Anyone else regret homeschooling?

[TravelingChris]

5 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, I did as well. We traveled all of the United States and over to Europe.  We took the RV and had a Civil War trip, did a unit on coral when going to the sea, did the junior park ranger stuff at every NP, etc. My middle one got a degree in history because we spent more time in living history and I didn't use textbooks.  My children were not shielded. Oldest saw the condom truck in Ethiopia and heard stories of female circumcision. They have each served in poor areas on Honduras over 4 times ( my daughter more than 10 ). Daughter served in Ukraine, sons in Ecuador.  Yes, I did co-op classes.  But everyone in our church did public school. There was a "homeschooling" church in our town, but too legalistic for my taste. So we did homeschooling stuff in the other town.  All of them had friend clicks because they went to the same churches and again, we were not quite as fundamentalist as they were.  Funny though, oldest who went to public school through 4th grade is the least social and youngest who never set foot in a public school is most social. She is into musical theater, so we were at the community theater all the time, particularly for the last 3 years. She also played volleyball at a local Christian school. 

All thrived academically in college, younger two did socially as well. Middle one made friends for the first time ever. He is still visiting them now. As I said, we just didn't fit. They didn't have the same values as either the public school or the homeschoolers. They were appalled at the academics of the public school when the kids would moan in youth group about having to read 40 pages of a book in a week... They read 300 pages or more in a variety of books. 

But yeah, none of them are going to homeschool.

Okay I get it.  My kids didn't care that they were different--like my son;s boy scout troup was astonished when he said that Geometry was his favorite class.  I can still remember the trip to the GB (we lived in Belgium for 3 years) with the girl scout or brownie troop (can't even remember which daughter it was, but the trip was to get familiar with unfamiliar fruits and vegetables- except the dd was familiar with all of them- more than the leader was.  None had issues really-  they were just a lot more mature and a lot more knowledgeable than their peers.  I mean, at times it was a bit of an issue but it really had nothing to do with homeschooling---I can remember when my 6 or 7 year old son was playing war outside in the playground with other kids around his age.  One of the favorite shows he liked to watch was Victory at Sea.  And he has a fantastic memory as does my youngest so he remembers basically everything he watches.  He  had decided to play Midway Battle and was rattling off things and some of the kids didn't even know about WW2, let alone the battles and the enemies. But no fights or anything.  

My one child who did have issues making friends would have had even more issues if she had been in school.  As an adult, she has plenty of friendly aquaintances- none I would consider her having a close friend but then I haven't formed one here in AL either and I have lived here now 10 years.  My issue with friendship are different than hers-- she has extreme ADHD and some autistic characteristic but doesn't meet criteria for autism.  I am not autistic but yes, ADHD- moderate, not severe, and also very rational and tend not to want to be friends with people who are not pretty rational.  But I made friends in a lot of the places I lived- just got too disabled once I moved here.

[BlsdMama]

10 hours ago, popmom said:

Y’all give grades??? 😉
Don’t worry. I’m really going to bed now.

Not until high school. I’d lose my mind. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

Not until high school. I’d lose my mind. 

I started in junior high just to get us used to it and only on subjects like Algebra 1 that would show up on a high school transcript anyway. 

[HS Mom in NC]

17 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I'm pretty familiar with it, although I think people are much more complicated than that. 

 

Of course people are more complicated than that, no one, including the author suggests or thinks otherwise.  There are times when generalizations and categories are useful. Being precise isn't always useful in every circumstance or discussion. I think some people prone to exclusively personalizing and some people prone to being obsessive in certain ways struggle with shifting to generalizations when it's useful.  The information in the book is one of many useful lenses to utilize when trying to analyze and resolve complex issues. Aspects of personality, aspects of family dynamics, aspects of sub-cultural norms and expectations, aspects of educational philosophy and many others are helpful lenses.

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Of course people are more complicated than that, no one, including the author suggests or thinks otherwise.  There are times when generalizations and categories are useful. Being precise isn't always useful in every circumstance or discussion. I think some people prone to exclusively personalizing and some people prone to being obsessive in certain ways struggle with shifting to generalizations when it's useful.  The information in the book is one of many useful lenses to utilize when trying to analyze and resolve complex issues. Aspects of personality, aspects of family dynamics, aspects of sub-cultural norms and expectations, aspects of educational philosophy and many others are helpful lenses.

I can imagine those categories can be useful to people, sure. 

[hippymamato3]

On 9/22/2021 at 10:36 AM, Not_a_Number said:

I actually don't think you get it. NOT taking her through algebra would have taken far more effort and frustration. She's my kid who'd throw tantrums when faced with 5 double digit addition problems but who would then happily convert 10 different numbers from binary to decimal (which, I'll note, involved something like 50 double digit addition problems! But they felt MOTIVATED, and that made a huge difference to her.) 

I wasn't ever TRYING to get my gifted child through algebra. I got her through algebra because she ASKED me to learn algebra at the beginning of grade 2. I really don't want to know what would have happened if I refused. 

The things she's having trouble with are things like "checking whether the word she copied is the same as the word below the line" and "bothering to check the number of days in February." She makes LESS effort on stuff that's "too easy." She wants things to be interesting. Grade level math is the opposite of interesting! 

You've commented over and over again that she was reluctant to do the work that you were assigning and that you experienced extreme frustration when she would backslide. None of your posts ever indicated to me that DD was pushing ahead on her own, but rather that you were shoving. School will likely be good for her, and it will take the desire you have for her to work ahead of her abilities away and let her be her 9 year old self. 

[hippymamato3]

22 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I think I'd have had an easier time with your older boy, because he pushed himself. DD9 doesn't push herself, either. I've tried experiments where I let her work mostly on her own, and it makes her sulky and sad. 

It's also definitely the case that she CAN do it. She's had days where she does it. She does it just fine for other teachers. What she has trouble with is finding the MOTIVATION to do it. 

That's because she's 9.

[Not_a_Number]

8 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

You've commented over and over again that she was reluctant to do the work that you were assigning and that you experienced extreme frustration when she would backslide. None of your posts ever indicated to me that DD was pushing ahead on her own, but rather that you were shoving. School will likely be good for her, and it will take the desire you have for her to work ahead of her abilities away and let her be her 9 year old self. 

I've tried talking to you about this before, and you only ever read what you want into what I say. So I'm going to reply once, and then let's end this conversation, OK? 

She's not AT ALL reluctant to learn new material. She's reluctant to do any components of it that seem "boring" to her. So, she asked to learn algebra at age 7 after reading about it in Murderous Maths, was delighted to learn algebra at age 7, and then was reluctant to check any of her work so that her answers would be correct at an acceptable rate.

She asked to learn Russian at age 7, too. I've never planned to teach it to her, and it was entirely by her request that we did it at all. The problem is not that she doesn't want to learn Russian. She has taken lots and lots of classes with people (piano, history, English, chess) and she consistently ranks the classes she does with ME as her favorites. The problem is that she gives me terrible attitude while requesting I work with her. 

Look, it's clear you've never worked with a kid like her. That's fine. She's not super standard and I'm obviously failing to describe her in a way you can recognize. But you're very wide off the mark and you aren't being helpful. Please stop. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

That's because she's 9.

No, it isn't. It's because I'm not an outside teacher. It's the world's most common dynamic. She's suddenly managing to find the motivation right now, and her age hasn't changed by more than a day. That's because there's suddenly something in it for her other than "mom not getting annoyed." 

[hippymamato3]

5 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I've tried talking to you about this before, and you only ever read what you want into what I say. So I'm going to reply once, and then let's end this conversation, OK? 

She's not AT ALL reluctant to learn new material. She's reluctant to do any components of it that seem "boring" to her. So, she asked to learn algebra at age 7 after reading about it in Murderous Maths, was delighted to learn algebra at age 7, and then was reluctant to check any of her work so that her answers would be correct at an acceptable rate.

She asked to learn Russian at age 7, too. I've never planned to teach it to her, and it was entirely by her request that we did it at all. The problem is not that she doesn't want to learn Russian. She has taken lots and lots of classes with people (piano, history, English, chess) and she consistently ranks the classes she does with ME as her favorites. The problem is that she gives me terrible attitude while requesting I work with her. 

Look, it's clear you've never worked with a kid like her. That's fine. She's not super standard and I'm obviously failing to describe her in a way you can recognize. But you're very wide off the mark and you aren't being helpful. Please stop. 

My DD is profoundly gifted. She started public high school this fall as a 12 year old Junior. So yeah...I do get "kids like her" but the way you describe her,  she's not gifted in the way you seem to want her to be. Best of luck with whatever you decide as far as schooling. I miss homeschooling DD but she's loving the socialization of school. 

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, hippymamato3 said:

My DD is profoundly gifted. She started public high school this fall as a 12 year old Junior. So yeah...I do get "kids like her" but the way you describe her,  she's not gifted in the way you seem to want her to be. Best of luck with whatever you decide as far as schooling. I miss homeschooling DD but she's loving the socialization of school. 

Amazingly, gifted kids are all individuals with their own quirks. When you've seen one gifted kid, you've seen one gifted kid. 

Best of luck to your DD. I hope she enjoys school a lot. 

[Not_a_Number]

On 9/21/2021 at 9:08 AM, Quill said:

For example, I always wanted to avoid hyper-scheduling my kids, however, I did see value in having them in stuff. So hsing made that pretty easy to achieve, because, after having been at home all day, they were happy to go to soccer or gymnastics or chorus or youth group. But I was also sort of teaching them fragility, as if they could never survive a busy week or a few late nights finishing a book report due the next day.

The conversation about DD9 is actually kind of making me think of what you said, @Quill.. because sometimes, we do unwittingly wind up teaching kids that they can't do things when they absolutely can and that are absolutely age-appropriate.

DD9 is not a toddler or a kindergartener. It's true that she has trouble motivating herself, but kids her age are absolutely able to motivate themselves to do non-sloppy work. It is not unfair to expect it of her (especially since she doesn't have any EF issues or other disabilities) and frankly, it's teaching her bad lessons to allow her to ignore school requirements because she doesn't feel like doing them. 

We've been having many, many conversations about why she hasn't been trying to meet the minimal set of expectations that we had already agreed upon. They have all come down to something like "I don't feel like it." I don't think I'd be doing her any favors whatsoever by treating that as an acceptable reason not to do things. 

In any case, there are currently no expectations and no consequences except quite far off in the future. So we'll see what happens. 

[Jenny in Florida]

1 hour ago, TravelingChris said:

 I mean, at times it was a bit of an issue but it really had nothing to do with homeschooling---I can remember when my 6 or 7 year old son was playing war outside in the playground with other kids around his age.  One of the favorite shows he liked to watch was Victory at Sea.  And he has a fantastic memory as does my youngest so he remembers basically everything he watches.  He  had decided to play Midway Battle and was rattling off things and some of the kids didn't even know about WW2, let alone the battles and the enemies. But no fights or anything.  

My one child who did have issues making friends would have had even more issues if she had been in school. 

I used to tell "concerned" people that my kids weren't weird because we homeschooled; we homeschooled because they were weird.

My daughter had trouble fitting in when we tried having her in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. The other kids accused her of making up words, and she was infuriated that they refused to follow basic rules. (She also hated getting her hands "dirty" with activities like finger painting and vastly preferred to spend her time chatting up the adults instead of playing with the other kids. Writing was on the wall with that one.)

For what it's worth, her favorite TV show for a few years was Antiques Roadshow. 

I think my son might possibly have done okay in a certain kind of school environment. Had we been able to find (and afford) just the right really challenging, really structured, really demanding (yet socially progressive and non-abusive) private school, he might have thrived. He was always pretty good about rising to expectations when he liked and respected the teacher (and felt the teacher reciprocated). And he might well have enjoyed the camaraderie of being around other motivated, bright kids. But that was not available, and his social interactions in many of the places he did spend time were . . . uneven. 

One of the most helpful concepts I picked up kicking around in parents-of-highly-gifted-kids groups was the "best worst option." Sometimes, maybe most of the time, there just isn't going to be a "good" option for kids who just aren't built to fit into the boxes available to them. As parents, the best we can hope for is to find or create situations that meet as many needs and wants as possible with as few downsides as we can manage. 

For us, that was homeschooling, but it sure didn't make them any less weird.

[TravelingChris]

3 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I used to tell "concerned" people that my kids weren't weird because we homeschooled; we homeschooled because they were weird.

My daughter had trouble fitting in when we tried having her in a two-mornings-a-week preschool program. The other kids accused her of making up words, and she was infuriated that they refused to follow basic rules. (She also hated getting her hands "dirty" with activities like finger painting and vastly preferred to spend her time chatting up the adults instead of playing with the other kids. Writing was on the wall with that one.)

For what it's worth, her favorite TV show for a few years was Antiques Roadshow. 

I think my son might possibly have done okay in a certain kind of school environment. Had we been able to find (and afford) just the right really challenging, really structured, really demanding (yet socially progressive and non-abusive) private school, he might have thrived. He was always pretty good about rising to expectations when he liked and respected the teacher (and felt the teacher reciprocated). And he might well have enjoyed the camaraderie of being around other motivated, bright kids. But that was not available, and his social interactions in many of the places he did spend time were . . . uneven. 

One of the most helpful concepts I picked up kicking around in parents-of-highly-gifted-kids groups was the "best worst option." Sometimes, maybe most of the time, there just isn't going to be a "good" option for kids who just aren't built to fit into the boxes available to them. As parents, the best we can hope for is to find or create situations that meet as many needs and wants as possible with as few downsides as we can manage. 

For us, that was homeschooling, but it sure didn't make them any less weird.

Yes,  that is correct highly-gifted kids are always not like others.  Not because of any disabilities- just that they have different interests a lot of times, have great vocabularies a lot of time, and are just so ahead of others that we are all 'weird' to others. Both dh and I have had this told to us so many times even as adults.  It is why I love hanging out here in the hive.  No one puts anyone down for knowing things.  It isn't that we think we are better than any other people---in fact, I am super non elitist---like the aspects of some campaigns that bother me so very much is when they denigrate working class or others denigrate urban lower classes as all deadbeat welfare idiots or any other group as a whole.  Because all of us in our family have been different in many ways as being different from others-not just highly gifted intellectually= but also disadvantaged by medical issues like severe allergies that are uncommon,  rare diseases, etc- we tend to look at others as individuals and not as groups.  

As to whether they could have been in schools- my youngest was the one who may have done the best- however, she was dyslexic and really was served very well by me not rushing reading and writing.  I mean she learned to read fairly early but was not comfortable reader until 10 or 11 when she read Harry Potter book 3 times to understand it and after that she was a good reader though slower. Plus she was the one with the most medical issues so there would have been a lot of absences and her severe allergy to citrus fruits even made co-op harder to do let alone a school. My son may have done well in a specialized school later on, but wasn't doing so well in first grade private but not advanced school- meltdown every afternoon.  My middle, a daughter, may have also done well in a specialized high school too but she was the one with the most social issues and may have been hurt by going to regular school rather than co-ops.  But we were a military family and were moving a lot.  We moved here to Al in late July and school was starting within 2 weeks.  The high school that would have worked for dd2 was a magnet technology high school that you needed to apply by February and we didn't even know we were moving here until late April.  It was a school you needed to start at in 9th grade and that was the grade she was in when we moved here.  We had similar types of problems in other places.  When we lived in Belgium, there was a great school that would have been perfect for dd2- the Canadian school which was multigrade and much like what I was doing in homeschooling but trying to transport her back and forth along with what I needed to do for the two older-it didn't make sense for her to go.  And even more than other places-in Europe, we did so many things during the times the schools were in session--- lots and lots of trips and field trips plus co-ops, etc.

[Jenny in Florida]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

The problem is that she gives me terrible attitude while requesting I work with her. 

Look, it's clear you've never worked with a kid like her. That's fine. She's not super standard and I'm obviously failing to describe her in a way you can recognize. But you're very wide off the mark and you aren't being helpful. Please stop. 

Neither of mine was a "typical" kid, either. And although my specific dynamics with mine were different than yours are with your daughter and the ages at which those challenges peaked with each of them varied, there's enough overlap that I feel like can totally relate and back you up.

In both of their cases, my kids' interests and passions ran far ahead of their abilities to trudge through the "boring" intermediate work with any kind of good will. Sometimes, we found ways to make it more tolerable for them. For example, when my daughter wanted to do math two or three years ahead of her supposed grade level but wasn't yet comfortable holding a pencil well enough to write legibly, we worked orally and I acted as her scribe. 

But sometimes, there's no way around the boring stuff. And, at least for my two, the only thing worse than being forced to do challenging things they didn't like was being forced to do work they didn't even find interesting. 

So, we're back to that "least worst option" thing I mentioned before.

Many folks here may remember that I spent years trying to figure out how to make education work for my son. We butted heads regularly from the time he was eight or nine until I "expelled" him from homeschool when he was 13. Throughout that time, I tried desperately to maintain our relationship and his emotional well-being as the priorities and to focus on fostering good habits and study skills rather than on checking off boxes. But it was hard. And I failed a lot. 

Finally, when I reached a point at which I no longer believed we could continue to homeschool and have any chance of continuing to like each other, my husband helped moderate until we cobbled together an approach that would allow our son the flexibility of continuing to school at home and participate in the outside activities that made life worthwhile for him. We did end up outsourcing almost everything, and we put in place guidelines that required him to meet certain expectations every day and every week in order to be allowed to participate in the outside stuff. Because I was no longer in charge of grading or setting actual standards or deadlines for assignments, it made everything less fuzzy and harder to argue about. (Not impossible, not for this kid.) 

I hated it, because it required me to continue to be involved, but only as an enforcer of rules. I had no meaningful input into what or how he was learning. And, although we did enroll him in classes close to his functional grade level, rather than based on age, it still bothered me to see how little was expected in those classes. 

But, at that time, it was the best worst option we could manage. 

I still have a ton of "what ifs" roiling around in my brain when I let myself stop to think about this too much. And I'm still disappointed that we didn't get to do together some of the more creative and exciting educational things I had dreamed of and that he missed out on the excellent education he should have had. Also, this is my kid who has 130-college credits and no bachelor's degree. So, there's that.

But, in general, he is now thriving personally and charting his own, weirdly successful path professionally. And we still like each other and enjoy spending time together. 

So, I'm counting that as a win.

Sorry - I got lost in some babbling there.

The point is, yeah, it's hard having a kid "like this," and no one who hasn't walked that path will "get it." But that doesn't make anything you're experiencing or sharing here untrue.

Edited September 23, 2021 by Jenny in Florida

[Jenny in Florida]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

Amazingly, gifted kids are all individuals with their own quirks. When you've seen one gifted kid, you've seen one gifted kid. 

Best of luck to your DD. I hope she enjoys school a lot. 

Oh, yeah. Even the two I birthed and raised and educated had the annoying bad taste to differ from each other in their needs, personalities and learning styles.

[Not_a_Number]

8 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

We butted heads regularly from the time he was eight or nine until I "expelled" him from homeschool when he was 13.

I did actually tell DD9 she'd been expelled, lol. Not my finest moment, but she was so consistently failing to live up to the minimal expectations we had agreed on that it was hard to avoid talking about it like that. 

 

7 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

Oh, yeah. Even the two I birthed and raised and educated had the annoying bad taste to differ from each other in their needs, personalities and learning styles.

Yes, my kids are both gifted and are both extremely mathy and are completely different in attitudes and personality. Sadly, neither is easygoing, lol, although DD5 is more of a people-pleaser... but she matches that positive trait with being hideously, inflexibly stubborn 😛 . She was the one kid in her preschool class that the teachers could NOT convince to go to the potty with the rest of the class. 🙄

[ktgrok]

So, am I the only adult willing to admit that I also love learning big concepts but hate hate hate the boring parts?

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, ktgrok said:

So, am I the only adult willing to admit that I also love learning big concepts but hate hate hate the boring parts?

Oh, sure. I'm like that, too! But I don't spend all my time being resistant and sulky to other people to avoid doing them while desperately eager to learn the things, you know? That wouldn't be a good set-up. 

[Jenny in Florida]

1 minute ago, ktgrok said:

So, am I the only adult willing to admit that I also love learning big concepts but hate hate hate the boring parts?

Nope. I am that way with work, too. I love the beginnings of projects -- planning, dreaming, strategizing the big picture stuff -- and I get very happily involved in cleaning up final details and tying the finished product up with a bow. But the whole in between part is one . . . long . . . slog.

[Jenny in Florida]

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, sure. I'm like that, too! But I don't spend all my time being resistant and sulky to other people to avoid doing them while desperately eager to learn the things, you know? That wouldn't be a good set-up. 

I'm even willing to admit that I am sometimes resistant and sulky. (If you're not careful, I'll tell you about one of the classes I'm taking this semester.)

[ktgrok]

Just now, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, sure. I'm like that, too! But I don't spend all my time being resistant and sulky to other people to avoid doing them while desperately eager to learn the things, you know? That wouldn't be a good set-up. 

lol, well no, but we aren't still in single digits, lol. But I do google how to do something, then skip the steps I feel are "not important" and end up with a functional but sloppy end product...often. Thankfully the youtube people I'm watching don't know I'm ignoring a bunch of steps, lol.  I come from a long line of "good enough is good enough" people. 

I actually only recently had the realization that my husband probably never uses the word "easy" when he googles how to do something. I, on the other hand. ALWAYS do. So "easy cake recipe" and "easy DIY desk" etc are my type of searches, while he looks for "best DIY desk plans" or "best cake recipe". 

It may just be a personality type...my sister is the same as me. Big picture oriented, not detail oriented, and willing to skip steps that are not totally vital in our opinion. 

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

lol, well no, but we aren't still in single digits, lol. But I do google how to do something, then skip the steps I feel are "not important" and end up with a functional but sloppy end product...often. Thankfully the youtube people I'm watching don't know I'm ignoring a bunch of steps, lol.  I come from a long line of "good enough is good enough" people. 

I actually only recently had the realization that my husband probably never uses the word "easy" when he googles how to do something. I, on the other hand. ALWAYS do. So "easy cake recipe" and "easy DIY desk" etc are my type of searches, while he looks for "best DIY desk plans" or "best cake recipe". 

It may just be a personality type...my sister is the same as me. Big picture oriented, not detail oriented, and willing to skip steps that are not totally vital in our opinion. 

Well, you can't really skip the non-vital steps when it's, like, algebra 😛 . Math has the annoying trick of having correct answers! Plus, she'd like to do well on the AMC 8... how's she supposed to do that if she's forgetting to divide by 2?? 

[Not_a_Number]

7 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I'm even willing to admit that I am sometimes resistant and sulky. (If you're not careful, I'll tell you about one of the classes I'm taking this semester.)

Oh, sure. I suppose I am. But I don't aim it at other people! DD9 can totally be resistant and sulky if she wants, I just don't want to be at the end of that gun 😛 . 

[HS Mom in NC]

19 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

So, am I the only adult willing to admit that I also love learning big concepts but hate hate hate the boring parts?

And that we have kids like that too, some gifted, some not.  I wonder how many schoolteachers (again, some who teach gifted kids, others who don't) would tell us that it's common for some of their students to be interested in the big ideas or part of the assignments/subject while sloppy with the details and they don't expect young kids to take responsibility for it or to like being told to go back and correct it. 

One of my kids holds the record at having to redo an assignment well within their abilities 4 times because of sloppy work where she ignored the easy copy details.  I remember saying to her, in a matter of fact tone, after I had her redo it the first time, "Oh, this is what you want to spend your time doing?  Fine.  I've got all day-I'll clear my schedule of afternoon events.  You won't be doing anything else until this is done properly." Yep, she sulked, whined, and glared and did it grudgingly. 

But it wasn't my first rodeo.  (OK, obviously it wasn't kid #1.) Let's just say there were sooooo many examples of this with my 3 kids in 21 years of homeschooling, much more so with one than the others, that this isn't even a blip on my radar. Not every kid is contentious. It's a personality trait most people don't have.  Shrug. I just accept it and deal with it accordingly.

[Jenny in Florida]

21 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, sure. I suppose I am. But I don't aim it at other people! DD9 can totally be resistant and sulky if she wants, I just don't want to be at the end of that gun 😛 . 

Well, define "aim." 

My husband has admitted that just listening to me talk (complain) about this class is causing him anxiety. Despite the fact that I am past the drop date and doing so would mean losing all of the tuition I paid for this stupidly expensive class, he is completely supportive of my withdrawing just so he wouldn't have to hear it anymore.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Jenny in Florida said:

Well, define "aim." 

My husband has admitted that just listening to me talk (complain) about this class is causing him anxiety. Despite the fact that I am past the drop date and doing so would mean losing all of the tuition I paid for this stupidly expensive class, he is completely supportive of my withdrawing just so he wouldn't have to hear it anymore.

Oh, I was just thinking about DD9 and our highly unproductive interactions 😄 . I certainly complain to DH plenty!! 

What is this class, anyway? I don't mind listening to complaints!! 

 

5 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

One of my kids holds the record at having to redo an assignment well within their abilities 4 times because of sloppy work where she ignored the easy copy details.  I remember saying to her, in a matter of fact tone, after I had her redo it the first time, "Oh, this is what you want to spend your time doing?  Fine.  I've got all day-I'll clear my schedule of afternoon events.  You won't be doing anything else until this is done properly." Yep, she sulked, whined, and glared and did it grudgingly. 

Oh, yes. We tried this for about 3 months. It kind of ruined my life to do this over and over and over again for months, frankly. Half the time, she'd simply refuse to fix it until the time was up -- what was I gonna do, keep her up all night? ( @fairfarmhand, this reminds me of stuff we've talked about.) 

And she never learned anything from it. The work would be equally sloppy the next day. Possibly worse, to show me she could or just out of a vague sense of resentment. 

[Jenny in Florida]

7 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, I was just thinking about DD9 and our highly unproductive interactions 😄 . I certainly complain to DH plenty!! 

What is this class, anyway? I don't mind listening to complaints!! 

 

Oh, yes. We tried this for about 3 months. It kind of ruined my life to do this over and over and over again for months, frankly. Half the time, she'd simply refuse to fix it until the time was up -- what was I gonna do, keep her up all night? ( @fairfarmhand, this reminds me of stuff we've talked about.) 

And she never learned anything from it. The work would be equally sloppy the next day. Possibly worse, to show me she could or just out of a vague sense of resentment. 

The class is Digital Media: From Designs to Prototypes. It's a graduate level course, but was described as requiring no prior experience or knowledge. I'm taking it to fulfill a requirement for a certificate in learning design and technology. I actually do have some development experience and I have a basic working knowledge of coding in general with a smattering of JavaScript, but I feel like I'm just barely grasping at the professor's coattails most of the time. He spends most of our class time (virtual) demonstrating seemingly random things you can do with the tools he's having us use and showing us YouTube snippets of various ad campaigns (both real and imaginary, including multiple clips from Mad Men) which are supposed to serve as jumping-off points to discuss developing personas. The assignments are vague at best, and he has said he won't actually grade anything until towards the end of the semester, because he wants to give us a chance to show we are developing our knowledge and skills. 

He starts class late and runs even later, yet rarely gets through what's on the syllabus for that meeting, meaning the fairly loose "suggested completion dates" for projects have also slipped. 

In an effort to make up for the fact that we were behind by the end of the very first class, he has added twice-weekly two-hour "optional" sessions, scheduled during the day when I am working. He also announced last night that we are supposed to arrange with him 30 minutes of time weekly to go over our proposed projects individually.

I am honestly miserable and incredibly disappointed. These are not inexpensive classes, and the fact that I took two classes was supposed to be a "treat" for myself. The other class is boring but okay. This one is terrible.

 

As to your second point -- I had the same result when we tried the "you'll do it over until you do it right" approach. He would simply dig in his heels and do nothing for days, thereby bringing all of his schoolwork to a grinding halt while we fought it out over that one assignment. Only when I would refuse to allow him to attend outside activities would he get his rear in gear and produce something that was just barely good enough to get him back in the game. (One time, he chose instead to text a friend and ask their parents to drive him to the activity, then left the house while I was in the bathroom. Yes, I did go and retrieve him, which apparently embarrassed him enough that he didn't try that again. But, yeah, he would routinely expend far more effort and time not doing something he didn't want to do than would have been required to do a mediocre job and be done with it.)

[Condessa]

15 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, yes. We tried this for about 3 months. It kind of ruined my life to do this over and over and over again for months, frankly. Half the time, she'd simply refuse to fix it until the time was up -- what was I gonna do, keep her up all night? ( @fairfarmhand, this reminds me of stuff we've talked about.) 

And she never learned anything from it. The work would be equally sloppy the next day. Possibly worse, to show me she could or just out of a vague sense of resentment. 

I did at one time resort to telling kid "these requirements must be done before lunch" (making sure they were very basic and would require far less time than that) and then sticking to it.  Child was horrified when lunch time came, their plate of food was sitting out, and I still insisted that they finish up that work before coming to eat (it had been stubbornly stared at and left blank for three hours at that point).  An hour and a half later, kid finally did the work (in 20 minutes), and ate lunch at two instead of noon, and after that I usually got some grudging work before lunchtime.  I guess this wouldn't work with a kid who is stubborn enough to skip a meal to win the point, but it worked with this kid.  

[Junie]

5 minutes ago, Condessa said:

I did at one time resort to telling kid "these requirements must be done before lunch" (making sure they were very basic and would require far less time than that) and then sticking to it.  Child was horrified when lunch time came, their plate of food was sitting out, and I still insisted that they finish up that work before coming to eat (it had been stubbornly stared at and left blank for three hours at that point).  An hour and a half later, kid finally did the work (in 20 minutes), and ate lunch at two instead of noon, and after that I usually got some grudging work before lunchtime.  I guess this wouldn't work with a kid who is stubborn enough to skip a meal to win the point, but it worked with this kid.  

I did this, too, and it worked beautifully for one of my older kids.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

26 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, yes. We tried this for about 3 months. It kind of ruined my life to do this over and over and over again for months, frankly. Half the time, she'd simply refuse to fix it until the time was up -- what was I gonna do, keep her up all night? ( @fairfarmhand, this reminds me of stuff we've talked about.) 

And she never learned anything from it. The work would be equally sloppy the next day. Possibly worse, to show me she could or just out of a vague sense of resentment. 

If that ruined your life then then it sounds like homeschooling isn't working out for you.   I hope you find another form of schooling that does and quickly.

Have you noticed your amount of and type of responses compared to the typical amount of and type of responses responses in homeschooling discussions here? I think there is some sort of clinically obsessive issue or something like that going on with you that needs to be addressed by a specialist.  I hope you find someone qualified to talk to about it because you seem to be under psychological strain.  We've found that kind of help useful in our family. 
Continuing on and on is likely just feeding whatever the root problem is. In general, I suggest to people (and I follow this policy myself) to come back a few times to a discussion and then move on.  It doesn't contribute to anyone's quality of life and mental health to go on and on about something.

[Not_a_Number]

4 minutes ago, Condessa said:

I did at one time resort to telling kid "these requirements must be done before lunch" (making sure they were very basic and would require far less time than that) and then sticking to it.  Child was horrified when lunch time came, their plate of food was sitting out, and I still insisted that they finish up that work before coming to eat (it had been stubbornly stared at and left blank for three hours at that point).  An hour and a half later, kid finally did the work (in 20 minutes), and ate lunch at two instead of noon, and after that I usually got some grudging work before lunchtime.  I guess this wouldn't work with a kid who is stubborn enough to skip a meal to win the point, but it worked with this kid.  

Oh yes, I've done that kind of thing. We've skipped countless park outings. Once, I had her skip a piano lesson. Actually, last week, she had to skip lunch. 

It made no impression whatsoever. It possibly made her work worse. And it really made no difference whether the work was easy or hard. 

 

5 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

As to your second point -- I had the same result when we tried the "you'll do it over until you do it right" approach. He would simply dig in his heels and do nothing for days, thereby bringing all of his schoolwork to a grinding halt while we fought it out over that one assignment. Only when I would refuse to allow him to attend outside activities would he get his rear in gear and produce something that was just barely good enough to get him back in the game. (One time, he chose instead to text a friend and ask their parents to drive him to the activity, then left the house while I was in the bathroom. Yes, I did go and retrieve him, which apparently embarrassed him enough that he didn't try that again. But, yeah, he would routinely expend far more effort and time not doing something he didn't want to do than would have been required to do a mediocre job and be done with it.)

Yep. Precisely. 

I am always a little afraid to give examples, because she's so far ahead of grade level in math that people assume she really couldn't do the work (which is very false), but just for one example... she was plotting some points on a graph she knew how to figure out points on (we'd talked about it before and she'd calculated quite a few examples willingly.) And she graphed the points wrong. And I told her to correct them... 

... and this started an insane 2-hour thing where she'd look at the points, NOT calculate the coordinates again, shift them over by a millimeter, and hand them back to me. And then I'd give them to her and tell her that no, they are wrong, try again. And then she'd do the same thing again in 15 minutes. God knows what she'd done with those 15 minutes, but it didn't involve doing the (2-minute) calculation that would have fixed the points. Or finding any new points, which I would have also accepted. Or really... anything sensible. 

This kind of thing happened every day, basically. One time, she spent 2 hours being asked to make a reasonable guess about what the Russian word "panika" meant. Like, come on, you don't know any Russian, and you can probably figure out what it means! But she somehow couldn't figure out ANY guess but "penny." She told me this guess 10 times in the course of 2 hours. (And yes, she had an example of it being used in context as well.) 

[Not_a_Number]

4 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

If that ruined your life then then it sounds like homeschooling isn't working out for you.   I hope you find another form of schooling that does and quickly.

OH MY GOODNESS. Are you serious?!?!?!

You'd be willing to do this day in and day out for 3 months without any perceptible improvement except the kid getting more and more resentful?? I'm sorry to exaggerate a little here (no, it didn't ruin my life, but it certainly made my life way tenser and more unpleasant than it had to be), but jumping straight to "and you shouldn't homeschool" is bizarre. 

[Not_a_Number]

14 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Have you noticed your amount of and type of responses compared to the typical amount of and type of responses responses in homeschooling discussions here? I think there is some sort of clinically obsessive issue or something like that going on with you that needs to be addressed by a specialist.  I hope you find someone qualified to talk to about it because you seem to be under psychological strain.  We've found that kind of help useful in our family. 
Continuing on and on is likely just feeding whatever the root problem is. In general, I suggest to people (and I follow this policy myself) to come back a few times to a discussion and then move on.  It doesn't contribute to anyone's quality of life and mental health to go on and on about something.

That is incredibly rude. I'm sort of shocked you'd be willing to say something like this to a stranger on the Internet. 

I like talking to people and this has been a big social outlet for me during the pandemic. I'm sorry to derail your thread, @Melissa Louise -- we've been having a rough few days and I've definitely overused this thread. I'll go back to my own thread (I did start it for that reason), and I'll encourage anyone who finds me annoying not to follow me. 

My apologies for posting so much on here. 

ETA: And I'm certainly about to use some useful forum functions. They lower my blood pressure. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[Jenny in Florida]

22 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

If that ruined your life then then it sounds like homeschooling isn't working out for you.   I hope you find another form of schooling that does and quickly.

Have you noticed your amount of and type of responses compared to the typical amount of and type of responses responses in homeschooling discussions here? I think there is some sort of clinically obsessive issue or something like that going on with you that needs to be addressed by a specialist.  I hope you find someone qualified to talk to about it because you seem to be under psychological strain. 

Wow, that is . . . quite a response. 

[Jenny in Florida]

@Not_a_Number I'm sorry. I know it's not funny when you're in the middle of it, but I did snort-laugh at your description of your daughter plotting the points on the graph. You seriously could have been describing my son. 

[BlsdMama]

3 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I've tried talking to you about this before, and you only ever read what you want into what I say. So I'm going to reply once, and then let's end this conversation, OK? 

She's not AT ALL reluctant to learn new material. She's reluctant to do any components of it that seem "boring" to her. So, she asked to learn algebra at age 7 after reading about it in Murderous Maths, was delighted to learn algebra at age 7, and then was reluctant to check any of her work so that her answers would be correct at an acceptable rate.

She asked to learn Russian at age 7, too. I've never planned to teach it to her, and it was entirely by her request that we did it at all. The problem is not that she doesn't want to learn Russian. She has taken lots and lots of classes with people (piano, history, English, chess) and she consistently ranks the classes she does with ME as her favorites. The problem is that she gives me terrible attitude while requesting I work with her. 

Look, it's clear you've never worked with a kid like her. That's fine. She's not super standard and I'm obviously failing to describe her in a way you can recognize. But you're very wide off the mark and you aren't being helpful. Please stop. 

Gently, I’d suggest that 5-12 year olds are very excited to learn things they read or hear about, but are not necessarily armed with the capacity for consistent effort - neither on their own or without resistance. It’s often why experienced homeschoolers learn “gently” or “relaxed” for several years before the push. Teaching the Trivium was always interesting to me. They had the “Ten Things to Do Before Age 10” and it was rigorous but *age appropriate* and routine without the push. 
 

I suspect you are a more black/whites person rather than shades of gray, and I willing say it’sa bad thing, but what you describe as child led is not what the average would call child led. I’m not even a fan of child led learning tbh. However, the ultimatum of if she doesn’t perform or not but she’ll go to school if not is still a very performance based dynamic and one that is potentially harmful. I’m also not a fan of unschooling. Truly, have you considered something like Charlotte Mason? And as far as the Russian - do it orally for now, keep speaking and immersion without anything else. Ditch the Algebra for now. Have fun. Read for hot and beauty. So relaxed narration. Work and play outside. A non sullen and joyful child will work hard, but lay that future foundation. Your relationship can make our break long term homeschooling success and there is no ability for a young child (and nine is a very young child) to separate the mommy hat from the teacher hat. ♥️ 

[GoodGrief3]

2 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I used to tell "concerned" people that my kids weren't weird because we homeschooled; we homeschooled because they were weird.

 

Agreed, to a large extent (not specifically about your kids being weird; I will let you assess that 😉 )

It seems to me that the vast majority of people drawn to homeschooling (especially those that want to do it from the very start) are not typical/mainstream personalities. It's not terribly shocking that the kids would be a little quirky/atypical regardless of their education situation.

[Not_a_Number]

6 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

Gently, I’d suggest that 5-12 year olds are very excited to learn things they read or hear about, but are not necessarily armed with the capacity for consistent effort - neither on their own or without resistance. It’s often why experienced homeschoolers learn “gently” or “relaxed” for several years before the push. Teaching the Trivium was always interesting to me. They had the “Ten Things to Do Before Age 10” and it was rigorous but *age appropriate* and routine without the push. 

I suspect you are a more black/whites person rather than shades of gray, and I willing say it’sa bad thing, but what you describe as child led is not what the average would call child led. I’m not even a fan of child led learning tbh. However, the ultimatum of if she doesn’t perform or not but she’ll go to school if not is still a very performance based dynamic and one that is potentially harmful. I’m also not a fan of unschooling. Truly, have you considered something like Charlotte Mason? And as far as the Russian - do it orally for now, keep speaking and immersion without anything else. Ditch the Algebra for now. Have fun. Read for hot and beauty. So relaxed narration. Work and play outside. A non sullen and joyful child will work hard, but lay that future foundation. Your relationship can make our break long term homeschooling success and there is no ability for a young child (and nine is a very young child) to separate the mommy hat from the teacher hat. ♥️ 

You know, I was about to type up something long and detailed and factual, but I don't think there's any point. Some people apparently can't visualize what my child is like and don't believe me when I describe it. And I can't possibly fix that. 

That's fine. We all have our experiences that we bring to the table and an experience is always worth a million words, anyway... and I can't provide the experience to someone who hasn't walked in my shoes. 

I'm happy with our current decision and would appreciate people not replying to me in here on the topic of my DD9. Thank you. 

[Melissa Louise]

23 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

That is incredibly rude. I'm sort of shocked you'd be willing to say something like this to a stranger on the Internet. 

I like talking to people and this has been a big social outlet for me during the pandemic. I'm sorry to derail your thread, @Melissa Louise -- we've been having a rough few days and I've definitely overused this thread. I'll go back to my own thread (I did start it for that reason), and I'll encourage anyone who finds me annoying not to follow me. 

My apologies for posting so much on here. 

ETA: And I'm certainly about to use some useful forum functions. They lower my blood pressure. 

No, it's fine, I'm happy it morphed into useful things. I don't think you need a specialist 🙂

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

No, it's fine, I'm happy it morphed into useful things. I don't think you need a specialist 🙂

Thanks! You're the OP, so it's most important that I don't annoy you 🙂 . 

But seriously, this has gotten unproductive from my perspective (and I've made up my mind, anyway!), and I've started another thread about this, so anyone who wants to join there should do so! 

[Lady Florida.]

I only made it through two pages of the seven page thread and decided to add my answer before finishing.

My situation is somewhat different. I did have a career. I married late and after trying to conceive had given up. He was a complete surprise and was born when I was 41. I taught school for 15 years before ds was born (the last 12 years in the same school). I had every intention of going back after he started school but we made the decision to homeschool when he was still a baby.

As a kid I had two dreams - to be a teacher and to be a stay at home mom. I never considered the conflict over how I would be a teacher and stay home but as it turns out I was able to realize both dreams, and even unexpectedly keep teaching once I became a homeschool mom.

So no, I don't regret not having a career. I probably would have taught school until I retired but I'm happy that I did have some time in my profession before giving it up. And I'm not sorry to have given it up.

 

On 9/20/2021 at 10:12 AM, RootAnn said:

 

But I fully expect to go from homeschooling to "retirement." At least I hope to.

That's exactly what I did. As ds got older and needed me less and less for direct teaching I started making plans for staying busy. Now I have several - I guess you can call them hobbies - plus I do some volunteer work. I'm also not without a circle of friends, all of whom I met through homeschooling. I don't think I'd still be friends with moms of ds' classmates if he had gone to school. Homeschool moms spend more time together than brick and mortar school moms and imo have more chances to form friendships. 

 

On 9/20/2021 at 11:40 AM, freesia said:

I guess what I wonder if it is worth it for the school teachers who spend their life teaching? I was a teacher pre-kids and I would have been teaching in the schools instead of my house. I can see wondering after any career whether I should have chosen a different path. 

 

I could have had 20 years of teaching behind me rather than 15 but I did just what you said there - questioned my decision. Women on my father's side of the family who went to college either became teachers or nurses and he always said I'd be a teacher. (Truly, I there are five of us female cousins in my generation. Three became nurses and two of us became teachers.) He died when I was 14 and I felt some weird survivor's obligation to do what he wanted me to do. I went straight to college after high school and found a teaching job my first year after college graduation. After teaching for 3 years I started wondering if I was teaching because I wanted to or because I thought it's what my father would have wanted. I quit for 5 years and held various jobs (including bartending, which was fun but not a living). After 5 years I realized that I really did love teaching and went back to it.

Yes, anyone can question a choice to have or not have a career. Regrets don't move us forward though. We can only go from where we are to where we want/hope to be. @Melissa Louise I hope you can find what moves you forward.

[Melissa Louise]

I'd be very happy if I was moving into retirement! Having to work till 70 truly sucks 🙁 Far from the only person in that situation, though. Just probably an under-represented cohort in homeschool circles. 

As the thread went on, I did indeed find a way to move on/forward. 

 

[BlsdMama]

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

You know, I was about to type up something long and detailed and factual, but I don't think there's any point. Some people apparently can't visualize what my child is like and don't believe me when I describe it. And I can't possibly fix that. 

That's fine. We all have our experiences that we bring to the table and an experience is always worth a million words, anyway... and I can't provide the experience to someone who hasn't walked in my shoes. 

I'm happy with our current decision and would appreciate people not replying to me in here on the topic of my DD9. Thank you. 

I’m sorry for replying here. Drat. I don’t know how to explain because I’m certain it feels like an attack. I actually completely believe you on your daughter. Hugs. It’s hard to feel attacked. I guess what I’m saying is that a child’s capacity for doing hard things still lies within the child’s need for their mama and accountability and play. And sometimes there’sa trade off between “what they CAN do” and that child’s need to redefine a strained relationship. My husband’s company, for a time, “graded” them on two factors - what they did and how they did it, unequal parts. I’m a person who likes something objective and quantifiable. The former was generally far more important to me than the latter. Because I wanted my oldest to be successful, because I wanted my endeavor to be successful, and because I was excited at the potential of what homeschooling could offer, my focus was more on “what we could do” than the “how we did it” (in both parenting and homeschooling and it created a dynamic in our relationship that wasn’t healthy. It was important, in my case, to draw back, focus on joy and beauty and relationship for a time, because the relationship IS the MOST important part. Obviously it’s not about me, but I “heard” some interesting correlations and the use of sullen and rebellious to describe a 9 year old is apt but if it’s an ongoing thing often points to relationship and potentially the something more. (I have a kiddo who is ODD.) Please don’t consider my replying here as a sign of disrespect to either Melissa or yourself. I don’t have time to sort through the 43 replies on the other post today and reply appropriately there. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, BlsdMama said:

I guess what I’m saying is that a child’s capacity for doing hard things still lies within the child’s need for their mama and accountability and play. And sometimes there’sa trade off between “what they CAN do” and that child’s need to redefine a strained relationship.

I know. I know. I'd like her not to do things that are too hard, too. But I don't think you understand what kind of stuff she finds hard. I honestly think you have to have to seen it to believe it. 

I can't promise to keep her home if she doesn't do anything at all this year. I can't. I am not comfortable having her do no academics for more than a year. But I did unequivocally tell her that I'd be perfectly happy if she just played and built things this year and that the most important thing to me was that we have fun together, since we've had so much strain over her work last year. And that she'd have plenty of input into her school, if she does go, and that no one would be the least bit upset. 

So I don't know what else I can do. None of the suggestions about what we could do with her would make her easier to work with or more compliant. They aren't what she wants. They aren't who she is.

She's currently saying that it's really important to her to be homeschooled for reasons of academics and I believe her. If the reduced strain changes her mind and she just decides to play, that'll be fine by me. Honestly, it will. But I still can't tell her that she can stay home indefinitely if she doesn't do any work. 

We have a year. That's a long time. We'll see what happens. I have no expectations. 

[lewelma]

2 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Well, you can't really skip the non-vital steps when it's, like, algebra 😛 . Math has the annoying trick of having correct answers! Plus, she'd like to do well on the AMC 8... how's she supposed to do that if she's forgetting to divide by 2?? 

Oh, sorry I see that you have started a new thread. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by lewelma

[Arcadia]

51 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'd be very happy if I was moving into retirement! Having to work till 70 truly sucks 🙁 Far from the only person in that situation, though. Just probably an under-represented cohort in homeschool circles. 

Those I know are already not active in the boards, too busy with work and/or divorce. 
Even among my Generation X friends back where I am from whose spouses are working full time, many don’t see themselves retiring before 65 because of having elderly parents to support. My in-laws don’t have pension for example so my FIL worked until he was retrenched at retirement age. For them it is a combination of parents with no pension and parents living longer (and unfortunately higher medical expenses as they age). 

[Melissa Louise]

12 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Those I know are already not active in the boards, too busy with work and/or divorce. 
Even among my Generation X friends back where I am from whose spouses are working full time, many don’t see themselves retiring before 65 because of having elderly parents to support. My in-laws don’t have pension for example so my FIL worked until he was retrenched at retirement age. For them it is a combination of parents with no pension and parents living longer (and unfortunately higher medical expenses as they age). 

Yikes. 

Thankfully I do not have to factor in supporting parents. 

[Janeway]

I am sorry. I have had a few days to reflect and I can see you are very sad and going through a lot right now. The night after we had this exchange, I dreamt that I sent my children back to school and I was just done with home schooling. I am sorry for all you are going through.

[SKL]

5 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

This kind of thing happened every day, basically. One time, she spent 2 hours being asked to make a reasonable guess about what the Russian word "panika" meant. Like, come on, you don't know any Russian, and you can probably figure out what it means! But she somehow couldn't figure out ANY guess but "penny." She told me this guess 10 times in the course of 2 hours. (And yes, she had an example of it being used in context as well.) 

I am not sure what to say about this assignment, but I'm pretty sure my kids' response to that question would be:  "your mom."  To which I would laugh and change the subject.

Seriously, she sounds like a perfectionist.  She would rather give an obviously wrong answer, or no answer, than to make a serious attempt and be wrong.  And you dragging this on for 2 hours (for what purpose?) is not going to fix her basic issue.

She's also 9yo.  I don't care if her IQ is 300, she still can't make adult decisions like you are asking her to.