how to deal with it.  

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I was just thinking too is that part of the problem for my husband is he suddenly is not tolerating a whole bunch of foods:  gluten, milk, tomato sauce.  This has taken away some of his typical recipes and he hasn't found new favourites he likes to cook to replace them.

 

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@NorthernBeth, my husband and other household members don't mind stepping up with meal prep, but they have needed a lot of help to do so.

One of the things we are doing now is that we have a menu, posted on the fridge (wrapped in a page protector) with lunch and dinners.  I order groceries based off of the list, so there are always those foods in the house. I have labeled shelves and drawers at my husband's request because he has "man eyes" and can't seem to scan to find things. Almost all of our meals are very easy to make.  Most can be made in the instant pot.  It seems to be less scary to use than an oven or stovetop. I purposefully planned meals that fit a lower carb/healthy diet---and then I can add on carbs for the kids. So, one meal might be beef and mushrooms.  My husband and I can eat that. Then, I serve that over rice for the kids.

Because meals are so planned out at our house, it's easy to not have foods I will binge on in the house.  I don't have to buy things that aren't on the menu. And, ordering groceries is easy because I can hit "rebuy all" for my online order. That may not be an option for you, depending on how remote you are, but even a printed list off of a computer can free up a lot of mental space because you don't have to think as much about what to buy.

For each meal, I made it several times with my husband and kids watching. I also put the recipes into the app Paprika, and then printed them off. All of the menu recipes are in a binder in page protectors, so my husband or kid or whomever can look at them and then make them. They don't have to dig around, or stop and ask me anything. 

Each step of preparation took a bit of time. I'll be honest about that.  It's ok if it takes a few months for this to come together. It took months and years of stress eating to get this way, and the reverse process can take a lot of time also. (I am also significantly overweight at this point---thyroid, medication issues, and RA made it easy for the pounds to pile on.)

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3 minutes ago, NorthernBeth said:

This is the most helpful idea i have ever heard of... yes... sometimes i end up giving into the craving just to get my brain to "shut up" .   This sounds like a much better plan for how to deal with it.  

I completely understand the caving to get your brain to shut up.  Those cravings can REALLY take over. The writing was so good for me because even on the days that I indulged in the craving it was usually a more conscious decision if that makes sense. I felt like I had more control over the craving than it had over me.  I legitimately did everything I could to stave off the craving and if I did I felt great and if I didn't I felt great too.  I also got a better sense of what things going on in my life caused me to crave things and could better deal with those stressors before they got so overwhelming that they'd cause me to binge.  

I hope it works for you..  It was such a game changer for me that I tell anyone who seeks advice in hopes it is a game changer for them as well.

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16 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I completely understand the caving to get your brain to shut up.  Those cravings can REALLY take over. The writing was so good for me because even on the days that I indulged in the craving it was usually a more conscious decision if that makes sense. I felt like I had more control over the craving than it had over me.  I legitimately did everything I could to stave off the craving and if I did I felt great and if I didn't I felt great too.  I also got a better sense of what things going on in my life caused me to crave things and could better deal with those stressors before they got so overwhelming that they'd cause me to binge.  

I hope it works for you..  It was such a game changer for me that I tell anyone who seeks advice in hopes it is a game changer for them as well.

That's fantastic you found something that works so well for you.  It really is hard to resist without caving - the binge feels like such a relief after resisting and then, of course, there's so much regret later.  

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1 hour ago, NorthernBeth said:

I will need to commit to doing both groceries and cooking,

If you send your dh for groceries, is there an option that has online ordering? I find I order less and am much more sane if I order my groceries online and have someone pick them up. Somehow more veges go in and less junk because you're not seeing it as you walk around the store. 

Has the young one with the bowel issues been to the doctor? My ds has an IEP, so my first thought was to be getting supports lined up so this dc is in school the full time he's supposed to be in school. No shame in an IEP and it's only half as hard as you think it is. If this dc is in school full time, YOU get more break. And I'd be concerned that the trauma/ACE has resulted in interoception/self awareness issues, narrative language issues, etc. This is stuff the school can identify with OT and SLP evals and begin help with.

As homeschoolers we tend to want to do everything ourselves, but in this situation LET THE SCHOOL HELP YOU. Or sometimes *make* the school help you by showing them they have to. 😉 

1 hour ago, NorthernBeth said:

not tolerating a whole bunch of foods:  gluten, milk, tomato sauce. 

Oh my! And is everyone trying to eat around this or does he cook his own foods? That would add such an element of stress to everything you're doing.

I have a stress plan I go to for food when things get hairy. I banged my head in January again, so I seem to have this a lot. Head is doing a lot better btw. Anyways, I usually do things like:

-a box of salad greens--Total splurge but so much more convenient, I think the Power Greens blend tastes better

-3 pound pack of ground turkey--Fry with taco seasoning and divide into bags to freeze.

-premade guacamole from Walmart-It's actually good and it's not that much more expensive. If you buy it in the little cups, you can FREEZE them, meaning they never turn on you, no waste! 

I alternate fish and poultry and have cheat nights 1-2 days a week where we eat out or eat pork.

I'm not saying eat what I eat, but just that I find a reductionist version of what works and I make it easier to make happen. I'm all over those 3 pound packs of ground turkey and I will do the same thing freezing ahead the meat cooked for chili. Then I just throw it in the crockpot with the cans of beans, corn, tomatoes, boom done. https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/seriously-the-best-healthy-turkey-chili/  Here, just leave out the cayenne. 

Sometimes (like this week) I'll make a pot of split pea soup to have in the frig the whole week. 

So maybe think about what convenience foods are kinda healthy that could make your life easier. For me it took a couple trips walking around the store, looking at things, thinking about how I could use them. 

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3 hours ago, hjffkj said:

Well what I found worked really well for when a craving came that would most likely end in a binge was to just write.

I love this! Someone told me to drink a big glass of water, but I'm afraid it doesn't help, lol. Now I keep out these ginger chews https://www.amazon.com/Prince-Peace-Natural-Ginger-Original/dp/B086L2N35G/ref=sxts_rp_s1_0?cv_ct_cx=ginger+chews&dchild=1&keywords=ginger+chews&pd_rd_i=B086L2N35G&pd_rd_r=b12be0f4-cddd-4251-b3dd-1d899c8a0a20&pd_rd_w=00IA3&pd_rd_wg=Y9YiL&pf_rd_p=c0fa563a-b0ba-455a-bd65-7b14bea6288c&pf_rd_r=08Y53X72YGXWW9AQ9VQE&psc=1&qid=1632439241&sr=1-1-f0029781-b79b-4b60-9cb0-eeda4dea34d6  I try to limit myself to two a day. They're pretty strong, so by the time I've eaten them my hair is curled and I've had a good chew. 

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I have lost a lot of weight but still have a lot of weight to lose.  I did super well for 6 months than went on an extended trip and haven't been able to quite get back in the groove.  Accountability seems to be the main thing that helps.  I know what to to do etc. It's just consistently doing it.  I recently joined TOPS which is kind of like weight watchers but   Like $30 for a year they basically just do calories counting basic healthy eating but they have weekly in person or online support groups.  I am trying this because things like a personal trainer are just so expensive and I really don't need their expertise just that accountability.

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I’m working on weight loss now too. I’ve struggled with my weight for many years, have PCOS, Hashimotos, and fibromyalgia which makes it more difficult. I’ve done WW more times than I can count and never stuck with it more than a few weeks. My primary care doctor got an additional certification in bariatric medicine and hired a dietician and counselors to work with him. My BMI is high enough that my insurance is covering weight management with him. I’ve been alternating seeing him, the dietician, and counseling for the last 12 weeks. I’ve lost 20 pounds and am really feeling I can continue to be successful losing over the long term. My diet is very flexible and doable as a lifestyle. I’ve just been walking as usual for exercise. My recommendation would be to get professional assistance from a doctor and/or dietician if possible. I was very surprised to learn my insurance covers most of it. 

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Just joining in to say I'll be following this thread because I also have a lot of weight to lose-about 100 pounds. I've been taking Wellbutrin, but the dosage isn't high enough, so I am not getting any benefit from it. It has been really hard to get hold of my doctor, but with kids being out Monday (I'm a first grade teacher, too), maybe I can make contact with her to change my dosage. 

For those who have used Wellbutrin successfully for appetite control/weight loss, how many milligrams did you take?

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I highly recommend Eat To Perform - regular contact with an online personal nutritionist/coach, eat regular food, track your macros, and walk.  Learn to eat to fuel your body properly, do short Fat Loss cycles, and don't get caught up in chaos of yo-yo dieting.  You can check them out https://www.eattoperform.com and they have a podcast too.  Their clientele ranges from people who want to lose 100+ pounds to those getting lean for whatever competitions they do.   

 

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I've been doing DDPY for the last 6 months and have lost 42 lbs. I still have another 40 to go before I am at my goal weight and a healthy bmi. I started in a size 18 and am now in a size 8.  I'm peri-menopausal, have Hashimoto's disease and was told it would be "near impossible" for me to lose weight with those strikes against me.  

It's not too late to start improving your health.  This is a video that a boardie showed me that got me started on a better path.  If he can do it, anyone can make improvements.  Arthur Boorman video

I've lost weight several times before and always gained it back. I did WW, calorie counting, Jillian Michaels workouts, The Firm, and endless cardio on a stationary bike.  The conclusion I've come to in all of this is that ANY exercise program will work.  ANY diet will work.  The "best" one is the one that gets done consistently.  I failed in my previous attempts at weight loss because I was inconsistent with effort and didn't see that I needed to make these changes a permanent lifestyle change. 

The thing about diets is you can't ever go back to eating in the way you did before.  The way I ate prior to March 2021 led to me being 80+ lbs overweight and borderline morbidly obese. I can't go back to that if I want the weight to stay off. I watched my stepmother yo-yo diet for decades. She tried every diet under the sun, including liquid-only diets. She'd drop a ton of weight and go right back to eating exactly the same way that led to her being obese. Surprise! The weight always came back.  

I like DDPY because it feels very accessible.  There is continuous messaging that it's ok to start where you're at and build from there. There are even workouts for people that cannot get out of bed yet.  I know people that have gone from being bed-bound to doing full, "normal" workouts.  It's absolutely possible to improve on where you are at.  All it took to get started was a yoga mat and following the videos on the DDPY app.  $100 bucks and I was set for a year.  DDPY isn't just an exercise routine, though.  He really digs into changing your mindset about fitness and what you can achieve. The mindset change is really key to keeping the weight off. 

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4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Someone told me to drink a big glass of water, but I'm afraid it doesn't help, lol. 

Try sparkling mineral water. It is supposed to make you feel full and is an appetite suppressant. So is a teaspoon of chia seeds soaked in water.

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11 hours ago, MissLemon said:

I've been doing DDPY for the last 6 months and have lost 42 lbs. I still have another 40 to go before I am at my goal weight and a healthy bmi. I started in a size 18 and am now in a size 8.  I'm peri-menopausal, have Hashimoto's disease and was told it would be "near impossible" for me to lose weight with those strikes against me.  

It's not too late to start improving your health.  This is a video that a boardie showed me that got me started on a better path.  If he can do it, anyone can make improvements.  Arthur Boorman video

I've lost weight several times before and always gained it back. I did WW, calorie counting, Jillian Michaels workouts, The Firm, and endless cardio on a stationary bike.  The conclusion I've come to in all of this is that ANY exercise program will work.  ANY diet will work.  The "best" one is the one that gets done consistently.  I failed in my previous attempts at weight loss because I was inconsistent with effort and didn't see that I needed to make these changes a permanent lifestyle change. 

The thing about diets is you can't ever go back to eating in the way you did before.  The way I ate prior to March 2021 led to me being 80+ lbs overweight and borderline morbidly obese. I can't go back to that if I want the weight to stay off. I watched my stepmother yo-yo diet for decades. She tried every diet under the sun, including liquid-only diets. She'd drop a ton of weight and go right back to eating exactly the same way that led to her being obese. Surprise! The weight always came back.  

I like DDPY because it feels very accessible.  There is continuous messaging that it's ok to start where you're at and build from there. There are even workouts for people that cannot get out of bed yet.  I know people that have gone from being bed-bound to doing full, "normal" workouts.  It's absolutely possible to improve on where you are at.  All it took to get started was a yoga mat and following the videos on the DDPY app.  $100 bucks and I was set for a year.  DDPY isn't just an exercise routine, though.  He really digs into changing your mindset about fitness and what you can achieve. The mindset change is really key to keeping the weight off. 

is this the ddpy yoga workout system?  it looks really interesting.

 

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13 hours ago, MissLemon said:

I've been doing DDPY for the last 6 months and have lost 42 lbs. I still have another 40 to go before I am at my goal weight and a healthy bmi. I started in a size 18 and am now in a size 8.  I'm peri-menopausal, have Hashimoto's disease and was told it would be "near impossible" for me to lose weight with those strikes against me.  

It's not too late to start improving your health.  This is a video that a boardie showed me that got me started on a better path.  If he can do it, anyone can make improvements.  Arthur Boorman video

I've lost weight several times before and always gained it back. I did WW, calorie counting, Jillian Michaels workouts, The Firm, and endless cardio on a stationary bike.  The conclusion I've come to in all of this is that ANY exercise program will work.  ANY diet will work.  The "best" one is the one that gets done consistently.  I failed in my previous attempts at weight loss because I was inconsistent with effort and didn't see that I needed to make these changes a permanent lifestyle change. 

 

I read an actual study about this. And your bolded comment was their conclusion.  Every day we have to get up and be determined to not eat in a way that leads to weight gain.  In a way it needs to be managed as any other addiction.....but what makes it different and more difficult is that food is something we have to have.

I have been giving this a lot of thought over the last several months since I can't seem to drop the weight I want.  I do believe with me it is all in my thinking.

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14 hours ago, MissLemon said:

The conclusion I've come to in all of this is that ANY exercise program will work.  ANY diet will work.  The "best" one is the one that gets done consistently.  I failed in my previous attempts at weight loss because I was inconsistent with effort and didn't see that I needed to make these changes a permanent lifestyle change. 

The thing about diets is you can't ever go back to eating in the way you did before.  The way I ate prior to March 2021 led to me being 80+ lbs overweight and borderline morbidly obese. I can't go back to that if I want the weight to stay off. I watched my stepmother yo-yo diet for decades. She tried every diet under the sun, including liquid-only diets. She'd drop a ton of weight and go right back to eating exactly the same way that led to her being obese. Surprise! The weight always came back. 

When I was 25 I lost at least 64 pounds (not really sure what my starting weight was) and have, for the most part, kept it off now for 33 years. And yes to the bolded. Any diet can work. They all come down to reducing calories, it just depends on what type of foods are emphasized. Often people find the WOE that works for them and think that's *the* one that will work for everybody, but IME that's not true at all. And success does indeed mean learning new habits and sticking with them for life. I have many healthy eating habits that I developed 33 years ago when I lost weight, and I've been eating this way for so long that it doesn't even occur to me that they are healthy habits. Like if somebody asks for healthy eating tips I might draw a complete blank and think "I've got nothing to say about that." But then others will post x, y and z and I'm thinking "Oh yeah. That's what I've always done." Because at this point it feels like I've always eaten this way, and I don't think of it as being particularly healthy. It's just . . how I eat.

ETA: I want to add a couple of things, not to be depressing but to be honest -- I do think I was able to be successful in losing weight and maintaining that loss because I did it while still relatively young. I know for myself it's much, much harder to maintain now than it was when I was younger. Part of it is health issues for me (hypothyroidism, RA) but I don't think there's any denying that aging alone is an issue. Also, the more I learn about the gut microbiome the more I'm convinced that it plays some part in weight.

Edited by Pawz4me
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6 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

When I was 25 I lost at least 64 pounds (not really sure what my starting weight was) and have, for the most part, kept it off now for 33 years. And yes to the bolded. Any diet can work. They all come down to reducing calories, it just depends on what type of foods are emphasized. Often people find the WOE that works for them and think that's *the* one that will work for everybody, but IME that's not true at all. And success does indeed mean learning new habits and sticking with them for life. I have many healthy eating habits that I developed 33 years ago when I lost weight, and I've been eating this way for so long that it doesn't even occur to me that they are healthy habits. Like if somebody asks for healthy eating tips I might draw a complete blank and think "I've got nothing to say about that." But then others will post x, y and z and I'm thinking "Oh yeah. That's what I've always done." Because at this point it feels like I've always eaten this way, and I don't think of it as being particularly healthy. It's just . . how I eat.

I am sitting here at my desk on a Friday morning.  Determined to eat properly today.  I was half way through my Greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola and chia seeds and drinking unsweet tea when my my boss's uncle walks in with a big box of donuts.  He does this about once a month.  So what do I do?  I take a donut.  It is sitting on my desk and I am so torn about what to do......If I had not taken it, it would have sat in our break room for 2 days and then someone would have thrown it away.  So why do I feel so guilty throwing it away right now?  

It is this kind of things that get me......donuts are not my particular weakness.  But other things are.  Chip and dip and wine  etc.  

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10 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

When I was 25 I lost at least 64 pounds (not really sure what my starting weight was) and have, for the most part, kept it off now for 33 years. 

That is amazing. 

My mom has a friend who lost over 100 pounds after weight loss surgery and has kept it off for at least 30 years. But I had a friend who lost 95 pounds with the surgery and now has gained that back and more.  With in 5 years or so of her surgery.

So everyone has to figure out what their plan is.

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YouTube has some wonderful exercise videos.  Add a few resistance bands and it will get you going.  I find working out feeds my soul.  But not everyone is like that.  So start with 15 minutes of exercise and slowly work your way up.  The fitness Marshall, Kyla Pro, and Yoga with Adrienne are some of my favorites.  
 

Self care is extremely important and make sure you get some.  Use it the shower as self care time if you don’t have a lot of time.  Get a new body wash, scalp massager, face mask, etc. Use that time to just take care of you. 
 

And remember- You can do this! 

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I am sitting here at my desk on a Friday morning.  Determined to eat properly today.  I was half way through my Greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola and chia seeds and drinking unsweet tea when my my boss's uncle walks in with a big box of donuts.  He does this about once a month.  So what do I do?  I take a donut.  It is sitting on my desk and I am so torn about what to do......If I had not taken it, it would have sat in our break room for 2 days and then someone would have thrown it away.  So why do I feel so guilty throwing it away right now?  

It is this kind of things that get me......donuts are not my particular weakness.  But other things are.  Chip and dip and wine  etc.  

So the donut sat on my desk all morning.  It is now 11:45 and I am getting hungry.  Would you believe I almost took a bite of this donut when I don't even like donuts?  I managed to throw it away untouched.  But ugh.  

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

 Every day we have to get up and be determined to not eat in a way that leads to weight gain.  In a way it needs to be managed as any other addiction...

 

Yes, and it's even more than every day - it's every hour.  Sometimes it's every minute.  

 

 

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

 It is sitting on my desk and I am so torn about what to do......If I had not taken it, it would have sat in our break room for 2 days and then someone would have thrown it away.  So why do I feel so guilty throwing it away right now?  

It is this kind of things that get me......donuts are not my particular weakness.  But other things are.  Chip and dip and wine  etc.  

If donuts aren't anything special for you, toss it.  It's not worth the calories.  Save them for something you're really going to enjoy.  Or, if you don't want to throw it out, can you bring it home to your DH?  

ETA - just saw your update!  Good job! 🙂

 

 

49 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

 

Self care is extremely important and make sure you get some.  Use it the shower as self care time if you don’t have a lot of time.  Get a new body wash, scalp massager, face mask, etc. Use that time to just take care of you. 

What a wonderful idea!  I find that my shower makes me feel so much better due to the products I use during and after!  They don't cost much, but they definitely bring me joy.

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