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Why is it considered “stalking” if a person looks at board member’s profile page?


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4 hours ago, pinball said:

It doesn’t seem like a joke if people are apologizing and claiming not be a stalker.

Responding to a reply

4 hours ago, pinball said:

So accidentally clicking is associated with a crime and that’s considered a “joke.”

 

 

Restating

2 hours ago, pinball said:

You aren’t REALLY defending jokes by saying they are OK if you think they are funny and if someone else doesn’t find it funny, then too bad, so sad…

“I was JOKING!” said the racist, misogynist, etc, etc…

Restating, incredulously 

2 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Saying "Sorry if I was stalking. . ." is not racist.  Or misogynist or anything else.  It could be considered insensitive to those who have been legitimately stalked.  I would be happy to use a different word than stalking if I had one (as others have said as well). 

Not what I said. 

2 hours ago, pinball said:

That’s not what I said. 
 

strawman

Saying that’s not what I said

2 minutes ago, freesia said:

Actually your tone was. You didn’t reflect back or engage with what they were saying. You just threw words like straw man or compared it to racist. You don’t have to agree with me and if your intent was to understand the answer to you question, I’m sorry. I just would expect more so what you are saying is...if you wanted to know why people think it’s finny. You don’t seem to, you just want to share that you don’t think it’s funny. That’s fine, but it’s not a discussion. 

 

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2 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I like looking at people's profile pages, lol. Are we not supposed to??? 

What is there to look at? Do some people have lots of info on theirs or something?! 

I'm always clicking away in embarrassment if I land on one, so have never used them for anything!

 

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2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Huh, I just went and looked at mine, had no idea if you scroll down you see threads. Also, followers? What's that about? 

At some time I've switched off the 'see who visited your profile page' because I think I found it creepy. 

I switched it off on mine, too.   I've had someone here 'follow' me.   It was a little strange (I mean, who cares what I have to say, ykwim?), but the option is there, which honestly, is weird, too.  

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22 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

It's 99.9% of the time, accidental. 

It's a joke - I agree we probably should update our jokes. After a long disagreement here, I rethought and now try to change words like 'crazy' for alternatives like 'odd' or 'eccentric', so definitely people have argued here for more sensitive language before. 

Perhaps we could say 'Sorry I accidentally keep visiting your profile, I'm not trying to be nosy, just fat thumbs on my phone.'

People with fat thumbs are very offended by that comment.  😉

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3 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

I switched it off on mine, too.   I've had someone here 'follow' me.   It was a little strange (I mean, who cares what I have to say, ykwim?), but the option is there, which honestly, is weird, too.  

I figure it's just an artefact of the website. Like, not there deliberately, it just comes with the site. I know ppl selling stuff have used the follow feature in the past. I guess they are doing consumer research 🙂

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I think I may follow someone on here.  I won't name her but I really like what she posts - usually informative and helpful and explained well.  If I do, I hope she doesn't think I'm creepy!  Maybe I'll go click on her profile and see if I'm on there as a follower...

 

ETA - the reason I don't know is because I don't know how the following function even works if you follow someone.  If I am following this member, nothing is different with her for me than anyone else on here.  I don't get notifications or know where/what she has posted.

Edited by Kassia
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The thing is the word stalking has a couple of definitions. One is to approach or pursue stealthily.  And the there is the criminal version of stalking.  So just because some person has take stalking to a criminal level doesn't mean it doesn't exist in other less extreme levels.  Like looking at people's profile page on WTM.

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45 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

The people making the joke are using self-deprecating humor.  What they are really saying is "I am so nosy!"  And so here's the better word to use.  But of course the joke is that they aren't really being nosy in the real sense of the word.  They are either hitting the button by accident in which case of course they aren't even inquisitive but just clumsy with the finger on a small screen.  Or they are looking someone up for a reason - to remind themselves of what that person has said before on a topic, or whatever.   So I don't personally think that the self deprecating humor is necessary, but I don't find it a reason to scold anyone. 

I guess I see a difference in self-deprecating humor like "I am so nosy" --which is a statement of what they are--and refering to themselves as a stalker--which is more about what someone choosing to do to someone else.  Personally, I dislike when people complain about "be stalked" because someone looked at their social media they willingly decided to display more so that when someone refers to themselves in this way.  I also see how much of what we consider self-deprecating humor can be hurtful to othe people who identify with the situation or condition that is being mentioned.  

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7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

The thing is the word stalking has a couple of definitions. One is to approach or pursue stealthily.  And the there is the criminal version of stalking.  So just because some person has take stalking to a criminal level doesn't mean it doesn't exist in other less extreme levels.  Like looking at people's profile page on WTM.

Yeah. I'm the nutty pet person, so when I see or hear "stalking" my brain defaults to a cat or dog stalking a bird, squirrel, etc.

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16 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

The thing is the word stalking has a couple of definitions. One is to approach or pursue stealthily.  And the there is the criminal version of stalking.  So just because some person has take stalking to a criminal level doesn't mean it doesn't exist in other less extreme levels.  Like looking at people's profile page on WTM.

But then is it simply looking at people's profile page or stealthily looking at people's profile page.  

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Official announcement:

I formally invite anyone to look at my profile page or follow me. You may do this as many times as you wish. I extend this invitation in perpetuity. No judgements or side eyes will be given. I will especially encourage followers. I do not have anything particular to say and I do not know where I am going, but I figure the more the merrier on the journey there. If I ever succeed in world domination, my followers will receive a 10% discount on products produced on said world. 

Thank you, and you're welcome.

lol

Edited by Moonhawk
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Just now, Moonhawk said:

Official announcement:

I formally invite anyone to look at my profile page or follow me. You may do this as many times as you wish. I extend this invitation in perpetuity. No judgements or side eyes will be given. I will especially encourage followers. I do not have anything particular say and I do not know where I am going, but I figure the more the merrier on the journey there. If I ever succeed in world domination, my followers will receive a 10% discount on products produced on said world. 

Thank you, and you're welcome.

lol

Ditto.  LOL

 

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9 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

But then is it simply looking at people's profile page or stealthily looking at people's profile page.  

Well, since they are public pages, that is the joke part of it.  Ha ha I got caught looking at your page....

And also I am very sorry you had a real life criminal stalker.  That must have been very scary.

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2 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

Official announcement:

I formally invite anyone to look at my profile page or follow me. You may do this as many times as you wish. I extend this invitation in perpetuity. No judgements or side eyes will be given. I will especially encourage followers. I do not have anything particular say and I do not know where I am going, but I figure the more the merrier on the journey there. If I ever succeed in world domination, my followers will receive a 10% discount on products produced on said world. 

Thank you, and you're welcome.

lol

I am now a follower. And I will hold you to that 10% discount. 😜

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I am followed by 2 people.  So thanks @popmom and @maize

Am I the only one who has looked through a friend's FB and just kept scrolling back....and then absently 'liked' a photo from 3 years ago?  I feel embarrassed  by that.....even though obviously they have given me access to those photos by way of friending me....and likewise I have had people like about 20 of my old photos....but I don't care.  I mean, I don't think they are creepy people or I wouldn't have them on my friend's list.

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1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

What is there to look at? Do some people have lots of info on theirs or something?! 

I'm always clicking away in embarrassment if I land on one, so have never used them for anything!

I like looking at people's old threads and seeing the evolution in their views and their kids 🙂 . I don't mind if other people do the same thing for me!! 

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18 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I like looking at people's old threads and seeing the evolution in their views and their kids 🙂 . I don't mind if other people do the same thing for me!! 

I don't know how to see past the first page of people's old threads on their profile.  It stops there for me.  I'm going to try it again.  I'll do yours so I don't make someone else feel weird.  

 

ETA - I figured it out!  I'm so glad this thread was started because it would frustrate me in the past to only be able to see the first page!  

Edited by Kassia
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1 minute ago, Kassia said:

I don't know how to see past the first page of people's old threads on their profile.  It stops there for me.  I'm going to try it again.  I'll do yours so I don't make someone else feel weird.  

Go to "See Their Activity" and then pick "Topics" if you want to see the topics they've posted 😛 . 

Not that I've done this enough times to remember it... *whistles* 🥸

Edited by Not_a_Number
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Just now, Not_a_Number said:

Go to "See My Activity" and then pick "Topics" if you want to see the topics they've posted 😛 . 

Not that I've done this enough times to remember it... *whistles* 🥸

I just edited my post to say I figured it out, but thank you!  🙂  

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2 hours ago, Bootsie said:

I have also heard a number of young people accuse others of stalking--not as a joke but as if someone looking at their social media is wrong. 

This.  And it drives me crazy. 

On the other hand, if you're raised in a world where privacy is increasingly being eroded, perhaps the norm that one doesn't look at another's social media pages without invitation makes sense.

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5 hours ago, SKL said:

Well, I'm glad to hear the explanation, because I've accidentally clicked into people's profile page, and then thought, "oh no, they are going to think I am getting all up in their business."  😛

Right! I've accidentally done the same more than once!  🙂 

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2 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

I think it was SeaConquest who pulled me up on my colloquial use of 'crazy', and though I argued at the time, she was right. There are many terms that minimize we can choose to retire! I hadn't thought about the stalker thing before this thread, but I can see there are easy alternatives, so why not?!

Thanks for bringing my attention to this; I hadn't ever thought about it. :blush:

I am mildly annoyed when people without mental illness say, "Oh, I am so OCD."  You're really not. Untreated OCD ruins lives and I don't think you sorting by color in your closet is quite the same thing. (Although I do sort by color in my closet... 😉 )

ETA: Just read @WildflowerMom's comment on OCD and I totally agree with her that people don't mean anything malicious by it. But it does tend to minimize the disorder, I think.

Edited by MercyA
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29 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Go to "See Their Activity" and then pick "Topics" if you want to see the topics they've posted 😛 . 

Not that I've done this enough times to remember it... *whistles* 🥸

I've searched your stuff about math, just because I love math, and also because I read you are in NY. Then I found a couple other people from NY, and much closer to me than NYC!

 

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think people can see what you are currently reading.

So if any of you went to my profile right now, you'd know that I'm reading this particular thread right now.

I don't like this.

I've had a real in-person stalker before, and I've felt monitored online before. Neither is funny.

But I also acknowledge that there are valid reasons to look at profiles, and also plenty of accidental lookages.

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When I was "stalked" on this board (not trying to hurt anyone with the term but you'll see in a minute why I use it in this case) I didn't mind that they were constantly looking at what I was reading (What Choco-Chip Chooky just referenced) or what I had written.  What I minded was that they were going to every single post I made (no matter how long and this was before there were likes on this board so many of the posts were the verbal equivalent of a "like") and they were making snarky rude comments in response to every single post.  It was annoying.  But here's why I put stalking in quotes.  It wasn't benign because it was mean-spirited.  But it wasn't the same as even cyber-stalking because they still didn't know my irl identity and I felt annoyed, not actually threatened.  

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This thread has been very enlightening and I'm still not sure how I feel about it!  

I had no idea there was a "recent visitors" option on our profile pages.  I have definitely checked profile pages to find a post for one reason or another.  More often, I check my own to find a thread that I need to refer to that I commented on.  I guess I would think it was weird if anyone followed me because I don't think I am that interesting.  But I can't think of one person on here that would be on my radar as an actual stalker to be concerned about. 

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17 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

When I was "stalked" on this board (not trying to hurt anyone with the term but you'll see in a minute why I use it in this case) I didn't mind that they were constantly looking at what I was reading (What Choco-Chip Chooky just referenced) or what I had written.  What I minded was that they were going to every single post I made (no matter how long and this was before there were likes on this board so many of the posts were the verbal equivalent of a "like") and they were making snarky rude comments in response to every single post.  It was annoying.  But here's why I put stalking in quotes.  It wasn't benign because it was mean-spirited.  But it wasn't the same as even cyber-stalking because they still didn't know my irl identity and I felt annoyed, not actually threatened.  

That does sound super annoying and obnoxious. I don't do that, at least 😛 

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45 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Thanks for bringing my attention to this; I hadn't ever thought about it. :blush:

I am mildly annoyed when people without mental illness say, "Oh, I am so OCD."  You're really not. Untreated OCD ruins lives and I don't think you sorting by color in your closet is quite the same thing. (Although I do sort by color in my closet... 😉 )

ETA: Just read @WildflowerMom's comment on OCD and I totally agree with her that people don't mean anything malicious by it. But it does tend to minimize the disorder, I think.

I argued myself blue that the language shouldn't change. And then I went away and changed it (mostly, sometimes I forget), because I was quite possibly wrong and it wasn't a big hardship to be a bit careful. 

Yes, liking to be neat and organised is nothing like having clinically diagnosed OCD. 

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23 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

When I was "stalked" on this board (not trying to hurt anyone with the term but you'll see in a minute why I use it in this case) I didn't mind that they were constantly looking at what I was reading (What Choco-Chip Chooky just referenced) or what I had written.  What I minded was that they were going to every single post I made (no matter how long and this was before there were likes on this board so many of the posts were the verbal equivalent of a "like") and they were making snarky rude comments in response to every single post.  It was annoying.  But here's why I put stalking in quotes.  It wasn't benign because it was mean-spirited.  But it wasn't the same as even cyber-stalking because they still didn't know my irl identity and I felt annoyed, not actually threatened.  

What you describe has two components. 1. They were indeed stalking you. Not criminally, but the widely accepted innocent internet stalking that is being discussed here by everyone but the OP, whether they agree it is healthy/ok or not. 2. They were trolling you during the process of stalking you.

 

To the posters who have actual experience with being stalked by someone with criminal intent, I'm sorry that happened and I hear you when you say the other definition is hurtful to you. I will think about your comments further in relation to my feelings about the word. Thank you for having a respectful discussion about the issue. Also, I remember that thread about the word crazy and as a person who struggles greatly with mental illness still couldn't find a reason to be upset by the word, but I don't use it as often anymore.

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2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I argued myself blue that the language shouldn't change. And then I went away and changed it (mostly, sometimes I forget), because I was quite possibly wrong and it wasn't a big hardship to be a bit careful. 

Yes, liking to be neat and organised is nothing like having clinically diagnosed OCD. 

I tend to argue that one should do whatever people one is around ask one to do if it's not too onerous, but that if we're going to change deeply entrenched language things, we ought to have a sincere model for what stuff goes and what stuff stays. 

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2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I tend to argue that one should do whatever people one is around ask one to do if it's not too onerous, but that if we're going to change deeply entrenched language things, we ought to have a sincere model for what stuff goes and what stuff stays. 

That's fair. 

I personally don't find words like crazy or stalker offensive, but other people do, and I find for me personally, it's less lazy of me to find other words. Finding synonyms doesn't really bother me, but some other imposed language shifts do. 

So really, I'm just doing me here, and don't really focus much on other people's words - I prob wouldn't have thought about 'stalker' if not for this thread!

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1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

Please report back!!! 🤣

 

Goodness where to start 🤔

I hope you solved that insanely mind bending problem 

and I hope your day is better now because 5 hours ago it was pretty rotten 😅

Edited by Ann.without.an.e
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3 minutes ago, freesia said:

🤦‍♀️ Now we’ll have to start the thread from the top again!  

This is the thread that doesn't end, 

It goes on and on, my friend, 

Some people started posting there, 

Not knowing what it was, 

And then they had to post there forever just because... 

Edited by Not_a_Number
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The bigger question in my mind is ...

who actually pays attention to who visits their profile? It has never occurred to me to track who views my profile.

I have way more important things to do with my time 🤣

Edited by Ann.without.an.e
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